|
|
Forum: The Other Side
Thread (Discussion): Dealing with Pedophilia - Well put
Message 135981
Posted by JakeLF
on Jun 13, 2004 07:37 PM | Also by JakeLF
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I have been struggling with pedophilia for many years, I am not attracted to adults at all, exclussively towards young children. About 10 years ago I was caught having sex with my niece and was charged for sexually molesting a minor. I did 5 years for that. At the time I knew that I was doing it just to make myself feel good and really didn't think about her feelings.
We sometimes talk and she tells me that she doesn't hate me or anything like that but my family and friends do not want anything to do with me because I am a sex offender and also a pedophile. I no longer go home for visits because they don't trust me around children. I don't even trust myself around children sometimes, I am so drawn to them that I try and avoid children at all costs. I can relate to other adults just fine, but find that I am not aroused by adults.
Children just have a power over me that is just there. Anyways I am sorry for wasting everyones time in reading this.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread
Message 136002 (In Reply to Message 135981)
Jake
Posted by dp1
on Jun 14, 2004 01:46 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Why did you say that you are sorry for wasting everyone's time in reading this?
I don't think talking about pedophilia is a waste of time. Can you share with us a little more? What do you do to control your urges? Have you been to therapy? Can you offer any good advice for others that may have the same problem?
Oops, How rude of me. Welcome to this forum. Thanks for posting.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (135981)
Message 136062 (In Reply to Message 135981)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jun 15, 2004 07:28 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Hello Jake welcome to the forum. Don't feel alone or your a waste of time. Your welcome here to talk, vent, complain, praise, whatever you want (just so its not mean - lol).
You can click the name of a person replying (the red name) to read thier profile. You'll see in mine I also suffer from pedophilia although I've never acted out. I share some of your feelings regarding staying away from kids.
What else is going on in your life? Do you have a job, any friends, do they know about your offense? Are you on probation or in therapy?
Please post again.
Silverthorne
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (135981)
Message 136091 (In Reply to Message 136062)
Posted by fallenone
on Jun 15, 2004 09:02 PM | Also by fallenone
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Ohio,
Country: United States |
I extend my welcome as well. I hope you will share more insights and your opinions as well. Perhaps you may even offer some suggestions regarding the various aspects of your staus as a RSO and how to help people in your situation.
The Fallen One
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (136062)
Message 136386 (In Reply to Message 136002)
Coping with Pedophilia
Posted by JakeLF
on Jun 22, 2004 03:17 AM | Also by JakeLF
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
It is really hard for me to try and control my sexual urges towards children since they are a pretty much 24/7 feeling that really never goes away. I cope by seeing a therapist and talking about my desires and feelings towards children. I recently came out to my therapist and told him that I have an exclusive attraction towards children and that I have no feelings for adults at all sexually. He has told me that we will work on that but I honestly feel that its really not going away.
I don't look at children as sexual objects as I did years ago when I was molesting children. Molesting my niece and being caught with her was the first time being caught, not the first time being with a child. I yearn to have a closeness with children, mostly on a relationship basis more than anything else, though it would be extremely hard to hold back the sexual feelings I have for children.
As with not going out and molesting again I look at that I am most likely being watched more than I was before. I was around a friend that has given me a 2nd chance and her 3yo daughter was running around nude after getting away from my friends lover, I was in a state of shock because I found myself being aroused by this 3yo girl. I basically got up and told my friend that I had to leave because feelings were overcoming me, she respected that and so I left.
My self control is alot better than in the past where I would find anyway possible to molest that child. For most people in society they would probably think that I should never have been released since I still have feelings for children. People really don't realize that as a pedophile its not something that goes away, they don't try and deal with child molesters in prison, they just lock you up and thats it.. I am trying to deal with it as much as I can with my therapist but that is a slow process.
