Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Net Nanny 5
The world's leading parental control software, controls access to websites and other online content such as Internet-based games, blocks file sharing of music, images and videos, and monitors a user's Internet activity. Know what your child is up to! Click here for more information.

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Have your children demonstrated

Switch to Flat View

In order to post a message to a new thread or reply to existing messages you must be logged in. If you'd like to post messages please login or register as a new user.

Message 171981 (In Reply to Message 171946)

Posted by PVulcan on Jan 24, 2006 04:21 AM | Also by PVulcan

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

If you felt uncomfortable discussing the police report, then you might have wanted to voice that concern with something like "Maybe we can talk about this privately another time?" I wonder how that child felt with that being discussed? I bet the conversation was happening, yet she was 'invisible' right? There is nothing the matter with a niece sitting on her uncle's lap! My 7 y.o niece sits on my lap and my hubby's lap, it's called love. I bet the men here such as Orolan and Dadof5 's daugthers cuddle with them, not everything is sexual. You said she did lewd and strange behaviour...like what? You can offer this child attention, but YOU have to have boundaries, and they have to be clear. Just as the discomfort you experienced with the police report, you have to be able to speak up and set those boundaries. How could you have done things different? Well, you could beat yourself up about that, hindsight is wonderful isn't it. I would just say, as she is 12 now, just be there for her. Let her know that you are there for her and you love her, and you are proud to be her Uncle.

See an abbreviation or acronym, but don't know what it stands for? Consult the Glossary.

Switch to Flat View

Message 171946

Posted by Quest on Jan 23, 2006 11:44 PM | Also by Quest

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Minnesota, Country: United States

My niece was always really clingy with me. I showed her almost zero attention and could never understandwhy she followed me around worshipping me. I sucked as an uncle back then. ANyone's kids other than my own I didn't pay any mind too. But that was before the abuse. She was like that because her dad was a jerk and didn't ever come and see her. My sister was so aloof that the poor kid was starved for attention. And that is why she ended up across the street with the gang that abused her.
  After the abuse I was back home visiting and my sister showed me her police interview transcripts and talked about the case in front of my niece who was about 7. I was not comfortable doing that in front of her so I kept tryin to get away. Later my niece jumped up in my lap and started doing strange lewd things. Right in the living room with the whole family about. I think she thought it was what she needed to do to get us to pay her some attention. From then on I wouldn't even sit down at my sisters house. It freaked me out and me and  my family were not equipped to deal with that issue. It affected everyone and everyone wanted to forget that it happened.
  It wasn't until recently (12 years later) that I finally understood it all. I feel really bad that she needed us so much and we did nothing but treat her like a forbidden zone. That guilt drives me in this field. Think I'm trying to pay my dues cuz I just ignored it back then.
  The abuse gets into the child and the child is ashamed and confused about how to deal with adults. But the adults around the victim are often even more confused.
  Thinking back to her climbing on my lap and doing that I still haven't a clue how you are supposed to handle that from a sexually abused child. 
  What should I have done?

Thread

171842, Valerie, Jan 22, 2006 04:04 PM
      171864, Hannahsmom, Jan 22, 2006 07:59 PM
            171870, PVulcan, Jan 22, 2006 09:03 PM
      171946, Quest, Jan 23, 2006 11:44 PM
            171967, Valerie, Jan 24, 2006 03:11 AM
                  172015, Quest, Jan 24, 2006 05:53 PM
            171981, PVulcan, Jan 24, 2006 04:21 AM
                  172016, Quest, Jan 24, 2006 06:06 PM
      171962, Rachel, Jan 24, 2006 02:41 AM
      171963, deadmomwalking, Jan 24, 2006 02:48 AM
            172008, PVulcan, Jan 24, 2006 05:33 PM [Mom]

Forum Home | Top of Thread

Tell a Friend about this page.

Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Have your children demonstrated

Message 171981 (In Reply to Message 171946)

Message 171946

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Have your children demonstrated