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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Hear No Evil - rebel51


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Message 165848
Article from St. Pete Times


Posted by
DoTheCrimeDoTheTime on Oct 31, 2005 02:31 AM | Also by DoTheCrimeDoTheTime
Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Florida, Country: United States

I am posting this so that other victims, family members, antis and vicitm supporters will see they are not alone. This is a good article that shows the vicious cycle that sex abuse creates. Hopefully, others out there will read this and know that they are not alone. It was as great "joint effort" of police, victims, and probation officers working together.

http://stpetetimes.com/2005/10/30/Floridian/Hear_no_evil.shtml

DTCDTT

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Message 165849 (In Reply to Message 165848)
ty, great great article.........


Posted by
anti on Oct 31, 2005 02:49 AM | Also by anti
Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

a good article, I have read soo soo many just like it, exactly almost, very sad.......
also I tryed your link, did not work , but this does, :

http://stpetetimes.com/2005/10/30/Floridian/Hear_no_evil.shtml

ps, again, ty .
anti

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Message 165857 (In Reply to Message 165848)


Posted by
PVulcan on Oct 31, 2005 04:07 AM | Also by PVulcan
Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

Amazing article, thanks for sharing that! that's EXACTLY the cycle we have to interupt.

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Message 166407 (In Reply to Message 165848)


Posted by
Valerie on Nov 04, 2005 03:12 AM | Also by Valerie
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Florida, Country: United States

I read these stories and see the damage it causes over and over...the effect abuse has on multiple generations is mind boggeling....Brock, the sister is an idiot...there are alot of people out there who are inherently bad....

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Message 166412 (In Reply to Message 165848)


Posted by
deadmomwalking on Nov 04, 2005 03:29 AM | Also by deadmomwalking
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: Canada

You can always find someone worse off than yourself. When I read this I was very grateful that there were at least some self-destructive things that my daughter hadn't got into - like prostitution and drugs. As for the sister, well, it is very hard for people to accept that someone they love can do something so awful. I have often thought how extremely difficult it would have been if my daughter's abuser was a member of the family, instead of a friend - that immediately became an ex-friend. It is hard to make someone an ex-brother. It is a lot easier to imagine that the victim is making it up or that because she is a drug addict or prostitute now, what happened when she was a child doesn't count.

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Message 166427 (In Reply to Message 166412)


Posted by
rebel51 on Nov 04, 2005 09:58 AM | Also by rebel51
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: California, Country: United States

I think that is the problem that alot of people face...what happened happened so long ago that everyone just figures that it is in the past and it should be left there! They dont understand that for the Victim it is like it happened this morning and it is VERY hard to put into the past where it belongs. That things in your day to day life will trigger a response that can not be controlled until after it happens.
I KNOW that a man I work with will not molest me and yet everytime he touches me I stiffen and pull down inside myself. Can I stop the reaction? Yes...AFTER I realize that it is him and that I am at work etc etc...can I stop the reaction BEFORE it happens? Nope..too late I have had it NOW I have to control it. (the reason that I have this reaction with this particular man is that he has a habit of coming up from behind me and throwing his arm around my shoulders/neck and pulling me in close to say things that he wants my backing for..example...throwing arm on me "just ask 'rebel' here, she will tell ya..bla bla bla" I cant freak on him as he does this with everyone and I dont want to tell my story at work, maybe I should.)

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Message 166461 (In Reply to Message 166427)


Posted by
PVulcan on Nov 04, 2005 04:10 PM | Also by PVulcan
Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

Reb, you don't need to tell your story in order to let someone know that you don't like him coming up from behind you and touching you. It's ok for you to have boundaries, and it's ok for him to know that you are not comfortable with that. It's not ok that just because he does that to 'everyone' that he do it to you if you are not comfortable with that. He probably has no clue that he is making you feel uncomfortable and would totally understand if you just said something like: You know Bob, not everyone is touchy feely and I sure would like it if you didn't approach me like that, it startles me and makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

I had a boss many years ago that called me 'Tiger', it drove me nuts! I personally don't like to be called honey, suga, sweetheart etc from anyone other than my hubby. It's ok that I feel like that. Most people don't mean any harm by that. Once I asked her to not call me outside of my name, it stopped, no problems what so ever. She wasn't ill intended, she was just a person who used terms of endearment with everyone.

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Message 166546 (In Reply to Message 166461)


Posted by
rebel51 on Nov 05, 2005 02:48 PM | Also by rebel51
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: California, Country: United States

I think that, that is the main reason that I like coming here!! In one short post you have made me look at life in a whole new way! I did not even realize that I had a problem in that area until you said that it is ok to NOT like to be touched. I actually broke down and cryed at the idea that it is OK to say it out loud and NOT have to have an excuse as to why I dont like it. I apparently did not know that I could be different or something...man that was just too strange!!
ROFL or I just needed a good cry..but tonight I walk away from the computer a little freer and a little lighter! All thanks to you! Thank you!!

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Message 166590 (In Reply to Message 166546)


Posted by
PVulcan on Nov 05, 2005 05:40 PM | Also by PVulcan
Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

Aren't life''s revelations amazing! :)

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Message 166669 (In Reply to Message 166590)


Posted by
rebel51 on Nov 06, 2005 03:12 PM | Also by rebel51
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: California, Country: United States

well..I took your advice and tonight at work I pulled him off to the side and told him that.."you know when you throw your arm across my shoulders?...It really makes me uncomfortable" he apoligised profusely and said that he would try to remember that I was one of "the untouchables" and he said it all with a huge smile and did not seem upset and did not demand an excuse at all!!
It went just like you said it would!!...will you be my mentor??? :-))
Thanks again!

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Message 166675 (In Reply to Message 166669)


Posted by
PVulcan on Nov 06, 2005 04:54 PM | Also by PVulcan
Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

Oh what a difference a day makes! :)

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Message 166926 (In Reply to Message 166546)
rebel51


Posted by
momhelpingbyherself on Nov 08, 2005 06:12 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Kentucky, Country: United States

Now someone has finally put it in words so that someone could see how a victim could feel. no matter how much time had passed. And then to add having it happen to your child by same person, brings it back full force. Rebel i am glad that you have seen what i have been trying, i admit, probably badly, what its like for a victim.

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Thread


165848, DoTheCrimeDoTheTime, Oct 31, 2005 02:31 AM [Article from St. Pete Times]
      165849, anti, Oct 31, 2005 02:49 AM [ty, great great article.........]
      165857, PVulcan, Oct 31, 2005 04:07 AM
      166407, Valerie, Nov 04, 2005 03:12 AM
      166412, deadmomwalking, Nov 04, 2005 03:29 AM
            166427, rebel51, Nov 04, 2005 09:58 AM
                  166461, PVulcan, Nov 04, 2005 04:10 PM
                        166546, rebel51, Nov 05, 2005 02:48 PM
                              166590, PVulcan, Nov 05, 2005 05:40 PM
                                    166669, rebel51, Nov 06, 2005 03:12 PM
                                          166675, PVulcan, Nov 06, 2005 04:54 PM
                              166926, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 08, 2005 06:12 PM [rebel51]

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