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Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Struggling Part 2

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Message 136782 (In Reply to Message 136765)

Posted by fallenone on Jul 01, 2004 03:34 PM | Also by fallenone

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Ohio, Country: United States

I know stepping out on faith is not easy but trust me on this. When I left prison I was in a christian group home living a quasi-monastic life. Did I agree with all the rules? No. But I found more acceptance, trust, and people of honor there. I found hypocrites too but don't focus on them like most people. I have recently reunited with a couple who have known me for 10 years. They still accept me even know I've done such a bad thing through the eyes of society. The Bible does teach we are responsible for our own actions but it also teaches God has mercy on us. If we were hopeless then all these laws and orders would be for naught. It is unfair we struggle through personal crises and addictions but the best we can do is overcome these shortcomings though all the resources available to us. If one doesn't accept you then let that person be. God will provide you with people who will support you if you turn to them. This will take trust/ faith. I once worshipped Satan so believe me there are stronger powers in this world beyond our own. I've made a complete turnaround but this strength was not all mine. But my faith was the source of everything I've said to you personally. If you doubt God can care about you because you are so "evil" in your eyes read about Kind David. He got someone else's wife pregnant, then had her husband killed and married the girl to hide his adultery. Was he punished? Yes, but after that ordeal David still was one of the greatest men who ever lived. I hope this helps some.

The Fallen One

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Message 136765
Seeking Help...

Posted by JakeLF on Jul 01, 2004 12:42 AM | Also by JakeLF

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

As I said in my prior struggling post I have been struggling with my desires and feelings towards children. I am not like most SO where I don't have an attraction to women or even men, my whole life I have always been drawn to children. I am a pedophile 100%, no ifs or ands about it. In the past I made the fact that I was a pedophile a green light for me to molest children. I don't want that to be the green light anymore and it hasn't been for some time. Even though I am attracted to children I have kept my feelings for children at bay and in fantasies and not reality.

I have met with my therapist almost daily and have told him there are times where I come close but do not do it because I know how it would hurt a child and it would hurt me by relapsing into my old pattern of abuse and I do not want to go there. Yes its extremely hard to go places where children are but I cope and overcome by trying to think of something else or leave when I start thinking about children.

I don't have any violent thoughts about children, I have more violent thoughts about what I would do to myself if I ever acted out sexual with a child again. I want to prevent that and by coming here and getting support and people accepting me even though what I did to my niece is great, its great to have people that can steer me clear from relapsing into the behavior I was once involved in.

I appreciate the few people that said that I should go to a religious place and find sanction there, I really don't see that happening anytime soon. God must think people like me are disgusting and trash. I have violated children's trust and violated them sexually, I don't think god has any room for a sinner like me. Also its nice going to a therapist to discuss my problems, but he says that I am not an exclusive pedophile which I really don't agree with. I think that you can be a pedophile and never act out your desires, am I wrong in this thinking?

Thread

136765, JakeLF, Jul 01, 2004 12:42 AM [Seeking Help...]
      136768, dp1, Jul 01, 2004 04:00 AM [Jake]
            136828, Silverthorne, Jul 02, 2004 06:08 AM [Thanks DP1- Jake]
            137236, WalkingTheLine, Jul 10, 2004 11:19 PM
                  137264, dp1, Jul 11, 2004 04:03 AM [WTL]
                        137288, WalkingTheLine, Jul 11, 2004 11:45 PM
      136776, myoung, Jul 01, 2004 01:06 PM [Jake jake jake]
      136782, fallenone, Jul 01, 2004 03:34 PM
      137237, WalkingTheLine, Jul 10, 2004 11:37 PM

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: The Other SideThread (Discussion): Struggling Part 2

Message 136782 (In Reply to Message 136765)

Message 136765Seeking Help...

Thread

Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Struggling Part 2

Message 136765
Seeking Help...