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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Are you in contact with your abuser?

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Message 167016 (In Reply to Message 166904)

Posted by deadmomwalking on Nov 09, 2005 08:21 PM | Also by deadmomwalking

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: N/A, Country: Canada

Joy,

You bring up a very complex issue. Victims experiences can be very different and the relationship they have with their abuser, especially when that person is a family member, also extremely varied. I hope that you will post here. I believe that Valerie will respect your wishes to not reply to your posts, if her replies upset you.

You are correct that things are not black and white. We are put in the position of having to choose sides when we may not agree with everything being said on "our side". I wonder whether you agree with people on the other side who think "consensual molestation" of children is harmless or that any damage done is "all in their heads" or only the result of the interference of "child savers". I am the mom of a victim who has been very damaged by her abuse but I would probably oppose registries if they were introduced here in Canada, except for those offenders most dangerous and most likely to reoffend, ie, violent offenders, repeat offenders, pederasts. I would prefer to see money spent on registries spent on prevention, education and research and treatment for both victims and perpetrators.

At the same time, as long as we have people who think children and young teenagers are fair game for sexual exploitation we need people like Valerie, even though I probably disagree with her on almost every issue (sorry, Val). I often think that if I were like Valerie instead of the non-judgemental, oh-so-caring, open-minded and liberal person that I am (Val is probably gagging right now) my daughter wouldn't have been preyed upon.

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Message 166904

Posted by joy1234 on Nov 08, 2005 01:47 PM | Also by joy1234

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: New York, Country: United States

Why would you ask this question, and do you think that anyone that has been in contact with their abusers would want to answer you? Or trust you to try to explain why?  I have a hard time believing that you wouldn't start slamming them the way you slam all the SO's on this board.  As a matter of a fact I believe you would.  When I first came to this site I really wanted to find a place were my voice as a survivor could be heard without being told rotten things about the way I felt in regards to the registry and all the laws and the healing process.  When I saw that there was just as much hate going on and not by alot of victims but by you I just decided your hate is not healthy for me or for any other victim or RSO.  You may think you are noble and a hero because you are sticking up for the children in your own way but believe me you don't understand that many victims and survivors don't want to hear the hate that spews from your posts, many have enough on their plates and just need people that can help in an objective way.  I take offense at the way you try to control this whole site with your hate.  Your motives to solve the problem are so hate driven you take away from how you could be truly helping and I as a former victim take total offense at the question you asked, knowing how you treat the SO's on this board.  Anyone that did still have contact with their abusers would probably be scared to tell you.

Thread

166798, Valerie, Nov 07, 2005 06:34 PM
      166828, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 07, 2005 08:50 PM [valerie]
      166844, Valerie, Nov 08, 2005 12:51 AM
            166901, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 08, 2005 01:39 PM [valerie]
      166904, joy1234, Nov 08, 2005 01:47 PM
            167016, deadmomwalking, Nov 09, 2005 08:21 PM
                  167063, joy1234, Nov 10, 2005 01:51 PM
                        167113, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 10, 2005 08:24 PM [joy and deadmomwalking]
                  167723, sisterseekinghelp, Nov 21, 2005 08:44 AM [he silently disappeared]
                        167877, Valerie, Nov 22, 2005 11:11 PM
      166921, Valerie, Nov 08, 2005 05:20 PM
            166982, rebel51, Nov 09, 2005 09:36 AM
            167015, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 09, 2005 08:11 PM [valerie]
      166960, joy1234, Nov 08, 2005 10:22 PM
            167078, PVulcan, Nov 10, 2005 04:36 PM
                  167264, jenclink, Nov 14, 2005 10:44 AM
                        167324, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 15, 2005 02:52 PM [jenclink]
                              167337, steve, Nov 15, 2005 03:43 PM
                                    167386, Valerie, Nov 16, 2005 01:26 AM
                                          167413, rebel51, Nov 16, 2005 10:14 AM
                                          167420, deadmomwalking, Nov 16, 2005 02:26 PM
                                          167421, Rejected
      167131, Valerie, Nov 11, 2005 12:46 PM
            167247, joy1234, Nov 13, 2005 01:03 PM
                  167289, deadmomwalking, Nov 15, 2005 03:23 AM
                        167326, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 15, 2005 02:57 PM [deadmomwalking]
                  167325, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 15, 2005 02:54 PM [joy]
      167244, mawmaw, Nov 13, 2005 07:54 AM
            167327, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 15, 2005 03:00 PM [mawmaw]
                  167510, mawmaw, Nov 17, 2005 09:11 PM
                        167529, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 18, 2005 02:19 AM [mawmaw]
                        167617, Valerie, Nov 19, 2005 03:26 PM
      170302, FIREFLYBABE, Dec 30, 2005 11:59 PM [Yes, I'm married to him!]
            170307, anti, Dec 31, 2005 01:43 AM [re you being the victim?]
                  170371, Quest, Jan 01, 2006 01:26 AM
                        170399, dp1, Jan 01, 2006 06:31 PM [Quest]
                              170420, Quest, Jan 02, 2006 03:22 AM
                                    170427, dp1, Jan 02, 2006 09:01 AM
                                          170460, Quest, Jan 02, 2006 08:24 PM
                                          170713, momhelpingbyherself, Jan 06, 2006 03:09 PM
                              170442, anti, Jan 02, 2006 05:09 PM [exellent dp, really........]
                              170461, Quest, Jan 02, 2006 08:30 PM
                                    170488, dp1, Jan 03, 2006 01:51 AM
                                          170505, Quest, Jan 03, 2006 05:25 AM
                              170711, momhelpingbyherself, Jan 06, 2006 03:05 PM [dp1]
            170336, dp1, Dec 31, 2005 01:55 PM
                  170362, anti, Dec 31, 2005 07:44 PM [dp]
                        170714, momhelpingbyherself, Jan 06, 2006 03:13 PM
      170747, forgive, Jan 06, 2006 10:23 PM
            170757, anti, Jan 07, 2006 04:35 AM [to forgive..]
            170773, Valerie, Jan 07, 2006 01:52 PM

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Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Are you in contact with your abuser?

Message 167016 (In Reply to Message 166904)

Message 166904

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Are you in contact with your abuser?