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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Where's the Victims?
Message 174161
To Valerie
Posted by dp1
on Mar 02, 2006 03:26 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I didn't realize until you brought it to my attention how the tension got so high in the forums all of a sudden. I know for me I naturally began ignoring more and more threads and posts by certain posters as fewer and fewer victims participated. But, what I ignored is that there doesn't seems to be any victims participating anymore. Am I wrong in thinking we have no victims in the general forums anymore? I looked at the list of recent posters and the latest posts and was shocked.
I can tell you from experience that flame wars aren't productive. I also know when the attacks become so vicious I can't tolerate it anymore and I retaliate that usually sends a strong message, but it's not always in the best interests of the victims either. Sitting back taking personal attacks isn't an option. I am at loss as to how to better balance the forums. And before anyone jumps on me in this forum, I have taken personal responsibility for being too RSO supportive. I believe I can improve in that area. We are obviously far too top heavy with RSOs and their supporters. The last thing I need to do is to add to the existing problem. Where do we go from here? Is there anyone else left on this side? Let's face it Val, if the only non-pedo types left participating in the forums is a vigilanti and POs with swat attire and night sticks there's bigger issues going on here that need to be addressed.
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Message 174213 (In Reply to Message 174161)
Posted by mawmaw
on Mar 03, 2006 08:22 PM | Also by mawmaw
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
I am a blunt person and to the point , I totally cant stand a CHILD sex CRIMINAL...period !
I dont post much here at the victims forum as I dont want to offend a victim .
I am for children.
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Message 174249 (In Reply to Message 174161)
Posted by meli
on Mar 04, 2006 02:21 AM | Also by meli
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Tennessee,
Country: United States |
Personally, I have not seen many victims on this site in any of the forums(atleast not currently active). Most of the posts I have read by posters self-identifying as "victims", are sex offenders and the significant others of sex offenders. Many sexual abuse survivors look for gentle communties where even spoilers (example: abu*e) must be used when using trigger words; where the title of the post must clearly state that a post may be triggering to some. I would think this forum would be really hard if not traumatic on a survivor, unless they were in the latter stages of healing. I am thirty years old and have been in therapy on and off since 13 and still a lot of the minimizing and victim blaming on this forum even gets under my skin.
I think Steve's concept of having Survivors and Offenders on the same forum is brillant. I think it is the lack of survivors vs the over abundance of offenders that creates the abrasive atmosphere; coupled with so many of the offenders clearly still exhibiting lack of empathy and distorted thinking.
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Message 174253 (In Reply to Message 174161)
Posted by LockEmUp
on Mar 04, 2006 03:35 AM | Also by LockEmUp
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: New Jersey,
Country: United States |
dp1,
I believe the main reason that victims or advocates don't respond as much (or begin posting at all) is due to exactly what you have described - the badmouthing, flaming, etc. That, coupled with the ridiculous responses of the "other side" send potential contributors away shaking their heads. Think about it - some forum members can take ANY situation or topic of discussion and turn it into an anti-victim, parents-not-doing-their-job, the world is out to get me slant (and often do). Look at the left side of the main page, where the newly registered people are listed. How many over the years have actually participated more than a few times? Not many. Some of their screen names are obviously pro-victim, so why don't they join in to speak their minds? I'm guessing they begin reading the archives and decide to either lurk, or leave. Since joining, I can honestly say that I've learned a few things - from both sides. I just wish others would jump in the mix and contribute.
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Message 174287 (In Reply to Message 174161)
Posted by Valerie
on Mar 04, 2006 02:53 PM | Also by Valerie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Yes way too top-heavy with SO's and their supporters, no doubt. I tend to think Victims might linger and lurk longer than offenders would...you know offenders are eager to tell the world how misunderstood they are. I don't think its necessarily a bad thing victims bow out when the flame wars reach a high temperature...in fact its probably healthier ...we see it doesnt do much good for the offenders, they just fuel each other...and contemplate joining Jihad groups, still shake my head over that...Sometimes it may be best to start a topic, I did that a couple of months ago with the "who notified authorities" and a couple of others. We could look on the bright side and hope the victim count is down due to the tougher laws on sex crimes, but alas that might be too much to hope for>>.
