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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): A blog I posted
Message 168130
Posted by jenclink
on Nov 27, 2005 11:22 PM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 21 - 29,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to share with you a blog that I posted on my myspace. Tell me what you guys think.
"A letter to the men in my life who hurt me
Current mood: rejuvenated
This is a letter to all the men in my life who have hurt me physically, emotionally, or mentally.
I forgive you. What each and every one of you did was completely horrible, but I can't go on with the rest of my life allowing you to have that power over me. Its not healthy for me, and, basically, its ridiculous. You are all powerless little boys. Its done. I hate what you did to me, but it happened, and instead of letting you ruin my life, I am taking control of my life back.
I'm going to get over the trust issues I have because not all men are like you. There are men out there who charish women and realize that they are amazing people and not cheap toys meant to be thrown away.
I am moving on. This chapter is closed. Instead of looking at this like it completely ruined my life, I'm going to take it as an opportunity to be thankful for my life, not because of what you did, but because I have it so well compared to some other people out there, and I'm going to help other people who have been hurt in the same way I have.
The tears I am crying are tears of joy. I've finally found the courage I need."
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Message 168195 (In Reply to Message 168130)
Posted by Valerie
on Nov 29, 2005 12:29 PM | Also by Valerie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Good for you...that is powerful...in that one blog besides coming to terms with yourself, you have also set the wheels in forward motion to end the cycle, which to me is HUGE...one thing I have gained in this forum, is abuse is so much bigger than any one of us...forgiveness, the power you have gained back, the strength you have derived is also a testament to your ability to control your future ..and put into perpective your thoughts of your past...High Five...
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Message 168214 (In Reply to Message 168130)
Posted by deadmomwalking
on Nov 29, 2005 06:09 PM | Also by deadmomwalking
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: N/A,
Country: Canada |
You are the same age as my daughter. But she has a lot farther to go. She still doesn't want to think or talk about the abuse, which, for now, I think is a good thing since the alternative to stuffing it seems to be cutting, suicide attempts and psychosis. She is getting a bit better but she is like a broken pot that has been put together with not enough glue. As long as she doesn't try to do much the glue holds but as soon as you add any stress she falls apart. I don't know what else we can do to help her. I hope that with time she will be able to have some sort of nrmal life.
It's good to hear you are determined to move forward. Almost every victim I have spoken to has said that eventually they did move forward, although the abuse was like a ball and chain they have to carry around forever. If you can somehow get rid of the ball and chain I think that's wonderful. I think the most important thing for victims to realize is that by focussing on their abuser/abuse they are actually continuing where the abuser left off. So you are still allowing the abuser to control and hurt you. We have the right to be angry but make that anger constructive. There is an old saying "The best revenge is to live well."
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Message 168273 (In Reply to Message 168130)
courage
Posted by myoung
on Nov 30, 2005 07:46 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
Finding courage and closing chapters is so very powerful for healing yet so difficult to actually implement. I think it's great that you've come to this moment...good for you!!
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Message 168280 (In Reply to Message 168214)
Posted by jenclink
on Nov 30, 2005 09:01 AM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
Thanks. As for your daughter, all you can do is be there. My parents do not know what happened, mostly because my mother didn't care. Let her know you love her and let her know you are always there for her. I'm lucky I have my friends. They're the ones who helped me realize that they are nothing but powerless little boys.
I can recall hours spent in my friends arms bawling my eyes out because of what happened. When I found out I was pregnant from that (too bad I can't use the word I REALLY want to) jerk, I felt SO dirty. And then, ironically, when he pushed me down that flight of stairs and I miscarried, I felt such remorse.
Life sends you a bunch of crap that, unfortunantly, you have to deal with. It kills me to know that molestations, rapes, ect are things we have to deal with. It disgusts me.
I'm actually planning on opening a Rape Victims Shelter, and I've told numerous people on and offline about this website.
Remember, just keep reminding your daughter how much you love her and ALWAYS be there for her.
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Message 168281 (In Reply to Message 168195)
Posted by jenclink
on Nov 30, 2005 09:15 AM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
Thank you. It wasn't easy...I'll tell you that much. Definitely a difficult letter to write.
