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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Privacy, victrims, and risk. Help.

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Message 173281 (In Reply to Message 173202)

Posted by Quest on Feb 15, 2006 01:15 AM | Also by Quest

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: Minnesota, Country: United States

Word got out on this rape and it got back to the organization of which she was a member and she felt humiliated all over again. That is a bad thing. But people there at least have a heads up that this guys after hours bonding may result in rape. That's a good thing. People got very upset and one of the people who was emotionally distraught to the nth degree confided in a best friend who had a brother that took it upon himself to stop the guy.
The secrecy it seems to me is a bad thing. I noticed that people around her, parents and friends protected her from talking to anyone. But these people didn't want to bring it up. So everyone around pretends that there is not a four ton pink elephant standing in the middle of the living room.
My niece was six and it was found out that the postman across the street was having her over for sex parties with his two sons and a foster son for a year. We all got really quiet for about 12 years. Whispers and secrets. As if this child should feel ashamed for what they did to her.
Isn't all the silence of those that love the victims of rape an affirmation of the shame they feel?
Also. Is it not the perfect ticket for the serial rapist to just keep on raping?
On the other hand I have a whole other side argument for secrecy but I'll let someone respond to this first.

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Message 173202

Posted by june5 on Feb 13, 2006 03:17 AM | Also by june5

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

Wow, this is a difficult and charged set of questions.  Everybody has their own opinion and I'm not sure there is really a right or wrong set of answers.  I can only answer on my own experience as a rape victim.

Tell me about the humiliation part of being a victim and tell me about secrets. Are they good for the victim or bad or somewhere in the middle?
I felt humiliated because it is such a personal violation for someone else to be actually inside your body without your consent.  It made me feel almost non-human.    I felt humilated because at first I felt like it was somehow my fault, like I must be an idiot for this to happen to me.  I didn't keep it secret, I went to the police.  I don't know if it is good for someone to keep it a secret.  It wasn't for me--I felt empowered by prosecuting him.  But everyone is different.

Why does a victim seem unapproachable do they now distrust everyone?
I was unapproachable for some time because yes, I did distrust everyone.  That went away to a large degree over time.  I think I am still more distrustful then most people because I was raped.

How are we obligated to protect his next victim from walking blindly into his trap? How do we balance that with the choices of the current victim?
It is natural to want to stop this guy before he hurts someone else.  That is what "tipped the scales" for me in coming forward.  I didn't want anyone else to go through what I was going through.   I would really abide by the wishes of the victim.  The victim probably feels very scared, guily, and distrustful of the world.  If the victim is trusting this "secret" with you and doesn't wish for LE to be notified, I would imagine she would be horrified and feel betrayed by maybe one of the few people she feels she can still trust.  She was the one who was victimized, I think she is the one to make the decision.

I know some people will not agree with some of the things I say; this is just based on my own experience, I am not trying to debate anyone.

Thread

173177, Quest, Feb 12, 2006 09:09 PM
      173202, june5, Feb 13, 2006 03:17 AM
            173281, Quest, Feb 15, 2006 01:15 AM
            173282, Quest, Feb 15, 2006 01:23 AM
                  173338, cass117, Feb 18, 2006 02:54 AM [i will take it on]
                  173346, june5, Feb 18, 2006 03:36 AM [Quest]
                  173360, Valerie, Feb 18, 2006 06:05 PM
      173226, cass117, Feb 13, 2006 09:21 PM
            173348, Quest, Feb 18, 2006 05:07 AM
                  173390, june5, Feb 19, 2006 02:40 AM [Quest]
                        173583, Quest, Feb 21, 2006 07:02 PM
                  173392, cass117, Feb 19, 2006 02:42 AM [thankyou for the response]
      173493, rebel51, Feb 20, 2006 01:39 PM
            173585, Quest, Feb 21, 2006 07:32 PM
                  173630, june5, Feb 23, 2006 05:05 AM [Sigh]
                        173653, meli, Feb 23, 2006 06:18 PM
                              173713, Quest, Feb 24, 2006 04:21 PM
                        173679, Quest, Feb 23, 2006 10:48 PM

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Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Privacy, victrims, and risk. Help.

Message 173281 (In Reply to Message 173202)

Message 173202

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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Privacy, victrims, and risk. Help.