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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Have your children demonstrated

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Message 171967 (In Reply to Message 171946)

Posted by Valerie on Jan 24, 2006 03:11 AM | Also by Valerie

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: Florida, Country: United States

At that point in time, I think the majority of people think if you dont focus on it or ignore it, it will go away in the kids head....we have seen that it doesnt....Me I am no doctor, but I would have said and reacted as if it was not acceptable behavior, we dont do this, if you want to talk about it ...OK but we do not do these things and I dont like it when you do it to me...thats what teaching boundaries are all about...

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Message 171946

Posted by Quest on Jan 23, 2006 11:44 PM | Also by Quest

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: Minnesota, Country: United States

My niece was always really clingy with me. I showed her almost zero attention and could never understandwhy she followed me around worshipping me. I sucked as an uncle back then. ANyone's kids other than my own I didn't pay any mind too. But that was before the abuse. She was like that because her dad was a jerk and didn't ever come and see her. My sister was so aloof that the poor kid was starved for attention. And that is why she ended up across the street with the gang that abused her.
  After the abuse I was back home visiting and my sister showed me her police interview transcripts and talked about the case in front of my niece who was about 7. I was not comfortable doing that in front of her so I kept tryin to get away. Later my niece jumped up in my lap and started doing strange lewd things. Right in the living room with the whole family about. I think she thought it was what she needed to do to get us to pay her some attention. From then on I wouldn't even sit down at my sisters house. It freaked me out and me and  my family were not equipped to deal with that issue. It affected everyone and everyone wanted to forget that it happened.
  It wasn't until recently (12 years later) that I finally understood it all. I feel really bad that she needed us so much and we did nothing but treat her like a forbidden zone. That guilt drives me in this field. Think I'm trying to pay my dues cuz I just ignored it back then.
  The abuse gets into the child and the child is ashamed and confused about how to deal with adults. But the adults around the victim are often even more confused.
  Thinking back to her climbing on my lap and doing that I still haven't a clue how you are supposed to handle that from a sexually abused child. 
  What should I have done?

Thread

171842, Valerie, Jan 22, 2006 04:04 PM
      171864, Hannahsmom, Jan 22, 2006 07:59 PM
            171870, PVulcan, Jan 22, 2006 09:03 PM
      171946, Quest, Jan 23, 2006 11:44 PM
            171967, Valerie, Jan 24, 2006 03:11 AM
                  172015, Quest, Jan 24, 2006 05:53 PM
            171981, PVulcan, Jan 24, 2006 04:21 AM
                  172016, Quest, Jan 24, 2006 06:06 PM
      171962, Rachel, Jan 24, 2006 02:41 AM
      171963, deadmomwalking, Jan 24, 2006 02:48 AM
            172008, PVulcan, Jan 24, 2006 05:33 PM [Mom]

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Have your children demonstrated

Message 171967 (In Reply to Message 171946)

Message 171946

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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Have your children demonstrated