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Message 168305 (In Reply to Message 168130)
Jen
Posted by dp1
on Nov 30, 2005 08:47 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I've refrained from posting/commenting because I'm confused. I am sorry you've been wronged by men in the past. It's not fair and you don't deserve poor treatment. Wouldn't it be easier to get control of you life by avoiding abusive men? Just a thought....
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Message 168347 (In Reply to Message 168273)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 01, 2005 03:16 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Not so fast MYoung. Jen's engaged to an offender. Her actions speak louder than her words. No offense Jen, but your words are meaningless unless you are willing to live your life without abuse....that would mean no acceptance of people that abuse into your intimate space. If you can't say "no" you do not have control of your life.
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Message 168387 (In Reply to Message 168280)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 01, 2005 04:44 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I'm actually planning on opening a Rape Victims Shelter, and I've told numerous people on and offline about this website.
Considering you are engaged to be married to a RSO, do you honestly think that is very wise? I wouldn't be surprised if it was shut down in a heartbeat the minute the ink is dried on your marriage certificate if it takes that long for the public to find out about your relationship with him. You may want to rethink this through once again.
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Message 168447 (In Reply to Message 168387)
Posted by jenclink
on Dec 02, 2005 08:15 PM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
We aren't engaged. And why exactly would that be a problem? I don't think you know the entire story.
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Message 168448 (In Reply to Message 168347)
Posted by jenclink
on Dec 02, 2005 08:18 PM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
And again I say you don't know the whole story. We aren't engaged. Maybe instead of saying that my "words are meaningless" you actually talk to me and learn the whole story.
I posted a reply on another thread saying this forums wasn't about fighting...so why do you insist on it?
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Message 168453 (In Reply to Message 168447)
Posted by PVulcan
on Dec 02, 2005 09:00 PM | Also by PVulcan
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Jen it's a problem because it's a conflict of interest, just that simple. In order to help victims, professionals need to leave their personal baggage at home. If you are engaged/dating a sex offender that won't happen based on the nature of working with sexual assault victims. And social events that are work related? Would he be welcome to attend, and what affect would that have on you, personally and professionally? It would be like if I was a Prosecuting Attorney in the Drug Unit and dating a convicted drug dealer. I would have zero credibility and probably be shunned by my peers. Not a happy life.
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Message 168455 (In Reply to Message 168305)
Posted by PVulcan
on Dec 02, 2005 09:29 PM | Also by PVulcan
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
This site is so thought provoking! This situation is very disturbing to me. We talk about how do we end/prevent the cycle of abuse, yet here we have a young woman 18-20 that has been victimized and is dating someone that has abused a 3 y.o!!!??? Of all the young men in this age range available to date, how could this be?
This might be a discussion for general forum? I'd love to hear input from others on this. Orolan made a great post in Other Side re this situation.
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Message 168462 (In Reply to Message 168130)
why?
Posted by anti
on Dec 02, 2005 10:10 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
would you post that in myspace.com???
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Message 168463 (In Reply to Message 168387)
Posted by jenclink
on Dec 02, 2005 10:12 PM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
Oh, and btw, its more than likely getting esponged from his record because the judge trusts what his PO and counselor and the little girl's family said. And they said he regrets it and there is a one in a million chance he'd do it again. See? Knowing the whole story can really come in handy.
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Message 168511 (In Reply to Message 168455)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 03, 2005 06:27 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
This site is so thought provoking! This situation is very disturbing to me. We talk about how do we end/prevent the cycle of abuse, yet here we have a young woman 18-20 that has been victimized and is dating someone that has abused a 3 y.o!!!??? Of all the young men in this age range available to date, how could this be?
Simple actually. It's called making choices. You wouldn't go shopping at the dollar store if you knew you had a million dollars in your wallet unless for some reason you felt you weren't worthy enough to own anything valued more than a dollar.
