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Forum: Site Goals and Ideas
Thread (Discussion): A question, for ALL...
Message 160966
a question...
Posted by anti
on Sep 08, 2005 05:22 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I am not a so called "regualr" poster here, but I have been here off and on for approx.5 yrs. and I have noticed something, Steve has actually layed board out quite well, easy to read etc, and just about a place for everyone, rso, victims, etc.........
and I want to pose a question to ALL:
I feel it would be better, for ALL people here, and who come here in the future if we stuck to the rules to the fullest extent, as victims area, for victims only!
rso area, for rso only!
and general, or the area where all can feel free to post, for all.
its very hard the way it is, as I have been reading over the board for a few days now, and actually 2 pppl I know, victims went here, browsing, and felt they would feel uneasy, and I do not blame them I am not taking sides here, as I am truly being very open minded here, if a sections is for rso, then how about only rso go there? the victims center, only for victims?
a thought.
peace, anti
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Message 161050 (In Reply to Message 160966)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Sep 09, 2005 02:51 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Your theory works well , until you consider someone like myself that was a victim long before I was a RSO. Does the fact I am a RSO automatically bar me from sharing my views and input with other victims? I have refrained (by choice and quasi promise) from posting very much in the victim's forum, but many of those that have (that are RSO's) are able to offer advise and assistance to the real victims that have real issues. Should they not be allowed to dispence that advice or support just because they are a RSO?
Most of those that have been on the board for years (such as Orolan or Silver) are more than willing to help wherever they see a true victim. Agreed, sometimes their method for determining a true victim may be harsh, but it works, and that's what really matters. Take for example the recent posts by "kessa" in which she played numbers games with her age and spoke of "discovering" a crime was committed against her 20 years after the fact. Orolan's request for clarification of her "discovery" was, in my opinion (and aparantly quite a few others as well), quite a legitimate thing to ask. How else could he direct her to the correct information that would be relevant to her situtation? And yet he was attacked by another poster as if he had intentionally ran the person off just for the fun of it. Was "kessa" a legitimate "victim"? We'll probably never know for certain, but the holes in her story would lead one (at least me) to feel she wasn't.
Bottom line...... as the old saying goes......
If it's not broke, don't fix it.
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Message 161058 (In Reply to Message 161050)
see?
Posted by anti
on Sep 09, 2005 03:47 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
ok, see where you said this in your reply to me:
"Was "kessa" a legitimate "victim"? We'll probably never know for certain, but the holes in her story would lead one (at least me) to feel she wasn't. "....see? I dont a victim, unless it was one that as you say, is also a rso, who would feel as you do re her, dis-believing.....
see? there is a major difference between a so, and a victim, even if the victim is also a rso, there will always be a big difference, I know if I were a victim, and came here, went to part of the forum that said"victims", and my posts were being replyed to by rso, even though they may claim to be victims also, would not sit well w/ me, you have 2 opposite kinds of ppl here then, that was the original purpose from the start, for seperating the board.....
and I would also fear the fact of how many of these so called rso/victims, who maybe were not victimized, are just using that for a excuse for their pedophilia, etc, see now what I am trying to get at here??
I did NOT start this topic to fight, or to be rude to anyone, really...
it is just a magor concern for me........
it has kept me away from here off and on for a long time , and alot of others that I have talked to.
these are very touchy subjects for victims or parents of victims/children, who may have been molested, and to have a board where you are mixing both, in my mind is bad enough, it will always be a battle ground.
and why not?
should parents of a child who was sexually molested, feel at ease here? very hard to.........
2 seperate boards to me are ideal, or 1 where things are seperated, and the 2 kinds of ppl, the rso and victims dont mix, they can pm if they choose here, or set up a part of the board for a place for both to mingle, I feel if the board needs to be up, have it to its fullest.
these are just my personel ideas.
thank you for replying.
anti
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Message 161090 (In Reply to Message 160966)
Posted by orolan
on Sep 10, 2005 12:14 AM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
if a sections is for rso, then how about only rso go there? the victims center, only for victims?
That's hardly being open-minded, anti. We got where we are today in this country because people want to throw up huge walls between victims and offenders. The world isn't black and white. It's many shades of grey.
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Message 161091 (In Reply to Message 161090)
ok Orlan...
Posted by anti
on Sep 10, 2005 03:50 AM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
then why is it called victims ??
are you also a victim as well as a rso?
curious.
anti
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Message 161097 (In Reply to Message 161058)
Posted by Navigatr1
on Sep 10, 2005 04:42 AM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
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State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I feel that it shouldn't matter what section a person posts in as long as they are respectful in their posts. And this is what steve allows from my understanding. I see victims who post in the other side who are not respectful, while I see registered sex offenders posting in the victims forum who are respectful. There are some who feel this whole board should just be for victims, and that sex offenders and their supporters should not be posting here period. They just want a place where they can whine without hearing any other perspective on the issue. The see the issue as us vs them.
I usually don't post in the victims section although I am a victim myself because I like to debate the issues, and I don't like to read all the whining that goes on. However a post catches my eye once and awhile that I read. If the person is looking for resources I will point them in the right direction as long as they aren't whining.
--Navigatr1
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Message 161100 (In Reply to Message 161097)
oh my ohh my!!
Posted by anti
on Sep 10, 2005 05:55 AM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
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Country: United States |
nav. what is up here?? you said:
"I see victims who post in the other side who are not respectful, while I see registered sex offenders posting in the victims forum who are respectful".
now if that is not unreal I do not know what is!! so you see the victims who are not respectful, yet the rso are, eh??
unreal.
this is dropped, totally, w/ you at least, this totally shocks me seriously that you would even be so ignorant to say such a thing.
anti.
in shock.
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Message 161101 (In Reply to Message 160966)
Posted by deadmomwalking
on Sep 10, 2005 06:03 AM | Also by deadmomwalking
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: Canada |
I, for one, would be quite happy to stay out of the "other side" in return for rso's staying out of the victim corner. If victims/survivors can't stand the heat in the general forum they can avoid it. If RSO's want to bleat on about how pathetic their lives are because of that "little mistake" they can stick to the "other side" and I will happily let them expose their thinking without posting replies.
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Message 161117 (In Reply to Message 160966)
Anti
Posted by dp1
on Sep 10, 2005 01:04 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Hello Anti, and thank you for taking the time to post about a very important topic. Yes, as you can see there’s been many changes since you were last a regular frequent poster. It seems like every time we have a growing spurt we’re back to the same issue of respecting the boundaries in the victim’s forum.
