|
|
Forum: The Other Side
Thread (Discussion): Niece Update - Jake
Message 137054
We talked a little bit
Posted by JakeLF
on Jul 07, 2004 09:57 PM | Also by JakeLF
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I met with my niece yesterday at the mall, just the two of us and we ate lunch together. She basically talked to me about how she has forgiven me and that I should not take it the wrong way, but that I was a sick man back then for exploiting young girls and boys to sex. I pretty much agreed with her and told her that I was and am very sorry for what I did to her. She then started to tell me that I did not ruin her from getting pregnant and that it was her parents that made it up so I would feel even more guilty about what I did. I told her that I understood and really was not angry becuase they lied because I caused them more pain than anything. She then started telling me how she has felt like really hurting me for what I did to her and that she was so innocent of sex. She then told me that the family really doesn't understand why I am still a pedophile after being in prison and getting therapy. I told her that its just the way that I am, I also told her that I have tried having relationships but nothing. She then asked me since I am a pedophile its most likely I will continue molesting children. I told her that I am a pedophile but I do not act on my desires as I did before, I keep them inside and I also talk to my therapist about it so it prevents me from going back into that cycle again.
I honestly told her that I feel that fantasies are perfectly harmless just as long as you do not act on them, she seemed to understand but still didnt understand why it had to be children. I have realized that alot of people do not understand pedophiles and it was no use trying to explain it to a victim of mine. I did feel that we learned alot about each other and thought it was alot healthier than our last visit. Anyways just wanted to update everyone. Also I have something else that happend today which is quite odd also esp for me. I will put that in another post.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread
Message 137064 (In Reply to Message 137054)
Posted by dp1
on Jul 08, 2004 02:04 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I bet you are so relieved at this point. It sounds like you are handling this extremely well. Closure for both of you seems more like a reality now, eh?
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137054)
Message 137090 (In Reply to Message 137054)
Posted by fallenone
on Jul 08, 2004 07:03 PM | Also by fallenone
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Ohio,
Country: United States |
I am glad things seem to be slowly but surely moving up for you. In general it is difficult to make anyone who doesn't share your burden to fully understand the struggles you face but it is not necessary that they do so long as you both can accept what happened, make amends, and move on. And to me it appears you are moving in the right direction. So keep up what your doing because obviously you are doing something right.
One more thing just in case this applies to you-- don't get too hung up on one person. See if you can make regular friends apart from a sexual relationship, because it would help. Not to say don't have the latter just have the formaer as well.
The Fallen One
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137054)
Message 137096 (In Reply to Message 137064)
Seems Positive
Posted by JakeLF
on Jul 08, 2004 09:41 PM | Also by JakeLF
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Yes it seems like there is gradually getting closeure on both our sides. Its just nice to sit down and talk to her about what is going on in our heads and to have her fully understand that it wasn't her fault at all. I feel like we are making baby steps, slowly but its happening.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137064)
Message 137109 (In Reply to Message 137096)
Jake
Posted by dp1
on Jul 09, 2004 03:34 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I'm really happy for you. Not all perps and victims get a chance to talk afterwards. Have you thought about the possibility of restitution? I'm not necessarily talking about money, maybe there's something you can do for her or give her that would mean a lot to both of you? Something to show her you really do care and are sorry? Just a thought.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137096)
Thread
137054, JakeLF, Jul 07, 2004 09:57 PM [We talked a little bit]
137064, dp1, Jul 08, 2004 02:04 AM
137096, JakeLF, Jul 08, 2004 09:41 PM [Seems Positive]
137109, dp1, Jul 09, 2004 03:34 AM [Jake]
137090, fallenone, Jul 08, 2004 07:03 PM
Forum Home
| Top of Thread
|
|
|
