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Forum: The Other Side
Thread (Discussion): Hi.
Message 138141
my story
Posted by truechange
on Jul 29, 2004 01:56 PM | Also by truechange
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Hi I'm new here. I wanted to post a little about myself. First, I must state my world view bacause some of the thing I will say won't make sense unless you understand my fundamental view of the universe. We all know thw universe is governed by a set of physical laws, that when broken consequenses happen. Likewise, the unviverse is governed by a set of moral laws, that when broken, consequenses occur.
With that said, let me tell you a little of my story. I am currently a reg. sex offender. My first sexual encounter was at 5 years old. The girl was about 6 she iniciated it. Later, I was molested by 3 men for 3 years spanning from age 6 to 9. I had been consuming pronography at that time. Started viewing adult videos and masturbating at 9. I felt that I was trapped sexually, in bondage if you will. I took an indtrest in God in my teenage years.
I thought by becomming a Chistian that I would somehopw stop my sexuall addictive behaviors but nada. It wasn't 2 years ago that I began to purse sexual addiction recovery. I am a recovering sex addict. I didn't care hoe I hurt in the process I just wanted to get my next high. Sex addiction is just like cocaine addiction. I goined a 12 step sex addiction group here in twon. I sought help from pcyciatrists, ans state liscened counselors for additional help. I deeply wanted to change. To get better.
I must say that when you've become addicted to something you will always be addicted. The difference is recovery. For me it's a daily choice to pursue recovery. It's either recovery or the addiciton. No grey area.
One of the thing I do to help is I wear a thick rubberband around my wrist. Every time I think is a nasty thought I pop the rubberband as hard as I can. This can help break ther biochemical part of the addiction. Also, I have 5 actions I do daily; (!) I pray in the morning for God to protect me from myself and give me a goopd day of recovery; (2) I read recovery materials daily to learn more about the addiction; (3) I call someone in group daily to "check in." I confess any thought or thing I've struggled with that day; (4) I go to the meetings; (5) I pray for Goid to protewct my dreams at night.
There are other techniques I do in addition to the ones above but the post is gettings long. I have not masterbated in 2 years straight, I haven't looked at any pornography since, and my thought life has really changed.
Sorry for such a long post. Just wanted people to know the success I'm having :)
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Message 138144 (In Reply to Message 138141)
Hello
Posted by dp1
on Jul 29, 2004 02:23 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Welcome. Good for you things are working out. I have a special interest in therapy and was wondering if you can elaborate.
I've seen folks lately use the rubberband, also. Did you ever try the ammonia therapy, and how does it compare do you think? How long did the conditioning take you before you saw results?
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Message 138145 (In Reply to Message 138141)
Posted by truechange
on Jul 29, 2004 02:59 PM | Also by truechange
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Country: United States |
I've never heard of amonia therapy. Please tell. I too am intersted in different therapies.
The rubberband took about 90 days to take effect. 20+ years as a sex addict. It aint gonna go away overnight. In most AA type meetings they say 90 meetings in 90 days. I just takes about 90 days of constant daily effeort to begin changing brain patterns and stuff. You should expect an 80%+/- reduction in "nasty thoughts." The remaining 20% is just stuck in your brain. But daily effort will see this drop over time
If you try the rubberband here are some tips. Get big ones. Wear 2 because one will always break. Pop rubberband as hard as you can. Their must be pain associated with certain thoughts. All sexual acts, whether between husband and wife or any context, begin in the brain. They never just happen out of the blue.
If you have been into S&M this technique is ill advised.
hop this helps
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Message 138151 (In Reply to Message 138145)
Posted by brennus
on Jul 29, 2004 04:22 PM | Also by brennus
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Wisconsin,
Country: United States |
What was the conviction that led to youi conviction as a RSO?
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Message 138153 (In Reply to Message 138145)
TC
Posted by dp1
on Jul 29, 2004 04:25 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
90 days is a drop in the bucket. That sounds great. I think I'll defer to Silverthorne to post about the amonia since he has personal experience as well as enormous success with it.
Silver, how long did it take you with the amonia before you started noticing any effects?
P.S. I am not into S&M or pedophilia. I work with sex offenders. I've seen good therapy programs and not so good programs. I'd like to know which ones have the highest success rate and why. I've noticed the ones that seem more confrontational seem to work better, that is if you can survive it. I'd like to see more programs encourage people to come back more even after probation due to relapses, etc..
I also am interested in denial programs. Many therapists feel as though it's unethical. Do you have any thoughts on this?
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Message 138157 (In Reply to Message 138141)
Welcome
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jul 29, 2004 04:46 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Welcome to the board TrueChange nice to meet you. You can read my profile by clicking my name (in red) at the top of the post. I probably am one of the "most treated" pedophiles in America although I've also never acted out.
You mentioned your an RSO yet totally skipped what you were convicted for. Can you tell us what you did?
I've had alot of therapy (read profile) and currently use Ammonia capsules. On a side note my therapist once mentioned if I dont have capsules I could use rubber bands so its the same type of thing (MAC WORK its called). The premise is the same, when you have a deviant thought you snap an ammonia capsule in 1/2 and inhale the vapor. Its very unplesant and effective for me. It's gotten to the point now where if I have a deviant thought I can almost "smell" the ammonia without breaking the capsule. Guess I'm "conditioned".
