|
|
Forum: The Other Side
Thread (Discussion): New Group Therapy - A18
Message 137947
Going to try this out
Posted by JakeLF
on Jul 26, 2004 02:17 AM | Also by JakeLF
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I am going for an interview with a new therapist that has a group exclusively for convicted child molesters, non offending pedophiles and childlovers. I am going to try and check that out and see what I can learn to cope with the feelings that I have towards children. I know that I really have a problem and I know that at times I do feel really really close to re-offending when I see a child that I find attractive.
For example today I was driving down one of the main streets where I live and I saw a group of girls under 10 walking back from the public pool, all clad in swimsuits and I found myself aroused by them in there suits. I knew right then that its a red flag coming up big time. Yes I enjoy being attracted to young girls but I want to find ways to better cope with it so I don't sit in my car and masturbate about them.
I sit back and feel sick to my stomach sometimes to realize that children have this effect on me and I wish and pray sometimes that I wouldn't be like this. Yeah I put myself in a huge danger risk being at that resort with that friend that I went with. It was a big mistake on my part, he knew of my past and still said that it was cool for us to be nude, and being a dweeb I totally listened to him. Now knowing that for a non-pedophile or sex offender that he didn't have to worry about being accused because he doesn't have feelings for children like I do.
Yes my mind the whole time when I was sitting next to the boy on the swimming raft was all sexual thoughts about him, what it would be like to do this or do that or whatever. Then when I was accused by the boy I sat back and thought to myself? did anything happen? did I actually relapse last night and actually molest the boy? My mind began to wander and I actually thought that I did since I was being accused of doing it. Then I started to get rough on myself thinking that I should just go back to prison before anything like this happends ever again to a child. I started to feel like the victim for being accused, but then I realized that I was so dumb for putting myself into that situation where I realized that I set myself up for failure by putting myself in the presence of a 7yo nude boy, a child that I was attracted to in so many ways.
I know that for now that I have to keep myself out of those situations where children are around because one of those times I might actually not be able to hold back and think that the risk is low and whatever and end up actually molesting a young child, which would not be good at all.
I have really been struggling with feelings, fantasies and everything when it comes to children. I honestly feel that there is nothing wrong to think about, but when it comes to actually planning out, grooming a child and committing the crime against a child that it is very wrong.
I used to have the mentality when I was actively molesting children that it was okay, sexual touch is harmless when it comes to being with a child like that. I put myself into thinking that I was a sex teacher and I was helping them discover there bodies with them when in fact i was taking there trust and explouting it and ruining the bond that I had with that child. I also used to have the mentality that being intimate with a child was just like another adult being attracted to another adult female and that the only thing different was the age difference and that was it. The mentality I had as an active child molester was that it was okay and I tried to find reasons and excuses why what I was doing was okay and not wrong. I do not have the same mentality that I had then. I have realized that I have hurt alot of people and took alot of trust that people have had in me with there kids and flushed it down the toilet.
I can't be trusted with children for the number one simple fact that I could end up molesting them. Yes, I still struggle with being attracted to children and having the fantasies and dreams that involve young children. I have become very comfortable with realizing that I am a pedophile and am attracted to children. I am not comfortable with the fact that when I am out in public or in my car and I pass a grade school or park or even see young girls walking along in swimsuits that I can become very aroused by that. I know that is a big red flag and I think by going to this new group it will help me because if I talk about this with other men that are going through the same thing then it will be alot easier to register the advice and help and try to find ways to cope and deal with these thoughts.
As with my niece we have talked off and on without her parents knowing simply because she knows they are very upset with me and that in alot of ways she has forgiven me, but they haven't. I feel like I have a good relationship with her and I am suprised that she will even talk to me or want anything to do with me. I also called my immediate therapist and told him what is going on and the only thing he really told me was to stay inside and do not go anywhere or think about kids. Yeah such great advice. I am going to see when I go for this interview if this other therapist is a little better and see if his advice is more to what I need to hear or do cause my other therapist is a waste of money.
