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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Now tell me what you think?
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Message 168666 (In Reply to Message 168550)
Posted by Quest
on Dec 05, 2005 06:28 PM | Also by Quest
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: 50 - 59,
State: Minnesota,
Country: United States |
There are reasons why rape and child sexual abuse split and devastate families. These things are not just built into our culture, they are wired into the brain at virth. That;'s why all through our written history and across all cultures studied the situation is pretty much the same.
Denial in parents and spouses is seemingly about survival itself. The peretrators of sexual abuse can be exceedingly normal in all life functions and then they do something that seems so outrageous it can hardly be believed.
Then there is the harbinger of devaluing victims of sexual assault. Women in particular. There was a study that found that the emotional impact of rape is actually LESS if the victims was beaten and had bruises. Why would that be?
Sexual violence is the only form of violence that casts a pall over the victim as well as the perp. This isn't something 'modern' or something cultural it's something human that we need to be aware of.
Victims are very sensitive to hearing this out loud. But it has to be considered. Victims devalue themselves too.
It is a little complicated but most of this can be predicted from a rundown of the biology of a species that has two genders and has sex. These things run so deep that they cannot be ignored in therapy and recovery or in the continuing problem of unreported crimes and prevention. Some species of male birds even beat their mates when they are jealous. That's how deep this runs.
I believe we have a hardwired brain calculator that assigns value to the opposite sex depending on what we know of the individual. For men and women the calculator is very different and it's primary input is 'which sex' .
I know of one case where the perp first put his hand into a child's pant to see if she was 'filing out'. She was confused and not cetain that it was even sexual. At this point in my opinion both perp and victim devalue the victim if there is no immediate protest and reaction. That is the tradgedy of all of this. Neither children or adults are being properly prepared to react to this. I submit that the victims AND the perps could use some knowledge of how it all works to avoid the slippery slope of the abuse cycle.
To obtain and distribute that knowledge we first have to accept that these emotional calculators exist. Next to root them out and understand their nature. Humans have a remarkable intelligence and adaptability once we understand our true nature. Those things that lurk in your brain wiring and emotional makeup will stop making you miserable when you shine the light of intellect on them.
The harbinger of devaluation must be faced and talked about. It's a bit of throwback evolution that we don't have to put up with. We can endeavor to do better than this but only if stop pretending it's not true.
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Message 168550
my 2 cents
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Dec 04, 2005 01:20 AM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 40 - 49,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
Thread
168205, Valerie, Nov 29, 2005 02:12 PM
168223, deadmomwalking, Nov 29, 2005 07:09 PM
168269, Valerie, Nov 30, 2005 04:34 AM
168690, Pending Further Review
168691, Pending Further Review
168224, Rejected
168242, dp1, Nov 29, 2005 10:01 PM
168255, dp1, Nov 30, 2005 12:23 AM
168467, Quest, Dec 02, 2005 10:38 PM
168550, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 01:20 AM [my 2 cents]
168666, Quest, Dec 05, 2005 06:28 PM
170812, Valerie, Jan 07, 2006 07:41 PM
171048, PVulcan, Jan 12, 2006 09:22 AM
168257, Rejected
168258, Rejected
168352, DoTheCrimeDoTheTime, Dec 01, 2005 03:59 AM
168662, Pending Further Review
174207, mawmaw, Mar 03, 2006 08:02 PM
174210, mawmaw, Mar 03, 2006 08:11 PM
174241, meli, Mar 04, 2006 01:13 AM [mawmaw]
174338, Pending Further Review
174270, Valerie, Mar 04, 2006 12:51 PM
174301, mawmaw, Mar 04, 2006 07:10 PM
174466, Valerie, Mar 11, 2006 04:19 AM
174616, Pending Further Review
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