|
|
Forum: The Other Side
Thread (Discussion): Pedogyny?
Message 137971
Is there such a thing?
Posted by fallenone
on Jul 26, 2004 06:59 PM | Also by fallenone
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Ohio,
Country: United States |
I had mentioned recently one of the side effects of my ordeal as an RSO is that I have a growing dislike of children. In a sense i have grown to seriously dislike children. I was at the mall the other day searching for the latest CastleVania game and there was a demo for another game on display. So I took a moment to play it. I was onm it for maybe 30 seconds when some little monster started tugging on me going, "Can I play?" I told him don't touch me and wait his turn in a scolding voice. A few minutes later I had a confrontation with his mother. For once I didn't explain why I didn't want her little hellion putting his paws all over me because I was afraid she would make up some crap. But anyways my disdain for children is stronger than ever. So I'm bordering on child hating. Now obviously I don't actively pursue any actions against children. In fact I'd rather noyt touch them. A friend of mine was shopping at my workplace a couple days ago and she had her toddler with her. She knows I'm RSO. She had her hands full so she asked me to greb her kid when he got away from her. I wouldn't touch him-- I just got him to follow me. I felt very uneasy about it even though the lady was watching me and the incident lasted only a few seconds. Anyone else experience this?
The Fallen One
Forum Home
| Top of Thread
Message 137977 (In Reply to Message 137971)
I can't say
Posted by assumption18
on Jul 26, 2004 08:11 PM | Also by assumption18
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: District of Columbia,
Country: United States |
But I can say, DP1 must be very very happy that some treatment somewhere works, like he said, aren't pedophiles supposed to dislike children anyway?
(sarcasm intended).
As for you FO, I feel sad for the way your mind has now been twisted. It is a sick society that will only cause such detriment without a care in the world on one hand, and far too many illogical fears on the other.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137971)
Message 137990 (In Reply to Message 137977)
You're on A Role
Posted by dp1
on Jul 26, 2004 11:00 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Ok. So Fallen is a twisted pedophile, I am insane who says pedos hate children and society is sick. Where do you fit into the big picture, Mr. Assumption?
I thought Fallen's post had some good points. I like the scenerio with his friend and toddler at work. Incidental contact is always an important issue with SO's on probation. They forever ask questions on how to avoid it.
Too bad Assumption you can't offer any meaningful feedback. It's interesting to see how negative you view the world though.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137977)
Message 138001 (In Reply to Message 137971)
Posted by brennus
on Jul 27, 2004 01:24 AM | Also by brennus
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Wisconsin,
Country: United States |
One does not need to be a pedophile or SO to feel the way you do about kids. There have been times at gatherings where kids have annoyed me, and I had to walk away from them. Though I don't have SO or pedophile status, I would have reacted the same way you did in the Castlevania incident. If only all RSO's and pedophiles (I'm thinking JakeLF and the incident with the boys) felt the same way about kids as you do, maybe this website would not be needed.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137971)
Message 138003 (In Reply to Message 137971)
Agree
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jul 27, 2004 01:56 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Fallen,
You didnt see it but last year I actually suggested they have "no-kid" days at stores. I remember in therapy there was a book of places with "adult events" (like a day at the museums for adults) where people could go in peace. They posted it there because the SO's shouldn't be hanging around kids.
I'm actually the same way. I've complained about property taxes and income tax deductions until I'm blue in the face. As far as I'm concerned people need to keep thier little hellions locked up at home.
In a related article read this story:
http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/news/articles/0724mallkids24.html
I go to the mall and am surrounded by these little urchins running wild, screaming, all that. The other day I was at the mall and some kid screamed so loud I reached for my gun (which was in my car since it was illegal to carry into the mall). I seriously thought someone was being attacked.
I've had these little pests run right into me and knock me down on a couple occasions (Ive used a cane since chemo started due to balance issues). One time one did this, bounced off and fell over and started crying and his mother came over and tried to read me the riot act. I told her in no uncertain terms "Keep your G D brat under control and you wont have this problem". People around me looked stunned but I could tell MANY felt as I did.
I go to a restaurant and pay good money for a good meal and have some screaming brat ruin it for me. I've actually gotten free dinners because of this. I ask when I go in "No Smoking and NO KIDS". I tell them I dont want to be exposed to screaming brats. They usually laugh a little but they understand. Its frustrating.
Im also uneasy with friends who have kids. A few years back I had a friend who had two boys (7 & 4). They were adorable, well behaved, great kids. I wasn't attracted to them in the least. Yet one time one of them runs into the living room to get help getting dressed after a bath, I was done, no more visits there. I was just uncomfortable and despite not being attracted to him (I was later on when he hit 11) I didn't want the stress of trying to remain aloof.
