Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): To the Victims and Loved Ones. Would you help me?

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Message 166413 (In Reply to Message 165570)

Posted by deadmomwalking on Nov 04, 2005 03:42 AM | Also by deadmomwalking

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: N/A, Country: Canada

I am very sorry for what has happened to you. I know more than you might think about false accusations. How very terrible it is to be accused of something you didn't do. However, your solution is a legal one. With all due respect , if I was falsely accused of , say, hitting someone while DUI, and by a bizarre combination of misunderstandings and bad legal advice, convicted, I wouldn't be angry at or looking for advice from the woman down the street who lost her son to a drunk driver. Nor would I be trying to repeal drunk driving laws. I would be going after my idiot lawyer. I agree with VicLondon on this one. Your lawyer was so stupendously bad that you should go to the press with this.

As to the registries, I have said before, that there are a lot of things that shouldn't be on the registries. And even if you were guilty, one image of child porn and a first offense would certainly not qualify you in my books. Quite frankly, living in a place where we don't have them, it is not obvious to me what their usefulness overall is - compared to spending an equivalent amount of money on education and prevention. But I don't live in the US so I don't really feel that qualified to discuss US laws - there are so many of them I just don't get.

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Message 165570
A question to Victims and Loved Ones.

Posted by Ruined on Oct 27, 2005 07:57 AM | Also by Ruined

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: Pennsylvania, Country: United States

After posting about all the hate flying around in this forum, I came across something written by Valerie.  And, I saw it after she had really flaired up at somebody.

So, at first I thought she must be a cold, angry woman.  Then, I read what is listed below:

<blockquote><span class="mb-quote">Message 163960 (In Reply to Message 163911)

...and if you feel you were so wronged by the system, why dont you spend your efforts, energy and monies towards righting that wrong? If some of you werent so cold, so non empathetic ...you would and probably could accomplish alot more by not alienating the people who could genuinely help you....just my two cents</span></blockquote>

This got me thinking.  I see where she is coming from.  In all honesty, would you people try to understand, and help somebody like me?  AFter 3 weeks of being an RSO, I can now see that there will never be any hope.  I see it already, and am questioning how to keep going on.

So, I know that I can't do anything, and nobody with power will ever do anything.  The only people that can help us, are the Victims and the LO's.

My story may be different from some of the others in here, but my point is the same.  Would you help me?  Help me right a wrong?  Get my life back?  Make sure I have a long, bright relationship with my little girl?

Would you help me?

My story is below.  Some of it.

<blockquote><span class="mb-quote">Please note that below, in my original post, I state that 5 incomplete garbage files were reconstructed to be viewed as child porn.  Well, no matter how much I begged, I was never given the true, official evidence disclosure during my case.  3 weeks after pleading guilty, I finally got a form from Ontario police, stating that it was not 5 images.  It was 1.  One image that had to be rebuilt by experts, in order to be viewed.  And, according to it's created and modified dates, it had never been viewed before.  This is all documented by LE.  Not just my word.</span></blockquote>

I listed the following comment on a site where people were cheering for the high-value of the Sex Offender Registry. As I say in the comment below, I am not totally against a type of public registry. But, I believe that what is in place now, is a true horror, and is ruining lives, and damaging children across the country in it’s own way.

Again and again, I hear that the rights of the Sex Offender should not be deemed more important than the rights of the potential victim’s that will, supposedly, be saved by the registration . And, I actually agree with that to some extent. But, we are not robots, and there is no way to dump us all together, and make a blanket policy that will be fair and effective. Many, many potential “registrees” have never, and will never even affect the lives of children or anybody else. Many of us are innocent of the crimes we are labeled with. And many of us are not innocent of our crimes, but are no threat at all.

And, many of us have children that depend on us, while we exercise sane and healthy relationships in our lives.

As I will say below, my daughter is just as important as the children of the pro-registry parents. She is just as important, and she deserves a chance at a normal life with me. And, I deserve it too.

We deserve to be left alone! That being said, please read ahead. This was my comment:

I’m curious.

Do you people care about my daughter? She is 2 1/2 years old. She will end up needing therapy for years. She is, of course, a child. She isn’t even 3 yet, but I am pretty sure she will need help.

The same goes for members of my family, my wife, and of course, myself.

We have been hurt severely by Sex Offenders. They have ruined our lives. Would you like to hear how?

I will remain anonymous, so nobody can claim I am trying to tweak facts for my own benefit. This is just a work of non-fiction. Enjoy.

There is a lot to my story, but for now, I will stick to the short story.

Please know that everything I am stating here is backed up by documents, emails and letters. But, it never helped.

My first “Good Job”. I live in the United States, and was told to fly up to Ontario for work. I had 2 days notice, and had never been out of the country.

2 hours before my flight, I picked up my work computer from the office, and took off. When I arrived in Canada, I was stopped at Canadian Customs, and asked for Work Papers, whatever that means. Not knowing what they wanted, but thinking that it was probably on the laptop I had, I turned it on, and slid it over to the officer. “Please take a look on here, and see if I have what you need.”