I believe the victim’s forum could be an awesome place to post, and there’s no doubt in my mind it could be molded into just about anything the victim’s wanted. Steve has been very tolerant, flexible and respectful of other’s needs. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve hassled the RSOs in the victim’s corner because of what I believed to be less than appropriate responses. What’s lacking though is cohesiveness. Yes, there are victims that feel RSOs should not post there, but then again there are others who appreciate the RSO perspective. See I feel like I’m kinda stuck in the middle. I want to fully support the victims, yet I respect the RSO perspective and believe they can be helpful.
I’ll support the victim’s 100%. I also believe the RSOs will follow suite. Many of the RSOs are respectful of victim’s issues. However, RSOs can’t read our minds ladies. If we want them there then fine. If we don’t want them there then that’s fine too. We can’t continue to send mixed messages then slam them for not reading our minds correctly.
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Message 161120 (In Reply to Message 161117)
Posted by PVulcan
on Sep 10, 2005 04:48 PM | Also by PVulcan
| Gender: N/A,
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State: N/A,
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Mixed messages? What mixed messages? A mixed message to me is stating "Allowing Anti to post in the other side forum would be like HPierce posting in the victims forum IMO. " Do the rules apply for all or a selective few? And who determines what selective few can post where? I am neither a victim nor RSO so where can I post?
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Message 161123 (In Reply to Message 161117)
Posted by deadmomwalking
on Sep 10, 2005 05:22 PM | Also by deadmomwalking
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: Canada |
I find it instructive to read the RSO perspective but there are two other forums where I can read that. I appreciate that there are some RSO's who have something to offer victims, either because they have been victims themselves or because they have insight about why they offended and that can be helpful to the victim, but lots of RSO's can also be quite offensive to victims (even when they imagine they are being "helpful"). I have seen how very damaged victims can be and I have experienced the nightmare of watching someone I love disintegrate mentally, physically and emotionally from dealing with the aftermath of sexual abuse and let me tell you seeing a victim being told they should "deal with their anger issues", or that "you must have enjoyed it if you didn't report it" or that "you should just treat it as a learning experience" or seeing a mom, who is trying to get help for her son who has been sexually abusing his much younger siblings that by reporting the incident, that she might have ruined his life and that his behavior is developmentally appropriate is pretty offensive - to me anyway. It is interesting because these sorts of comments are often exactly what perpetrators have told their victims but it is hardly what victims need to hear.
I suppose it depends what Steve wants the forum to be. Right now the general forum is pretty much taken over by RSO's and their supporters complaining about the unfairness of registries - fair enough. There is also the "other side" where RSO's can talk about their issues and I think that should be a safe place for them, where they can talk about their feelings of "victimization" and make their rationalizations and excuses. Hopefully, other RSO's who are further along can prod them into healthier thinking. People who hate sex offenders should stay away from that forum. Let the gloves come off in the general forum, as long as it stays within Steve's guidelines.
In a similar vein, yes, victims are often self-sabotaging. They have thinking that needs readjustment. Sometimes they get stuck in a victim mentality and need to get out of it. Families may need to examine their dynamics and behaviors. None of this can be done safely when offenders are jumping in and making the kinds of comments above. And, yes, some of them may be fake victims - just as some RSO's may minimize their responsibility and claim they were falsely accused when they weren't. However, that is not up to us to decide that. We don't truly know anything about each other and we certainly can't read minds through the internet.
As for those people like yourself and PVulcan who are neither victim nor offender well I hope you would respect the wishes of people for whom the Victims Corner and The Other Side are intended.
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Message 161124 (In Reply to Message 161117)
Posted by orolan
on Sep 10, 2005 05:43 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
See I feel like I’m kinda stuck in the middle.
Exactly. That's the point I want to make. Keep in mind that if "the other side" is for RSOs only, and "the victims corner" is for victims only, then you can't post in EITHER. Nor can Anti. You're both going to be stuck in the general forum. So what are we to do? Make exceptions? Victim advocates are allowed to post in the victim area? I'm a victim advocate, as evidenced by the published policies of the organization I helped create. Rabbit is both a victim and an RSO. What controls where he can post?
As soon as you make exceptions the whole concept goes out the window.
Would be far better if we all just decided that posts would be directed to the original poster. Look at the Kessa fiasco. I posted directly to her. So did you and Silver. But the overwhelming bulk of the posts were by people more interested in slamming me than in asking Kessa what she needed or offering her advice.
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Message 161130 (In Reply to Message 161120)
Posted by dp1
on Sep 10, 2005 07:44 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
What do the victims want? The regular posters here don't have a crystal ball. I'd love to see a victim or victim advocate take the bull by the horns and run with it. I'll gladly sit behind the scenes cheering them on. Do we have anyone interested in taking initiatives in the victim's forum? Or is this another futile excersize to vent about RSOs? It seems pointless to me to kick the RSOs out of the forum then take no initiatives to increase support...the kessa thread is a perfect example.
My interests lie with keeping up with the news and SO Laws. I'm finding I have less and less time and energy for debates particularly if they are the same issues over and over again. Whatever the victims want to do in their forum is fine by me.
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Message 161131 (In Reply to Message 161123)
DMW
Posted by dp1
on Sep 10, 2005 07:56 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
As for those people like yourself and PVulcan who are neither victim nor offender well I hope you would respect the wishes of people for whom the Victims Corner and The Other Side are intended.
Amen. This is the first time I've seen others besides myself make an issue out of non-victims posting and I think it's refreshing. Considering I lead the pack in kicking the most RSOs out of the victim's forum I sincerely doubt you need to worry about my support. Clearly, if I am perceived as a RSO supporter because I am equally offended by buffer zones, proximity rules and other laws I can't very well change hats as quickly as some victims would like me to. I anticipated similar issues when I took the risk of being more vocal regarding RSO issues. I'm ok with that for now.
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Message 161134 (In Reply to Message 160966)
Posted by orolan
on Sep 10, 2005 08:17 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
None of it really matters anyway. Soon enough all RSOs will be doing 25-life because they had no idea somebody opened an in-home daycare center within a 400-mile radius of the RSO's home the week before, so there won't be anybody left to post.