I understand there are many effective victim's programs available to young women that help with self esteem, decision making and the most important of all in my opinion in helping with how to select the right type of man. There's someone perfect for everyone. Obviously, it's extremely risky business mixing offenders and victims in an intimate relationship. Some people thrive on the risk; oh, the drama of it all.....Let's face it PVulcan, we're dinosaurs - no murders, rapes, molestations, drug addictions or recent trips to jail for us - we lead boring lives....been married to the same man since before Jen was born and he's never hit or raped me once, imagine that! There's no big secret here - all you have to do is wake up one day and decide that you are worthy and make better choices even if you have to get a coach or a therapist to help you. If you've been abused more than once, it's time to look at what responsibility you have to help prevent future abuse. It's like listening to people in Florida whine about hurricanes - that's like what you get when you live here and if you don't like it then move. People are like the weather; you can't fix either of them nor do you have control over the situation. People sure think they do though, look at how many folks died in hurricanes lately. How many child victims grow up to be magnets for abusive men? Now why is that?
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Message 168514 (In Reply to Message 168448)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 03, 2005 06:53 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I posted a reply on another thread saying this forums wasn't about fighting...so why do you insist on it?
I don't see anything to fight about. Either you are going to stop the cycle or you're not. It makes no difference to me either way. You have sooooo many choices. If you think I'll EVER join the "poor me" victim stance and cheer on a child victim and pretend a relationship with a child molester is a good thing you have sadly underestimated me. Please please ignor my posts if you can't stand hearing a different view point. The forums are for people to exchange information and learn. We see where you stand on the issue.
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Message 168515 (In Reply to Message 168463)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 03, 2005 06:59 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Knowing the whole story can really come in handy.
Yes indeed. And how many offenders with sex charges on victims as young as 3 get their records exponged? In my state that NEVER happens. And even if it did he'd STILL have to register as a sex offender unless he got a FULL pardon.
The whole story can really come in handy, eh? Too bad that pipe dream won't change a darn thing at least in my state. Tell us about his state and how offen RSOs get their records exponged and tell us how that wil effect his state SO registration....remind him though that if he moves to Florida he will still have to register and I know for a fact many other states will also continue to make him register even with an exponged record. So what is the whole story? Care to share?
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Message 168518 (In Reply to Message 168514)
Posted by jenclink
on Dec 03, 2005 08:36 PM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
Its not that I don't want to hear your point of view, its that you're so abrasive with your point of view it makes it sound like your opinion is the only one that matters.
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Message 168519 (In Reply to Message 168462)
Posted by jenclink
on Dec 03, 2005 08:37 PM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
Because my profile is private and only my friends can see it.
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Message 168521 (In Reply to Message 168515)
Posted by jenclink
on Dec 03, 2005 08:57 PM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
Neither of us would dream on moving to Florida, no offence. I've been having to go to Florida ever since I was 10 to visit my biological father. The chances of me moving there are extremely slim. And Washington is a gorgeous state that I'd rather not leave to tell you the truth.
And maybe I don't know a lot about his record getting exponged, but it was his court appointed counselor and PO who told me that. I didn't just make that up because it sounded good to say. They told me in a private meeting where my boyfriend wasn't there.
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Message 168526 (In Reply to Message 168511)
Posted by jenclink
on Dec 03, 2005 09:42 PM | Also by jenclink
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
My boyfriend has never once hit me, raped me or anything. Hes told me nothing but the truth and has treated me like a queen. His counselor, PO and everyone else I talked to pretty much said that there is no chance hes doing it again. They said it was the result of a stupid, depressed teenage boy.
I'm done explaining this. The family forgave him. Weathly, middle class, white family forgave him. They even said it was a HORRIBLE mistake that they even think he won't do again. The family in my opinion are really the only ones who matter. If they forgave him, great. I honestly do not care what you think of me anymore, dp1. Think of me as a stupid young woman, I honestly don't care.
The other thing is (and I know I've mentioned this before), they're naming their newborn son after him. You're right, maybe I'm being an idiot for not being a cold, unforgiving person dp1. But thats not who I am. If I saw my offenders today I would tell them exactly what my blog said. I forgive them. I don't hate them. Even my rapist who made it so I can't have children. Hating people, even RSOs, doesn't get you anywhere in life. Thats what holds you back. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe I'm testing myself and my strength by dating a RSO? No. You just think I'm degrading myself. I'm not.
