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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Have a question? - reb
Message 165453
When does a victim ever get any rights
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 25, 2005 09:45 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
I haven't been here that long, but i have seen 2 veterans of this forum leave because the victims are being abused, bashed or not taken seriously by the SO'S RSO's and such. But yet they sit on their all mighty thrones and say that everything is so unfair to them, well it seems to me that 1. wishing harm from a natural disaster is wish harm on anyone, SO or victim. 2. Everyone gets in a heated debate because the SO's don't understand the emotional turmoil that families and victims are going through. all they want to do is gripe and moan about how unfair the laws are to them. Well what about the LAWS for the victims. They sure aren't fair. If a person gets probabation, and then proceeds to break probation, it doesn't matter what the stupid crime is, they deserve to have the probation revoked. They did not live up to their end of the terms of the probation. Now, 2 of the most broad minded people in this forum are leaving, if they come back, it would be a miracle. I for one as both a victim, who was STUPID only in capitals to make my point, and as a MOTHER of a VICTIM are gone. Because of the callous, cold, and unthoughtful and just plain ignorance of some of the posts that have been made. To those people who made those posts. You need to sit down and have a talk with God, if you believe there is one. Because, you are not showing a bit of humanity, but yet you demand to have it given to you. I for one, will not be run out, but i do know that dp will come back. as for deadmomwalking, i can only pray. Steve, there has to be something that you can do so that victims feel safe to post in, without harsh words from other people. Especially those who hope that mother nature will do harm to others. That was uncalled for. I am a victim of a force of mother nature, and it made me sick, and frankly, i was slightly surprised that the post was allowed to go through, concidering how many hurricanes there has been, and also, since the debates seem to be boiling down to the laws in Florida, and that quite a few people live in Florida do post in to this forum. I only hope, that other victims, will get up off their butts, and speak out, like dp1 and deadmomwalking tried to do for BOTH SIDES.
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Message 165454 (In Reply to Message 165453)
Posted by steve
on Oct 25, 2005 10:00 PM | Also by steve
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Virginia,
Country: United States |
Steve, there has to be something that you can do so that victims feel safe to post in, without harsh words from other people. Especially those who hope that mother nature will do harm to others. That was uncalled for.
I am not familiar with the post you are referring to. I've been out of the country (still am) so another moderator has been doing most of the moderation (and some users' posts aren't pre-moderated) and no one has notified me privately or the admin account about such a post. If there are concerns about a post, I need users' help by being privately contacted with the post ID and details. Thanks.
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Message 165460 (In Reply to Message 165454)
Posted by anothen
on Oct 25, 2005 11:02 PM | Also by anothen
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Texas,
Country: United States |
Well, I have to agree. I have heard and seen the pain of victims. And you are right, sometimes I believe some of the posts are cold and harsh.
I recommend a private forum, that is not available to the public, passworded and available by invitation. We do this quite often in our gaming community. We have hidden and private forum to discuss thing we would not like to reveal to the public.
Just keep in mind, I've seen the same on both sides. Both victims and offenders have been cold and harsh.
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Message 165464 (In Reply to Message 165453)
Posted by youtoo
on Oct 26, 2005 12:35 AM | Also by youtoo
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Missouri,
Country: United States |
This is not the first time that the hurricane statement has been made it was previously made to Valerie. When she lashed out in the Other Side forum I pointed out that the hurricane statement may be the reason she lashed out although as she did not say for certain it was it is still just speculation. No one paid much mind to it at that time possibly because Valerie is very vocal and seen as a vigilante, with a bit of racial predjudice thrown in. Possible because the post was not in the Victims Forum. It should not matter to who or where such statements are made, to wish harm on others in such a way is just wrong. I very much agree that you can not ask for empathy , compassion, understanding, ect. unless you are first willing to give it, even if those you are giving to are not willing to do so for you.
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Message 165503 (In Reply to Message 165453)
Have a stupid ? well maybe not so stupid
Posted by tygerlillie
on Oct 26, 2005 05:02 PM | Also by tygerlillie
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I posted in the introduction section, but now I want to ask something. This is rather hard to admit even to myself but here goes................due to being molested and raped (twice...i left the second incidence of rape out of the other post) could that possiblly be what causes me to be bisexual? I like both men and women and yes I am happliy married, but everything that has happened to me makes me wonder if the reason why Im attracted to women is because of the abuse. Is that possible? Or am i just crazy?????
tygerlillie
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Message 165509 (In Reply to Message 165453)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Oct 26, 2005 06:28 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
mom as you have not asked for RSO's to refrain from commenting I feel safe to do so.
I haven't been here that long, but i have seen 2 veterans of this forum leave because the victims are being abused, bashed or not taken seriously by the SO'S RSO's and such.
Please do not make blanket statements that include all RSO's when saying things of this nature. Other than a debate between you and myself in regards to your situtation, I have never been abusive, bashing, or failed to take another victim seriously. Please do not use a broad stroke of your brush to paint us all in the same fashion.
1. wishing harm from a natural disaster is wish harm on anyone, SO or victim.
Again, you are making it seem that every RSO is guilty of this, when in reality I know I, for one, felt repulsed by this attitude and in fact encouraged the ones I saw saying this to apologize to the person they made the comment to.
2. Everyone gets in a heated debate because the SO's don't understand the emotional turmoil that families and victims are going through. all they want to do is gripe and moan about how unfair the laws are to them.
Alsa, if everyone were gifted with the wisdom of soloman and the patience of Job, then this wouldn't be an issue. Sadly we are not so gifted, and the truth is that most of us DO realize the emotional turmoil (in fact some of us have even lived through it). While we may not always express it, many of us are remorseful for our actions, unfortunately, we also are human and having to deal with ever changing laws that limit our freedom long after we have paid the price for our actions WILL result in anger and unrest.
Now, 2 of the most broad minded people in this forum are leaving, if they come back, it would be a miracle.
You say 2 but I actually count 3 just recently (DP1, DTCDTT, and Deadmomwalking) and that doesn't include the fact that Silverthorn hasn't been around in quite a while. In the case of DP1, I believe she is just taking a break for awhile and will eventually return (or at least I hope so), DTCDTT apparently comes and goes from time to time (or at least that's the impression I get from her), and while I haven't personally talked to deadmomwalking, I also have not seen where she made the comment (at least in an open forum) that she is leaving.