It is alot of stress being around kids. Not so much for what they do but because they can bring feelings about that you have problems with (much like Jake's frustration about kids). That causes stress which is physically and mentally unhealthy.
So YES I have felt the way you do. I'd love to see "no kid days" at stores and malls. I'd love to see movie houses have a "adult day".
Silverthorne
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137971)
Message 138004 (In Reply to Message 137971)
Question for Fallen
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jul 27, 2004 01:57 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Fallen,
Just out of curiosity what did this woman say to you? I assume "Bratley" ran to get her when you scolded him for grabbing you. Did you tell her he was grabbing you and that was the problem (not just playing the game)?
Silverthorne
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137971)
Message 138005 (In Reply to Message 137977)
Assumption
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jul 27, 2004 02:00 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Assumption,
I dont feel sorry for Fallen at all. He's showing alot of maturity acknowledging his situation and is showing restraint in dealing with it. He knows where his boundries are and is living the way he should.
On the other hand if he were volunteering at Big Brothers, giving foot rubs to 10 year old boys and cuddling with them I'd be blasting him from here to the moon. But he isn't in denial about his illness and knows he needs to do certain things to protect himself.
I have alot of respect for him.
Silverthorne
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137977)
Message 138027 (In Reply to Message 137971)
Sort of...
Posted by orolan
on Jul 27, 2004 04:33 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
-phobia: a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that results in a compelling desire to avoid it
pedophobia - the above as applied to children
ephebiphobia - as applied to teens
parthenophobia - as applied to virgins or young girls
aphenphosmphobia, haphephobia, chiraptophobia - as applied to the act of being touched by another person
Anyone else experience this?
Yes, to some degree. But not so much a fear, hatred or dislike of the child themselves. More of a hatred and disgust for the fact that I can no longer be a caring and concerned citizen as I once was. I see vehicles broken down on the side of the highway with kids in them, and the parent(s) really look like they could use some help. But I drive on, oblivious to them and their plight because I have been conditioned to avoid such situations at all costs.
We had a probationer here violated for unlawful contact when he gave mouth-to-mouth to an 8 year-old injured in a traffic accident. He saved that child's life, but his PO threw him in jail. The judge let him go, but only after he sat in jail for 45 days waiting on a VOP hearing. 45 days in which he lost his job, his truck, his home and everything he owned.
Funny thing is, he told me that in spite of everything he lost, the child's life he saved was worth every bit of it and then some. But the state, and by extension society, still sees him as an incurable sexual deviant who will rape a child at the slightest opportunity. Go figure.
No doubt I would do the same thing he did given the situation. But if the child isn't in immediate danger, I'm not getting involved. And that's truly sad. For me, and for the child.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137971)
Message 138044 (In Reply to Message 138027)
Are you serious?????
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jul 27, 2004 05:53 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
"We had a probationer here violated for unlawful contact when he gave mouth-to-mouth to an 8 year-old injured in a traffic accident. He saved that child's life, but his PO threw him in jail. The judge let him go, but only after he sat in jail for 45 days waiting on a VOP hearing. 45 days in which he lost his job, his truck, his home and everything he owned. "
I hope your kidding here? (If not can you post a link I'd love to read this one).
I can't believe they'd try to VOP him for saving a life like this. I mean was the mouth to mouth not needed? Did he just have a broken leg or something? In that case I'd agree but if it was to save a life I'm all for it.
Did the kids family come to the aid of the SO during the court proecedings? How about the local papers were there any editorials about it? What did they say?
I agree if something like this were the rule and I was a probationer I'd just stand there and let them die. If someone screamed "Why dont you help him" just say "the state says I cant..... .sorry"...... and walk away........
Silverthorne
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (138027)
Message 138051 (In Reply to Message 138044)
Silverthorne
Posted by orolan
on Jul 27, 2004 07:22 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I'm totally serious. He did indeed save her life, after she was ejected from a car during an accident and suffered a severe concussion and serious internal injuries. But it happened 5 years ago, and I can't find anything even in Google's archived pages referencing it. I don't even think it was on the Net. Incidentally the family, little girl included, did show up at the revocation hearing. It's fortunate the judge didn't send the guy to prison, because I imagine the scene might have been rather ugly in that courtroom. The PO is no longer a PO, but the SO is STILL on probation, STILL on the registry, and STILL seen as a danger to children.
His favorite saying on the matter is taken from Tupac Shakur:
"You can't judge me. Only God can judge me."
I tend to think he's right.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (138044)
Message 138069 (In Reply to Message 138051)
Question for DP1
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jul 28, 2004 03:50 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
DP1,
In a case like this above how much discretion do you have in filing for a VOP? I mean can you not do it in case of incidental contact like this or is it required? If its required I still think its a crime it took 45 days to do it wherein this guy lost everything. Thats hardly fair.
