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Forum: The Other Side
Thread (Discussion): bad thoughts
Message 138993
Posted by troubled
on Aug 22, 2004 11:42 AM | Also by troubled
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
ok. so i'm new hear. committed acts of SA against a young girl i am very close to. (14- some dry humping a few times- clothed). i now hate myself. nothing has been reported. but that is not to say that nothing ever will be. but as for now i am so conflicted and consumed by guilt and shame and remorse that all i can think of is suicide. over and over. i just don't want to live anymore. it feels horrible. whenever i think about her, healing, the pain i caused, my heart feels like it skips a beat and my chest and arms go cold. i miss this family and i hate myself. there seems like no way out. if i can't be a part of their family or if i will go to jail, i'm sure i'll end my own life. how alone and am?
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Message 139023 (In Reply to Message 138993)
Posted by brennus
on Aug 23, 2004 01:45 AM | Also by brennus
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Wisconsin,
Country: United States |
Not that alone. There's another user of this forum, JakeLF, who felt the same way after being convicted of molesting his niece. You should PM him one day. Many SO's who are TRULY remorseful fell the same way - unlike others who believe in molesting kids and show no remorse.
10 commandments for recovering SO
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Message 139047 (In Reply to Message 138993)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Aug 23, 2004 07:35 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
If I can ask how old are you and how many instances occured? What led to this "contact" with a minor (I assume you were clothed?).
Have you tried talking to a therapist or anyone about this?
Silverthorne
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Message 139055 (In Reply to Message 138993)
remorse
Posted by truechange
on Aug 23, 2004 01:31 PM | Also by truechange
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I have a lot of compassion for you, man. I know what it feels like to have done something this henous and hate the fact that you did it. Everyday I wake up I think of the pain I caused not only to the little girl but the pain of the freinds and family that have trusted me over the years.
In other words, you are not alone. I commend you for being brave enough to post some of your story here.
1. Get a professional couselor or psycologist for your suicidal thoughts.
2. Remember that your failures are not final.
3. The fact that you feel remorse is a good thing. There is forgiveness and you can even forgive yourself in due time.
4. Please get help now. Don't just sit around. My brother was stationed in Germany during the hieght of the Cold War. He went missing your several weeks. My mom had to call youe Senator to find him. They found and we could have no contact with him until he got home. When he did get home he was a mess. He would sit all day in bed drinking and listen to load music. He waws suicidal. Eventually he commited himself to the mental ward at the local hospital. I think he was in somekind of covert operation that went bad. In his training the taught him to get help if he feels he's going of the deep end.
My point? Get help. I don't want you to kill yourself. Please, I beg you, hear these words. Your life is worth God's own death. You are valued higher than all things on earth and even the angel's in heaven. There is help. You are not alone.
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Message 139061 (In Reply to Message 138993)
help
Posted by truechange
on Aug 23, 2004 03:15 PM | Also by truechange
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Maybe this will help. It's a daily recovery insparation email from http://www.nacronline.com. It has helped me greatly.
Subject: NACR Daily Meditation for Monday, Aug 23, 2004
************************************************************
NACR Daily Meditation for Monday, Aug 23, 2004
************************************************************
A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he
forsakes the fear of the Almighty.Job 6:14
At some point during the recovery process we re-examine our most fundamental
beliefs. A long process of sorting, examining and questioning takes place.
And, in that process, our relationship with God is challenged. It is possible
that our relationship with God will deepen and strengthen in the process.
But it is also possible that we will find ourselves pulling away from God.
We may find ourselves angry with God, or afraid of God, or unable to believe
in God at all. This can be a frightening experience. It can feel like the
very foundations of life are being shaken.
In times like this, we need many things. But at the top of the list is our
need for friends who will accept us even if we turn away from God. We need
friends who will not minimize our struggle or discount our feelings. We
need people who will not be shocked when we are full of rage at God. We
need friends who are able to hear the deep pain behind our words and who
know that this, too, is part of our healing. We need people who can see
beyond the immediate pain to the healing that can come.
Even when we forsake the fear of God, we need friends who understand, who
are committed to us for the long haul, and who plead with God on our behalf.
Sometimes I feel agnostic, Lord,
I just don't know anymore.
Sometimes I want nothing to do with you.
Where were you when I needed you the most?
Sometimes I despair, Lord.
Sometimes I can't seem to hope.
I need friends who will not abandon me, Lord.
I need friends who will be patient and grace-full with my anger and fear.
I need friends who will stay with me as we wait for you to show yourself
once again.
I need friends, Lord, who will give me courage to hope again in you.
Send help, Lord.
Amen.
