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Message 166262 (In Reply to Message 165823)
rebel

Posted by myoung on Nov 03, 2005 07:16 AM | Also by myoung

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Pennsylvania, Country: United States

I'm glad we agree. I am a very matter of fact type. I was just having this EXACT conversation with a neighbor. So many of our new age parents with all their "by the book" parenting are so busy making sure they don't make mistakes that they miss the point of being consistent and holding kids accountable. I too have felt your feelings about the other parent being held responsible for what was going on in their home. Where must your mind be that you are unable to "see' what is going on right under your nose unless you are in complete and utter denial.

But, back to the original subject.....parents seem afraid to allow their children to feel hurt, anger, pain or any other perfectly natural negative emotion. It's sad. You can never learn to deal with them if you don't have experience with them. I know of many children whose parents are so worried when their children cry or feel pain that they will do just about anything to stop it....they will leave parties, picnics, family functions, purchase a dsitraction, etc. etc. etc. just so the kid won't feel any "pain", anxiety or whatever it is that set them off. It is absolutely unbelievable to me and I can't wrap my mind around it.

My daughter is a cheerleader. Last year, they held a peer vote to choose captains. One of the girls who truly thought she was the best choice was very sad when she didn't win the vote. Can you believe that her mother raced right over to the school and screamed at the coach and yelled at the rest of the squad on behalf of her daughter? My daughter told me that she told the girls that her daughter was owed the position just by virtue of being a senior blah blah blah. and that they should all be ashamed of themselves blah blah blah. Her daughter was perfectly okay with that behavior from her 50 something mother!!! Um...my daughter would have crawled under a rock if I would be such a pompous, immature idiot. When my daughter told me about the incident, I basically told her that if your peers don't feel that you are suited for the job then you aren't suited for the job.....simple as that and it is NOT my job to defend your abilities to them. Sure you will be disappointed but those are feelings you will run into here and there all throughout your life. Funny thing is....not one single adult present at that practice said one word to her or called her out on her behavior (I wasn't there at the time.....too bad because I defiinitely would have asked her how appropriate she thinks her behavior is and maybe pointed out that her peers feel there was another candidate more qualified to lead them....simple as that). Geez...what's gonna happen if, when she has a job, she doesn't get that big promotion based on merit. Is mommy gonna run in and save the day? (me shaking my head) What a message that sent

I actually had someone say to me that they would make sure that they are financially sound if something should ever happen to their child....such as, go to jail and they needed to pay a lawyer etc. The example was getting caught with a hit of acid. It yields a 10 year sentence in PA he told me. He said he'd make sure that, in a such a situation, he'd have a financial nest egg to get the right type of defense to make sure his kid didn't waste 10 years of his life for something so inane. Ummm....say what?

This is a man I consider to be very level headed, intelligent individual...so i was rather shocked when I heard this. Although it would be very very difficult and I am positive I'd struggle with my feelings, I don't think I would do such a thing for my almost grown child (18-20 or so) knowing full well he/she knew the consequences before deciding to put himself in a position to get caught with something like that. I am not in the position and I'm sure it would be very very hard to watch my child go through that but.....when is there accountability no matter how harsh it may seem?? What message would I send if I went to the ends of the earth to get my kid "off" for something he/she was caught red handed in possession of. I understand the sentence may be a bit harsh for something like that HOWEVER....it is the consequence in place and that is what he/she will endure due to poor choices made. I just think it is so unwise to protect that much.

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Message 165823

Posted by rebel51 on Oct 30, 2005 01:20 PM | Also by rebel51

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: California, Country: United States

<blockquote><span class="mb-quote">I just don't think we need to "shut people down" for speaking their minds. It's up to me, you and anyone else who reads here as to whether they want to accept what is being typed or not</span></blockquote>
I completely agree with you. I do think that there should be alot more respect for one another within the different areas but I dont think that anyone should be banned per say. Thats why I said that sometimes I do have to go away. There has only been one person on this site that had "the power" to upset me that bad so far.
This is a really hard issue because I can see and agree with all sides of it and each has such good arguments for thier side of it.
I do know that calling names and being rude to one another especially in this forum is not going to solve anything.
To me, in this forum, everyone should be not only on thier best behavior, but they should not have one unkind thing to say. I am just as guilty of that as anyone. While trying to be nice in how I worded it, I did tell someone in here that I felt that they were just as guilty of child molesting as the actual molester if she did not call the police. I believe that I may have told a couple of people similar things. One of the things in my past was that the adults did not help me..they just assumed that because they had "spoken" to the offender it was all better now...so I guess that I have a very low tolerance when I feel that a child is being "allowed" to be molested by an adults "oh my, oh my...whatever can I do?" attitude. However it is not my place to TELL anyone anything in the victims forum. My only place is to be there IF they need me and my personal brand of help..which is to usually let them know that someone else has been there, they are not alone in that place. Thats all I can do...let them know that there are others. I feel that every one of us has something to offer and maybe one of us has the word or the deed that will begin the healing process today instead of tomarrow.
I know that sometimes I sound wishy washy because one day I say one thing and then the next day it will sound like I am saying the opposite, when in reality, I have just had someone talk to me and help me to see it just a little different than I did yesterday. I feel that is what we are all here for..to give as many sides to the same problem so that the victim will be able to pick the one that fits them the best and take whatever comfort they can from the rest.

