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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): What is the next step - need advice
Message 172275
Posted by username17
on Jan 27, 2006 09:01 PM | Also by username17
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: 21 - 29,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Yesterday, my father in law was accused by his 15 year old daughter of molesting her. This came out in couseling for recent panic attacks. The father in law in out of town till this evening. Mom has spoke with him and instructed him to find another place to live. I was asked to change the locks and take his firearms. I instead removed the firearms from the home and have taken mom and children (2 girls 10 and 15) into my home. Father in law requested that his 19 year old son stay at home to comfort him which he is planning to do. I am not wild about this decision but am not in the mood to argue with anyone. Mom has also had a feeling that this was going on in the past. It is likely that he has molested both of his daughter including my wife. Throughout our marriage my wife has had considerable intimacy issues and panic attacks. This has been very hard on our marriage.
It is taking considerable effort for me to stay calm.
I have a background as an emt and seem to be able to switch to a different mode (calm, collected, and focused) during emergencies but not for this long. Sorry for the tangent - back to the point.
I doubt he will be violent, but instead fear physcological ploys by the father in law. Apearantly he has suggested to his daughters that he will become suicidal if anyone ever found out.
What is the next step? Who gets involved? I am sure that I should still change the locks for when mom returns home.
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Message 172301 (In Reply to Message 172275)
Posted by dp1
on Jan 28, 2006 03:52 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Hello and welcome to this forum. Can you tell us if his abuse was reported to law enforcement? Usually law enforcement can provide numbers to referal sources. Have you checked in your yellow pages to see if you have a rape crises center? They can offer valuable information and offer advice/resources applicable to your geographic area.
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Message 172377 (In Reply to Message 172275)
Posted by rebel51
on Jan 29, 2006 03:18 PM | Also by rebel51
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
Hello and welcome to the forums.
Is your wife admitting to being abused by her father? The main thing to do is support the 15 year old and let her know that you believe her and will back her no matter what she decieds.
Have you called the police? In my opinion that is the first thing I would do if you have not already. If nothing else it shows your father-in-law that what he did will not be tolerated by the family anymore, especially if he has gotten away with it since your wife was a child. The state will make sure that he gets the help that he needs. You also need to take your sis-in-law to a counciler/therapist so that she can get help too. There is so much that goes on in your head when something like this happens and you have to have help from a professional to get it all straightened out so that you can get on with life.
I would also talk to the 19 year old son and let him know that he does NOT have to be nice to Dad unless he wants to, that it is OK to tell dad to 'shove it' that he is gonna go be with his little sister now!
Good luck and I think that you are a great person for taking your inlaws into your home in thier time of need. Just letting the family know that they have someone to turn to is sometimes the biggest help you can be. Again good luck!
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Thread
172275, username17, Jan 27, 2006 09:01 PM
172301, dp1, Jan 28, 2006 03:52 AM
172377, rebel51, Jan 29, 2006 03:18 PM
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