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Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Struggling

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Message 136783 (In Reply to Message 136739)
Et tu, brute?

Posted by fallenone on Jul 01, 2004 03:54 PM | Also by fallenone

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Ohio, Country: United States

You just don't get it either. I have gone through years of therapy. Is it an exact science? Not by any stretch of the imagination. Like our religions psychology has it's demoninations. Some use Gestalt, others follow classic psychoanalysis, some use RET, etc. We have no silver bullet there. And sadly enough, precious little has been devoted to understanding and treating sexual addiction. The "experts" have little understanding of it compared to other problems. Then there are those who don't even believe in mental illness except schizophrenia. The point is even at its best therapy can only offer certain things but not others. I've come from counseling feeling good only for it to dissipate as soon as I returned to my empty room. My reason for my first post regarding this was because Jake stated that he feels just that-- good when at therapy, but miserable returning to an empty house. He is afraid to meet new people. Hell I was afraid at first but I was kinda forced into it by my circumstances. Therapy still cannot replace other needed things no more than crack cocaine can replace the nutrition of real food. therapy is only a part, not the entirety of, the solution. Your side fools yourself into these cliche solutions rather than the hard facts.

Believe me, if I was the one to take the easy way out I wouldn't bother coming here trying to open the eyes of the blind. I face no condemnation anywhere except here. You are like DP too quick to brush off someone who speaks out against your views as just some clown who needs therapy but be isolated from everyone else. Again you are wrong. If I was alcoholic I'd listen to someone who overcame the addiction and survived than anyone else. You still speak from victim stance. You cannot fully understand what it's like to be SO so while you have limited knowledge you have nowhere near the level of understanding as I or any other SO who's been there done that. You take an either-or mentality. I take a "both-and" mentality. It takes counseling AND support AND activity, while you go by counseling alone. That's all Jake has now but with friends and activities beyond go home and sit in a self imposed cell, you'll see a productive and happier Jake.

The Fallen One

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Message 136739
F1

Posted by myoung on Jun 29, 2004 08:41 PM | Also by myoung

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Pennsylvania, Country: United States

I don't think steve has the type of career that brings him face to face with people who are SO's or RSO's.  but, kp1 does and has more first hand knowledge about these things.  Reading and understanding what is going on around you is very different than living it and dealing with it on a daily basis.  It's the difference between a theoretical chemist and one who actually works in the lab.  Theoretical chemists read books and calculate the outcomes of experiments on paper based on the thermodynamics they have learned in theory.  Information always works on paper but now try to have it work in the real world like the lab.  Everything sounds nice, in theory.  I'm sure it gets a little sickening after a while when you see the same types of crimes and the same people committing them day after day.  Especially when, on paper, statistics show that this shouldn't be or whatever....DP1 has every right to feel that you are in the wrong here and I find it interesting that she upsets you so.  You don't have a very positive outlook about professional help and it gives the general impression that you have that defeatist, negative, anitestablishment/antiauthority type attitude.  That is nothing but trouble waiting to happen.  It is much easier to talk to another SO and make yourselves feel better by justifying and empathizing with each other.  That is all very comforting I'm sure and always much nicer to hear the things you want to hear vs. what a therapist may need to tell you.  But remember, your mind is your own.  You are in control of it.  You have the ability to get out there and make an effort not to feel isolated.  you have the power not to give up.  Therapy gives you the tools to learn how to not give up and to find methods that work.  The way you are talking is indicative of someone who feels the path of least resistance will get you out of it.  You can't just go to your therapist and vent at each session (that isn't therapy).  You have to learn and work and apply what they teach while you are in their office as well as when you leave.  You are sadly misguided in your understanding of therapy.  There is a cost to everything good that comes.  You put the energy in you will get good product out.  Entropy vs. Enthalpy.  It rules the universe and everything in it.  Simple laws of thermodynamics.  They apply to everything.  If you owned a house do you think you could live in it for your whole life without maintenancing it??  NO.  Do you think you can live in your body without maintenancing it??  Absolutely no.  Without expending some energy (making an effort) things breakdown.  Conceptually it can be applied to anything and everything.  (anyone who has bad judgement, etc).  If you put the energy in (make the effort) to use restraint, derail poor thinking etc. you will get good results instead of a breakdown in your world.  Right now you sound like a justifier, an excuser, a sympathizer.  Comforting and being comforted by other SO's isn't the answer

Thread

136445, JakeLF, Jun 23, 2004 06:40 AM [Its really hard]
      136466, deadmomwalking, Jun 23, 2004 07:29 PM
            136477, myoung, Jun 24, 2004 01:36 AM [it saddens me]
            136528, JakeLF, Jun 25, 2004 04:29 AM [Thanks for the response]
                  136551, myoung, Jun 25, 2004 04:10 PM [Jake]
                  136558, dp1, Jun 25, 2004 11:22 PM [Jake]
      136508, dp1, Jun 24, 2004 01:31 PM
            136688, fallenone, Jun 28, 2004 07:34 PM [Therapy doesn't cut it.]
                  136701, dp1, Jun 29, 2004 02:52 AM [Listen to What you're Saying]
                        136703, steve, Jun 29, 2004 03:17 AM
                              136722, fallenone, Jun 29, 2004 05:10 PM [An unDePendable assessment]
                                    136725, dp1, Jun 29, 2004 06:29 PM [Beautiful]
                                          136728, dp1, Jun 29, 2004 06:49 PM [Friendly Suggestion]
                                                136781, fallenone, Jul 01, 2004 03:21 PM [Get over yourself]
                                          136792, fallenone, Jul 01, 2004 06:27 PM
                                                136854, dp1, Jul 03, 2004 11:17 AM [F1]
                                                      136873, fallenone, Jul 03, 2004 07:45 PM [You're trying too hard]
                                                            136887, dp1, Jul 04, 2004 04:31 AM [F1]
                                                                  137004, fallenone, Jul 06, 2004 11:42 PM [reforming the...]
                                    136739, myoung, Jun 29, 2004 08:41 PM [F1]
                                          136740, steve, Jun 29, 2004 09:16 PM
                                          136742, dp1, Jun 29, 2004 11:49 PM [MYoung]
                                                136747, myoung, Jun 30, 2004 03:53 AM [absolutely dp1]
                                                      136751, dp1, Jun 30, 2004 04:57 AM [MYoung]
                                                            136775, myoung, Jul 01, 2004 12:53 PM [uh huh]
                                          136783, fallenone, Jul 01, 2004 03:54 PM [Et tu, brute?]
      136576, tryingtosurvive, Jun 26, 2004 01:25 PM [Cheer up Mate]
            136581, deadmomwalking, Jun 26, 2004 05:28 PM [JAKE]
                  136620, tryingtosurvive, Jun 27, 2004 01:10 PM [Amen to DMW with some reservations.]
                        136634, dp1, Jun 27, 2004 09:36 PM [TTS]
      136817, nolongerhomocidal, Jul 02, 2004 04:04 AM [what about just talking to your PO]
            136831, dp1, Jul 02, 2004 02:00 PM [NLH]

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: The Other SideThread (Discussion): Struggling

Message 136783 (In Reply to Message 136739)Et tu, brute?

Message 136739F1

Thread

Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Struggling

Message 136783 (In Reply to Message 136739)
Et tu, brute?

Message 136739
F1