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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Who notified authorities - to answer ur question
Message 170791
Posted by Valerie
on Jan 07, 2006 03:33 PM | Also by Valerie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I am just curious how some of your situations came to pass after finding out you are your children were abused. Did the child come to you and tell you? Did any of you walk-in on the abuse? I guess what I want to know is. how and who called the authorities? Did some of you in the first minutes aftering discovering the abuse call the police, call a friend..I am not a victim as most of you know, and I have thought many times over "what would be MY first reaction" I am curious as to what some of yours were?
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Message 171049 (In Reply to Message 170791)
Posted by PVulcan
on Jan 12, 2006 09:55 AM | Also by PVulcan
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Neither of my children have been victims, however I do have a little experience with how authorities get involved. With stranger assaults, it's all quite 'simple' if you will. The child tells immediately, 911 is called. Because it is a stranger the assault will generally be physically brutal, meaning that there will be evidence to support what the child is saying. Eg: Child snatched walking to school, bruises on arms maybe, assault physically signifigant, ripped clothing maybe, and the forensic examination is done right away to retrieve any possible DNA evidence.
With kids that have been assaulted/molested by people they know, they don't usually tell the first time the incident happens, for many different reasons. Eventually when they disclose it will be to maybe a teacher, who in turn is a mandated reporter and must contact the authorities. A child may disclose to a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent who would then probably want to get the child in for a 'well check', which would involve an examination similar to, but not as intrusive as a rape kit. With kids they will use a colposcope which will magnify the vaginal area. Most kids that are abused by people they know are NOT being penetrated, they are being touched, rubbed, licked etc. By the time the child comes forward with the disclosure, even if it's a week after the incident, there will obviously be NO evidence, which of course is the biggest problem with child sexual abuse. Just because there is no evidence or 'trauma to the hymen' does not mean the child has not been victimized. The "popping of the cherry "is one of the oldest wives tales out there that most people are uneducated about. Does that help answer your question Val?
Side note: I had a disclosure in Oct, by a 13 y.o, I made the necessary reports, as I'm obligated to by law. Last week I recieved a supboena, the case is going to trial in Feb. Something tells me that I won't have to testify though, my thinking is that there will be a plea, we'll see.
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Message 171081 (In Reply to Message 170791)
Posted by forgive
on Jan 12, 2006 10:21 PM | Also by forgive
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
My daughter told a friend who told her mother who called the police. I found out when the police called me. When my daughter came home from school, I asked her what was going on, and she told me what had happened. I started off , sadly, by yelling that this can't be true. The offender was my husband. It took me only about 2 minutes to realize she was not making it up and we went together to the police station. I have supported her from the get-go. And no, I did NOT have a clue. And yes, we are both healing - ALL due to the grace of our mighty God. I believe it is impossible to heal without Him.
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Message 171117 (In Reply to Message 171049)
Posted by Valerie
on Jan 13, 2006 02:33 PM | Also by Valerie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Thanks for your post. I am slighlty familiar with the example you mentioned above. Teachers etc..required to inform authorities.
This question isnt getting much of a response from the victims or parents of victims. So again, thanks for your imput.
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Message 171335 (In Reply to Message 171117)
Posted by rebel51
on Jan 15, 2006 11:40 PM | Also by rebel51
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
I didnt respond because my kids have not been molested. When I was molested I went to my mom, who made me tell my dad and that was the end of it as far as I knew. (not the molesting just the trying to get help).
I think that is why you are not getting much of a response..alot of us here never had the police involved..we lived with it....maybe, I dont know.
Might try asking the question.."how many of you never had the police involved and how did you finally make the abuse end?"..might get a bigger response, maybe...lol how much more unsure of myself can I sound!!
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Message 171338 (In Reply to Message 171335)
Posted by Valerie
on Jan 15, 2006 11:54 PM | Also by Valerie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Thanks Rebel, I'll include your suggestion in my question,
."how many of you never had the police involved and how did you finally make the abuse end?"..
thanks to all who have responsed thus far also..
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Message 171444 (In Reply to Message 171338)
Posted by rebel51
on Jan 17, 2006 09:17 AM | Also by rebel51
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
lol..now I can answer that one!!
After years of being molested by the youngest uncle, my grandmother (his mom) walked into the room and caught him in the middle of having sex with me...she yanked him off of me and started beating him with a belt and she yelled at me that, if she caught me with him again, that it would be ME getting the whopping next time..I ran out of the room crying, about an hour or so later he caught me in the back yard and tryed to get me to let him "just see it for a minute" I was so shocked that he could even stand up, let alone want to disobey already, that in my shock, I said "NO!! You heard what Grandma said..she will spank me like she did you!!" He said "no she wont, she knows that its not you, its me" So I said " NO!! I will tell Grandma if you dont shut up" He then got all whiney and whimpery and in a whisper said "come on please? just let me see it!!" That was when I realized that he was afraid of Grandma, EVEN if he tried to act like he wasnt...so from then on, when he approched me, I would threaten to tell Grandma..however that did not last too long, because the way my Grandmother REALLY put an end to it was she took him down and signed him up for Viet Namn. The whole time he was in Viet Namn I was so scared that he would get killed and it would be all my fault..thank GOD that he came home safe! I dont have to live with his death on my head!
