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Forum: The Other Side
Thread (Discussion): Struggling Part 2
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Message 136765
Seeking Help...
Posted by JakeLF
on Jul 01, 2004 12:42 AM | Also by JakeLF
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
As I said in my prior struggling post I have been struggling with my desires and feelings towards children. I am not like most SO where I don't have an attraction to women or even men, my whole life I have always been drawn to children. I am a pedophile 100%, no ifs or ands about it. In the past I made the fact that I was a pedophile a green light for me to molest children. I don't want that to be the green light anymore and it hasn't been for some time. Even though I am attracted to children I have kept my feelings for children at bay and in fantasies and not reality.
I have met with my therapist almost daily and have told him there are times where I come close but do not do it because I know how it would hurt a child and it would hurt me by relapsing into my old pattern of abuse and I do not want to go there. Yes its extremely hard to go places where children are but I cope and overcome by trying to think of something else or leave when I start thinking about children.
I don't have any violent thoughts about children, I have more violent thoughts about what I would do to myself if I ever acted out sexual with a child again. I want to prevent that and by coming here and getting support and people accepting me even though what I did to my niece is great, its great to have people that can steer me clear from relapsing into the behavior I was once involved in.
I appreciate the few people that said that I should go to a religious place and find sanction there, I really don't see that happening anytime soon. God must think people like me are disgusting and trash. I have violated children's trust and violated them sexually, I don't think god has any room for a sinner like me. Also its nice going to a therapist to discuss my problems, but he says that I am not an exclusive pedophile which I really don't agree with. I think that you can be a pedophile and never act out your desires, am I wrong in this thinking?
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Thread
136765, JakeLF, Jul 01, 2004 12:42 AM [Seeking Help...]
136768, dp1, Jul 01, 2004 04:00 AM [Jake]
136828, Silverthorne, Jul 02, 2004 06:08 AM [Thanks DP1- Jake]
137236, WalkingTheLine, Jul 10, 2004 11:19 PM
137264, dp1, Jul 11, 2004 04:03 AM [WTL]
137288, WalkingTheLine, Jul 11, 2004 11:45 PM
136776, myoung, Jul 01, 2004 01:06 PM [Jake jake jake]
136782, fallenone, Jul 01, 2004 03:34 PM
137237, WalkingTheLine, Jul 10, 2004 11:37 PM
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