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Message 161151 (In Reply to Message 160966)
Posted by youtoo
on Sep 11, 2005 02:02 AM | Also by youtoo
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Missouri,
Country: United States |
If it is decided that the forums should be completly divided, with strict adherance to each forums description I would like to request that family members of RSO's be added to the the other side forum. RSO's families should have a place to post with out being berated, or hassled and the general forum would not allow for that. Personally I do not think a new forum just for them would be needed just need to add them in the description of the other side forum as I am sure the RSO would not object to family members posting there as well . Of course if the RSO do object then a new forum for family members would need to be added.
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Message 161153 (In Reply to Message 161134)
Posted by 1dadof5
on Sep 11, 2005 02:50 AM | Also by 1dadof5
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Indiana,
Country: United States |
wow, back in time for the next squabble here.
Im kinda with Orolan and Dp1 on this. what needs to be done more than anything else is to respect others on both sides of the fence.
Certain RSO's do offer real objective advice and can often relate to certain victims. Likewise, people like myoung and Pvulcan can offer valid points and opinions on "the other side" as well.
I will admit that I also found Kessa's story suspect as well. she says "molested" referring to an event which occured at 29 years old and she was remembering it at 49. lets all remember that before she remove the info, kessa had been listed in the age bracket that supported her origional claim. her state was also listed in her first post. it wasnt until momin tears pmed her that she removed it.
Orolan simply was making note of the contradicting statements in order to acertain what was going on with her. BUT, he was a bit brash.
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Message 161175 (In Reply to Message 161124)
Posted by dp1
on Sep 11, 2005 01:46 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
But the overwhelming bulk of the posts were by people more interested in slamming me than in asking Kessa what she needed or offering her advice.
It's not about helping anyone. It's about spreading hate and anger. At least that's what I've pick up so far.
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Message 161176 (In Reply to Message 161100)
anti
Posted by Navigatr1
on Sep 11, 2005 02:11 PM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
anti wrote:
now if that is not unreal I do not know what is!! so you see the victims who are not respectful, yet the rso are, eh??
Have you actually read the posts in the other side forum? I know you haven't been around the board that much. You should read some of the responses by victims in that section of the forum.
Here is an example of a post that was in the other side forum, but was moved by steve. The post was by Valerie who is against all sex offenders. Like you, she has a lot of hate in her heart.
Thread 16916, Message 160240
Geez i am pissed
http://www.sexcriminals.com/forums/101/16916/160240.html
Are you going to tell me that that thread by her isn't disrespectful?
There are other examples too by victims if you read some of the posts.
Now as far as sex offenders go, most of their posts have been respectful that I read in the victims corner. Unless you mean that them posting there is disrepectful.
--Navigatr1
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Message 161212 (In Reply to Message 160966)
Renunciation Rant
Posted by Renunciation
on Sep 11, 2005 05:41 PM | Also by Renunciation
| Gender: N/A,
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State: N/A,
Country: Bahrain |
I once walked into my living room, sat down on the couch, picked up the remote and energized the TV.
The first channel was MTV, where our daughter had left the station. No sentence was uttered with correct grammar and the one-sided blindness of some idiot Real World roomates left me uninspired.
I changed the channel to CNN headline news, told by them, it was their job to keep me safe and informed. Within 10 minutes, I saw the same thing over and over again.
I changed the channel to the military channel, in some way trying to be with those I can relate to. After a few moments, I realized that I already know how they felt and rehashing the whole thing made me dwell too long on my own service.
So I turned off the TV and found something to do that made me actually feel like I did something when I was finished.
Should I try to make this clearer?
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Message 161242 (In Reply to Message 161124)
Posted by deadmomwalking
on Sep 11, 2005 06:55 PM | Also by deadmomwalking
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: Canada |
I'm a victim advocate, as evidenced by the published policies of the organization I helped create.
I've missed it Orolan. I could read through all your posts but there are a hell of a lot of them. It takes my computer quite a while to list come up with a list of all your posts. What is the orgainization? Do you have a website? Can you post a copy of your policies and guidelines.
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Message 161243 (In Reply to Message 161176)
to nav..
Posted by anti
on Sep 11, 2005 06:55 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
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State: N/A,
Country: United States |
no, I have been coming to this site of steve's for approx. 5 yrs, in the past 2 yrs off and on, and in the past esp 1 yr not often at all, but even when I do not post I read here approx 1 time per mo, to see if anyone really may need true help.
yes, I have seen/read alot , well, actually not too many of rude posts that non so have posted in other side, but I have read a ton that so have posted in victims. this is exactly why I think the forum here needs to have more strict guidelines, my opinion only, obviouslly..
if steve were to post and to tell all that that the victims part is just that, for victims only, and he were to make a post that the other side, is only for so, I feel it will get rid of all of this.
the 2 are labeled as victims a place for victims and their family/friends...
other side is worded as for rso, etc, yet as we all see, we all go to both places, and in no way is it going to be peaceful like that.
hate in my heart? wow, see you do not know me yet can say this to me , I am one of the most un hateful people! I do so much for so many, I would assume to help someone else, then put myself first, actually I choose to hardly ever come first.
and I am happy this way. hate? for pedos yes......
I cant sit here and type and say to you this:
"no, I am not a rso, but I have no hate or dislike for any pedophile , I love them , they are good people, what they have done to our children is fine, they are not hurt, they will get over it, treat them with great respect, as they deserve it".
NO way.
how can I? and why would I even want to?
anti.
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Message 161261 (In Reply to Message 161091)
Posted by orolan
on Sep 11, 2005 07:43 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Makes no difference if I am a victim as well as an RSO.
If I were though, your logic would ban me from both forums. Since I would be a victim I couldn't post with the RSOs. But since I'm an RSO I wouldn't be able to post with the victims. Since you are neither, the same would hold true for you.
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Message 161263 (In Reply to Message 161242)
Posted by orolan
on Sep 11, 2005 07:46 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
What is the orgainization? Do you have a website? Can you post a copy of your policies and guidelines.
I'll not post that name here. This is a discussion forum, not an advertising forum. And yes, we do have a website. And no, I'll not post the policies here.
Sorry, but since I am anonymous here and not there, the two can't be mixed.
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Message 161265 (In Reply to Message 161153)
Posted by orolan
on Sep 11, 2005 07:53 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
BUT, he was a bit brash.