Silverthorne
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (138051)
Message 138082 (In Reply to Message 137971)
A general reply to all
Posted by fallenone
on Jul 28, 2004 04:58 PM | Also by fallenone
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Ohio,
Country: United States |
I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this regard. I like the idea of no-kid days. Why not? After all, Disney can gave gay days. In regards to the child saved by an SO, I don't know if I would have done the same thing or watched the kid die. Maybe instinct would kick in. Despite the label society gives me I cannot be as cold as I've been accused of being by people here. I guess I'm seen that way because I don't bottle up my true feelings like most people do. It's not politically correct to speak your mind about stuff like what I described. Now about the incident-- believe it or not my response to the nagging mom was to completely ignore her and play the game. At that point saying anything at all to herwould have only made a bigger scene. Besides, I was too engrossed in the game top pay her any heed. After all, if I have an uncontrollable desire for anything it is video games. That's why I haven't been here lately. I just finished Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, the two CastleVania games I was looking for, and the Legend of Zelda. Now until I have more money for more games, I am here again, so enjoy.
F1
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137971)
Message 138089 (In Reply to Message 138069)
Silver
Posted by dp1
on Jul 28, 2004 07:53 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
We are told not to use discetion and to report every known violation. We do have discretion on how detailed the investigation should be and the recommendation.
I think in a situation like saving a child the circumstances as to why the offender was near the child, the relationship and details of the rescue would all be part of the investigation and it would speak for itself if the PO took the time out to investigate.
For example, if the PO found out the the offender left the county without permission, spent the weekend with his girlfriend and kid, drank a 6 pack of beer and smoked a joint, went to the beach, kid almost drowned, offender saved kid, you know. I'd violate him too. Likewise, if the SO was minding his own business fishing in a lake and heard a kid scream and resued him, I'd consider that incidental contact. Big difference in intent. Regardless, all the circumstances would be reported to the Judge before the decision is made to get a warrant and throw him in jail. The Judge doesn't have to sign the warrant even if the PO requests it.
I really wonder how the violation report read and what the actual circumstances were. I suspect the entire picture wasn't presented to the Judge before action was taken. To be a good investigator you have to present all sides and accept the fact that the Judge rules regardless of your personal feelings.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (138069)
Message 138106 (In Reply to Message 137971)
Love turning into going to far
Posted by JakeLF
on Jul 28, 2004 11:48 PM | Also by JakeLF
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Being attracted to children and having a love for them has gotten me in trouble because I have taken that love and molested children from thinking that I could actually love a child and that they will love me back. Sure, I wish I could dislike children and be annoyed by them and can't stand being around them, but for some reason that isn't the way it is. I am not in the same boat as the rest of you and everyone has there own story and the way that we are, thats why we are all human and have our own lives.
For me if I ever was around children and hated them, then my life would really suck and I would probably not be very happy. I just wanna get to the point where I can see a child and not think of them sexually or erotically. I would just like to see a child and say there cute and continue on with my day. Though for me its bad because I will start having different feelings which are very unhealthy for me to have about a small child.
I just want to have this life of being a SO and everything behind me but I keep beating myself up because of who I am and the attraction that I have for children and the children that I have hurt that are now young adults. I just am taking it one day at a time and I hope to get there someday.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137971)
Message 138112 (In Reply to Message 138089)
Posted by orolan
on Jul 29, 2004 12:28 AM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Based on what I know, I agree that this situation may have turned out different in Florida. But here PO's don't have to ask for warrants to lock up a probationer or keep them locked up. The only requirement they have is to bring the probationer before the judge within 45 days. And in this man's case, the PO used all 45 of them.
Incidentally, the probationer was driving home from work and the accident happened 4 cars in front of him. Have you ever had an accident occur right in front of you, across the highway, or right behind you? Come up on one that just happened 3 minutes ago? Happens to me all the time. Nothing sinister, planned or illegal about the probationer's presence nearby. It just "happened".
I suspect the entire picture wasn't presented to the Judge before action was taken.
This comment bothers me. Can you just flat out not believe it is possible for a sex offender to have incidental contact with a child? Must EVERY contact be the result of careful planning and intent on the part of the SO to gain an opportunity to molest somebody? Sure, he could have just moved along and let the child die. After all that's what the rest of the people(the so-called "civilized" people who are all about "protecting the children") were doing. They couldn't stop to save a kid's life, because they might be late for their dinner party. God forbid!
What is it you think is missing from the picture that the PO may have forgotten to investigate or tell the judge about that might have resulted in the SO going to prison instead of being released?
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (138089)
Message 138125 (In Reply to Message 138112)
Orolan
Posted by dp1
on Jul 29, 2004 06:18 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
This comment bothers me. Can you just flat out not believe it is possible for a sex offender to have incidental contact with a child? Must EVERY contact be the result of careful planning and intent on the part of the SO to gain an opportunity to molest somebody? Sure, he could have just moved along and let the child die.