I for one as both a victim, who was STUPID only in capitals to make my point, and as a MOTHER of a VICTIM are gone. Because of the callous, cold, and unthoughtful and just plain ignorance of some of the posts that have been made.
Do we take this to mean YOU are leaving? If so, let me be the first to say goodbye and goodluck in your future endeavours. I am not saying this in a cold or callus way, so please do not take that as a personal attack. No matter what our differences may have been , I do wish the best for you and hope you and your daughter pull through the terrible events that have plagued your life. Good luck to both of you.
Steve, there has to be something that you can do so that victims feel safe to post in, without harsh words from other people. Especially those who hope that mother nature will do harm to others. That was uncalled for.
It WAS uncalled for, howeveer, I don't think it was something that Steve should have concerned himself with as it was just some people running off at the mouth.
I only hope, that other victims, will get up off their butts, and speak out
Unfortunately, as is evidenced by the thread started in the Victim's Corner by Jenclick seeking advice, that has been shown to be a far fetched dream. All those that advocate for the victims and preach about how the Victim's Corner should be a RSO free area, left this poor girl hanging in the wind with no advise for 5 days before someone that is as much an advocate for RSO rights as he is an advocate for victims rights finally stepped forward and tried to advise her.
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Message 165511 (In Reply to Message 165509)
rabbitreborn
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 26, 2005 06:49 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
i wasn't generalizing anyone, but at the same time i wasn't wanting to mention any names. And I never saw a post where you said that they should apologize, and if you did, and i over looked it, then i do apologize. But rabbit, you have been abusive to me on several occassions, so lets not go there. its in the past. And i doubt if anyone of the veterans will be back. They are tired of the crap. They are trying to find a medium for all concerned. And without mentioniong names, it won't happen. And that is why victims don't speak out. and see, you said to apologize to the person they made the comment to. Well lets see, my sister was in Rita, I was in a tornado, so that is putting quite a few peoples feelings on a raw nerve. Correct. It was uncalled for, as i stated, for anyone, no matter wheather you are a victim, a so, a rso, a murderer, or just some homeless person. and of course, your right, i never mentioned names rabbit, so what are you being so offensive about. our problems our ours. but yet here you are in victims forum opening your mouth to me. maybe showing remorse to victims, would show that you aren't like the others, and you wouldn't be put in a catagory that you seem to think that i am putting you in, which i didn't. Am i leaving, not on your luckiest day, rabbit, i will be here, everyday that i can, standing up for all victims, until they can realize they can feel like be strong and take back what was taken from them. And yea, i think that was a personal attack, since it was made in the victims forum. and i don't need your luck for me or my daughter, because we take care of ourselves, and with the help of a few unmentioned again friends from here. and as for jenclink, i pm her. i also was in hospital for a bit. and am only on PC during certain days, usually on weekends and mondays, my days are spent with my kids.
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Message 165542 (In Reply to Message 165509)
Posted by 1dadof5
on Oct 26, 2005 11:37 PM | Also by 1dadof5
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: Indiana,
Country: United States |
Gees people, I didnt direct any statement directly towards anyone other than the Judge mentioned in the article. Fate and other forces seem to take care of themselves, usually in Ironic fashion. Take Jeffrey Dahlmer. He was one of the worst serial killers of the last decade, yet fate brought him justice days after he was put in prison.
Fate will also mett out its punishment to those who pass ridiculous laws in the name of safety. They will lose thier next election and thier political careers soon.
DP1 has been looking for a chance to take a couple weeks off anyway, she will return. I have left for weeks at a time and I still return. Even though they may not log on and post, many still lurk and read all the posts made here and then jump back in when they get ready
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Message 165558 (In Reply to Message 165453)
what?
Posted by anti
on Oct 27, 2005 05:22 AM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
have I missed here? or just the norm?
anti
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Message 165564 (In Reply to Message 165542)
coming and going
Posted by myoung
on Oct 27, 2005 07:18 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
I too do that. you can't devote ALL of your time here. I have yet to see any of the veteran posters leave. I've been gone for months at a time every now and again. Life is wayyyy too busy some of the time. As for Silver...he pokes his head in once and a while but we all know he has a lot on his plate and was/is dealing with an illness.
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Message 165565 (In Reply to Message 165453)
driving people away
Posted by myoung
on Oct 27, 2005 07:19 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
you can only drive someone away if they allow it. Your giving people power they don't actually have here.
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Message 165584 (In Reply to Message 165565)
myyoung and 1dadoffive
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 27, 2005 01:29 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
dp1 left because of the cold and callous remarks that were being made. to wish intentional harm on anyone was more than she could tolerate any longer. but then again, who could blame her, after all, she does live in Florida. and dad, you didn't specify who you were talking about, you just said forces of nature and wilma.
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Message 165598 (In Reply to Message 165565)
Posted by dp1
on Oct 27, 2005 03:31 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
you can only drive someone away if they allow it. Your giving people power they don't actually have here.
True. In a perfect world we'd all be independent and strong. Victim's are unique in that they've already been selected by offenders as easy prey. They've been kicked around. Their self esteem has been lowered. yada yada yada. Maybe my problem is that I have too much empathy for victims since I am not one. I cringe when I see some of the stuff that goes on in this forum. Oh well, who cares? Let's throw them all to the wolves.
There are many times I read about victimization and I ask myself why the victim did not fight back? Why did Jessica Lunsford not peep a word when a-hole Couey stuffed her in a closet or a plastic bag? Why are there victims on this forum that haven't reported their crimes to the authorities? I don't know why but I suspect it's because of fear. I may be totally off base by assuming victims have fear of offenders......I suppose I'll never really know as long as the victims get run off and continue to be intimidated to speak. Oh well, as long as victims don't speak the crimes didn't happen. I just can't understand why a RSO would undermine a victim's only forum, do you?