I asked him to look at it. I ASKED HIM!

Seeing that a program called Limewire was on the pc, the officer looked for illegal images, and found none. What he did find was a group of incomplete downloads with illegal names. Limewire creates a folder called “Incomplete”, and places the debris of incomplete downloads in there. So, if you see something coming on your pc, and you stop the download, Limewire puts whatever it downloaded into that folder.

That was the end of my life.

I spent 3 weeks in a foreign jail as a Child Abuser.

During that time, Homeland Security, the Ontario Police, my friends and my own family investigated everything about me. They looked through my pc, my possessions, my bills, my emails, and my instant messages. They spoke with their children. They did it all.

Nothing else ever turned up. Only 5 partial images that were found in this folder on this work pc. Images that had the same Created date, as Modified date. Meaning, after the download was stopped, they were never viewed, moved, or anything. Ever.

I then went through 3 months of having to borrow money, and answer questions from everybody in my life. I lost my first “Good Job”. A disclosure of evidence was performed with a useless attorney that did not understand the case. It was performed while I was here in the states. I have the emails, asking for the information of what they found, but my attorney never gave me an answer. I have these emails. The only facts I ever found out were while I was in court. As I said. 5 incomplete images. Then the money ran out.

After only 3 months, I went through $15000.

I was offered a deal. They wanted me to plead guilty. My attorney told me that the police had an airtight case, I didn’t have the money to pay him anymore, and I should take the deal. I was told that I would have to pay $1000, but would not have to register, or anything else. I would be able to move on.

Another attorney was telling me that the police had next to nothing on me, and that it was clear I was innocent. But, it would cost $20000 for him to defend me. I did not have $20000.

My life was ruined, I had no help, and so I took the deal.  In addition, I spent the 2 weeks after my plea having 2 surgeries, removing 2 tumors.  I did not have a lot of options.

After being completely investigated, the end result was 5 incomplete garbage files that had never been viewed by anybody, but were able to be constructed into partial Child Pornography.

And, I still had to plead guilty. As I said in the beginning, all of this is documented.

2 weeks after, I was contacted by the state police, and informed that I must register. My official designation is Sexual Abuse of a Minor!

Sexual Abuse of a Minor! Can you people see this?

Here is the funny part: I am totally FOR Sex Offender Registration. But, it has to be done under the right conditions.

My face, name and address will be in a list with rapists, killers and child molesters. For 10 years!

You think this is ok? If you do think this is ok, you prove my point. Because, the average person is not calm, cool and rational all the time. This information should be utilized by professionals that can get the facts, know the circumstances, and act accordingly.

When my name shows up on that list, it will say nothing about my case or me. All it will say is that I was convicted of Sexual Abuse of a Minor, and then give you people my picture and address. It doesn’t show the facts and details of my case. Facts and details that were discovered by the police. Not me.

“Well, we can’t put the well-being of the offender above the well-being of the victims.”

I agree. I do. But, I am a victim too! What about my daughter? She is a victim! We are ruined, because of these sick people!! My God, it is insane!

I don’t even feel comfortable changing her diaper. I am scared to death of my own daughter. This is how it will be forever. I will be supervised during visits with her.

What about us?! It is because of these people that we are going through this. But, nobody cares.

My life is over. I will never have that good job. Never have that nice house in a good neighborhood. Everything will be sick, for the next 10 years. That is how my daughter will grow up. Getting teased by kids. Funny looks. Comments. Parents not letting their kids near her.

Now, here is the clincher. Close your eyes, and be me. Just for a minute. You are in Hell. You honestly don’t deserve this. All you hear is that it is just Too Bad. It is all for the children.

Now, wipe the tears out of your eyes, and open them up. Smile, because you are ok. And, it is all for the children.

What about MY CHILD?! I love my little girl. I had plans for her life too. My kid is just as important as yours!! She is.

We are just as important as you are. And we had plans. We do not deserve to be sacrificed. I don’t care if it makes you feel safe. We deserved somebody to care, and make sure this was done correctly. Make sure I had a chance.

I still believe in the Registry. My kid has to be protected too. But, a lot of responsibility will come with it. You CANNOT put innocent people on this thing. It is inhuman. It has to be changed, and done right.

a Dad always.

Thread

165570, Ruined, Oct 27, 2005 07:57 AM [A question to Victims and Loved Ones.]
      165973, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:20 AM
            166013, rebel51, Nov 01, 2005 12:27 PM
            166422, Rejected
      166405, Valerie, Nov 04, 2005 02:47 AM
      166413, deadmomwalking, Nov 04, 2005 03:42 AM

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): To the Victims and Loved Ones. Would you help me?

Message 166413 (In Reply to Message 165570)

Message 165570A question to Victims and Loved Ones.

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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): To the Victims and Loved Ones. Would you help me?

Message 165570
A question to Victims and Loved Ones.