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Message 168557 (In Reply to Message 168195)
jenclink
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Dec 04, 2005 02:14 AM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
that was an amazing example of taking the control back from the men that have hurt you. they don't deserve to have the power over you. that is the one thing that rapists or even other offenders know they have over women, the power. once you get that back, then they aren't able to have it, and you find yourself stronger than you ever think you could be.
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Message 168558 (In Reply to Message 168280)
my daughter
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Dec 04, 2005 02:18 AM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
my daughter is dealing with it right now by not dealing with it. she doesn't want to go to the rape counceling anymore, so i am letting her do this in the way she feels most comfortable. Thankfully, there is help for her at school, and at home. There is an old therapist of all of ours that goes to the schools and she sees my daughter there. My daughter is more comfortable with her, and since she has known my daughter for a very extended time, she knows what works best with my daughter.
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Message 168559 (In Reply to Message 168453)
jenclink
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Dec 04, 2005 02:21 AM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
how could you date someone that you would possibly have trust issues somewhere down the line. is this the reason you are being so forgiven. and how do you know that in the long run you can trust this person. just curious?
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Message 168560 (In Reply to Message 168521)
jenclink
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Dec 04, 2005 02:23 AM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
sometimes actions can be decieving. not saying that this could be the case. but many times it can be.
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Message 168561 (In Reply to Message 168514)
jenclink
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Dec 04, 2005 02:26 AM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
if the whole story hasn't been told, then please help us to understand, especially me. I stood up for you in the victims corner, and i would like to know how you can be so forgiving now, but be with a so. I am not trying to start a fight, just trying to understand the situation you are in. i think that right now, everyone is just kind of confused.
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Message 168573 (In Reply to Message 168526)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 04, 2005 06:31 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe I'm testing myself and my strength by dating a RSO?
Of course. That's exactly what I think. You don't need to test yourself to prove you are strong. If you've forgiven those that have wronged you then so be it. If people don't believe you then that's their issue. Alcoholics don't have to go to a bar and order a coke to prove they quit drinking. Not going to a bar works too.
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Message 168574 (In Reply to Message 168518)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 04, 2005 06:51 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
You're talking in circles Jen. Why don't you just be honest and admit you're shocked I actually had the nerve to confront you about this in this forum? I've worked with offenders and victims for decades. I've watched families over and over again make the same mistakes repeatedly. I've heard all the stories and excuses. Yes, my manner is abrasive at times. I've learned to cut to the chase and call it like I see it. No fuss no muss. Either the opposing view is helpful and food for thought or it isn't. Most people find it refreshing. One thing is for sure. Many people that post or read these forums will repeat the same cycle over and over again. We all need to be careful not to validate the wrong stuff if we want to reach out to many others.
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Message 168635 (In Reply to Message 168561)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 05, 2005 12:35 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I agree more detail is needed. Sleeping with the enemy is not what I would call forgiving or proof thereof.
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Message 168636 (In Reply to Message 168560)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 05, 2005 12:37 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Although people with control issues don't admit that the opponent can deceive since that would be a sign of weakness or lack of control.
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Message 168658 (In Reply to Message 168519)
jenclink
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Dec 05, 2005 04:37 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
iam truly sorry that you are unable to have children. But what i am having trouble with is the fact that you have a boyfriend that you have to have advise to find out if he is a pediophile or not. I being both a victim and a mother of a victim, if i had even a split second thought that my daughter or anyone i cared about was being around someone who i even thought could potentially harm them, wheather it be a sexual offense or murder, you can bet, i would keep that person away from them so fast that everyones head would spin. And you being a rape victim, how could you even want to be around someone who has the capabilities. Wheather they have acted on them recently or not? I am sorry but I, and i am sure other's don't understand this. I know that its good to forgive, but i think that forgiveness is going a bit in the wrong direction, when you say one thing, and act out on the other. Dp as well as other's has a great deal of knowledge, and for you to strike out at her, well that just shows that you have no idea just how knowledgeble she is, or that maybe you are feeling some kind of worry over your situation. But this is just my two cents.