Me? Brash? Surely not;-))
Notice the first sentence of my post:
"Forgive me if I sound disrespectful."
This was Kessa's "out", her opportunity to tell me that I was indeed being disrespectful and to get lost. Had she done so, I would have dropped it. She did not, choosing instead to embark on an explanation.
It wasn't Kessa that started yelling and screaming, it was the others who are more interested in slamming RSOs than they are in helping the victims they claim they are there to help. Even DP1 got slammed for suggesting that Kessa simply call the police for an answer.
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Message 161266 (In Reply to Message 161261)
exactly...
Posted by anti
on Sep 11, 2005 08:20 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
and thank you, really, did you re read here what you said to me/ and I am NOT being sarcastic, ok? I only started posting in other side, as I was there reading posts there( am I not allowed to read em?)... and then noticed that dp, and others whom I knew were not rso, were also posting/replying, and I did not see any posts from steve, asking them not to, so I replyed to whatever posts I wanted to, but then, I got a first reply from dp, asking if I knew not to go there....
then here we are now, a mess re all this here, very not needed.
going by when you first came to forum , a while back as I recall you coming... I dont recall you ever saying you were avictim, as why to make sure I asked you.again I was not sounding rude, I hope...
yes it does make a difference as I was told that the rso that are allowed to post/reply in victims are like silver, etc, also victims.
as why I asked you. there has to be rules, that are followed.no my logic would not ban you from both forums, but my logic would ask all rso/so not to post/reply in victims, and ask all rso/so not to post/reply in in other side.. for that is all I see fair, other wise there is no use having them and having them , well at least victims even listed on home page of steve's website as a place for victims, family, friends, then they go, for help, and get posts that are rude to them only to find out that they are from so.....
I hope you can please try to understand where I am coming from.
thank you, anti
ps my keyboard is sticking, so please excuse any typos.
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Message 161272 (In Reply to Message 161212)
well...
Posted by anti
on Sep 12, 2005 12:30 AM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
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State: N/A,
Country: United States |
then maybe you need to think about what it is you need to do.
hummm...
anti.
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Message 161314 (In Reply to Message 161272)
Posted by joy1234
on Sep 12, 2005 01:47 PM | Also by joy1234
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: New York,
Country: United States |
Well I guess I have the obligation to speak up on this one. I was a victim and I say was because with alot of years of hard work I don't feel like a victim, I consider myself a survivor and I am proud of where I am at today. First let me tell you that I am pretty new on this site and I generally don't post much in the victims corner because there a few people that post with things that really bother me and those are not the SO's. I post on the general or the other side because I feel like there is much less judgement. Many times I have gone on sites and when I expressed my opinion, I was slammed and called a pervert and liar and SO. One person told me they doubted a was a victim and if I was I was a very sick person. Why I'll tell you why, because if you were ever sexually abused in your life you are expected to stay a victim all your life and never learn to forgive. If you were a true victims advocate you would know that even though someone might molest their child, sooner or later most of the children will want to be reunited with the family member who abused them, they are their parent, brother sister, uncle whatever and they still love them. That is part of the healing process, the later part of course and when someone is giving the advice to work on the anger issue that is not disrespectful that is the truth, the longer you hold on to the anger the worse the feeling will get and you evenually can't stand yourself as a person. not all will want to forgive and reunite but their are alot of survivors like me out there that feel the same way. I am personally tired of people telling me how I should feel and people who can't believe and are shocked and discusted that I forgave my abuser. Believe it or not if people truly want to stop alot of this sexual abuse you are going to have to learn the hows and why's that it happens and that will mean listening to the people like on this site who you dislike so bad. I see alot of the people on here trying to provide insite into what may have lead up to the crime they commited, and I see alot of ideas and opions maybe you should sift through them and maybe you might learn something about a group of people you think are so awful, maybe just maybe they can teach you something to help protect our children. I would hate to see the sites all split up, we all have alot of things to share with each other to make things better and if you are not trully into all this to make it better then maybe you should go to the freerepuplic site where they are just short of where they are just short of wearing white robes and burning people on the cross. I like this site because most on here want to make a differance and the first step to helping to change things is listen to each other even if sometimes it is uncomfortable and not what you want to hear. Many times in my life I had to listen to things I didn't want to hear but in the end I am thankful because today I am ok with myself. I have my own mind, I can be objective regardless of what has happened in my past and I do believe that if things keep going for SO"s the way they are nothing will get solved and I want no part of that. I refuse to be part of the problem. One more thing I have to say to you as the advocate you are, please don't go showing the people you advocate for that you hate Pedo's because the one you hate might be someone they love and that in itself is confusing enough for the victim. I feel like my abuser did not owe anyone in this world anything except us his victims and he made his peace with us and we learned how to have a safe relationship with him before he died and that is called.
healing. Before you call anyone disrespectful think about what message you are sending out and remember that every abuser and victim has family members, some learn how to deal and some never do.
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Message 161335 (In Reply to Message 161266)
Posted by orolan
on Sep 12, 2005 05:42 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
and I did not see any posts from steve, asking them not to
You didn't see that because those posts were constructive dialogue. As an RSO I have no problem with non-offenders posting if they have something constructive and meaningful to add. Your posts however are pure hatred and bigotry and offer absolutely nothing constructive.
I dont recall you ever saying you were a victim
You recall correctly. I never said I was, and I'm not.
I was told that the rso that are allowed to post/reply in victims are like silver, etc, also victims.
Not sure what you're referring to as to "being told", but the fact is that I am allowed to post in the victims area in a respectful and constructive manner. I don't see where I have violated that tenet, and if you could follow the same rule there would be no problem with you posting in the RSO forum. And by the way, Silver isn't an RSO.
no my logic would not ban you from both forums
No it wouldn't. But it WOULD ban you from both forums.
and get posts that are rude to them
Interesting assessment. Kessa did not seem to find my post addressed to her as being rude. Or if she did, she sure didn't say so. She simply answered my question. It was all the other non-rso non-victims who decided on her behalf that it was rude. I dare say that she left not because of my post but because of all the busybodies who decided they would speak for her
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Message 161337 (In Reply to Message 161212)
Posted by orolan
on Sep 12, 2005 05:44 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
So I turned off the TV and found something to do that made me actually feel like I did something when I was finished.
Should I try to make this clearer?
You mowed the grass?