Orolan, what are you rambling about? If the incident was investigated thoroughly before action was taken he probably would have never went to jail thus no violation hearing. That's what I am saying. It doesn't matter what the PO thinks. If the PO reported the facts as they ocurred the Judge would have known the outcome BEFORE anything happened courtwise. And maybe if it was clear in the investigation after the PO submitted the report to the supervisor it may never have left the probation office. If they locked him up on a PC arrest with no warrant and the Judge read an accurate report he would have known it would get dropped anyway and maybe could have ROR'd the guy.
I never said I thought the guy should go to prison. If the incident happened as you stated it, I wouldn't have wasted one second on thinking about doing a violation. I'd just shrug it off as incidental contact and not waste any more brain cells making it into something more than what it was.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (138112)
Message 138198 (In Reply to Message 137971)
Fallen
Posted by KK
on Jul 30, 2004 05:19 AM | Also by KK
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
Amen Brother! I know what you're saying! I have three children. I find I love them unconditionally, even when the screw up their computer! LOL I really enjoy their company. BUT I find other people's children extremely annoying. I go to the local fair every year for lunch and eat with MY children. That's one day for lunch. I fight for my hamburger with all the other state workers!
Since my offense, I really have a different relationship with my children. I do understand that indignation for other people's children. I wish they controlled them!
On a funny note, my kids and I went to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays for Father's Day, and my youngest is such a stinker...I found his inappropriate behavior funny. I watched my daughter, almost 14, goad my former wife...and you know the things they did would have sent me over the edge 10 years ago. I actually was entertained by the interaction. Now if someone else's children acted like that at the restaraunt, I would have reacted internally much different. I know prior to and up to my offending, I enjoyed the company of children...now I enjoy the company of MY children.
Saving the child? In TX my therapist and CCO would have violated me if I saved the child. What are we getting out of our car in the first place for? Use a cell phone and call 9-11. I have mixed feelings on that. I can see both sides. I don't know how I would react. But other people's children are in my way! I avoid children and become quiet when other people's children are around. I am boisterous and energetic...some might say obnoxious, but my colleagues think I am funny! So I am a child magnet under those circumstances. I have made a strong commitment to avoid and be very calm and reserved when children are around. Like Fallen...I watch appearances!
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137971)
Message 138277 (In Reply to Message 138198)
kk
Posted by fallenone
on Jul 31, 2004 06:02 PM | Also by fallenone
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Ohio,
Country: United States |
Good point. perhaps if I had children of my own Iprobably would not treat them like I treat other kids. I however have no desire for kids of my own.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (138198)
Message 138318 (In Reply to Message 138125)
Posted by orolan
on Aug 01, 2004 10:45 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Orolan, what are you rambling about?
Sorry. The way your post came across was that the whole story wasn't given to the judge at the VOP hearing and if it had, the results would have been different.
Since the judge let the man go, you would seem to support the opposite, being revocation.
I see now that your are speaking of the incompetence of the PO in his handling of the matter. Yes, had he taken the whole story to the judge BEFORE arresting the probationer, the arrest would never have happened.
But then the probationer wouldn't have lost his job and everything he owned, and the PO wouldn't have another "notch in his belt".
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (138125)
Thread
137971, fallenone, Jul 26, 2004 06:59 PM [Is there such a thing?]
137977, assumption18, Jul 26, 2004 08:11 PM [I can't say]
137990, dp1, Jul 26, 2004 11:00 PM [You're on A Role]
138005, Silverthorne, Jul 27, 2004 02:00 AM [Assumption]
138001, brennus, Jul 27, 2004 01:24 AM
138003, Silverthorne, Jul 27, 2004 01:56 AM [Agree]
138004, Silverthorne, Jul 27, 2004 01:57 AM [Question for Fallen]
138027, orolan, Jul 27, 2004 04:33 PM [Sort of...]
138044, Silverthorne, Jul 27, 2004 05:53 PM [Are you serious?????]
138051, orolan, Jul 27, 2004 07:22 PM [Silverthorne]
138069, Silverthorne, Jul 28, 2004 03:50 AM [Question for DP1]
138089, dp1, Jul 28, 2004 07:53 PM [Silver]
138112, orolan, Jul 29, 2004 12:28 AM
138125, dp1, Jul 29, 2004 06:18 AM [Orolan]
138318, orolan, Aug 01, 2004 10:45 PM
138082, fallenone, Jul 28, 2004 04:58 PM [A general reply to all]
138106, JakeLF, Jul 28, 2004 11:48 PM [Love turning into going to far]
138198, KK, Jul 30, 2004 05:19 AM [Fallen]
138277, fallenone, Jul 31, 2004 06:02 PM [kk]
Forum Home
| Top of Thread
|
|
|
