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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Safe Haven For Victims and Families and those who aren't sure if they witnessed one
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Message 170021 (In Reply to Message 169925)
forevertomorrow
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Dec 24, 2005 08:05 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 40 - 49,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
my daughter was a victim of sex abuse in the third degree by my step father. he touched her breasts. he did the same thing to me, although i was in my mid 20's and i never dreamed in a million years that he would touch one of my daughters, as he has quite a few grandchildren. I didn't report it when he touched me, i simply went to my mother, and called him at work, with her on the other line listening. My daughter told me a month after it happened to her. I was so mad i can actually say i wanted to kill him was the first thought i had that came up in my mind. but instead, i knew that he was taking care of my brother who would have died without his help and waited a month to do anything about it, and i had a mother who was telling me, give her 30 days, and he would be in jail for a long time, and so much crap, i honestly couldn't think straight. I just knew that i felt like i was letting my daughter down. and i saw her sinking into a depression that i felt responsible for for not taking action. On the last day of May, I reported him to the police, I knew my brother would get his disability because i worked my butt off writing letters to congressman and such to ensure he got it. he has diabettes. and has only 10% usage of his kidneys. that is how sick he was. My mother did everything she could to try and change my mind, even bribe me to drop charges and ensure my two older daughters would have new cars. well when i heard that, without thinking i punched a hole in the wall. I was so proud of my daughter, she told the state police, and social workers what had transpired, that is when it went from sexual assault to sex abuse in 3rd degree. when it went to court, he was sentenced to 30 days with work release, 60 days probation, no contact with my children or me for the next 2 years and is on the registry for the next ten years. I stood up to a parent, my mom that i was deathly afraid of. She, it turns out is more concerned about the things she has than she is her grandchildren. she called here yesterday, and said she had gifts for them, i said well you know where they live. she hung up, (this is after having me put in jail, for having no choice but to drive my daughter to her school bus stop, with no license because of seizure that i have at night). i called her back and asked why she couldn't bring them here and she said i don't want to fight and i said we won't be, she said not you, him. And that is when it dawned on me i guess truly for the first time, what i have known in my heart.. money means more than family to her. she wont come here because of him. i said look, you already kicked me out of the family, my kids, are my family so they are out of yours too. we don't need you or gifts that his money bought. And i felt good for the first time in a long time. You are right, you probably have post traumatic stress, which is something that you should get some counciling for. I urge you to, as i had it to, after being in a tornado. As for this person being a victim himself, that is a pity, but the fact is, he still abused you, and that is something you need to remember, you forgive, but you won't forget. And you are right there are no excuses for what he did, but he is paying for what he did. In fact, in my case, i guess i am more angry at the betrayal of my mother, and that is what is going to be hard for me to work with.
You are right, gender is not a factor when it comes to abuse, of any kind. and i hope that this person learns from what he did, and realizes how what he did was. But at the same time, i hope he is getting right type of councelling for himself, so that when he gets out, he doesn't go back to jail for the same thing.
Welcome to the forum, and please post whenever you are up to it. I have a kidney stone, so you having the flu and i having a kidney stone, we make a sorry mess. LOL!!!!!! And maybe you and my daughter could help each other out since you are the same age, if she is willing, she is trying to put it past her. But hasn't really wanted to talk to anyone older about it. So who knows, maybe, this is what i started this thread for, for teenagers like the two of you, who could come in here and be able to talk to each other. without being bugged by others.
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Message 169925
A bit Confused...
Posted by ForeverTomorrow
on Dec 23, 2005 01:58 AM | Also by ForeverTomorrow
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 18 - 20,
State: Minnesota,
Country: United States |
Thread
166353, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 03, 2005 08:34 PM [All Victims and Families, advocates, a...]
166411, deadmomwalking, Nov 04, 2005 03:22 AM
166457, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 04, 2005 03:55 PM [deadmomwalking and dp1]
166511, dp1, Nov 05, 2005 03:20 AM [Momhelping]
166633, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 06, 2005 12:11 AM [dp1]
167114, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 10, 2005 08:32 PM [deadmomwalking]
166429, Navigatr1, Nov 04, 2005 12:46 PM [On Right Track]
166458, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 04, 2005 03:56 PM [navigatr1]
166449, dp1, Nov 04, 2005 03:27 PM
166454, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 04, 2005 03:51 PM [i need to make a correction]
166456, anti, Nov 04, 2005 03:54 PM [cool...]
166634, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 06, 2005 12:13 AM [anti]
166684, Valerie, Nov 06, 2005 05:48 PM
166688, PVulcan, Nov 06, 2005 06:06 PM
166693, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 06, 2005 06:19 PM [PVulcan]
166690, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 06, 2005 06:11 PM [valerie]
166692, Valerie, Nov 06, 2005 06:19 PM
168379, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 01, 2005 03:50 PM [since my pc has been down i am ...]
166737, DoTheCrimeDoTheTime, Nov 07, 2005 01:46 AM [Sitting on The Fence]
166744, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 07, 2005 03:10 AM [dothecrimedothetime]
166751, dp1, Nov 07, 2005 03:35 AM
166753, dp1, Nov 07, 2005 03:53 AM
166760, DoTheCrimeDoTheTime, Nov 07, 2005 06:10 AM
166782, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 07, 2005 04:20 PM [dp1 and dothecrimedothetime]
166863, dp1, Nov 08, 2005 02:23 AM [Momhelping]
166902, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 08, 2005 01:43 PM [dp1]
168380, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 01, 2005 03:55 PM [dothecrimedothetime]
168870, steve, Dec 08, 2005 04:34 AM
169856, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 21, 2005 02:38 PM [steve]
166815, Valerie, Nov 07, 2005 07:51 PM
166823, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 07, 2005 08:27 PM [valerie]
166846, Valerie, Nov 08, 2005 12:54 AM
166903, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 08, 2005 01:45 PM [valerie]
169925, ForeverTomorrow, Dec 23, 2005 01:58 AM [A bit Confused...]
170018, Valerie, Dec 24, 2005 06:18 PM
170021, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 24, 2005 08:05 PM [forevertomorrow]
170169, rebel51, Dec 29, 2005 12:22 PM
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