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Message 174295 (In Reply to Message 174287)
Posted by Valerie
on Mar 04, 2006 04:16 PM | Also by Valerie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Look if any of you want to call me down on the June5 post..go for it, I sincerely mean that...I am not above apologising if you think I should. I don't want to be part of a problem that appears to victim-bash ...I really respect everyone opinions here. If I was too harsh, too cold, way off base, let me have it...I am a big girl and would take it to heart coming from you versus the others. I re-posted to June5 this am...I tried to be as honest as I could on this subject, so before you respond to this ...read that one....if you think I should take a hiatus or have other suggestions I am all ears...
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Message 174296 (In Reply to Message 174161)
perhaps how you respond
Posted by cass117
on Mar 04, 2006 04:49 PM | Also by cass117
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: North Carolina,
Country: United States |
hi guys i am not here to argue or anything .for many years it was my sexual abuse that was in the fore front of my marriage ,noone ever thinks this could happen to you and it was to my utter disgust when i came here that me being a victim was disgarded due to my husband being an offender.never in my posts will you see me making excuses for my husband as i was the one who put him away,however every case is different .i thought this forum could give me insight to being a victim and support from other victims also support and advice on the road i am now travelling,that has not been the case.i feel some people on this side like to judge to much and that is the last thing a victim needs .i cried for a day when someone made referance to me not reporting my brother ,feeling the old feelings that i should have done more ,now i am just mad .take me being the wife of an offender out this situation ,i try very hard when in the victims forum not to belittle anyones thoughts or feelings perhaps the lack of empathy on certain peoples parts contribute to there being no victims .i was a looker for a long time and if i were looking now i wouldn't come here. as a victim of sexual abuse and as a wife of an offender i wont post here again b/c as far as some of you are concerned it is the latter that prevents me from being able to give supportive advice.i wish you all well and on another note read your last posts some of you blame people like me or the offenders who try to offer advice for sabotaging this forum ,for once take a closer look at yourselves the other site are brimming yet this is falling apart.
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Message 174302 (In Reply to Message 174161)
Posted by mawmaw
on Mar 04, 2006 07:37 PM | Also by mawmaw
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
There is also stages of feelings that a survivor goes thru and it depends on what stage the survivor is in ...for the survivor to even be able to want to talk about or even consider re-living the SEX CRIME to be able to discuss how the survivor feels and to discuss their feelings on a sex offender board may be hard and impossible for some survivors.
Depending on the intense or affect of the sex crime that was done to the survivor ......... the SEX CRIME last forever !! Some survivors just put it away in their minds but its still there ...... and this board makes it be re-lived and hashed out again in our minds... over and over in whatever stage the victim is in.
I think thats why so many are here reading the posts but not posting .....just lurking !!
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Thread
174161, dp1, Mar 02, 2006 03:26 PM [To Valerie]
174202, Rejected
174213, mawmaw, Mar 03, 2006 08:22 PM
174249, meli, Mar 04, 2006 02:21 AM
174357, Pending Further Review
174396, Pending Further Review
174253, LockEmUp, Mar 04, 2006 03:35 AM
174358, Pending Further Review
174287, Valerie, Mar 04, 2006 02:53 PM
174295, Valerie, Mar 04, 2006 04:16 PM
174336, Pending Further Review
174296, cass117, Mar 04, 2006 04:49 PM [perhaps how you respond]
174384, Pending Further Review
174302, mawmaw, Mar 04, 2006 07:37 PM
174342, Pending Further Review
174393, Pending Further Review
174431, Pending Further Review
174441, Pending Further Review
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