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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): A blog I posted

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Message 168526 (In Reply to Message 168511)

Posted by jenclink on Dec 03, 2005 09:42 PM | Also by jenclink

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 21 - 29, State: Washington, Country: United States

My boyfriend has never once hit me, raped me or anything. Hes told me nothing but the truth and has treated me like a queen. His counselor, PO and everyone else I talked to pretty much said that there is no chance hes doing it again. They said it was the result of a stupid, depressed teenage boy.

I'm done explaining this. The family forgave him. Weathly, middle class, white family forgave him. They even said it was a HORRIBLE mistake that they even think he won't do again. The family in my opinion are really the only ones who matter. If they forgave him, great. I honestly do not care what you think of me anymore, dp1. Think of me as a stupid young woman, I honestly don't care.

The other thing is (and I know I've mentioned this before), they're naming their newborn son after him. You're right, maybe I'm being an idiot for not being a cold, unforgiving person dp1. But thats not who I am. If I saw my offenders today I would tell them exactly what my blog said. I forgive them. I don't hate them. Even my rapist who made it so I can't have children. Hating people, even RSOs, doesn't get you anywhere in life. Thats what holds you back. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe I'm testing myself and my strength by dating a RSO? No. You just think I'm degrading myself. I'm not.

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Message 168511

Posted by dp1 on Dec 03, 2005 06:27 PM | Also by dp1

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Florida, Country: United States

<blockquote><span class="mb-quote">This site is so thought provoking! This situation is very disturbing to me. We talk about how do we end/prevent the cycle of abuse, yet here we have a young woman 18-20 that has been victimized and is dating someone that has abused a 3 y.o!!!??? Of all the young men in this age range available to date, how could this be?</span></blockquote>

Simple actually. It's called making choices. You wouldn't go shopping at the dollar store if you knew you had a million dollars in your wallet unless for some reason you felt you weren't worthy enough to own anything valued more than a dollar.

I understand there are many effective victim's programs available to young women that help with self esteem, decision making and the most important of all in my opinion in helping with how to select the right type of man. There's someone perfect for everyone. Obviously, it's extremely risky business mixing offenders and victims in an intimate relationship. Some people thrive on the risk; oh, the drama of it all.....Let's face it PVulcan, we're dinosaurs - no murders, rapes, molestations, drug addictions or recent trips to jail for us - we lead boring lives....been married to the same man since before Jen was born and he's never hit or raped me once, imagine that! There's no big secret here - all you have to do is wake up one day and decide that you are worthy and make better choices even if you have to get a coach or a therapist to help you. If you've been abused more than once, it's time to look at what responsibility you have to help prevent future abuse. It's like listening to people in Florida whine about hurricanes - that's like what you get when you live here and if you don't like it then move. People are like the weather; you can't fix either of them nor do you have control over the situation. People sure think they do though, look at how many folks died in hurricanes lately. How many child victims grow up to be magnets for abusive men? Now why is that?

Thread

168130, jenclink, Nov 27, 2005 11:22 PM
      168195, Valerie, Nov 29, 2005 12:29 PM
            168281, jenclink, Nov 30, 2005 09:15 AM
            168557, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:14 AM [jenclink]
      168214, deadmomwalking, Nov 29, 2005 06:09 PM
            168280, jenclink, Nov 30, 2005 09:01 AM
                  168387, dp1, Dec 01, 2005 04:44 PM
                        168447, jenclink, Dec 02, 2005 08:15 PM
                              168453, PVulcan, Dec 02, 2005 09:00 PM
                                    168559, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:21 AM [jenclink]
                        168463, jenclink, Dec 02, 2005 10:12 PM
                              168515, dp1, Dec 03, 2005 06:59 PM
                                    168521, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 08:57 PM
                                          168560, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:23 AM [jenclink]
                                                168636, dp1, Dec 05, 2005 12:37 PM
                  168558, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:18 AM [my daughter]
      168273, myoung, Nov 30, 2005 07:46 AM [courage]
            168347, dp1, Dec 01, 2005 03:16 AM
                  168448, jenclink, Dec 02, 2005 08:18 PM
                        168514, dp1, Dec 03, 2005 06:53 PM
                              168518, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 08:36 PM
                                    168574, dp1, Dec 04, 2005 06:51 AM
                              168561, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:26 AM [jenclink]
                                    168635, dp1, Dec 05, 2005 12:35 PM
                                    168725, Valerie, Dec 07, 2005 01:42 PM
                                          168764, steve, Dec 07, 2005 05:05 PM
                                                168780, dp1, Dec 07, 2005 05:59 PM
      168305, dp1, Nov 30, 2005 08:47 PM [Jen]
            168455, PVulcan, Dec 02, 2005 09:29 PM
                  168511, dp1, Dec 03, 2005 06:27 PM
                        168526, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 09:42 PM
                              168573, dp1, Dec 04, 2005 06:31 AM
      168462, anti, Dec 02, 2005 10:10 PM [why?]
            168519, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 08:37 PM
                  168658, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 05, 2005 04:37 PM [jenclink]

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Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): A blog I posted

Message 168526 (In Reply to Message 168511)

Message 168511

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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): A blog I posted