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Thread (Discussion): A question, for ALL...

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Message 161123 (In Reply to Message 161117)


Posted by deadmomwalking on Sep 10, 2005 05:22 PM | Also by deadmomwalking
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: N/A, Country: Canada
I find it instructive to read the RSO perspective but there are two other forums where I can read that. I appreciate that there are some RSO's who have something to offer victims, either because they have been victims themselves or because they have insight about why they offended and that can be helpful to the victim, but lots of RSO's can also be quite offensive to victims (even when they imagine they are being "helpful"). I have seen how very damaged victims can be and I have experienced the nightmare of watching someone I love disintegrate mentally, physically and emotionally from dealing with the aftermath of sexual abuse and let me tell you seeing a victim being told they should "deal with their anger issues", or that "you must have enjoyed it if you didn't report it" or that "you should just treat it as a learning experience" or seeing a mom, who is trying to get help for her son who has been sexually abusing his much younger siblings that by reporting the incident, that she might have ruined his life and that his behavior is developmentally appropriate is pretty offensive - to me anyway. It is interesting because these sorts of comments are often exactly what perpetrators have told their victims but it is hardly what victims need to hear.

I suppose it depends what Steve wants the forum to be. Right now the general forum is pretty much taken over by RSO's and their supporters complaining about the unfairness of registries - fair enough. There is also the "other side" where RSO's can talk about their issues and I think that should be a safe place for them, where they can talk about their feelings of "victimization" and make their rationalizations and excuses. Hopefully, other RSO's who are further along can prod them into healthier thinking. People who hate sex offenders should stay away from that forum. Let the gloves come off in the general forum, as long as it stays within Steve's guidelines.

In a similar vein, yes, victims are often self-sabotaging. They have thinking that needs readjustment. Sometimes they get stuck in a victim mentality and need to get out of it. Families may need to examine their dynamics and behaviors. None of this can be done safely when offenders are jumping in and making the kinds of comments above. And, yes, some of them may be fake victims - just as some RSO's may minimize their responsibility and claim they were falsely accused when they weren't. However, that is not up to us to decide that. We don't truly know anything about each other and we certainly can't read minds through the internet.

As for those people like yourself and PVulcan who are neither victim nor offender well I hope you would respect the wishes of people for whom the Victims Corner and The Other Side are intended.

See an abbreviation or acronym, but don't know what it stands for? Consult the Glossary.
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Message 161117
Anti


Posted by dp1 on Sep 10, 2005 01:04 PM | Also by dp1
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Florida, Country: United States