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Message 165601 (In Reply to Message 165598)
in a perfect world
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 27, 2005 04:13 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
well dp, its not a perfect world, and see, victims are treated worse than the offenders, for several reasons, 1. if they go and report it, they have to testify, and defense attorneys make them feel like they are being Raped all over again. 2. they may have been threatned with harm to their families. or unfortunately, in this forum, people have no respect for the victims, and they either lurk, or leave, well guess what, I am not leaving and being victimised again. For my well being, and for my love of my daughter. I have never seen where someone would come into a victims corner and take something out into a general forum. what did they have to gain from it? to harass me, oh well, i don't break that easy. if anything it justs shows their ignorance. no wonder that person says DUH alot. If i as a victim, and a parent of a victim can stand up to these bullies that seem to think they rule the roost, then other victims gather together with me, we can make a difference and stand strong together. we can kick them out. read the above warning. just make sure that we as victims and families and friends and such state we don't want them to respond then that will shut their mouths. if it gets taken into general forum, i am willing to deal with them. Lets not be victimized again
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Message 165616 (In Reply to Message 165453)
to sit things straight
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 27, 2005 04:49 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
when i post in here i don't want so's rso's or pediophiles or their supporters to respond to my posts, or furthermore taking them to the general forum as this is rude, and since i have been labled rude. follow what you preach
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Message 165658 (In Reply to Message 165598)
dp1
Posted by myoung
on Oct 27, 2005 07:58 PM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
I guess what I really don't get is that this is an anonymous forum. No one can see you, touch you, hurt you, find you, etc. Therre is no REAL fear to speak out here. I understand that words can often do more damage than a physical blow but....still...this is typing on a forum where no one knows you and you can be totally open and dismiss the posts you wish not to read and read the one's from which you can gleen some righteous information.
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Message 165666 (In Reply to Message 165658)
myyoung No So's Rso's or pediophiles or supporters respond
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 27, 2005 11:51 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
its not the point. its a place to feel as though you are at a safe haven even temporary. i read your bio. and i am truly sorry for what you and your children have endured. But now, let me ask you this, how did it make you feel when it first happened? Were you angry, were you ready to do bodily harm to the person who hurt your baby? would you want to come into a forum that said victims, to only have it ridiculed by the same kind of people. Wouldn't you want to vent, have time to deal with it, then maybe after coming to terms with it, then talk to SO's and such? If not, then I certainly don't understand you as a mother at all.
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Message 165700 (In Reply to Message 165658)
Posted by kids1st
on Oct 28, 2005 06:56 AM | Also by kids1st
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Alabama,
Country: United States |
Once someone has been selected to become a victim, it's a long hard road to recover self-esteem. Fear, even when you can't be seen by others, is something that is extremely hard to overcome. It can be done, don't get me wrong, but sometimes, even a little criticism will take the person back to square one -even anonymous criticism. I lived in fear for my mother's life for so many years (because I told), that I can feel for the one's who are still on the long, long road from victim to survivor. And just like one drink will set an alcoholic back - so too will unkind words and sarcasm directed toward a victim.
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Message 165773 (In Reply to Message 165658)
Posted by rebel51
on Oct 29, 2005 03:07 PM | Also by rebel51
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
Thats just it though..it is very hard to just dismiss what is said because it is a topic that is SO close to your heart..it is something that in my case at least I have spent years and years keeping it swept under a rug, so when I talk about it I actually shake..right now the musles in my tummy (sorry cant spell stomack so you get the little girl "tummy") are shaking so hard that it is hard to concentrate, all because in another post a few minutes ago I spoke to someone about my personal story. I have to take breaks from here because there are times that someone will upset me so bad that I cant sleep for days at a time...and my abuse took place 40 YEARS ago.
I am strong enough to be able to come back and I just dont post to the person that was able to affect me that bad and if he talks to me I just ignore him. However like I said my abuse is 40 years in my past so I cant even imagine how hard it would be if it happened last week or I was in the middle of trying to deal with my molested child.
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Message 165779 (In Reply to Message 165773)
reb
Posted by myoung
on Oct 29, 2005 05:17 PM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
this is where years and years of therapy and biofeedback have done me a great deal of justice in the coping skills arena. I thank my doc every single day for having the foresight to treat people, from abused histories, for PTSD among other stress related chemical changes that occur in the brain upon experiencing distress and trauma. He is awesome and I can't say enough times how much he has done for me. I wish I could advertise for him. I've written posts about it before if you are interested. I just let things roll off where I used to spend countless, endless, sleepless nights drinking and sobbing and creating more drama than ever so I felt comfortable displacing one thing for another. Sad...but that's the only coping mechanism I was capable of at the time. I just don't think we need to "shut people down" for speaking their minds. It's up to me, you and anyone else who reads here as to whether they want to accept what is being typed or not. I never could understand how we went from a society that allowed people to learn how to acquire strength through experience (trial and error), feel pain, and take responsibility for their own well being and actions, etc. to a society of hand holders and coddlers. I am NOT,.by any means, saying that you shouldn't empathize with people and try to understand their position in this world...but come one. Our children are growing up without good coping skills as a result....sorry...that got off the subject a little but it is VERY related
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Message 165788 (In Reply to Message 165779)
myyoung
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 29, 2005 06:21 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
i think that if it happens to a child, the parent and child both have to cope with it. and it may take a parent longer to deal with it. In many ways. Ways that some people don't even understand. The thing is people, usually the victims/survivors are being shut down and that is why they need a safe haven. Until, they themselves feel like they can deal with facing who they May see as the enemy. Doesn't mean that i perseve everyone as an enemy, although there are a few. But if they are new to the forum, you know they are going to have anger issues, and that is going to fuel fire to the fire. So why not let us go and talk with others like ourselves and not worry about people picking on us. Is that so much to ask? Is it so much to ask that So's don't come in the victims room and copy and then paste parts of a post and then copy into a general forum? where is the respect. Maybe a parent who has never been a victim, really just needs to talk. And they aren't comfortable doing it in a room full of SO's Rso's and such. Why is that something so wrong?
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Message 165823 (In Reply to Message 165779)
Posted by rebel51
on Oct 30, 2005 01:20 PM | Also by rebel51
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
I just don't think we need to "shut people down" for speaking their minds. It's up to me, you and anyone else who reads here as to whether they want to accept what is being typed or not
I completely agree with you. I do think that there should be alot more respect for one another within the different areas but I dont think that anyone should be banned per say. Thats why I said that sometimes I do have to go away. There has only been one person on this site that had "the power" to upset me that bad so far.
This is a really hard issue because I can see and agree with all sides of it and each has such good arguments for thier side of it.
I do know that calling names and being rude to one another especially in this forum is not going to solve anything.