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Message 168725 (In Reply to Message 168561)
Posted by Valerie
on Dec 07, 2005 01:42 PM | Also by Valerie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I couldn't have asked a better question mom....there are some issues we may never know here, but it seems that jenclink is trying to take back her power and mount herself as a martyr at the same time.....I am not sure what analogy to use, other than its kinda like stickin your hand in a fire and daring the fire to burn you. You can see by her responses to Dp1 that she is in defensive mode....if she stays in this relationship she will certainly have to fine tune that stance....it will be part of her everyday existence.....me personally, I couldn't imagine getting up everyday of my life knowing I have chosen to engage in a relationship with some one who literally has been documented as having a sexual preference for a baby....ya know you can see the dilemma a woman may have by having an existing relationship with a pedophile and not knowing it...but to actively walk in with both eyes open and having been abused by other men in her life is...well what would you call it? Suicidal?
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Message 168764 (In Reply to Message 168725)
Posted by steve
on Dec 07, 2005 05:05 PM | Also by steve
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Virginia,
Country: United States |
me personally, I couldn't imagine getting up everyday of my life knowing I have chosen to engage in a relationship with some one who literally has been documented as having a sexual preference for a baby
We're working with limited information, but based on what we do know there is a possibility he is a situational child molester, not a pedophile with a sexual preference for children or propensity to act on an attraction to them, but I agree that jenclink or anyone in a relationship with someone who has sexually abused a child, needs to be cognizant of the risks. Further, since she's a victim of sexual abuse as a young child, rape as a teen and is still in her teens herself (I believe she said she was 19 in a past post), she may have benefit from therapy for her past victimizations and desire to make what I believe is a fairly short-term relationship with this man work. jenclink, I haven't reviewed your previous posts so my apologies if I'm misinformed or ignorant of relevant information you may have shared. I don't think anyone here is trying to beat you up, but I think some are giving you some tough love in an effort to ensure that you consider all aspects of your current situation and future.
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Message 168780 (In Reply to Message 168764)
Posted by dp1
on Dec 07, 2005 05:59 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Thanks Steve. I appreciate you verbalizing what I may have failed to do in the past. In an effort to depersonalize this issue and address the high risk of dating RSO I have started a new thread to talk about the responsible things we as adults can do to minimize the possibility of reoffenses.
I also would like to say to Jen that I am sorry if I touched on a nerve here. I get a little nervous when I see high risk situations. Let's talk about ways we can reduce the risks.
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Thread
168130, jenclink, Nov 27, 2005 11:22 PM
168195, Valerie, Nov 29, 2005 12:29 PM
168281, jenclink, Nov 30, 2005 09:15 AM
168557, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:14 AM [jenclink]
168214, deadmomwalking, Nov 29, 2005 06:09 PM
168280, jenclink, Nov 30, 2005 09:01 AM
168387, dp1, Dec 01, 2005 04:44 PM
168447, jenclink, Dec 02, 2005 08:15 PM
168453, PVulcan, Dec 02, 2005 09:00 PM
168559, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:21 AM [jenclink]
168463, jenclink, Dec 02, 2005 10:12 PM
168515, dp1, Dec 03, 2005 06:59 PM
168521, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 08:57 PM
168560, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:23 AM [jenclink]
168636, dp1, Dec 05, 2005 12:37 PM
168558, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:18 AM [my daughter]
168273, myoung, Nov 30, 2005 07:46 AM [courage]
168347, dp1, Dec 01, 2005 03:16 AM
168448, jenclink, Dec 02, 2005 08:18 PM
168514, dp1, Dec 03, 2005 06:53 PM
168518, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 08:36 PM
168574, dp1, Dec 04, 2005 06:51 AM
168561, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:26 AM [jenclink]
168635, dp1, Dec 05, 2005 12:35 PM
168725, Valerie, Dec 07, 2005 01:42 PM
168764, steve, Dec 07, 2005 05:05 PM
168780, dp1, Dec 07, 2005 05:59 PM
168305, dp1, Nov 30, 2005 08:47 PM [Jen]
168455, PVulcan, Dec 02, 2005 09:29 PM
168511, dp1, Dec 03, 2005 06:27 PM
168526, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 09:42 PM
168573, dp1, Dec 04, 2005 06:31 AM
168462, anti, Dec 02, 2005 10:10 PM [why?]
168519, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 08:37 PM
168658, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 05, 2005 04:37 PM [jenclink]
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