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Message 161348 (In Reply to Message 161272)
Posted by Renunciation
on Sep 12, 2005 07:59 PM | Also by Renunciation
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: Bahrain |
So you did not get it?
Somehow I am not surprised.
You are dismissed.
Don't tamper with your intellectual superiors. You will be embarrassed every time.
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Message 161360 (In Reply to Message 161335)
wow
Posted by anti
on Sep 12, 2005 11:35 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
this is why ther eis soo much fighting in here, I was honest I said I would not ban you from......... you reply was, you would.
lol
unreal, ok, again I will leave here, lol as I dont come to fight.
maybe someday you all will realize ppl need to be able to comminicate to solve issues.
anti
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Message 161371 (In Reply to Message 161337)
Posted by Navigatr1
on Sep 13, 2005 04:21 AM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
No, I mowed the grass. Renunciation just watched TV, and found it satisfying. Weren't you paying attention? lol.
--Navigatr1
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Message 161372 (In Reply to Message 161314)
joy1234
Posted by Navigatr1
on Sep 13, 2005 04:29 AM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
joy1234 wrote:
I was a victim and I say was because with alot of years of hard work I don't feel like a victim, I consider myself a survivor and I am proud of where I am at today.
I am glad that you no longer consider yourself a victim, but a survivor. This is what I have been saying all along. Too many victims want to remain victims for whatever reason. Maybe they enjoy the pity parties. I don't know. Or maybe society expects them to remain victims for the rest of their lives.
That is part of the healing process, the later part of course and when someone is giving the advice to work on the anger issue that is not disrespectful that is the truth, the longer you hold on to the anger the worse the feeling will get and you evenually can't stand yourself as a person.
Thank you. I have been slammed for even suggesting that victims work on there anger issues. It is OK for them to be angry, but they should be able to handle that anger construtively for anger can burn you alive.
--Navigatr1
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Message 161383 (In Reply to Message 161372)
Posted by dp1
on Sep 13, 2005 01:17 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Thank you. I have been slammed for even suggesting that victims work on there anger issues. It is OK for them to be angry, but they should be able to handle that anger construtively for anger can burn you alive.
Nav, I hear ya about the anger thing and don't necessarily disagree. But, when considering the sensitive nature of the issues, I believe it's not just what's said, how it's said but who says it. For example, if a known victim said the same thing to another victim it might have been received better. Yes you are a victim, but you are perceived as a RSO supporter which throws up red flags immediately. A victims only forum has merit for this reason.
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Message 161390 (In Reply to Message 160966)
Anti
Posted by dp1
on Sep 13, 2005 03:38 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
its very hard the way it is, as I have been reading over the board for a few days now, and actually 2 pppl I know, victims went here, browsing, and felt they would feel uneasy, and I do not blame them I am not taking sides here, as I am truly being very open minded here, if a sections is for rso, then how about only rso go there? the victims center, only for victims?
Although you have a point regarding mutual respect for both sides, I believe the needs of RSOs and victims are somewhat different. For example, the last thing a victim may want to do is post to a RSO in a forum. I can understand that totally. However, a RSO's needs may be different. He might be struggling to find a place to live or having a hard time with his parole officer. As a non-RSO if I can add something in a constructive manner to help make sense of a stressful situation I would do so. Ditto with the victims who are new to the criminal justice system and may need information. I personally don't make a distinction between whether I'm in the mood to help a RSO or a victim. If I can add something then I do. Anti with your experience I believe you can do an awesome job contributing to the victims corner. I would love to contribute more to the victims side, but my experiences are very limited. Obviously, my experiences are more suited on the RSO side. This does not mean I am a RSO supporter or pedo-lover. This means that I support people if and when I can. That's all.
There are days I get extremely fed up with RSOs, particularly if I've been dealing with victim issues at work. Another trigger for me is homeless RSOs. I can't count the RSOs I'd love to shoot. Also, I know some of my posts might reflect that frustration. Surely, if anyone did research on my posting history they'd be able to find even what I would describe as hateful posts towards RSOs. I believe the RSOs know me well enough now that if I do come out with a horrendous post or appear to lash out it's probably because I'm in a PMS mode or fed up with some sex offender at work. To be honest Anti, it amazes me how sometimes I'll get a PM from a RSO asking how I'm doing and if everything's alright. I suppose it's the mutual respect and empathy that make things click. Do you hear what I am saying? It's not easy to deal with RSOs. The hate for sexual abuse never goes away. 24/7 I have to remind myself it's not the person I hate it's the behavior. I'm not a super hero with complete control over my thoughts and actions 24/7. I feel badly when I lash out. I know it's not nice, and I do appreciate particularly the RSOs that can empathize with my position. Make sense?
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Message 161394 (In Reply to Message 161050)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 04:29 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
anti, i think that is a great idea. and as for kessa, i am the other poster, and i looked back in the other posts from her, which weren't many, and there was never an age given. she was new, and more than likely scared and like some people they don't always express what they are saying in the correct way. Or in a way that someone else feels that they should. As for how she is doing, the state attorney general's office is looking into the matter. So i guess for all who doubted, their doubts were wrong. she just was not able to word what she was trying to say right. and rabbit, use my name instead of saying "another poster" everyone knows i did the posting, including anti.
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Message 161395 (In Reply to Message 161390)
Anti - Recommended Reading For You
Posted by Renunciation
on Sep 13, 2005 04:30 PM | Also by Renunciation
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: Bahrain |
DP1 wrote:
There are days I get extremely fed up with RSOs, particularly if I've been dealing with victim issues at work. Another trigger for me is homeless RSOs. I can't count the RSOs I'd love to shoot. Also, I know some of my posts might reflect that frustration. Surely, if anyone did research on my posting history they'd be able to find even what I would describe as hateful posts towards RSOs. I believe the RSOs know me well enough now that if I do come out with a horrendous post or appear to lash out it's probably because I'm in a PMS mode or fed up with some sex offender at work. To be honest Anti, it amazes me how sometimes I'll get a PM from a RSO asking how I'm doing and if everything's alright. I suppose it's the mutual respect and empathy that make things click. Do you hear what I am saying? It's not easy to deal with RSOs. The hate for sexual abuse never goes away. 24/7 I have to remind myself it's not the person I hate it's the behavior. I'm not a super hero with complete control over my thoughts and actions 24/7. I feel badly when I lash out. I know it's not nice, and I do appreciate particularly the RSOs that can empathize with my position. Make sense?