To me, in this forum, everyone should be not only on thier best behavior, but they should not have one unkind thing to say. I am just as guilty of that as anyone. While trying to be nice in how I worded it, I did tell someone in here that I felt that they were just as guilty of child molesting as the actual molester if she did not call the police. I believe that I may have told a couple of people similar things. One of the things in my past was that the adults did not help me..they just assumed that because they had "spoken" to the offender it was all better now...so I guess that I have a very low tolerance when I feel that a child is being "allowed" to be molested by an adults "oh my, oh my...whatever can I do?" attitude. However it is not my place to TELL anyone anything in the victims forum. My only place is to be there IF they need me and my personal brand of help..which is to usually let them know that someone else has been there, they are not alone in that place. Thats all I can do...let them know that there are others. I feel that every one of us has something to offer and maybe one of us has the word or the deed that will begin the healing process today instead of tomarrow.
I know that sometimes I sound wishy washy because one day I say one thing and then the next day it will sound like I am saying the opposite, when in reality, I have just had someone talk to me and help me to see it just a little different than I did yesterday. I feel that is what we are all here for..to give as many sides to the same problem so that the victim will be able to pick the one that fits them the best and take whatever comfort they can from the rest.
I also agree with your assesment of todays children..I think that we are raising them without the ability to cope. I also feel that we are raising them to not take responsibilty for anything.
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Message 165928 (In Reply to Message 165511)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Oct 31, 2005 09:48 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
OK mom, let's get a few things straight.....
And I never saw a post where you said that they should apologize, and if you did, and i over looked it, then i do apologize.
I did, and that is all I intend to say on the matter.
But rabbit, you have been abusive to me on several occassions, so lets not go there.
As I stated in MY post, OTHER than an issue I had with you, I have NEVER been abusive to a victim. I have tried to be respectful and let my issue with you go away, please do the same.
And i doubt if anyone of the veterans will be back.
Well as I have seen both DTCDTT and DP1 posting, I would say you were wrong on this prediction. Hopefully they stay because I feel we need people like them to help BOTH sides of this issue.
Well lets see, my sister was in Rita, I was in a tornado, so that is putting quite a few peoples feelings on a raw nerve.
And again, you have my heartfelt sympathy. I too have been in numerous storms, everything from being on the beachfront in Miami during Andrew, to having a Tornado drop out of the sky directly overhead while pumping gas at a service station. I know they can be terrifying, and that is why I immeadiately took offense to such a callous statement. However, I also know they can be one of the most beautiful events that mother nature can show us if observed from a safe distance. Kind of Mother Nature's way of reminding us just how small and petty we really are in the face of her wrath.
and of course, your right, i never mentioned names rabbit, so what are you being so offensive about. our problems our ours. but yet here you are in victims forum opening your mouth to me. maybe showing remorse to victims, would show that you aren't like the others, and you wouldn't be put in a catagory that you seem to think that i am putting you in, which i didn't.
whew, this one is more like a 3 parter.... First, I was not being offensive, and if this is how you took my comments, I appologize, they were never intended to be that way, I was merely trying to answer your post. Secondly, I was not "opening my mouth" to you in an attempt to be offensive, I was answering a post you made giving my feelings on the matter. Had you not wanted input from RSO's then you should have stated it in the subheading of your original post and I would not have commented. And lastly, I have ALWAYS shown nothing but remorse for MY victim, and Empathy to all victims in general (remember I was a victim at one time too so I know what they are going through). Never did I say you were pigeon holeing me along with the "others", in fact, if anything, I singled myself out from many by taking issue with some of the things I have heard other RSO's say. Heck even Orolan admitted mine was more the voice of reason as opposed to his hot tempered and "cold" responses.
Am i leaving, not on your luckiest day, rabbit, i will be here, everyday that i can, standing up for all victims, until they can realize they can feel like be strong and take back what was taken from them
Great, never did I ask you to leave, nor would I. The more voices in this whole issue, the better in my opinion.
. And yea, i think that was a personal attack, since it was made in the victims forum. and i don't need your luck for me or my daughter, because we take care of ourselves, and with the help of a few unmentioned again friends from here
What part of that felt like an attack to you? I was merely wishing you luck in all that you do. Would you have prefered that I post it in another forum? I answered your post in the forum in which you posted it, I was calm and respectful throughout my entire post. I misinterpreted the comment you made to be your goodbye, and instead you take my words and throw them back at me as though I was attacking you? Do you always interpret empathy and caring as a personal attack?
and as for jenclink, i pm her.
I brought up the jenclick post as an example of the lack of attempt by so called Victim advocates to assist this person, this in my opinion is NOT the way you show that you care about victims. I am glad that you are still in contact with her and hopefully she can work through her issues, but the FACT remains that for 5 days, NOONE stepped forward to assist her. Talk about lack of empathy, talk about running victims away, were I to have come here as a victim, and post about something I needed advise on, and not receive a response for 5 days, I would have left and went elsewhere where, perhaps, the victims advocates were more interested in actually helping victims than in chasing away those that have true advise even if those same people were RSO's.
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Message 165930 (In Reply to Message 165616)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Oct 31, 2005 10:13 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
OKay, I know I'm going to get bashed for responding to this, but oh well, I have broad shoulders so I can handle it.
when i post in here i don't want so's rso's or pediophiles or their supporters to respond to my posts
Please do not expect every RSO, pedophile, or supporter of those same people to automatically "know" that. If you do not want reply's by those types, please do the agreed upon thing and post that info in the subtitle of each post you make in the victims corner. I believe that steve has already stated that that would be an acceptable means of limiting the responses you receive, and as he is the owner of the site I would think following his wishes in this matter would be prudent.
or furthermore taking them to the general forum as this is rude
No offense, but as you have stated this in MANY posts, I feel I should comment on it. It was RUDE to make a post bashing people on this site (even if you didn't name names) in a thread in a forum where they didn't want to post for fear of offending Victims. It is not "rude" to move that topic of debate to a forum better suited for that discussion. If you don't want people to reply to your posts within the victims forum, that is your right and I at least will respect steve's site rules and not respond to any post in the victim's forum that specifically asks (in the proper manner) for RSO's not to respond.
