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Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Mounting Frustration

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Message 136031 (In Reply to Message 135979)
6/14--reply to all

Posted by fallenone on Jun 14, 2004 06:03 PM | Also by fallenone

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Ohio, Country: United States

I wanted to thank everyone who has responded to my post and offered some kind words. Sometimes I feel as if we all forget that there are people onr the other side of the screen that are subject to fallibility and emotions. Well at lesat I'm guilty of that feeling. It is hard to reach out to others fora variety of reasons most of which are lifelong problems. I only gave a glimse in to what has changed me into the Fallen One, but most has to do with fear of rejection. My ex was my first girlfriend in 5 years and i didn't expect it to hit me this hard but it has. Aside from searching for my significant other I am a loner by nature. I've had to do everything alone all my life and that has a lot to do with it too. Between work, SOFIA, here, and school I stay busy hoping to keep myself from dwelling on this. To me nothing else matters when I feel alone and unloved. After all it was that same feelings which made me the Fallen One in the first place. I guess some of the things spoken here from time to time reinforce my belief that I will never be loved and that it is my destiny tolive and die alone. I've been working on that but I have a long ways to go. Yes I suffer from both bipolar AND Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm on 2000 mgs of Depakote but I keep forgetting to take my meds. I'm a bit TOO busy especially since two guys in my department quit so I'm working 10 hours or more a day. I'm off tomorrow but I have class, so I guess I'll have to check on that Friday. I know I'll get over it but it will take some time. I'll likely limit my time here for a while.

F1

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Message 135979
How much can one man take?

Posted by fallenone on Jun 13, 2004 07:24 PM | Also by fallenone

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Ohio, Country: United States

All my life I have wanted only two things--

1. To be truly loved by someone
2. To find my purpose in life.

Well I've certainly given up on #1. So that leaves #2. I believe my purpose in life involves my dilemma. Now I want to help sex offenders because I believe that humans CAN change. If not than why bother changing I should just accept this label and just destroy as many lives as possible since that is what is expected of me. Judging by my temperment as of late I guess you can tell I am becoming quite disenchanted with this problem. It feels too big and too much for any one person to handle, especially one who suffers as much mental illness as I. Everything is hitting me all at once-- my girlfriend dumped me, I've been taken advantage of by someone claiming to want to be with me (not my ex, a different person), and I've been hit with a barrage of personal problems too numerous to discuss. I've been breaking my own rules by letting the utter hatred and disdain I get for being an SO here at this site get to me as well. This has been the only place I have felt so welcome yet so unwelcome at the same time. I am admittedly buckling under the pressure of the totality of my personal circumstances. Even the strongest of the all fall. Well I suppose some of you people are thinking "oh no now he's gonna go find some 11 year old to play with." Well you're wrong. I'm inclined to believe as the ancient Cathars do-- that sex is evil and that it should strongly discouraged. as for me I am trying to accept my personal destiny. I was born into this world alone, I will never be with anyone in my life and I am destined to die alone. My only reason for not ending my life now is because my enemies rejoice. So I blade to suffice. At least the only person I'm messing up is myself. But I'm not suffering enough to some people. What do you want from me?!? To just crawl up under some rock and die? I can't understand the amount of hatred some of you possess, nor can I understand love. What is love for that matter? How can I understand familial bond? I have only myself. I suppose you can call this my nervous breakdown...........

The Fallen One

Thread

135979, fallenone, Jun 13, 2004 07:24 PM [How much can one man take?]
      135984, pegasus, Jun 13, 2004 08:12 PM [Remember]
      136004, dp1, Jun 14, 2004 02:16 AM [F1]
      136011, dp1, Jun 14, 2004 04:46 AM [F1]
      136016, deadmomwalking, Jun 14, 2004 09:30 AM [fallenone - hold on to the good]
      136017, Rejected
      136031, fallenone, Jun 14, 2004 06:03 PM [6/14--reply to all]
      136366, wifey, Jun 21, 2004 05:49 PM [Keep your head up]

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: The Other SideThread (Discussion): Mounting Frustration

Message 136031 (In Reply to Message 135979)6/14--reply to all

Message 135979How much can one man take?

Thread

Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Mounting Frustration

Message 136031 (In Reply to Message 135979)
6/14--reply to all

Message 135979
How much can one man take?