As therapy and MAC WORK have gone along for me (Ive been out of therapy for a year now more or less except for occasional visits) I've noticed a decrease in deviant thought. I'm able to look at a child, think "oh he's cute" and move on. I don't linger (at least 98% of the time I don't). So its been successful for me.
Silverthorne
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Message 138159 (In Reply to Message 138157)
Its liberating
Posted by assumption18
on Jul 29, 2004 05:23 PM | Also by assumption18
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: District of Columbia,
Country: United States |
I'm able to look at a child, think "oh he's cute" and move on. I don't linger (at least 98% of the time I don't).
When you dont feel compelled to mentally undress them, but can otherwise focus on things about them that are attractive. Its liberating, and positive I find.
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Message 138171 (In Reply to Message 138157)
Posted by fallenone
on Jul 29, 2004 06:26 PM | Also by fallenone
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Ohio,
Country: United States |
I'm glad I have good self control now. I have a high tolerance for pain and I've lost almost all my sense of smell.
At any rate I commend you for your self discipline. You have to want the change in order for it to happen, so keep it up and never let your guard down.
The Fallen One
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Message 138173 (In Reply to Message 138141)
Posted by truechange
on Jul 29, 2004 07:38 PM | Also by truechange
| Gender: N/A,
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I was convinvted of Sex Abuse 1st degree. I forced an 9 year old girl to perform oral sex on me. I really don't like talking about this, but I want people to know that you don't have to settle for who you were.
Alfred Nobel. He invented dynamite, a safe way to transport nitroglycerin. Which at the time was the world's most destructive force. He didn't want to be know for that so he started the Noberl Peace Prize. It 's amazing.
Also, John Newton is a great example. It is well documented that he would brag about raping African slaves and the number children he was bringing to the new world during the slave trade. Yet he conpletely changed over time. We all have sung or heard his songs at one tme or another. His most notible song is Amazing Grace.
I want to be like these men. I hate what I did with all my heart, mind and soul. I never want to do it again. And I refuse to accept anything less than complete recovery. I my never attain that goal this side of heave but I wil die trying.
On a different note, I too find that I don't fantasize about women, or children, or men for that matter 98%. When I see a child at the grocery store I pray for that child. When I walk down the street and see a woman jogging I pray for her protection. When I see that child or woman I don't see an object. I see one of God's daughters or children, whether they belive in God or not. The idea of messing around with one of God's own isn't to be taken lightly.
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Message 138197 (In Reply to Message 138159)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jul 30, 2004 04:45 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
"When you dont feel compelled to mentally undress them, but can otherwise focus on things about them that are attractive. Its liberating, and positive I find."
Well as far as it goes like when I see a nice car. I don't look at them and swoon or anything. Im not even focusing on whats attractive about them because that in itself can lead to problems. Its more an acknowledgement to myself that hes cute and thats it. I dont focus on anything. Its an acceptance that its ok to think that way AS FAR AS IT GOES. That means not "focusing" on the attractive parts of a boy.
Silverthorne
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Message 138263 (In Reply to Message 138173)
Posted by deadmomwalking
on Jul 31, 2004 08:35 AM | Also by deadmomwalking
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: Canada |
I am glad to hear you turned yourself around. I liked your idea of saying a prayer for a child you see in the street rather than dwelling on your attraction. I think prayer can be quite powerful, not because God gives us what we want, but because it forces us to think in a humble, respectful way and lifts our minds onto higher things. It has allowed me to "let go" of feeling responsible for my daughter's recovery and to banish the hatred I had for her molester that was dissolving my soul like acid. God bless.
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Message 138275 (In Reply to Message 138173)
Posted by fallenone
on Jul 31, 2004 05:59 PM | Also by fallenone
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Ohio,
Country: United States |
I admire your willingness to turn your inclinations around into something benificial. Ihonestly wish more could dothe same.To me fighting the bitterness over my path in life has been my biggest battle. Still I cannot turn my back on the people. There is a need out there. Those of us who have passed through the fire yet survived should feel obliged to reach out to those not as strong. Thus I encourage you to continue doing what you are doing and sharing it with us.
The Fallen One
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Thread
138141, truechange, Jul 29, 2004 01:56 PM [my story]
138144, dp1, Jul 29, 2004 02:23 PM [Hello]
138145, truechange, Jul 29, 2004 02:59 PM
138151, brennus, Jul 29, 2004 04:22 PM
138153, dp1, Jul 29, 2004 04:25 PM [TC]
138157, Silverthorne, Jul 29, 2004 04:46 PM [Welcome]
138159, assumption18, Jul 29, 2004 05:23 PM [Its liberating]
138197, Silverthorne, Jul 30, 2004 04:45 AM
138171, fallenone, Jul 29, 2004 06:26 PM
138173, truechange, Jul 29, 2004 07:38 PM
138263, deadmomwalking, Jul 31, 2004 08:35 AM
138275, fallenone, Jul 31, 2004 05:59 PM
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