Other than that I just wanted to explain myself and what is going on with my life and the feelings that I am having and all that. I am sorry for venting but I didn't know where else to do it. Also my new friend frank has been outta town for a week or so so far and we cant really talk. He said he went on a buisness trip but I think he went elsewhere. Anyway thanks for listening or reading or whatever.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread
Message 137952 (In Reply to Message 137947)
Im going to go out on a limb
Posted by assumption18
on Jul 26, 2004 11:40 AM | Also by assumption18
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: District of Columbia,
Country: United States |
And say that those who are fixated sexually on children, are the ones who may need help in handling it, and also removing that obsession.
To be able to sit by a child and NOT think sexually is not something that one generally needs therapy for, or are you too DP1 seeing a Therapist?
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137947)
Message 137953 (In Reply to Message 137947)
Jake
Posted by dp1
on Jul 26, 2004 12:00 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Good luck selecting a new group. I hope it works for you. By the way you describe this one it sounds like there's some non-convicted SO's or whatever you want to call them. I wonder if they are volunteers or cases refered over from DCF. I've seen few folks that weren't court ordered but they do seem to be more motivated then the ones on probation. I hope this is the case with your group.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137947)
Message 137962 (In Reply to Message 137953)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jul 26, 2004 03:58 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
They could be people like me DP1. Recall at the UofM program there were 12 of us and four were there voluntarily. (Also that the other three eventually did act out - bad treatment). Of those four there was myself (volunteer), "Ted" (volunteer but had been arrested for exposing and was trying to downplay it), "Singh" (volunteer from India who eventually admitted giving his 7 year old nephew a bath and being "touchy") and one other guy (volunteer who eventually broke into a house and was arrested sniffing girls underwear or something along those lines).
So there are "volunteers" the problem is there is nothing to really encourage people to get help. I mean look at the problems with saying "I am attracted to kids".
1) Everyone ostracizes you. Your a molester by default.
2) You can't exactly file a health insurance claim for counseling because those records are hardly private and who wants that on thier record.
3) Treatment is so hard to find. So few qualified therapists.
4) No protection against discrimination. Unlike other mental illnesses pedophilia is NOT covered by the ADA. Imagine your landlord going into your apartment, finding some treatment stuff on the table and evicting you, you can't claim your being discriminated against for a mental illness.
5) The cost is outrageous for therapy.
6) Its not advertised. How do you find it? Its tough. When I moved to Phoenix (knowing how to find it) it was still alot of work.
7) Your treated like a criminal in therapy. Polygraphs and such. Your presumed guilty like some out of control sex-fiend.
There are alot of problems with volunteering for therapy. These are the "minor" ones.
Silverthorne
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137953)
Message 137967 (In Reply to Message 137952)
A18
Posted by dp1
on Jul 26, 2004 05:41 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Quite honestly I have no clue what your post is refering to. Considering this thread is in regards to Jake's efforts in searching for better therapy, I find it extremely odd this is the best you can do to offer support and or advice. I hope this isn't an attempt to minimize how important this is to Jake. Did you forget we are dealing with a parolee who was released from prison due to molesting a child and as evidenced by his own admission just recently relapsed? It seems like more important issues should be brought out on the table at this time till this crises calms down. We don't know if Jake's in hot water or not. Do we know if he's even allowed to have contact with children? He is on supervised parole. Surely his parole officer won't be too happy about him being alone with a child. What about his therapist. Some therapy programs have rules also regarding contact with children regardless of the rules of probation.
It appears to be an inapprpriate topic as far as Jake being alone with a child and not thinking sexual thoughts unless you know for a fact he would not be in violation some how. Even if you thought that would be the right thing to do it would only encourage him to break the rules unless you knew otherwise. Mighty presumptuous to even bring this subject up before the facts are known.
I don't know why you asked or what it has to do with Jake's crises, but if you must know, I am not in therapy.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137952)
Thread
137947, JakeLF, Jul 26, 2004 02:17 AM [Going to try this out]
137952, assumption18, Jul 26, 2004 11:40 AM [Im going to go out on a limb]
137967, dp1, Jul 26, 2004 05:41 PM [A18]
137953, dp1, Jul 26, 2004 12:00 PM [Jake]
137962, Silverthorne, Jul 26, 2004 03:58 PM
Forum Home
| Top of Thread
|
|
|
