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Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Unknown about the future

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Message 173478 (In Reply to Message 173463)

Posted by katiebird on Feb 20, 2006 04:59 AM | Also by katiebird

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 21 - 29, State: N/A, Country: United States

my situation is different. this man has been a very good friend of mine for over 5 years, we met and dated, it didnt work out, but we always remained good friends and pretty much just sex buddies. we would argue off and on cuz i wnated more and he didnt at the time. he didnt see me like he does now. he had a crazy addictive lifestyle going on where we would work, go out, hook up, sleep, and do it all over again. there was still always something about him, i could never let go off. i loved this man regardless of what happened. but then recently, about 6 months ago we started talkin again. he stayed with me some nights and then all nights and then moved in. we grew closer than ever before and he started falling for me cuz i was able to open up to him more. he didnt want to get involved with me knowin that he would be serving some time. but he couldnt control how he feels. we fell in love and then he had to go serve his time. its been really hard to finally get where we wanted and then to have him gone but i get to see him 2 times a week and we talk 2 times a day. but he has changed so much... hes not who he was when the crime happened. and we werent involved at the time. i wasnt even talking to him when he did it. he made a mistake. and hes payin for it now and will for a long time. im not sure on all the laws of south dakota or surrounding states, if we have to move to one for things to be easier on us. thats something i would like some help on too, where can i find all this information???

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Message 173463
Katie

Posted by june5 on Feb 20, 2006 02:29 AM | Also by june5

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

I also sent you a PM, but I noticed on your post that you are not married yet.  I know I will probably be called a hypocrite, because I am married to an SO, but I would recommend that you DO NOT marry this guy.

I say this because my husband is an SO, he became one after several years of marriage.  I can honestly say that I would not have married him if he had this status before we got married.  In my opinion, marriage makes things different.

I don't know what your boyfriend did, but at the very least can we say he did something that a guy in a serious relationship shouldn't have been doing?  Let's take the sex offense out of it:  if he had just cheated on you, and not done anything illegal, why stay with him?  The joy of not being married is that you can, and should, dump a guy for any and no reason!

I feel kind of bad saying this, because SO's are worthy of finding love and being married as much as anybody else.  I guess it would be different if you had met him as an SO who offended a long time before you met him.

In your situation, am I right to assume that he committed this crime while in a relationship with you?  If that is the case, he has betrayed you also.  You are not married to him, and you can easily walk away from this situation and find someone else.  How will you feel if you marry him and he does something else to betray you?  You will feel bad knowing that you should have known it would happen given what he's done before you were married.

All I can say is that if my husband had committed a sex offense, embezzlement, or any other crime while I was with him and before we were married, I wouldn't have married him.  If it had been made known to me that he cheated on me before we got married, I wouldn't have married him.  The same goes if you were engaged to a guy who yelled at you or had a drinking problem.  Don't marry someone like that when you know exactly what you are getting into!

I would have a hard time telling anybody to ever get a divorce short of abuse, but you aren't married.  Please think long and hard about this before you do it.  It is going to make life alot harder (see my PM).  I'm sure you love him, but as any married person could tell you, it takes a whole lot more than love for a marriage to survive.

Thread

173458, katiebird, Feb 20, 2006 12:32 AM [all help/comments invited]
      173461, june5, Feb 20, 2006 02:12 AM [Hi Katie]
      173462, Renunciation, Feb 20, 2006 02:27 AM
            173475, katiebird, Feb 20, 2006 04:46 AM
                  173481, june5, Feb 20, 2006 05:49 AM [Kids]
                        173521, rodsmith, Feb 20, 2006 10:35 PM [june5]
                  173498, texaslady92778, Feb 20, 2006 04:27 PM [life with an RSO]
                  173547, Renunciation, Feb 21, 2006 05:00 AM
                        173552, june5, Feb 21, 2006 08:48 AM [Renny]
                        173560, texaslady92778, Feb 21, 2006 01:55 PM [renny]
                              173586, june5, Feb 21, 2006 07:39 PM [texaslady]
                              173601, Renunciation, Feb 22, 2006 03:15 AM
                              173611, dp1, Feb 22, 2006 04:32 PM
                                    173639, june5, Feb 23, 2006 08:16 AM [dp1]
                                          173658, rodsmith, Feb 23, 2006 06:38 PM [june5]
                                    173665, Renunciation, Feb 23, 2006 06:56 PM [DP1]
                                          173695, june5, Feb 24, 2006 08:00 AM [Renny]
            173772, sidmanv8, Feb 25, 2006 05:03 PM
      173463, june5, Feb 20, 2006 02:29 AM [Katie]
            173478, katiebird, Feb 20, 2006 04:59 AM
                  173486, amberleaf, Feb 20, 2006 07:50 AM [Katie]
                  173487, dp1, Feb 20, 2006 11:30 AM
      173466, june5, Feb 20, 2006 02:52 AM [More food for thought...]
      173500, fireflybabe, Feb 20, 2006 04:51 PM [I too married a Sex Offender]
            173599, amberleaf, Feb 22, 2006 02:27 AM [fireflybabe]

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Forum: The Other SideThread (Discussion): Unknown about the future

Message 173478 (In Reply to Message 173463)

Message 173463Katie

Thread

Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Unknown about the future

Message 173463
Katie