However, you have repeatedly made reference to how uncomfortable a victim would feel in anything other than the victim's forum when they are first starting out posting , then in the next breath you make mention of the fact that they would be mortified having their posts copied and pasted into the general forum, so I ask, which is it? If they are ONLY visiting the site for the support of the victim's forum, then they would not even know there was a discussion of their post in the general forum. If however, they are reading posts in the "general" or "free-for-all" (please note that these are both names placed on that forum by the site owner not me) forum, then they are going to get the RSO side of events as well as the victim's side and hopefully will walk away with a better understanding of the whole situtation. I for one, WILL continue to read EVERY thread that I choose to, and if something needs comment, but due to the original poster wishing to preclude comments by RSO while in the victim's corner, I absolutely WILL copy it into the general forum so that I can make the response I feel it deserves. You have bashed orolan for copying your thread into the general forum (which is where I feel it should have been in the first place) and called him rude for doing so, but then have made comment that he shouldn't be posting in the victim's corner. You can't expect a person to not comment on a post that you make that "seems" to be an attack against that person's character.
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Message 165939 (In Reply to Message 165584)
dp left?
Posted by anti
on Oct 31, 2005 10:41 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
this is where all my confusion comes from, as I still see her posting here, and as a rule, she seems to hav ehad no problem re the rso here...........
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Message 165955 (In Reply to Message 165503)
tiger
Posted by 1dadof5
on Nov 01, 2005 01:57 AM | Also by 1dadof5
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Indiana,
Country: United States |
I would not conclude that any bi-sexuality would nessasarily be the result of abuse as much as the general attitudes of society and that more and more women(and some increasing amounts of men) are not as scared of being labeled and are more free to explore different things that satisfy thier sexuality. This is nothing new. Bi-sexuality has been written about as far back as the Roman Empire where it was quite common. You are NOT strange or wierd. You probably have a better understanding of your sexuality thatn you are willing to admit. The right wing fanatics might want to lock you up for it, but this is quite normal
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Message 165971 (In Reply to Message 165939)
Anti
Posted by dp1
on Nov 01, 2005 04:12 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
this is where all my confusion comes from, as I still see her posting here, and as a rule, she seems to hav ehad no problem re the rso here...........
I left for a week.....needed some time out......may take some more time. As far as the RSO posting here I believe I've done my fair share of speaking up in regards to protesting offensive remarks. Not all RSO posts have been offensive. Some have been very supportive. I don't see the issue as black and white as others do.
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Message 165972 (In Reply to Message 165971)
thank you...
Posted by anti
on Nov 01, 2005 04:18 AM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
goes to show you, lol how I am not here much, I pop in and out, as I am busy, and a forum I cant make a prioirty for me , I have my own deal to run and it takes alot of time, as steve knows....... but ty dp for clarifying, as I was soo confused re someone saying you left here, yet I seen you posting.
again, ty.
anti
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Message 166012 (In Reply to Message 165930)
Posted by dp1
on Nov 01, 2005 12:06 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
You have bashed orolan for copying your thread into the general forum (which is where I feel it should have been in the first place) and called him rude for doing so, but then have made comment that he shouldn't be posting in the victim's corner. You can't expect a person to not comment on a post that you make that "seems" to be an attack against that person's character.
This is an interesting point. Let's look in the other side forum and see how sex offenders bash the other side. Look at Fallenone's posts. Has there been any posts in the last year where he hasn't slammed DP1? Now, we all know F1 is verbally abusive, not that it's acceptable for him to do this, but I refuse to lower myself to this scumbag level and even bother wasting energy on his posts. Sorry, that's how I feel. I challenge ANYONE to attack me for saying this or bashing a sex offender in this forum after being verbally abused as much as I have (for no reason other than correctly classifying this guy as a predator) Now, I'm not trying to pat myself on the back here, I'm simply saying that it's clear in this case that I'd be more than justified slamming this guy for being ignorant, but I don't out of respect for the other side forum. Yet, not one RSO has stepped up to the plate and told F1 to quit this unwarranted verbal abuse. You guys can't have it both ways here fellas. If you want to whine about being attacked in this forum, then before you clean up this house go clean up your own. And since we are talking about Orolan specifically, why don't we ask him how or why he tolerates this behavior from RSOs in the other side yet jumps all over victims for similar behavior. My silence regarding the personal attacks in the other side forum speaks volumes for the respect I have for other RSOs, don't you think? Inquiring minds have a need to know.
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Message 166017 (In Reply to Message 165503)
Not Stupid
Posted by Navigatr1
on Nov 01, 2005 01:26 PM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Welcome to the forums tygerlillie. Your question is not stupid at all. I have to agree with 1dadof5. You can't conclude that your bisexuallity is a result of your rape. However, you may want to explore this question with your therapist. Bisexuallity, and even homosexuallity have been around for a long time. There are accounts of greek solders loving and having sex with each other. As I said, you should talk to your therapist about it.
--Navigatr1
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Message 166020 (In Reply to Message 165928)
Posted by Navigatr1
on Nov 01, 2005 01:44 PM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
rabbitreborn wrote:
Talk about lack of empathy, talk about running victims away, were I to have come here as a victim, and post about something I needed advise on, and not receive a response for 5 days, I would have left and went elsewhere where, perhaps, the victims advocates were more interested in actually helping victims than in chasing away those that have true advise even if those same people were RSO's.
I think you hit the nail on the head here, and I have to agree. Why can't the victims support each other rather than to have this constant bickering when a sex offender or a supporter responds to a post? I think the constant bickering would run most people off for now the threads become about who should or shouldn't respond to a post rather than about the original poster. momhelpingbyherself needs to get off her high horse, and actually give support to victicms that post in my opinion. She needs to stop bringing her daughter and her into each post. I want to state that this in not an attack on you momhelpingbyherself, but hopefully some constructive criticism. Moreover, you should stop all your harping that sex offenders and their supporters are running people off. It is getting tiring quite frankly. All you are doing is turning each thread into bickering sessions about who is or isn't at fault. It really needs to stop.
I challenge you momhelpingbyherself to actually give support to the victim rather than turning the threads into a bickering session. Refer people to websites such as rainn.org. There are plenty of resources out there on the web for victims.
--Navigatr1
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Message 166021 (In Reply to Message 165565)
I agree
Posted by Navigatr1
on Nov 01, 2005 01:47 PM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I agree myoung, and you are absolutely correct.
--Navigatr1
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Message 166022 (In Reply to Message 165584)
Posted by Navigatr1
on Nov 01, 2005 01:49 PM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
As dp1 has stated, she was not driven away. She just needed to take a break for awhile, which I don't blame her. Everyone should take a break from this board once and awhile as the subject matter is quite intense.