If you take the time to comprehend what DP1 is saying and really feel her words, you will see what it is like to be human and mature. A mature adult has the ability to admit they make mistakes and that they have unpleasant feelings or that sometimes, they just need someone to talk to.
How this applies to your desire to segregate and/or control when and where people post within these forums is quite simple.
If you only wish to be heard, then there are several places for you to post.
I must say that to be credible in a forum such as this, you should take the time to review your posts. We all make typos and grammar errors, but your posts resemble the Middle School posts commonly seen in Yahoo News Message Boards, not a forum where deep thought and emotions are revealed.
I return your question with one of my own:
What is you want to provide? Insight or Incite?
So you can review the definitions of each, I have posted the link to the Merriam-Webster Online Disctionary. http://www.m-w.com/
One last point. If you join the rest of America in defining sex offenders by their offenses, rather than their whole being, you are making a horrible mistake and you are failing to protect yourself and any children that you and Satan might spawn.
There are more than 30 former CIA and NSA agents convicted of sex offenses in this country. Consider them America's greatest enemy. What those 30+ people alone could do to this nation would make UBL look like an imp.
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Message 161397 (In Reply to Message 161097)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 04:37 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
First of all i wouldn't call it whinning. I would call it a place to vent their emotions with other people who have been through a similiar experiance. And as anti said, it should be for victims/survivors/ or families of sexually abused children and that SO's shouldn't post in here even if they were a victim at one time or another. When someone comes into a forum, such as myself and see the thread for victims and survivors and thats what you expect, just to find out that so's are also posting, its misleading and makes you feel uncomfortable. Especially if you are a victim. And then if you are a parent of a victim, then there will end up being a arguement somewhere down the line because one or the other said something the other didn't agree with.
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Message 161399 (In Reply to Message 161176)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 04:42 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
i don't believe that anti is meaning any harm or trying to say that she is a SO hater. she is just saying that maybe that people who come in that are new may feel more comfortable if there was only victims and survivors and families of this kind of situation. Not RSO's SO's. Even if they are victims their selves.
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Message 161404 (In Reply to Message 161335)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 04:52 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
hey orlon for your information, kessa left because of you and other's making her feel like she was lying and being deciteful, and you are disrespectful. anti go back and look at posts from orlon made to me. so if anyone is full of hatred and bigotry, its not you, it is him. it seems that in this forum, if you don't agree with what everyone thinks you should, then you pretty much get treated like crap. but when someone has the guts to stand up to someone for theirselves or someone else who is new and being scared away, they either do one of 2 things. they either shut their mouths, or talk about someone, and don't have the guts to use the persons name. anti, i am one of the "busybodies" as orlon called it to take up for kessa. people do suppress memories or traumatic events in their lives. and as they get older only then, do they discover it through thearpy or dreams. but i guess some people arent as educated as they think.
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Message 161405 (In Reply to Message 161101)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 04:54 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
here here to that
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Message 161407 (In Reply to Message 161130)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 04:57 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
i think that this thread should only be for victims and their families or friends of a victim.
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Message 161408 (In Reply to Message 161124)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 05:00 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
to solve the problem of RSO's being a victim as well why not have a thread for that situation as well.
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Message 161409 (In Reply to Message 161263)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 05:02 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
oh, so you can talk the talk but cant walk the walk. why are you hiding the web site of yours orlon? does it exist? share it, if you are so proud to talk about it. prove what you are saying
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Message 161410 (In Reply to Message 161314)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 05:08 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
not all people get over being molested. my God, how can anyone forget that kind of trauma. Especially if it was by a family member.
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Message 161411 (In Reply to Message 161348)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 13, 2005 05:11 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
so there is another example, saying anti is not intellegent. that is very childish of you. this is what the problem is. anti has been here off and on for five years, and its been the same, according to her in all that time. SO something has to change.
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Message 161422 (In Reply to Message 161390)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Sep 13, 2005 07:11 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
makes perfect sense to me, but then again I'm one of those RSO's that would drop you a PM just to make sure you are doing ok. Just as I have dropped others that have seemed to be having bad days or have disappeared completely from the threads a PM to make sure they are doing ok, even if at times we have been seen to strongly disagree in a thread. It's called caring about your fellow carbon based planetary residents. There's nothing wrong with it, in fact I personally think it makes you a far better person than one that obviously feels nothing but unyeilding hatred towards another based only on something as insane as the fact they committed a crime. Guess I'm just weird like that.......
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Message 161430 (In Reply to Message 161399)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Sep 13, 2005 10:37 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
i don't believe that anti is meaning any harm or trying to say that she is a SO hater
Her past posting speaks volumes even if her current posting is somewhat more tame.
Not RSO's SO's. Even if they are victims their selves.
So in your opinion then , once a victim becomes the abuser, then he loses all rights to the same help that a non-abusing victim has? Under your method of thinking then , YOU should never post in that forum as your actions (specifically the fact that you handed your innocent daughter over to a person that was personally known to you to be an abuser) mark you as a facilitator of your own daughters abuse. In other words, you are as bad as the person that violated your daughter for putting her in the prediciment that enabled the abuse.
This is a sure sign of your demented way of thinking. Abuse does not negate the fact that the person was initially abused themselves and that forum was designed for ALL those that have been the victims of abuse and those that have the knowledge or resources to aid victims.
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Message 161431 (In Reply to Message 161397)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Sep 13, 2005 10:45 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I would call it a place to vent their emotions with other people who have been through a similiar experiance. And as anti said, it should be for victims/survivors/ or families of sexually abused children and that SO's shouldn't post in here even if they were a victim at one time or another.
And so you would negate possibly the greatest resource that is available to victims. Do you relealize that those RSO's that post in that forum (for the most part, barring a few exceptions) are former victims that could possibly help break the cycle of victim-abuser? Would you condem your own daughter to growing up to be an abuser herself simply because you refuse to listen to those that unfortunately have been through the same thing before and didn't have someone to point out the turning point warning flags that take a person from being a victim to being an abuser? You truely need to get help if your answer to that is yes. People like you, with that mentality are the ones that are allowing this horrendous abuse to continue.
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Message 161432 (In Reply to Message 161394)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Sep 13, 2005 10:55 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
and as for kessa, i am the other poster, and i looked back in the other posts from her, which weren't many, and there was never an age given.
