Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): therapy alone?

Some adults have always loved boys

Boylove is a natural human social phenomenon. It has existed through all human history, and is dramatically more common than most people realise. Even today, while some western societies misunderstand and condemn men and women who love boys, there are many societies, cultures, and nations where such feelings are understood, accepted, and even actively promoted for the social benefits they can engender.

Boylove is not child abuse

The vast majority of humans -- both heterosexuals and homosexuals -- are not abusers of others. Nor are those who love boys. The sad statistical reality in most western societies is that the most prevalent child sexual abuse is the abuse of young girls by heterosexual male adults. The sexual abuse and exploitation of young boys, though it makes the news headlines, is significantly low by comparison.

Boylove is not necessarily sexual

Throughout history, and throughout the world today, adults who love boys have found expression for their feelings by acting as mentors and role models for young males. Though they often cannot openly express the depth of their feelings, many boylovers work in roles focused on helping the young, such as teaching, youth leadership, counselling, and so forth. Doing so does not mean they are looking for special friendships . . . it is simply their natural inclination to work with youngsters. In fact many societies recognise and accept the value of using adults with this focus in those critical development roles.

They make great mentors. They truly love their charges, and their work. The youngsters feel and know this too, and as often as not the boylover in such a role will play an important part in helping the younger person to grow and develop towards healthy and informed maturity.

Boylovers and loved boys
are not necessarily homosexual

There is a good deal of confusion over the question of sexuality. A simplistic view of human sexuality divides all humans into either heterosexual or homosexual categories. There may be many more. There are certainly strong indications in research that adults who love boys are often neither especially homosexual nor heterosexual, and thus belong to a sexuality category of their own. Equally, research shows that boys who are in relationships with such adults are also not especially homosexual -- in fact statistically the majority are boys who later embrace fully heterosexual lives.

Many psychologists suggest that it is a natural part of a boy's development before and during puberty to seek an adult male role model who is not a member of their family . . . an outside 'hero' figure . . . and that this can include experiment and experience of affectionate and loving feelings in a trusted a safe relationship. It's long been commonly accepted by psychologists and other developmental professionals that a child's instinctive sexual interests go through various stages . . . first an interest in their own body and its developing functionality, next in the bodies and sexual functions of others of the same gender, and finally in the sexual potential of the other gender. That appears to be a natural progression. So too, as any adult will remember, is a youngster's growing desire to experiment and experience.

As for the men in every human society who are instinctively attracted to fulfill those searching developmental needs for boys (whether as mentors or loved persons) there is much evidence to suggest that their feelings are exclusive of any other sexual orientation. Most who identify as boylovers concede they have no other sexual attractions, neither to adult males nor females. Thus the majority are exclusively attracted to younger males. For all practical purposes it works to regard pedosexuality (boylove) as a distinct orientation in itself, and not as a subset of homosexuality.

What boylovers feel

Most people who call themselves boylovers identify as such because a powerful love for boys is overwhelmingly the focus of their emotions and affections, which may also include a component of physical attraction, whether or not they allow themselves to act on that.

Above all, boylovers feel a strong innate admiration and fascination for boys, and an irresistible desire to protect and nurture them. These feelings predominate in their lives to the exclusion of other attractions, just as similar feelings for women or men are undeniably felt by male heterosexuals and homosexuals respectively.

Where there is a sexual component to boylovers' feelings (and that is not always the case), it remains true that, just as with heterosexuals and homosexuals, this added potential is not felt for every boy they meet -- no human is sexually attracted to every person of their preferred type.

For the most part, therefore, boylovers, like all humans, have a particular focus type for their emotional or physical feelings, and find ways to express those feelings within their own social context, and deal with them appropriately when they include sexual attraction.

Ages of boys that attract boylovers

Research with adults who love boys indicates a wide range of ages that different boylovers find attractive.

There are two key research points, however.

One is that very few who identify as boylovers are strongly attracted to boys under the age of seven or over the age of 16. The other is that boylovers who do also feel a clear sexual attraction for boys tend to be attracted sexually to boys in the older range (11 to 16) rather than the younger range (7 to 10). Otherwise, the feelings of attraction these adults have for boys, whatever age appeals individually, are primarily emotional and affectionate feelings . . . the strong desire to nurture, teach, and protect.

This demographic is vastly different with those (mostly men) who have criminally abused boys sexually. Far from being driven by a loving desire to protect, such men exhibit all the characteristic behaviors of socially maladjusted people who use sex as a power tool. These people tend to have no love for their victims, no empathy or identification with them, and little or no remorse for their behavior, but seek morbid satisfaction in the violent domination of a defenceless person.

Terminology

The English language term 'boylove' was coined in the last few decades, because in some western societies the technical terminology for this form of orientation or attraction has become vilified in the public mind.

The original technical words are Greek -- 'pedofilia' (paedophilia) refers to the emotional and affectionate love of youngsters, while 'pederasty' refers to the physical love. In certain societies these words have become so negative in their emotive connotations that true pedofiles and pederasts have preferred to call themselves boylovers as a way of distinguishing their orientation from those who abuse children.

The mixed Greek-Latin term 'pedosexual' is more clinical, does not carry so much emotive baggage, and clearly indicates a sexual orientation in the same way that the words 'heterosexual' and 'homosexual' do. Some boylovers use this term to describe themselves. It pays to bear in mind that these words are names for a sexual orientation, and not descriptions of a person's active life -- someone may be heterosexual but celibate. For obvious reasons, in societies where they are misunderstood, that is often the case with pedosexual people.

Message 136993
"Love" and boylovers

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