--Navigatr1
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Message 166024 (In Reply to Message 165616)
Posted by Navigatr1
on Nov 01, 2005 02:04 PM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
momhelpingbyherself wrote:
when i post in here i don't want so's rso's or pediophiles or their supporters to respond to my posts
Not everyone is going to read this particular post in this thread, and know your wishes. They don't have telepathy. If you don't want certain people posting in a thread, then you should follow the agreed upon rule, and state that in the post title at the start of the thread. However, don't abuse this by posting something in the Victims corner to bash sex offenders and their supporters, and not expect them to respond.
--Navigatr1
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Message 166034 (In Reply to Message 166012)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Nov 01, 2005 02:25 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I ask your forgiveness for not having seen any attacks by F1 against you. As I have not been posting for all that long of a time, I can honestly say that I have not seen a post by him that was abusive towards you (or any other person). In fact, since I have been a posting member of this site, I have rarely seen him posting at all, and then usually to let everyone know of personal situtations that have arisen in his life. Personally, you know that I have no arguement with you or many others on this site and I have even held in check my opinions on those that I do have personal issues with. I have done this out of respect for both individual opinions as well as repect for the owner of the site.
My silence regarding the personal attacks in the other side forum speaks volumes for the respect I have for other RSOs, don't you think?
And you have the utmost respect from this RSO if no other.
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Message 166040 (In Reply to Message 166034)
Posted by dp1
on Nov 01, 2005 02:49 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
http://www.sexcriminals.com/forums/108/17280/165019.html
My conclusions are as follows:
1. It shows that many people in professional positions are incapable of doing a job without prejudices and biases. If anyone believes psychologists, law enforcement, judges and lawyers are not biased then you live in Judge Martin's doe-eyed virgin fantasy land. Read enough of DP1's posts and you'll see what I mean by inability to be unbiased.
Feel free to explain to me why not one person corrected this person, reminded him that DP1 correctly assessed the predator status over a year ago, continues to support RSOs even in the other side forum without needless bashing or bickering, and ignors F1's ignorant comments out of respect for others?
Now having said all that, I am having EXTREME difficulty having empathy for Orolan's anger over the bashing of him in this forum. If he tolerates this behavior in the other side against the one person that supports RSOs the most around here then why should he be so deserving of more respect in this forum?
Further, I clearly don't want to give the impression that I think it's ok to bash people. But ya can't expect not to get bashed if you support it. Silence is acceptance. Period.
Thank you for your understanding Rabbit. It's not nice to be bashed, it feels bad, it's disruptive and disrespectful. Unfortunately, the rules are not widespread around here and they need to be.
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Message 166044 (In Reply to Message 166040)
My Post
Posted by dp1
on Nov 01, 2005 03:00 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Please don't interpret my post as attacking RSO, whining or whatever. I have been having a hard time understanding how some people on these forums demand automatic respect and support yet they themselves don't step up to the plate. And how can people (F1 is a great example but not the only one) continuously show disrespect towards others and realistically expect sincere support? Makes no sense.
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Message 166058 (In Reply to Message 166012)
Posted by Renunciation
on Nov 01, 2005 03:43 PM | Also by Renunciation
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: Bahrain |
My silence regarding the personal attacks in the other side forum speaks volumes for the respect I have for other RSOs,
It speaks volumes for the respect you would give ANYONE, regardless of their various titles. Thats why I like yo so much.
But....... I missed his attacks on you, unless he changed his name to pumpkin?
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Message 166061 (In Reply to Message 166034)
Posted by dp1
on Nov 01, 2005 04:07 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I rudely failed to thank you for your kind words Rabbit. I know you haven't been around long enough to see people's patterns. Also, I'm not sure if Orolan is posting in this forum and I would hate to miss out on his comments so feel free to cut and paste this issue in general forum. I believe there are other examples probably with all of us if you think about it, where a person's silence or failure to comment may give the wrong impression. I suppose I expect other's to demand a certain level of respect. There have been a few times where I've slammed a couple victim's in the other side for making attacking comments towards RSOs and they didn't have nice words for me and are probably still pissed at me. It baffles me no end that a RSO can't stand up for others even if they aren't a RSO regardless. Does that make sense?
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Message 166068 (In Reply to Message 166040)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Nov 01, 2005 04:25 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Again, I apologize for not having responded to something of that nature. Without trying to sound like I'm making any excuses here, you will notice that I was not responding to many if any posts at that time. Every now and then I have to be away from my computer for an extended period of time and if I'm not mistaken, I was out of town at the time this was posted and I did not read it until you just posted it here. This , in my opinion, was an uncalled for personal attack.and you had every right to respond, and I applaud your restraint for not responding.
I cannot explain why others failed to respond in your defense, but I can say that I will be monitoring more closely what is being said, and responding as I see fit.I don't advocate anyone attacking another person either here on the forums or in person face to face. I would hope that a peaceful resolution can be found and that we could all get along, but in the real world, not everyone is always going to be peaceful. In the real world, sometimes people are going to take things the wrong way. Maybe I read more into Momhelpingbyherself's original post, maybe her intent was not to attack others, but as many other people also responded, it would seem to me that the general tone of her post was the same to everyone, and it was taken by more than just me as an attack against RSO's in general. If you notice, I choose not to give an angry response, but rather to take each of her points and respond to them in a civil tone. That won't always happen, I too can get VERY angry, but I have learned to try to control my temper and walk away. Unfortunately, sometimes, when the day has gone to the dogs, the fingers respond quicker than the legs do and I lash out just like everyone else. I'm working on that, bear with me and you will find that I usually will apologize once the rational side of my brain takes back control.
Does this make it right for anyone to lash out? No, definately not, but we are all fallible humans and it will happen to all of us eventually. The rules do need to apply to everyone equally, and recently, when I felt someone was "attacking" you (even though the post was not directed specifically at you) I spoke up and told them I thought they were out of line. Dad and navigator happen to be people whose opinions I regard as highly as I regard your opinion. They seem to be pretty stand up guys, but when they made the remarks they did, I took offense and let them know it. In the same token, if orolan or silver or you or Valerie were to make a similar remark, I would speak up and say something.
You're right, being bashed isn't pleasent, but as I said at the start of this topic, I have broad shoulders, and I can take it. However, I can also deal it out just as easily and I will NOT sit back and fail to defend myself or others. And, NO, I don't take your posts here about this subject as attacks but reather as an intelligent communication between 2 intelligent people trying to make sense of a very difficult situtation. :-)
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Message 166070 (In Reply to Message 166058)
Posted by dp1
on Nov 01, 2005 04:30 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
But....... I missed his attacks on you, unless he changed his name to pumpkin?