Its hard for me to offer any advice when I am still struggling with my attraction towards children.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (136002)
Message 136666 (In Reply to Message 136386)
Jake
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jun 28, 2004 06:22 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Jake,
I can relate to being a pedophile and having strict attractions to minors (boys in my case). While I've had some gay encounters with adults they aren't at all what I "want" or desire.
I've had years of the therapy your going to enter ( although as a volunteer patient as Ive never acted out ). It can be intensive but I believe it helps.
As a "fixated pedophile" they really focus on the triggers. They know your not going to change so they need to set you up to not fall into the "trap" of a trigger. Since your always going to be attracted to kids they need to equip you with the tools to protect yourself from the temptations.
How far along in therapy are you? I've done some things for myself just to lesson the problems with accidental encounters. Like you said its a 24/7 problem.
1) I throw out the ads in the Sunday paper. The pictures of kids were always tempting.
2) I've mapped the schools in my area and make a point of NOT driving by them. I try to avoid driving at all during the 3-4pm hours when kids are walking home from school.
3) I've quit coaching any sports or visiting friends who have kids.
4) I've used Ammonia capsules for over two years now (aversion MAC work) and have had success with them. It's one of those things that you have to WANT to work for it to be effective.
Those are just a couple quick things to protect myself. While I dont have the strong urges I once had its still with me. Ideally you'll get to the point I'm at where you see an attractive kid, say to yourself "he/she's cute" and move on. The thought of the kid won't linger in your mind.
Silverthorne
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (136386)
Message 137199 (In Reply to Message 135981)
from a SO's Ex
Posted by FrustratedMi
on Jul 10, 2004 08:04 AM | Also by FrustratedMi
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Michigan,
Country: United States |
I have done alot of research on this - and why Men like you are attracted to children and not Women within your age group.
You have been somehow - Taught/shown/had Exhibitionisim - showing to you - as a child growing up - that you have No Worth - unless - you are being sexually dominated - by a parent - relative - or family friend - this is a learned behaviour that is so barbaric - and so heinous - but to you -it was normal - because this is what you were brought up to know/feel and do - and it is sick and unworthy and deemed un-natural.
Children are not Sexual Beings - yes they have sex organs - but they are far from Sexual - and your attractions to them -are of Power and release of your own frustrations of not being able to be with society of a Adult male.
You can NOT take a Child as a Sexual Being - they have nothing to offer you - but organs - and you destroy every part of their being and soul - as a human - when you take advantage of them.
YOU SERIOUSLY NEED HELP
Do NOT take another Childs Spirit and destroy their Lives - for your own Confusion - For your Own Satisfaction - of feeling - Domineering - or being in control - a Child is being destroyed for the rest of their life - because of your deep seeded - sickness - that for you is only a moment of relief - and a conquest for more...like a vampire. One taste of blood....
Dont continue to hurt Innocent lives - Do NOT - I pleed to you - as a Mother - as a Humanitarian - Do NOT use OR View Children as a Sexual Being - they are not.
They are your Road Kill - just as if you were to drive your car down a road - and hit an innocent animal on purpose - they have no justice - they just die - after you meet them.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (135981)
Message 137242 (In Reply to Message 137199)
Posted by WalkingTheLine
on Jul 11, 2004 12:36 AM | Also by WalkingTheLine
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I have done alot of research on this - and why Men like you are attracted to children and not Women within your age group.
Okay, I realize that you've had some hard experiences in your past, so I'm going to try to be as gentle as possible in addressing some of what you've said. I hope you don't take what I say as offensive to you, because it's not meant to be at all.
That said:
You have been somehow - Taught/shown/had Exhibitionisim - showing to you - as a child growing up - that you have No Worth [etc.]
I have? I'd have to say that's a fairly false assessment of my history. I had a loving, affectionate mother, and a father that was somewhat inefficient at expressing love, but I never doubted that he loved me, in his own way. Neither instilled a lack of worth in me - quite the contrary, they constantly praised my achievements and told me I could do anything. They had me sent to a college for gifted kids because I exhibited brightness. They supported me through everything I ever did. They even helped me with everything surrounding my sex offense. They weren't perfect, but I never felt worthless or sexually dominated.