Thread


160966, anti, Sep 08, 2005 05:22 PM [a question...]
      161050, rabbitreborn, Sep 09, 2005 02:51 PM
            161058, anti, Sep 09, 2005 03:47 PM [see?]
                  161097, Navigatr1, Sep 10, 2005 04:42 AM
                        161100, anti, Sep 10, 2005 05:55 AM [oh my ohh my!!]
                              161176, Navigatr1, Sep 11, 2005 02:11 PM [anti]
                                    161243, anti, Sep 11, 2005 06:55 PM [to nav..]
                                    161399, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 04:42 PM
                                          161430, rabbitreborn, Sep 13, 2005 10:37 PM
                                                161481, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 01:41 PM
                                                      161524, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 03:46 PM
                                                            161526, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 03:52 PM
                                                                  161533, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 04:09 PM
                                                                        161534, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 04:17 PM
                                                                              161588, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 09:00 PM
                                                                                    161601, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 11:42 PM
                                                                                          161660, Navigatr1, Sep 15, 2005 05:05 PM
                                                                                                161689, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 15, 2005 09:51 PM
                                                                                          161692, rabbitreborn, Sep 15, 2005 10:32 PM
                                                                                                161696, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 15, 2005 10:54 PM
                                          161479, dp1, Sep 14, 2005 01:31 PM [momhelpingbyherself]
                                                161482, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 01:45 PM
                                                      161528, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 03:58 PM
                                                            161536, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 04:19 PM
                                                      161567, anti, Sep 14, 2005 05:46 PM [ty]
                                                161635, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 15, 2005 03:13 PM
                                          161565, anti, Sep 14, 2005 05:44 PM [wowww]
                                                161581, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 08:22 PM
                                                      161589, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 09:16 PM
                                                            161602, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 11:46 PM
                                                                  161694, rabbitreborn, Sep 15, 2005 10:41 PM
                                                                        161695, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 15, 2005 10:51 PM
                                    166954, anti, Nov 08, 2005 09:37 PM [hate..]
                        161397, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 04:37 PM
                              161431, rabbitreborn, Sep 13, 2005 10:45 PM
                                    161484, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 01:49 PM
            161394, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 04:29 PM
                  161432, rabbitreborn, Sep 13, 2005 10:55 PM
                        161485, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 01:52 PM
                  161467, Navigatr1, Sep 14, 2005 04:58 AM
                  161569, anti, Sep 14, 2005 05:51 PM [thanks mom...]
      161090, orolan, Sep 10, 2005 12:14 AM
            161091, anti, Sep 10, 2005 03:50 AM [ok Orlan...]
                  161261, orolan, Sep 11, 2005 07:43 PM
                        161266, anti, Sep 11, 2005 08:20 PM [exactly...]
                              161335, orolan, Sep 12, 2005 05:42 PM
                                    161360, anti, Sep 12, 2005 11:35 PM [wow]
                                    161404, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 04:52 PM
      161101, deadmomwalking, Sep 10, 2005 06:03 AM
            161405, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 04:54 PM
      161117, dp1, Sep 10, 2005 01:04 PM [Anti]
            161120, PVulcan, Sep 10, 2005 04:48 PM
                  161130, dp1, Sep 10, 2005 07:44 PM
                        161407, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 04:57 PM
                              161433, dp1, Sep 13, 2005 11:05 PM [mom]
                                    161486, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 01:54 PM
                              161455, steve, Sep 14, 2005 02:34 AM
                                    161489, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 01:59 PM
                                          161523, steve, Sep 14, 2005 03:45 PM
                              161531, steve, Sep 14, 2005 04:00 PM
            161123, deadmomwalking, Sep 10, 2005 05:22 PM
                  161131, dp1, Sep 10, 2005 07:56 PM [DMW]
            161124, orolan, Sep 10, 2005 05:43 PM
                  161175, dp1, Sep 11, 2005 01:46 PM
                  161242, deadmomwalking, Sep 11, 2005 06:55 PM
                        161263, orolan, Sep 11, 2005 07:46 PM
                              161409, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 05:02 PM
                  161408, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 05:00 PM
                        161457, steve, Sep 14, 2005 02:43 AM
                              161468, Navigatr1, Sep 14, 2005 05:07 AM
                                    161491, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 02:03 PM
                                    161496, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 02:24 PM
                                          161501, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 02:45 PM
                                                161519, steve, Sep 14, 2005 03:40 PM
                                                      161525, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 03:50 PM
                                          161518, steve, Sep 14, 2005 03:38 PM
                                                161527, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 03:54 PM
                                                      161535, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 04:18 PM
                                                            161537, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 04:22 PM
                                                            161579, steve, Sep 14, 2005 08:05 PM
                                                                  161583, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 08:27 PM
                                                                  161593, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 09:27 PM
                                          161637, Rejected
                                    161513, steve, Sep 14, 2005 03:26 PM
      161134, orolan, Sep 10, 2005 08:17 PM
            161153, 1dadof5, Sep 11, 2005 02:50 AM
                  161265, orolan, Sep 11, 2005 07:53 PM
      161151, youtoo, Sep 11, 2005 02:02 AM
            161577, steve, Sep 14, 2005 07:30 PM
                  161578, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 08:04 PM
      161212, Renunciation, Sep 11, 2005 05:41 PM [Renunciation Rant]
            161272, anti, Sep 12, 2005 12:30 AM [well...]
                  161314, joy1234, Sep 12, 2005 01:47 PM
                        161372, Navigatr1, Sep 13, 2005 04:29 AM [joy1234]
                              161383, dp1, Sep 13, 2005 01:17 PM
                                    161521, steve, Sep 14, 2005 03:42 PM
                        161410, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 05:08 PM
                              161478, joy1234, Sep 14, 2005 01:12 PM
                                    161508, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 03:03 PM
                              161499, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 02:40 PM
                                    161502, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 02:48 PM
                              161570, anti, Sep 14, 2005 05:59 PM [exactly..]
                                    161595, rabbitreborn, Sep 14, 2005 09:35 PM
                                          161603, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 14, 2005 11:49 PM
                                                161634, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 15, 2005 03:09 PM
                                    161678, Renunciation, Sep 15, 2005 07:07 PM
                                          161690, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 15, 2005 09:58 PM
                  161348, Renunciation, Sep 12, 2005 07:59 PM
                        161411, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 13, 2005 05:11 PM
                              161459, steve, Sep 14, 2005 03:49 AM
                                    161469, dp1, Sep 14, 2005 05:16 AM [Steve]
                                          161472, PVulcan, Sep 14, 2005 05:50 AM
                                                161522, steve, Sep 14, 2005 03:43 PM
                                          161511, steve, Sep 14, 2005 03:22 PM
                                                161547, PVulcan, Sep 14, 2005 04:57 PM
                                                      161548, PVulcan, Sep 14, 2005 05:10 PM
                                                            161587, steve, Sep 14, 2005 08:40 PM
                                    161572, anti, Sep 14, 2005 06:06 PM [Steve,]
                                          161582, steve, Sep 14, 2005 08:26 PM
                              161571, anti, Sep 14, 2005 06:03 PM [yes..]
                                    161585, steve, Sep 14, 2005 08:36 PM
            161337, orolan, Sep 12, 2005 05:44 PM
                  161371, Navigatr1, Sep 13, 2005 04:21 AM
      161390, dp1, Sep 13, 2005 03:38 PM [Anti]
            161395, Renunciation, Sep 13, 2005 04:30 PM [Anti - Recommended Reading For You]
            161422, rabbitreborn, Sep 13, 2005 07:11 PM
                  161440, dp1, Sep 14, 2005 12:37 AM [Rabbit]
            167188, rodsmith, Nov 12, 2005 06:21 AM
      166892, Scaye, Nov 08, 2005 05:33 AM
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