Get your fruits straight. That would be Watermelon. hehehehe
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Message 166073 (In Reply to Message 166068)
Posted by dp1
on Nov 01, 2005 04:49 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I cannot explain why others failed to respond in your defense
I suppose I am not realistically expecting you to, but I do expect others to think about how continuous personal attacks can really tear down the walls of respect and support.
One of the things that Orolan and I do now when we are so pissed off that we are ready to kill each other is that we'll privately work things out. I know when I took my break from the forum he didn't hesitate to ask me about it privately. Unfortunately, he probably got more of a response than he anticipated. I respect the fact that he at least took the time to ask me privately without bickering or whatever. I can say that I gave him an earful and he could have very easily slammed me for just about everything that was pissing me off at the time. But he didn't. He does have empathy, compassion and the ability to be supportive in his own way. I was wrong and I thank him for that. It's funny how we get these preconceived notions about each other isn't it?
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Message 166074 (In Reply to Message 166061)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Nov 01, 2005 04:52 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Your comments make perfect sense, unfortunately, people usually don't make sense. We sometimes act and say things that are contradictory to what we really feel or mean. Silence can be the most LOUDLY heard voice of them all, and I beg your forgivness if by MY silence you have felt at any time that I approve of attacks against you. As far as you being RUDE by not thanking me for my words, think nothing of it, I KNOW that the respect I have for you is mutually returned and my ego doesn't require constant stroking. If I say something nice about someone, or to someone, it was not to boost my self esteem, it was because that is the way I feel or see them.
I won't hi-jack this thread and copy it to the General forum, I feel that Orolan has as much right to post here as I do, and therefore, if he wants to respond he should feel free to do so here, in this thread.
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Message 166076 (In Reply to Message 166073)
Posted by rabbitreborn
on Nov 01, 2005 05:05 PM | Also by rabbitreborn
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
we do get preconceived notions about one another, and that is extremely sad. For instance, I can almost bet that MANY people on this board think I'm just another RSO monster, and yet if they actually took the time to talk to me (as you and some others have done) they would find that our ideals are not as far apart as they might think they are.
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Message 166082 (In Reply to Message 166012)
dp1
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Nov 01, 2005 05:48 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
thanks dp1, you made a point that is a good one, but i am just going to keep my mouth shut, since everyone wants to go off on me. oh and my daughter.
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Message 166083 (In Reply to Message 166024)
navigatr1
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Nov 01, 2005 05:55 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
never have and never would thank you very much
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Message 166258 (In Reply to Message 165584)
mom
Posted by myoung
on Nov 03, 2005 06:34 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
I still don't get it.....dp1 didn't go anywhere. check her posts. I would think they may have had some power outages or something that may have been coincidental but you can't drive away the force of nature that is dp1 (wink)
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Message 166259 (In Reply to Message 165666)
mom
Posted by myoung
on Nov 03, 2005 06:41 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
in response to your question....read my old posts. All of your questions are answered there. Even in a recent post I have stated how I fantasized about running this person down with my truck. I just feel that you can only be victimized further by allowing it to happen that's all. I've had wayyyyy too much therapy to buy into the whoa is me victim over and over again role. I am not a passive person by any stretch. I got right with my rep and we worked on an intelligent way to inform people about sex offenders HOWEVER....I am also learned enough to know that the system isn't perfect and not all SO's are evil. So....again, when you have time, check out some of my old posts and you will see I have gone through the gamut of emotions and even when they were most raw, I still interacted on a healthy level with SO's who posted in the victim forum. You simply can't protect everyone all the time and hand holding is enabling
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Message 166260 (In Reply to Message 165788)
mom
Posted by myoung
on Nov 03, 2005 06:46 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
Why is that something so wrong?
there is nothing wrong with how you feel or what you think. However, you are not allowing me the right express my feelings and thoughts on the subject without a constant retort in the opposing view. It's a good debate, understandably, but when it's over it's over. We shall have to agree to disagree on this one. My firm stance is that everyone needs to take responsibility for their own feelings, actions and thoughts....and I will leave it at that
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Message 166262 (In Reply to Message 165823)
rebel
Posted by myoung
on Nov 03, 2005 07:16 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
I'm glad we agree. I am a very matter of fact type. I was just having this EXACT conversation with a neighbor. So many of our new age parents with all their "by the book" parenting are so busy making sure they don't make mistakes that they miss the point of being consistent and holding kids accountable. I too have felt your feelings about the other parent being held responsible for what was going on in their home. Where must your mind be that you are unable to "see' what is going on right under your nose unless you are in complete and utter denial.
But, back to the original subject.....parents seem afraid to allow their children to feel hurt, anger, pain or any other perfectly natural negative emotion. It's sad. You can never learn to deal with them if you don't have experience with them. I know of many children whose parents are so worried when their children cry or feel pain that they will do just about anything to stop it....they will leave parties, picnics, family functions, purchase a dsitraction, etc. etc. etc. just so the kid won't feel any "pain", anxiety or whatever it is that set them off. It is absolutely unbelievable to me and I can't wrap my mind around it.
My daughter is a cheerleader. Last year, they held a peer vote to choose captains. One of the girls who truly thought she was the best choice was very sad when she didn't win the vote. Can you believe that her mother raced right over to the school and screamed at the coach and yelled at the rest of the squad on behalf of her daughter? My daughter told me that she told the girls that her daughter was owed the position just by virtue of being a senior blah blah blah. and that they should all be ashamed of themselves blah blah blah. Her daughter was perfectly okay with that behavior from her 50 something mother!!! Um...my daughter would have crawled under a rock if I would be such a pompous, immature idiot. When my daughter told me about the incident, I basically told her that if your peers don't feel that you are suited for the job then you aren't suited for the job.....simple as that and it is NOT my job to defend your abilities to them. Sure you will be disappointed but those are feelings you will run into here and there all throughout your life. Funny thing is....not one single adult present at that practice said one word to her or called her out on her behavior (I wasn't there at the time.....too bad because I defiinitely would have asked her how appropriate she thinks her behavior is and maybe pointed out that her peers feel there was another candidate more qualified to lead them....simple as that). Geez...what's gonna happen if, when she has a job, she doesn't get that big promotion based on merit. Is mommy gonna run in and save the day? (me shaking my head) What a message that sent
I actually had someone say to me that they would make sure that they are financially sound if something should ever happen to their child....such as, go to jail and they needed to pay a lawyer etc. The example was getting caught with a hit of acid. It yields a 10 year sentence in PA he told me. He said he'd make sure that, in a such a situation, he'd have a financial nest egg to get the right type of defense to make sure his kid didn't waste 10 years of his life for something so inane. Ummm....say what?