Copyright 1991 Dale and Juanita Ryan
************************************************************
ROOTED IN GOD'S LOVE (the book from which these meditations are taken, is back in print! To order call our office at 714-529-6227 ext 111 or order online at
http://www.nacronline.com/dox/store/nacrbooks.shtml
************************************************************
Meditations from previous days can be viewed at:
http://two.pairlist.net/pipermail/nacrmed/
************************************************************
To be removed from this list go to this website:
http://two.pairlist.net/mailman/listinfo/nacrmed
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Message 139105 (In Reply to Message 138993)
change
Posted by poetsdreamscape
on Aug 25, 2004 12:27 AM | Also by poetsdreamscape
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Instead of feeling bad for what you did spend your energy on making changes so that you dont feel that way . You know what you did was wrong and should by now realise that you should not be around a minor. You have two choices either make the change or pay the consequences.
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Message 139110 (In Reply to Message 139105)
Posted by dp1
on Aug 25, 2004 01:34 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Rock on Poet!
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Message 139126 (In Reply to Message 138993)
keep the faith
Posted by 1dadof5
on Aug 25, 2004 08:53 PM | Also by 1dadof5
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Indiana,
Country: United States |
I find it refreshing that troubled has such a strong support group.
If there were more people like his church and friends in this world, it wouldnt be such a bad place. His case shows true christianity at work and many of you should learn such a lesson here. Thier support and help will keep him on the road to a meaningful life again. If many of the hatemongers here were willing to do such things, we would have fewer repeat offenders
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Message 139175 (In Reply to Message 139061)
a good thought
Posted by Lorelei
on Aug 27, 2004 01:37 AM | Also by Lorelei
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Texas,
Country: United States |
I agree, that is very inspirational. I hope the man who raped me, many years ago, had a fraction of the guilt you are feeling. It is the first step towards healing.
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Message 139574 (In Reply to Message 138993)
well
Posted by assumption18
on Sep 09, 2004 01:00 PM | Also by assumption18
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: District of Columbia,
Country: United States |
If all you did was dry humping a couple of times - and she was 14? Then most likely you have not scared her in any way - well unless you help her down at knifepoint or something.
The first thing you need to do (some how) is stop hating yourself - hate accomplishes nothing. Get the will to like yourself and change - you will be more in control of your actions if you do. Do not get comfortable with what you did - for that is foolish, but get positive about what you didn't do, and resolve yourself to make sure such a thing wont happen again - you know how much you hate yourself now - translate that into a promise to yourself of how much you will never let yourself get into that situation again.
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Message 139647 (In Reply to Message 138993)
Posted by swla
on Sep 11, 2004 08:15 AM | Also by swla
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Missouri,
Country: United States |
If you decide to kill yourself, who else will be hurt? Do you think your victim will think she killed you and have guilt for the rest of her life? If the parents do press charges, do you think they will feel they have a hand in your death? Will they have some sort of guilt? Do you have respect for any of these people, or they you? If they viewed you in such high regard and esteem before, what is to say they are not pressing charges just so they make sure you get the help you need, so you can move on and with the rest of your life, out of care and love? Find anyone in your life that you love and care for and they love and care for you the same, and think how much you will hurt them. They don't want to see you gone, only to get better, wiser and to be there to share their joys and happiness in life. Do not choose to cause more pain in peoples lives, your better than that. Show them that you do have the strength and courage to change. Otherwise it is like you are just running away from the problem. Why run where there are many arms outstreched to help you. Look at all here who might have had the same thoughts, you see we survived and are here to tell you our sucesses. Progress at better understanding ourselves, to where we can have lives that we never dreamed we could ever have had before. True it is hard work, and I'm not talking about the jail time, probation, having to pay for therapy, but finding out about my true self, my core being, and the rewards afterwards are too great to just run away from. It has to be something very serious for a person who had care and love in their heart for you, to hold a grudge for very long if you were out to prove to them, and to yourself, that you are willing to change to become a better person than they or yourself ever knew before. And showing that you were able to grow, that they might even accept you into their lives again to have a richer more meaningful relationship. Charges to me were not the end of the world, it was the beginning of a new life. A life I never knew existed or had in me, till now. Begin by seeking out help on your own now, for your own sake. Go find a therapist and start your own new life. Nothing to lose since you only feel like you are already at the bottom, which you aren't. Not having you around to help us all, including you, better understand ourselves to where we can all enrich our lives. Stay and help us, and we in return can help you as well.
I wish you the best of luck in your new life here with us,
swla
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Thread
138993, troubled, Aug 22, 2004 11:42 AM
139023, brennus, Aug 23, 2004 01:45 AM
139047, Silverthorne, Aug 23, 2004 07:35 AM
139055, truechange, Aug 23, 2004 01:31 PM [remorse]
139061, truechange, Aug 23, 2004 03:15 PM [help]
139175, Lorelei, Aug 27, 2004 01:37 AM [a good thought]
139105, poetsdreamscape, Aug 25, 2004 12:27 AM [change]
139110, dp1, Aug 25, 2004 01:34 AM
139126, 1dadof5, Aug 25, 2004 08:53 PM [keep the faith]
139574, assumption18, Sep 09, 2004 01:00 PM [well]
139647, swla, Sep 11, 2004 08:15 AM
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