I, and quite a few others as well, looked at her entire post when it was first presented and saw her age bracket listed as between 20-29. No, she never in the text of her post said her age but some people on these boards look at all the information given, not just what the person types in a given post.
and rabbit, use my name instead of saying "another poster" everyone knows i did the posting, including anti
I WAS trying to be respectful and not call you out for it , but since you have decided to call yourself out in this matter, so be it. You need to really do ALOT more research before you take on people on this , or any other, board. Not everyone you encounter will believe all your lies and half-truths. Some here would eat you for breakfast and never even think twice about it. You, in the short time you have been here, have attacked well respected members of this site (members on both sides of the issue I might add) all to try and hide the fact that not everyone is a gullible sheep whose eyes you can pull the wool over. Tread carefully, as there are those here that are far more vocal than I am and your lies will be made known.
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Message 161433 (In Reply to Message 161407)
mom
Posted by dp1
on Sep 13, 2005 11:05 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
i think that this thread should only be for victims and their families or friends of a victim.
Then you have no objections to offenders or pedophiles posting.
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Message 161440 (In Reply to Message 161422)
Rabbit
Posted by dp1
on Sep 14, 2005 12:37 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Guess I'm just weird like that.......
You're not the weirdest fellow carbon based planetary resident I've encountered......but I do appreciate your kindness and understanding:-))
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Message 161455 (In Reply to Message 161407)
Posted by steve
on Sep 14, 2005 02:34 AM | Also by steve
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Virginia,
Country: United States |
By "thread", do you mean the Victim and Survivors Corner forum? For clarification for all, this is a message board, with a handful of forums, with each discussion taking place in a thread, made up of individual posts.
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Message 161457 (In Reply to Message 161408)
Posted by steve
on Sep 14, 2005 02:43 AM | Also by steve
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Virginia,
Country: United States |
to solve the problem of RSO's being a victim as well why not have a thread for that situation as well.
I'm always glad to consider adding additional forums, but I'll only do so if there's strong justification. I prefer to keep the number of forums as small as possible because the more there are, the more confusing it is for people to find the right place to post. I don't know that your proposal is the right solution for the problem. The problem is that 1. not all readers of the Victims and Survivors Corner are aware that some who post there are sex offenders, pedophiles and those in their support system and 2. posts by such people can be triggering and/or offensive to some who that forum is for. Unless I decide to restrict access to that forum, to address the former issue I need to do a better job making new users aware of the situation. For the latter problem, I have some ideas, but I'm not going to share them now.
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Message 161459 (In Reply to Message 161411)
Posted by steve
on Sep 14, 2005 03:49 AM | Also by steve
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Virginia,
Country: United States |
anti has been here off and on for five years, and its been the same, according to her in all that time. SO something has to change.
The word of anti is not gospel. Just because she says something is so doesn't make it so. There has been much change and improvement over the years here. However, anti has consistently been an antagonist who has failed to make constructive posts. And she's made unfounded acussations that various users are pedophiles, simply because they don't agree with her or have views that don't fit her paradigm of someone who isn't a pedophile or offender - myself included (see 2 posts referenced below and read the entire thread for each if you have the time).
http://www.sexcriminals.com/forums/105/11620/116268.html
http://www.sexcriminals.com/forums/105/10741/106987.html
Note that the above posts were made at a time in the site's past when there was only a single forum for the entire discussion board. Discussions were frequently more heated than they are now and tensions ran high. And like another poster said recently (I forget who), The Other Side forum was created in large part because of anti's antagonistic and disruptive posts.
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Message 161467 (In Reply to Message 161394)
Posted by Navigatr1
on Sep 14, 2005 04:58 AM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
momhelpingbyherself wrote:
i looked back in the other posts from her, which weren't many, and there was never an age given.
I hate to rehash this argument out here. However, kessa did have her age listed as 40-49, which would have put her age at 20-29 when the incident(s) happened. You will not see her age listed in her old posts as it is a global variable. So if you change it in your profile, it will be reflected in all the posts that you have ever made on this board. Try it for yourself and see.
--Navigatr1
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Message 161468 (In Reply to Message 161457)
Posted by Navigatr1
on Sep 14, 2005 05:07 AM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
steve wrote:
not all readers of the Victims and Survivors Corner are aware that some who post there are sex offenders, pedophiles and those in their support system
Precisely. Most of the readers of that forum are not aware of who the sex offenders or their supporters are if they are new. As far as they are concerned it is just another poster. Unless someone makes a big issue out of it, there is no problem really as long as the responses are constructive and respectful. The problems arise when you have users like momhelpingbyherself who start slamming sex offenders or their supporters for even posting in that area. I think this does more harm than good as it turns the thread into a flame war. Just look at the kessa fiasco.
--Navigatr1
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Message 161469 (In Reply to Message 161459)
Steve
Posted by dp1
on Sep 14, 2005 05:16 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
ROTFLMA. I'm sorry Steve. Those older posts are hilarious. I always thought Anti posted purposely just to piss you guys off then laugh every time you guys had the opportunity to oust her but didn't. All the name calling, hurtful comments and constant harassment, I mean what a joke, really.
Do you think trolling is like a sexual addiction or paraphilia? I mean how bizarre. Having her on the forum was insane. Steve, you're our Internet expert.........do they have any trollers anonymous chat rooms or something? Geez, bringing back memories of the old board is far too painful.
Where's Silverthorne when we need him? Can he tell stories about Anti's antics. Didn't she tell him to kill himself one time? I think I remember a flame war about that too. That poor man put up with so much crap. There's no need for it. She'll find another forum (hopefully if there are any left she hasn't been banned from) to harass people. We don't need to be the sacraficial lambs IMHO.
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Message 161472 (In Reply to Message 161469)
Posted by PVulcan
on Sep 14, 2005 05:50 AM | Also by PVulcan
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I actually did a search for trollers anonymous, no such luck, however there are sites for people addicted to message boards! lol You know, the people that post on boards, 15,20 30+ more times a day, every day. Interesting reading for sure.