This is a man I consider to be very level headed, intelligent individual...so i was rather shocked when I heard this. Although it would be very very difficult and I am positive I'd struggle with my feelings, I don't think I would do such a thing for my almost grown child (18-20 or so) knowing full well he/she knew the consequences before deciding to put himself in a position to get caught with something like that. I am not in the position and I'm sure it would be very very hard to watch my child go through that but.....when is there accountability no matter how harsh it may seem?? What message would I send if I went to the ends of the earth to get my kid "off" for something he/she was caught red handed in possession of. I understand the sentence may be a bit harsh for something like that HOWEVER....it is the consequence in place and that is what he/she will endure due to poor choices made. I just think it is so unwise to protect that much.
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Message 166264 (In Reply to Message 166083)
mom
Posted by myoung
on Nov 03, 2005 07:24 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
I just don't get it....this response from you is part of what people are talking about I think....especially you. How constructive/necessary was that? It undermines your intelligence to respond in such a way...don't you see that?
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Message 166266 (In Reply to Message 166262)
Posted by rebel51
on Nov 03, 2005 08:01 AM | Also by rebel51
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
Geez...what's gonna happen if, when she has a job, she doesn't get that big promotion based on merit. Is mommy gonna run in and save the day? (me shaking my head) What a message that sent
I believe that I can actually answer that.....I work as a bartender in a bowling alley, so as a result I get to see both the young and the old. We recently hired a young girl of 19 to work as a porter (cleans up after bowlers)...anyway she has worked there now for approx. 2 months. So far her Uncle and/or her mother have not missed a shift eather! If a customer gets angry and speaks to the girl with even the slightest "tone" of voice...the Uncle or the Mother jump all over the customer as if they are going to "beat them up after school". The girl acts like this is just fine and something she just expects!! I would have been so humilitated if ANYONE had ever come to my job and "handled" a problem for me!
I am positive I'd struggle with my feelings, I don't think I would do such a thing for my almost grown child
Thank goodness I never had to put my words into action, but I let both my boys know that if they went to jail for ANY reason that was thier own fault..drugs, driving intoxicated, exhabition of speed anything like that and they would be staying in jail...I would not bail them out nor would I come up with any cash to help them get out of any fines etc etc.
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Message 166280 (In Reply to Message 166266)
reb
Posted by myoung
on Nov 03, 2005 01:27 PM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
hehehe....I've told my kids the same thing. I believe in prevention too. I don' t want to be in that position. What's wrong with people?? grrrrr
It's sad that you were able to give me an actual material example of that work/mom issue. How sad :-( I too would have died on the spot if my mother would have come to my work and done things like that. She NEVER came to my workplaces. Thank God I'm not the only one out there who believes people should be held fully accountable for their crap. I know most of the parents on this forum and many without kids who feel as we do. It's those FEW who don't that cause all the problems.....squeaky wheel gets the grease I suppose
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Thread
165453, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 25, 2005 09:45 PM [When does a victim ever get any rights]
165454, steve, Oct 25, 2005 10:00 PM
165460, anothen, Oct 25, 2005 11:02 PM
165464, youtoo, Oct 26, 2005 12:35 AM
165503, tygerlillie, Oct 26, 2005 05:02 PM [Have a stupid ? well maybe not so stupid]
165955, 1dadof5, Nov 01, 2005 01:57 AM [tiger]
166017, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 01:26 PM [Not Stupid]
165509, rabbitreborn, Oct 26, 2005 06:28 PM
165511, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 26, 2005 06:49 PM [rabbitreborn]
165928, rabbitreborn, Oct 31, 2005 09:48 PM
166020, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 01:44 PM
165542, 1dadof5, Oct 26, 2005 11:37 PM
165564, myoung, Oct 27, 2005 07:18 AM [coming and going]
165558, anti, Oct 27, 2005 05:22 AM [what?]
165565, myoung, Oct 27, 2005 07:19 AM [driving people away]
165584, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 27, 2005 01:29 PM [myyoung and 1dadoffive]
165939, anti, Oct 31, 2005 10:41 PM [dp left?]
165971, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:12 AM [Anti]
165972, anti, Nov 01, 2005 04:18 AM [thank you...]
166022, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 01:49 PM
166258, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 06:34 AM [mom]
165598, dp1, Oct 27, 2005 03:31 PM
165601, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 27, 2005 04:13 PM [in a perfect world]
165658, myoung, Oct 27, 2005 07:58 PM [dp1]
165666, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 27, 2005 11:51 PM [myyoung No So's Rso'...]
166259, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 06:41 AM [mom]
165700, kids1st, Oct 28, 2005 06:56 AM
165773, rebel51, Oct 29, 2005 03:07 PM
165779, myoung, Oct 29, 2005 05:17 PM [reb]
165788, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 29, 2005 06:21 PM [myyoung]
166260, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 06:46 AM [mom]
165823, rebel51, Oct 30, 2005 01:20 PM
166262, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 07:16 AM [rebel]
166266, rebel51, Nov 03, 2005 08:01 AM
166280, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 01:27 PM [reb]
166021, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 01:47 PM [I agree]
165616, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 27, 2005 04:49 PM [to sit things straight]
165930, rabbitreborn, Oct 31, 2005 10:13 PM
166012, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 12:06 PM
166034, rabbitreborn, Nov 01, 2005 02:25 PM
166040, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 02:49 PM
166044, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 03:00 PM [My Post]
166068, rabbitreborn, Nov 01, 2005 04:25 PM
166073, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:49 PM
166076, rabbitreborn, Nov 01, 2005 05:05 PM
166061, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:07 PM
166074, rabbitreborn, Nov 01, 2005 04:52 PM
166058, Renunciation, Nov 01, 2005 03:43 PM
166070, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:30 PM
166082, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 01, 2005 05:48 PM [dp1]
166024, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 02:04 PM
166083, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 01, 2005 05:55 PM [navigatr1]
166264, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 07:24 AM [mom]
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