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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Privacy, victrims, and risk. Help.
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Message 173348 (In Reply to Message 173226)
Posted by Quest
on Feb 18, 2006 05:07 AM | Also by Quest
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: 50 - 59,
State: Minnesota,
Country: United States |
Why do you think a 9 yr old would be humiliated and feel 'dirty'? At what age does this start? I have a theory that it's built into us. In different ways for men and women and with some things in common.
Too little is said about how females flirt and beckon males. As an opening line I know where your mind may go with that and I'd like to ask you to keep the anger from coloring my next words.
Flirting females don't want to be raped or even have sex. Neither do flirting males. We all want and need to attract human intimacy. While the ultimate goal of biology and DNA is to have sex and get replicated, we humans are a beautiful and simple formula that is poetically complex. If you were some alien studying us you would see us innocently approaching each other and snuggling up in the night. If the alien had something resembling human emotion a tear would be shed and they would feel endearment.
We seek to bond together. I can see it in two year olds. We put it out there and we expect the other persons to reflect without distortion what we put forth. Ayn Rand's lover and student , Nathaniel Brandon, empathizes the importance of the non-distorted reflection of ourselves in those we engage. He describes bad relationships as being reflected in a funhouse mirror.
The ultimate bad relationship is rape and child sexual abuse. There is a bad thing that runs deep in us humans. We often see flirting as sexual advance. Think about what you think when a male asks you to dance in a club or 'hits' on you. He just wants me for a night. of sex. Males that say 'she asked for it' are doing exactly the same thing. Reducing the wonder of human love and romance into something insect-like and lustful.
If you look at all of this human interaction as a biologist that is what you would conclude and rightly so if you reduce it to biochemistry without poetry.
The truth is that we humans have developed a very poetic way of mating that is not about shooting sperm at eggs even though that is the driving force behind what evolved us. When we flirt we are opening a door into our souls and we expect a decent amount of negotiation before we commit to anything more personal than a dance or two.
The male rapist seeks to ejaculate and use and that is not a true reflection of flirting's intent. I have tried to dance at clubs, because I like to dance techno, with women who have slapped me down like I wanted to have sex with them and I imagine that this is a very small dose of what rape feels like. It makes me dizzy and sick and it makes me want to explain myself to them but I ultimately know that everything I do will be reflected in this funhouse mirror.
That urge to explain and be reflected properly is I think what attracts some women to rapists. They keep trying to be treated as if they are a human with a brain and they keep running into an ejaculate driven monster who misreads them and only wants to use them.
I have some complicated theories about mate evaluation and self evaluation that make sense of some of this. Theories that predict women who are raped putting themselves in a position to be raped again and even putting their daughters in the same place. Theories that explain males who proxy their own loss of self respect in women who smell like victims.
I keep a faith that my theories will change some of this. But I sound like an alien or a vending machine sometimes and I feel like an idiot because my sons hurt and I hurt and these two young ladies hurt and I knew somewhere in my soul that this thing was coming. So far my theories are batting zero and the rapists a hundred.
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Message 173226
Posted by cass117
on Feb 13, 2006 09:21 PM | Also by cass117
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 21 - 29,
State: North Carolina,
Country: United States |
Thread
173177, Quest, Feb 12, 2006 09:09 PM
173202, june5, Feb 13, 2006 03:17 AM
173281, Quest, Feb 15, 2006 01:15 AM
173282, Quest, Feb 15, 2006 01:23 AM
173338, cass117, Feb 18, 2006 02:54 AM [i will take it on]
173346, june5, Feb 18, 2006 03:36 AM [Quest]
173360, Valerie, Feb 18, 2006 06:05 PM
173226, cass117, Feb 13, 2006 09:21 PM
173348, Quest, Feb 18, 2006 05:07 AM
173390, june5, Feb 19, 2006 02:40 AM [Quest]
173583, Quest, Feb 21, 2006 07:02 PM
173392, cass117, Feb 19, 2006 02:42 AM [thankyou for the response]
173493, rebel51, Feb 20, 2006 01:39 PM
173585, Quest, Feb 21, 2006 07:32 PM
173630, june5, Feb 23, 2006 05:05 AM [Sigh]
173653, meli, Feb 23, 2006 06:18 PM
173713, Quest, Feb 24, 2006 04:21 PM
173679, Quest, Feb 23, 2006 10:48 PM
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