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Message 161478 (In Reply to Message 161410)
Posted by joy1234
on Sep 14, 2005 01:12 PM | Also by joy1234
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: New York,
Country: United States |
momhelpingbyherself, You see that kind of thinking is what I think alot of people can't get past. The fact is you can get over it expecially if it is family member and you can come out stronger in the end. But people really have to not to be a victim anymore, children are always victims because they are so innocent. When I was a child I was a victim as I got older and proceeded to be self destructive with my life, I realized it was up to me to make changes. I was in control of my life now not my abusers. Children today have so many more support systems that by the time they are adults the healing process should have already started. The decision to forgive is on ones own terms, I needed to do it for my own sanity. I have no problem with sharing my feelings with any sex offender, sex offender is a word that covers alot of ground, it is a label put on a certain group of people. I agree that there are some really bad people out their and some that will never change but I do think there are alot deserve to make ammends for their actions and be allowed to live in peace. The fact that politicans and the media make it sound like if you have been molested as a child you are ruined for life is just sad, and it angers me to have people think they can never heal. To me that is a form of munipulation to sell their laws and it is sending out the wrong message. You can heal, your children can heal, with the right help and you can also learn to be objective about issues that you might not otherwise want to hear, in turn you may be able to help someone else.
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Message 161479 (In Reply to Message 161399)
momhelpingbyherself
Posted by dp1
on Sep 14, 2005 01:31 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Mom,
One of the things that's interesting about this forum is that it's developed from back biting bickering into a place for dialogue, feedback and information. There's also a lot of networking going on behind the scenes. It takes more than one or two dedicated people to get the forums rolling in the right direction. The victims corner has improved, but it's a far cry from what it could be IMO. Basically, what's lacking is dedicated people to help shape and develope the forum into a meaningful place for support and information. I believe everyone wants things to click smoothly in the victims forum. Do we have people willing to commit and work together towards a common goal on the victim's side? See we can't just whine about it, positive action is required. Do you see what I'm saying? It'll take a lot more than Steve simply setting the rules. This is a group effort.
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Message 161481 (In Reply to Message 161430)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 14, 2005 01:41 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
First of all rabbit, i didn't know that he would do it to a small child. so i sure the hell didn't do it on purpose. so i am not a bad mother. i was in my freaking 20's when he did this to me. not 15. he had never done anything like this to any of my daughters. it happened one time, and that is all it took. i have taken the consequences for my actions, he went to jail, i lost my family, which didn't matter to me, my daughter comes first. i stood up against my mother, and told her to go to hell. i had a threat directed at me for having him put in jail. and sorry, some people would not feel comfortable coming into a victims room and find out that there is SO's or RSO's in the room. If they are also victims, then there should be a room for them. I am sorry. this is my opinion, doesn't mean you have to agree with it. in fact, i don't care what you think
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Message 161482 (In Reply to Message 161479)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 14, 2005 01:45 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
all the more reason why the victims should have there own room. then the General message board would be for everyone. Why is that so hard for people to grasp. Steve, nothing against you, but anti did bring up a good post. New people often wont post a second time once they see that SO's are in here or they catch hell, as rabbit is trying to do to me, which sorry i don't get intimidated easy. in fact i am a force to be reckoned with.
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Message 161484 (In Reply to Message 161431)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 14, 2005 01:49 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
Rabbit, you don't know my daughter, it disgusted her. she doesn't like anybody touching her. She felt that it was her fault. also, how do we know that these so called victims/so's haven't continued to commit more sex offenses? I don't need help, thank you very much, my mother does, for staying with the SOB. And i sure wouldn't want a so's view point, because once an abuse, always an abuser.
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Message 161485 (In Reply to Message 161432)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 14, 2005 01:52 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
LOL!!!! like you scare me.... and respectful, talking behind someones back, when everyone knows that i did the posting is disrespectful. and as for lying, what lies. if anything what i have said, has shut up people. thankfully. and believe me, i have done more research on this topic, than i care to even talk about. It disgusts me to think about how much research i have done, and the counceling that my daughter and i go through because of that SOB, so get the hell of my back.
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Message 161486 (In Reply to Message 161433)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 14, 2005 01:54 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
in another room no
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Message 161489 (In Reply to Message 161455)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 14, 2005 01:59 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
yes Steve, that is what i mean. See, anti simply asked a question, which i think would be a good idea. and look at how i am being called a bad mother by rabbit for something that happened to me over 10 years ago and never imagined that he would do a child. he has many grandchildren and never has before. my mother was in charge of my children, not him. i was in the hospital having surgery. So its not like i had a lot of choices to be made. But i wonder, Has anyone ever lost a family because of your choice to turn someone in for this. this man was taking care of my dying brother. without his help, my brother would have died. i waited for just a bit, until my brother went up in front of a disability judge because he would get the disability. so see, rabbit, you know nothing. and lies, sorry, don't tell them. have no reason to.
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Message 161491 (In Reply to Message 161468)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 14, 2005 02:03 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
wasn't slamming anyone, because if i was, i am sure Steve wouldn't let the posts go through. You guys started on kessa. not me. why is it so hard for people to realize that a person can surpress a traumatic memory? and years later. remember it. did any of you ever think that she was nervous posting for the first time, and maybe her words just didn't come out right. probably not. they just didn't suit anybodys way of thinking.
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Message 161496 (In Reply to Message 161468)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Sep 14, 2005 02:24 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Unless someone makes a big issue out of it,
Oh you mean like momhelpingbyherself did to orolan just because he was asking for clarification of the original posters statement? Who here at this site hasn't at one time or another turned to orolan for research and clarification of an issue? even the site owner, steve, has requested facts or figures clarified before and we all turn to orolan because he is the most reliable source we have for ACCURATE responses. But according to momhelpingbyherself, he should never be allowed to assist victims because he is an offender. Personally I found her responses to orolan's question in that particular thread to be far more offensive than orolan's question asking for clarification of the original posters comments.
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Message 161499 (In Reply to Message 161410)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Sep 14, 2005 02:40 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
You apparently forgot it long enough to send your own daughter off with the family member that molested you. So tell us, how did you forget it?
You also , apparently feel that just because a person becomes an offender that it erases all the pain and trauma of first being a victim themselves. Or at least you have spoken veheminately that they should not be allowed the resources presented to other non-offending victims on this site.
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Message 161501 (In Reply to Message 161496)
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Sep 14, 2005 02:45 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
Hey rabbit everyone has their opinions. And as i said, i am not a SO or a RSO hater. However, I do Hate my mother for choosing her husband over her grand daughter for medical insurance and material things. So think what you want of me, cause your opinion don't mean jack to me.
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