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Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Mounting Frustration

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Message 136016 (In Reply to Message 135979)
fallenone - hold on to the good


Posted by deadmomwalking on Jun 14, 2004 09:30 AM | Also by deadmomwalking
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: N/A, Country: Canada
Fallenone,

I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. It sounds as if you are getting into an emotional and negative mindset that is pulling you down - just as my daughter does. There is a manual for abuse victims that describes how this works. We think: "Shit happens - I feel rotten." In fact what is happening is this: "Shit happens - I think about it in repetitive, self-defeating ways - I feel rotten." Most of the time we can't do anything about the shit that happens but we can control how we think, and thus whether we feel rotten or not.

You mention that you are becoming disenchanted with this problem - I assume you mean the problem of helping SO's reintegrate into society and you are right - this is a very BIG problem and it will not be solved by you alone. You have some good ideas however you need to take on manageable pieces. Don't doom yourself to failure and then beat yourself up because you are taking on too much. Small steps and one step at a time. Right now you need to take care of yourself, try to stop cutting - this only makes you feel crappier about yourself, spend some time with positive people. You mention religious beliefs; I assume you have church friends/ acquaintances. If you are a Christian, this is a time for more prayer and meditation. You can always dump your problems, your heartbreak on God. I have found it very difficult at times to find the words to pray as I'm not used to it. So what I have done and found helpful is to say aloud prayers written by other people or to read the Psalms aloud. I use the Anglican Church website which has daily morning and evening prayers but that might not appeal to you being American. I find the rituals calming and it sometimes it centres me enough so that I can get my emotions and thoughts into words.

You ask "What is love." Love has to start with you. You were created perfect - in God's image and underneath all the layers of mistakes, hurt and self deception there is still somewhere that core that wants to be good - to reach for goodness. You have to build up confidence and self-love. When you don't love yourself and depend on other people for love and acceptance you will always be disappointed because there is no one that can give you what you need (except perhaps God, but even s/he has to depend on you helping yourself). What I see in your post is a lot of despair because of how you feel you are being treated and how you believe people perceive you. I admit I haven't been following the posts that much lately but I hadn't noticed people slinging arrows at you in particular. As the mother of a victim, I have quite a lot of respect for your efforts to rebuild your life and help others.

DP has a good point about you cycling down if you are bi-polar. Get some help before things go farther down. Another possibility is that you have aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder - if you haven't heard of this I can email you some info and some exercises that might be helpful in combatting the negative thinking.

Take care. God bless.

Here is a Psalm for a troubled heart from "Opening to You: Zen-Inspired Translations of the Psalms". I was reading this tonight and thought of you.

Psalm 25

Now as I sing
I lift up my soul to you
I open my heart's trust
Do not let me be ashamed
Do not let it close

I know that no one who trusts
Will ever be ashamed
Let them be ashamed
Who uselessly deceive
Because they are deceived

Show me your ways
Teach me your paths
Lead me in your truthfulness
Teach me
For in you I am whole
And on you do I wait
All the day every day

Remember your tender mercies
Remember your encompassing kindness
Which is everlasting

But forget my youthful mistakes
Forget all the harm that I have done
According to your kindess
Hold me in your memory
For the sake of all that is good in me

For you are goodness and uprightness
You point out the way of wholeness
Guide the still soul on paths of justice
You teach us your pattern
All your paths are kindness and truth
For those who love you and hold you in mind

For the sake of your name
Forgive my confusion although it is great

Who feels awe at what is?
To those will you point out
The paths that they should choose
And their souls will abide in a happiness
Larger than their lives
Your secrets are for those awash in that awe
Your life will become known to them

My eyes always look on you
You draw my foot out of the snare
Turn toward me and be gracious
For I am alone and afflicted
My heart's burdens are heavy

O bring me out of the afflictions!
Look at my misery and my trouble
Lift the weight of my conduct from me
Defeat my many demons
Pacify the violence within me
Guard me and save me
Don't let me be ashamed

I put all my trust in you
Let integrity and uprightness guard me
Because I look only to you
Redeem me and those who struggle on the journey
From our pitiful distress.

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Message 135979
How much can one man take?


Posted by fallenone on Jun 13, 2004 07:24 PM | Also by fallenone
Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Ohio, Country: United States

Thread


135979, fallenone, Jun 13, 2004 07:24 PM [How much can one man take?]
      135984, pegasus, Jun 13, 2004 08:12 PM [Remember]
      136004, dp1, Jun 14, 2004 02:16 AM [F1]
      136011, dp1, Jun 14, 2004 04:46 AM [F1]
      136016, deadmomwalking, Jun 14, 2004 09:30 AM [fallenone - hold on to the good]
      136017, Rejected
      136031, fallenone, Jun 14, 2004 06:03 PM [6/14--reply to all]
      136366, wifey, Jun 21, 2004 05:49 PM [Keep your head up]
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