I also agree with your assesment of todays children..I think that we are raising them without the ability to cope. I also feel that we are raising them to not take responsibilty for anything.

Thread

165453, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 25, 2005 09:45 PM [When does a victim ever get any rights]
      165454, steve, Oct 25, 2005 10:00 PM
            165460, anothen, Oct 25, 2005 11:02 PM
      165464, youtoo, Oct 26, 2005 12:35 AM
      165503, tygerlillie, Oct 26, 2005 05:02 PM [Have a stupid ? well maybe not so stupid]
            165955, 1dadof5, Nov 01, 2005 01:57 AM [tiger]
            166017, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 01:26 PM [Not Stupid]
      165509, rabbitreborn, Oct 26, 2005 06:28 PM
            165511, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 26, 2005 06:49 PM [rabbitreborn]
                  165928, rabbitreborn, Oct 31, 2005 09:48 PM
                        166020, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 01:44 PM
            165542, 1dadof5, Oct 26, 2005 11:37 PM
                  165564, myoung, Oct 27, 2005 07:18 AM [coming and going]
      165558, anti, Oct 27, 2005 05:22 AM [what?]
      165565, myoung, Oct 27, 2005 07:19 AM [driving people away]
            165584, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 27, 2005 01:29 PM [myyoung and 1dadoffive]
                  165939, anti, Oct 31, 2005 10:41 PM [dp left?]
                        165971, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:12 AM [Anti]
                              165972, anti, Nov 01, 2005 04:18 AM [thank you...]
                  166022, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 01:49 PM
                  166258, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 06:34 AM [mom]
            165598, dp1, Oct 27, 2005 03:31 PM
                  165601, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 27, 2005 04:13 PM [in a perfect world]
                  165658, myoung, Oct 27, 2005 07:58 PM [dp1]
                        165666, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 27, 2005 11:51 PM [myyoung No So's Rso'...]
                              166259, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 06:41 AM [mom]
                        165700, kids1st, Oct 28, 2005 06:56 AM
                        165773, rebel51, Oct 29, 2005 03:07 PM
                              165779, myoung, Oct 29, 2005 05:17 PM [reb]
                                    165788, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 29, 2005 06:21 PM [myyoung]
                                          166260, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 06:46 AM [mom]
                                    165823, rebel51, Oct 30, 2005 01:20 PM
                                          166262, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 07:16 AM [rebel]
                                                166266, rebel51, Nov 03, 2005 08:01 AM
                                                      166280, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 01:27 PM [reb]
            166021, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 01:47 PM [I agree]
      165616, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 27, 2005 04:49 PM [to sit things straight]
            165930, rabbitreborn, Oct 31, 2005 10:13 PM
                  166012, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 12:06 PM
                        166034, rabbitreborn, Nov 01, 2005 02:25 PM
                              166040, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 02:49 PM
                                    166044, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 03:00 PM [My Post]
                                    166068, rabbitreborn, Nov 01, 2005 04:25 PM
                                          166073, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:49 PM
                                                166076, rabbitreborn, Nov 01, 2005 05:05 PM
                              166061, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:07 PM
                                    166074, rabbitreborn, Nov 01, 2005 04:52 PM
                        166058, Renunciation, Nov 01, 2005 03:43 PM
                              166070, dp1, Nov 01, 2005 04:30 PM
                        166082, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 01, 2005 05:48 PM [dp1]
            166024, Navigatr1, Nov 01, 2005 02:04 PM
                  166083, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 01, 2005 05:55 PM [navigatr1]
                        166264, myoung, Nov 03, 2005 07:24 AM [mom]

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Have a question?

Message 166262 (In Reply to Message 165823)rebel

Message 165823

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Have a question?

Message 166262 (In Reply to Message 165823)
rebel