Children are not Sexual Beings - yes they have sex organs - but they are far from Sexual
I had sexual thoughts and feelings, about other children and about adults, from the age of nine. Without getting into the graphics of it, I made "self-discoveries" by the age of ten and was able to enjoy them fully. I first had sex with another human being at the age of eleven, and I initiated it. I had one sexual experience with an adult when I was fifteen, and it remains a very pleasurable and happy memory for me, filled with no remorse, regret, or feeling of damage or abuse. Now, of course, you could say that I am a sex offender, and thus could be skewed here - but I have spoken with many, many people of all ages who are not sex offenders, and I can assure you that children /do/ have sexuality.
and your attractions to them -are of Power and release of your own frustrations of not being able to be with society of a Adult male.
This may be true of those sex offenders who use force, but I doubt it fits with the typical child sex offender, and nothing could be farther from the truth for me. Again, trying to keep things to as little graphic detail as possible, my fantasies with boys tend to involve them exercising power over /me/ in some way. Perhaps it's because kids are so disenfranchised in our society, analogous to 19th century slave populations, but something about giving adult authority and a very adult relationship to a young boy is incredibly appealing to me. This is so strong a core of my attraction that it's very possible that, if children were granted equal rights tomorrow, my attraction to them could instantly dissipate.
And for the record, I happen to fit in very well with adult male society.
You can NOT take a Child as a Sexual Being - they have nothing to offer you - but organs - and you destroy every part of their being and soul - as a human - when you take advantage of them.
I would have to strongly disagree with this assertion as well, particularly the idea that children have nothing to offer. I've learned more from a child's counsel than many adults could ever teach me, and that's just in /platonic/ friendships with them, let alone the intimite relationship of a lover. As for "destroying" them, my past victims would not agree with that assessment. At least, the two out of three who are now over eighteen and can associate with me have stated a number of times that our time is among /their/ happiest memories. The third... well, he and I got caught, so I don't suppose it's the fondest memory in the world for him. And it's knowing that I bear the responsibility for what he went through after our discovery that keeps me from entering a new relationship with a boy... "reoffending", as you might call it. While it's illegal, the /potential/ for damage is just too great.
They are your Road Kill - just as if you were to drive your car down a road - and hit an innocent animal on purpose - they have no justice - they just die - after you meet them.
I'm sorry for whatever past experiences have brought this analogy into your heart. But please do some more research, because this is, quite simply, not only the case. If you won't take my word as a sex offender, take my word as a "victim" - the damage doesn't come from the fact that you were a child, it comes from the fact that you were violated.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137199)
Message 137298 (In Reply to Message 137242)
Well put
Posted by assumption18
on Jul 12, 2004 01:21 AM | Also by assumption18
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: District of Columbia,
Country: United States |
in many ways.
I do believe however, that in general, Children and Adults do have sexuality, but there are differences.
I do believe a Child's sexuality is vastly different from an adults sexuality.
Breaking of will (bondage), threats (fear), Physical violence (fear/pain), and social / environmental reactions (stress/trauma/fear of rejection) are what cause the damage.
Forum Home
| Top of Thread | Jump To Parent (137242)
Thread
135981, JakeLF, Jun 13, 2004 07:37 PM
136002, dp1, Jun 14, 2004 01:46 AM [Jake]
136386, JakeLF, Jun 22, 2004 03:17 AM [Coping with Pedophilia]
136666, Silverthorne, Jun 28, 2004 06:22 AM [Jake]
136062, Silverthorne, Jun 15, 2004 07:28 AM
136091, fallenone, Jun 15, 2004 09:02 PM
137199, FrustratedMi, Jul 10, 2004 08:04 AM [from a SO's Ex]
137242, WalkingTheLine, Jul 11, 2004 12:36 AM
137298, assumption18, Jul 12, 2004 01:21 AM [Well put]
Forum Home
| Top of Thread
|
|
|