Anyway because it worked so well with the youngest Uncle, threatening to tell on him, that is what I did with the other two also...when they approched me I said with as much defiance as I could muster "NO!! and I will tell if you dont leave me alone!!" It worked like a charm because I threatened to tell thier wives! If I had only known 5 or 6 years earlier how easy it would have been to make it stop!! (or never start)
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Message 171482 (In Reply to Message 171444)
rebel
Posted by anti
on Jan 17, 2006 10:51 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
may I ask how old you were then?
thank you, anti
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Message 171493 (In Reply to Message 171482)
Posted by rebel51
on Jan 18, 2006 05:01 AM | Also by rebel51
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
I was late 4 early 5 when it started and 12 when it stopped. The older Uncles still tryed on and off for the next several years. (the younger one couldnt as he was in Viet Namn BUT he tryed again when I was about 25 or so)
Amazingly enough the last time the oldest Uncle tryed was about 10 years ago! What a creepy uncle huh? Thinking about it I guess that my Uncles were not nessasarily pedophiles so much as rebel-aphiles! What they liked at 4/5 they still liked at 40?
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Message 171498 (In Reply to Message 171493)
ohh rebel...
Posted by anti
on Jan 18, 2006 05:23 AM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I am truly, truly sorry for your past, truly.
peace to you, much peace to you.
anti
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Message 171579 (In Reply to Message 171498)
Posted by june5
on Jan 19, 2006 05:23 AM | Also by june5
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I was raped when I was a teenager. I went with my mom to the police station. The police treated me terribly; I understand why some victims don't want to tell the police.
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Message 171591 (In Reply to Message 171498)
Posted by rebel51
on Jan 19, 2006 09:11 AM | Also by rebel51
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
Thank you but while I dont like my past it also made me who I am today..and that is who my husband married...so without my past, I might have become someone that he would not like, so I would not have the happiness today that I do.
So I have to say that the horrid past gave me a bright future. It is just the little things that I have to get past now and this site helps me alot with them.
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Message 171602 (In Reply to Message 171579)
june
Posted by anti
on Jan 19, 2006 04:53 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I was not pleased w/ your reply to me on my visiting so in prison thread, but its ok, I read this and felt the need to reply..
when was that? as how many yrs ago?
as I hope you know that things yrs ago were much much different then now...
and I am not saying now its all better, all fixed..
just a bit better.
sorry for what happened to you as a teen and as rebel said our past reflects are present.
if it can make us helping others, and stronger, more power, just sad bad things have to happen to good people.
(have you read that book?)
peace, anti
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Message 171617 (In Reply to Message 171602)
Anti
Posted by june5
on Jan 19, 2006 06:36 PM | Also by june5
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
It was about 15 years ago.It was a very traumatic time in my life, but I also think that if we can get past the bad things that happen to us, it does make us stronger. That's the main thing I hope victims know; it will get easier with time.
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Message 171849 (In Reply to Message 171617)
Posted by Valerie
on Jan 22, 2006 04:21 PM | Also by Valerie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Hey June5, I re-read some of your post just now and I apologise if I missed whether your husband has made it home or not. You mentioned back around Oct. I think he was coming home in two months. Has he made it home? How do you feel about it? How is your daughter doing? Again I apologise if I missed these answers. To me , you must have some very mixed emotions...your one post stated you were healing and things DO get better, but you must be in a very foreign place right now (in your head) and I just wanted to touch base with your husband coming home...Thanks Val
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Message 173352 (In Reply to Message 170791)
to answer ur question
Posted by fight4victims
on Feb 18, 2006 09:42 AM | Also by fight4victims
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
my 5 yr old (at the time he was 4) had a long time friend of three years whom had an older brother whom was a friend of the family in our situation it was both somewhat a walk in and my son running up to me to tell me a secrect about the brother so yes to both those questions. i dialed 911, since we had a long relationship we did not call police first we talked with the boy first then that same day we called the police with the boy totally aware of what was going to happen. my situation can be alot different than others due to the fact when we talked to the perpertrator, we found out he to was being abused i guess to some people they would feel diffrently but i feel this boy was a product of his enviroment yes what he did was wrong im not excusing that but i have compassion for this boy and he needs help to be a better person in sociaty. but either way the police had to be notified.
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Thread
170791, Valerie, Jan 07, 2006 03:33 PM
171049, PVulcan, Jan 12, 2006 09:55 AM
171117, Valerie, Jan 13, 2006 02:33 PM
171335, rebel51, Jan 15, 2006 11:40 PM
171338, Valerie, Jan 15, 2006 11:54 PM
171444, rebel51, Jan 17, 2006 09:17 AM
171482, anti, Jan 17, 2006 10:51 PM [rebel]
171493, rebel51, Jan 18, 2006 05:01 AM
171498, anti, Jan 18, 2006 05:23 AM [ohh rebel...]
171579, june5, Jan 19, 2006 05:23 AM
171602, anti, Jan 19, 2006 04:53 PM [june]
171617, june5, Jan 19, 2006 06:36 PM [Anti]
171849, Valerie, Jan 22, 2006 04:21 PM
171591, rebel51, Jan 19, 2006 09:11 AM
171634, Pending Further Review
171081, forgive, Jan 12, 2006 10:21 PM
173352, fight4victims, Feb 18, 2006 09:42 AM [to answer ur question]
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