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Forum: The Other Side

Thread (Discussion): Mounting Frustration

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Message 136011 (In Reply to Message 135979)
F1


Posted by dp1 on Jun 14, 2004 04:46 AM | Also by dp1
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Florida, Country: United States
I’d like to share a real life story that might help me communicate some ideas.

I’ve known a sex offender for two years. He’s on probation for molesting his 15-year-old daughter. He has a long history with depression. Years ago while in the Air Force he attempted suicide and was retired medically as a result. He gets a pension from both the VA and social security and never worked since his retirement. After his first divorce he attempted suicide the second time. He blew himself up with explosives and ended up in the hospital with 90% of his body covered with burns. After 7 months and countless skin grafts he was released. His entire body looks melted. He had more plastic surgery than Michael Jackson and is still missing fingers, an ear and portions of his body all over.

After doing well in therapy for a year, he announced to me last year that he was going to quit his meds to see how he does. I insisted he get a part time job or go back to school because his recluse lifestyle was not enough without his meds to keep him normalized (happy) in my opinion. He agreed although he was afraid of rejection. He came up with the idea of volunteer work to avoid rejection and keep me off his back. He quit a couple months ago with no explanation.

I suspected he was slipping and began checking on him often. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what the problem was but something wasn’t right. Two weeks ago I went to his home and confronted him. He finally broke down and admitted he was depressed. He felt useless not having a job, but was too afraid to job search because of rejection due to his SO status. We discussed jobs, schools and other options. After several hours we finally agreed he had to do something. I asked him to think about it and call me in the morning to let me know where he’d be job hunting. He called me the next day with more excuses. By this time I’m totally fed up with his procrastination and told him to go to the VA Voc Rehab. I know he was scared to go but he knew by the tone of my voice that he’d better go. He went and called me later.

He said he couldn’t believe how nice the voc rehab counselor was. She gave him all kinds of information for disabled vets. She said that his SO status did not disqualify him from any of the programs and he’d also be able to get hired on at the VA hospital as a disabled vet even with a conviction at $15 per hour in an entry-level position. He went on and on about how they pay vets to go to school, help with starting your own business, blah blah blah. Of course he thanked me for finally pushing him to go but do you know what the best part was? He laughed. I haven’t heard him laugh in months.

It amazes me how a person’s fears can control their lives. His perception of the world was that it was filled with people that hate SO’s and wouldn’t lift a finger to help them. His fear of his SO status was more intense than his fear of facing the world with 90% of his body melted. He could have gone to the VA voc rehab for help 2 years ago when I told him about it. He procrastinated for the wrong reasons. I know he realizes now that there is people that want to help. You just need to be strong enough to ask.

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Message 135979
How much can one man take?


Posted by fallenone on Jun 13, 2004 07:24 PM | Also by fallenone
Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Ohio, Country: United States

Thread


135979, fallenone, Jun 13, 2004 07:24 PM [How much can one man take?]
      135984, pegasus, Jun 13, 2004 08:12 PM [Remember]
      136004, dp1, Jun 14, 2004 02:16 AM [F1]
      136011, dp1, Jun 14, 2004 04:46 AM [F1]
      136016, deadmomwalking, Jun 14, 2004 09:30 AM [fallenone - hold on to the good]
      136017, Rejected
      136031, fallenone, Jun 14, 2004 06:03 PM [6/14--reply to all]
      136366, wifey, Jun 21, 2004 05:49 PM [Keep your head up]
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