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Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): My Niece

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Message 136936 (In Reply to Message 136798)

Posted by deadmomwalking on Jul 05, 2004 09:18 AM | Also by deadmomwalking

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: N/A, Country: Canada

Well, that is done anyway. I know it was a painful meeting but it was a very productive one - for both you and your niece. You had the opportunity to apologize but also to hear what the effect of your actions was on your niece. I remember that prior to the meeting you seemed to be expressing the hope that you niece might still remember you fondly, that perhaps you hadn't done any real lasting harm. Now you know this is not the case. It almost never is in cases of child abuse and that knowledge should help to keep you from reoffending.

Victims usually say the two questions they want answered are "Why" and Why me?"
Sometimes, as in my daughter's case, they think there is something supernaturally bad about them, that they have somehow brought these horrible things upon themselves, even though they don't know why. What your niece now, hopefully, understands it that she had nothing to do with it, that she is no more responsible for her abuse than she would be for being struck by lightning.

From the victim of a mother I want to thank you heartily for posting your experiences. Your honesty and soul-searching has lifted a burden of sorts for me. It is what I wished that my daughter's abuser could find the courage and moral rectitude to do.

I had a talk with the minister of the church I have been attending and she said an interesting thing. She said that we all "sin" and commit evil acts at times; that this is human. We start losing our humanity when we begin rationalizing and making excuses for our sins, rather than admitting and atoning for them and that we cross over into evil when we can no longer see that what we are doing is wrong.

I am glad you are crossing back.

See an abbreviation or acronym, but don't know what it stands for? Consult the Glossary.

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Message 136798
Meeting with her for the first time....

Posted by JakeLF on Jul 01, 2004 11:28 PM | Also by JakeLF

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

Earlier this afternoon I met with my niece and my sister and her husband. I basically sat down with them and told them that I was very sorry for what I did to her and that I know that it has effected them forever and that there will never be trust between all of us again because of that and that I was sorry. I ended up telling them that I am a pedophile and that I am attracted to children but I am doing everything in my power to stop me from acting on my urges ever again. My niece told me that she has always been angry with me ever since and that I ruined her chances of ever being a mom because I ruined something inside of her.

I felt so low and like trash again when I heard that and that impacted me big time, I started to cry and I told her that I was very sorry and that I knew that no matter what I could say to her that sorry was not going to be enough. She was never going to bare children because of me and what I did to her. She told me that she trusted me and now couldn't understand what would make an adult man like myself to think that a 7yo child would enjoy intercourse. I told her that I wasn't thinking when I molested her and that I was thinking about myself only and that I never put her feelings into play. It was such an intense meeting with her. Her therapist was there and so was mine. My therapist started talking about what I have been doing in therapy and her therapist started talking about her and what they were talking about.

My niece ended up telling me that she was glad that I came and appologized to her but that it wasn't enough and that she did get closeure but seeing me and realizing that I was a sick person and still am since I still have feelings for children on a sexual level. I told her that I wish I wasn't this way but that I am and there is no on and off button to make me being a pedophile go away. Though I did tell her that there is no way that I will ever be in the situation where I can be alone with a child again, with the law preventing that and also by me doing the same.

She then asked if I had more victims and I told her that I did but that she was the only one that was a relative and she started to cry and ask why it had to be her. I didn't have a response to that and I just sat there silent and felt so bad again. I do not know if the meeting caused any good or made it worse. Her dad told me that he has no understanding what draws me to children and why I molested children but told me that I should find god before its too late. He had a eye of hatred towards me and when I walked towards my sister she told me to get the hell out of her house.

My sister had a 4yo daughter there and I felt so bad for what I did and by them having another daughter there having another chance to have grandchildren and thank god I will have nothing to do with there family so that will avoid my evilness from expoliting her. I hate my life and I hate what I did to her and it has effected me big time now.

Thread

136798, JakeLF, Jul 01, 2004 11:28 PM [Meeting with her for the first time....]
      136827, Silverthorne, Jul 02, 2004 06:00 AM [Sad]
            136842, JakeLF, Jul 03, 2004 12:43 AM [The Day After]
                  136844, dp1, Jul 03, 2004 03:58 AM [Jake]
      136830, dp1, Jul 02, 2004 01:47 PM [Jake]
      136835, fallenone, Jul 02, 2004 05:00 PM
      136936, deadmomwalking, Jul 05, 2004 09:18 AM
            136950, deadmomwalking, Jul 05, 2004 07:19 PM [oops, freudian slip]
            136956, dp1, Jul 05, 2004 09:34 PM [DMW]
      137039, dp1, Jul 07, 2004 02:56 PM [Jake]

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Forum: The Other SideThread (Discussion): My Niece

Message 136936 (In Reply to Message 136798)

Message 136798Meeting with her for the first time....

Thread

Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): My Niece

Message 136798
Meeting with her for the first time....