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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Banning and Silencing the Offenders

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Message 165275 (In Reply to Message 165078)

Posted by orolan on Oct 22, 2005 06:48 PM | Also by orolan

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: N/A, Country: United States

An excellent post, Ruined.
I for one generally just read what is posted in this forum without ever responding. In some 4,000 posts I might have 40 in here over the years.
Thing is, when I see a "victim" who appears not to be a victim at all but perhaps a person seeking attention, I speak out. Fact is, there are people out there that claim to be victims who are not. There are people who use the sex offender hysteria to further their own misguided agendas. These people detract and take away from the true issues. I would think the victims and their advocates would be the first to jump on these people. But they don't. They just ignore them until I say something and THEN they're all over the thread. Take a look at the activity. This forum is dead until something happens like me calling a spade a spade (btw jcami never once said she was a victim or a parent of a victim and never asked for any victim-related help. Perhaps her thread should have been moved to the General Forum to start with as it had nothing at all to do with victim issues?). Anyway, suddenly there's a bunch of activity. But it's not posts to help victims. It's post to once again talk about banning RSOs from this forum. Heck, sometimes I think if RSOs never posted here NOBODY ever would. Victims post and it takes three and four days for someone to respond. Ask jenclink(spelling?).
Anyway, as I told Steve I won't respond here to posts by victims. But I won't be silenced.

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Message 165078
Dehumanizing the SO's

Posted by Ruined on Oct 20, 2005 06:54 AM | Also by Ruined

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: Pennsylvania, Country: United States

I consider myself a victim of Sexual Crime.  I consider my family to be victims of Sexual Crime.
  I am a Registered Sex Offender.  But, I am innocent.  I am in a unique situation, as anybody who has read my threads, will know by now.
  One partial file of child pornography was found on a work laptop I had picked up for a job.  The file was an incomplete download of a picture.  It had to be reconstructed by experts.  It had never been viewed.  Same Creation date/time as it's Modified date/time.  After a full investigation was performed of everything I own, every site I ever visited, every email I ever sent, and every child I was ever near, there was no other evidence ever found.
  It is documented that I am now a Sex Offender, due to one incomplete image that was stopped in mid-download, and had never been viewed, on a laptop I do not even own.
  I feel that I would not be in the situation I am in, if it wasn't for true Sexual Predators.  Obviously, there wouldn't be such a need to make examples, and dish out harsh punishment.
  I write this explanation so both sides will understand that I do have a personal understanding of your situations before I go on.
  The reason I am writing this thread, is because of responses I am seeing to SO's in the Victim's area.  
  I do not think that there is any need to have hurtfull responses from SO's posted in this forum.  But, at the same time, I do not think that the fact that somebody is an SO should exclude them entirely.
  The guys that are truly trying to do something negative are just going to find a way to create an alternate profile.  Some of them will get nasty.  Everybody gets upset, hurt, attacked or isolated, and it becomes something "sick" all over again.  IMO.
  All of the people in this site have taught me a lot.
  I have learned TOO much about this entire horrible drama in recent months, and am seeing how truly terrible this situation is.
  On one hand, there are the victims.  I can only imagine the effects of sexual abuse on an adult or a minor.  In my world, we never had anything like that happen.  Nobody in my entire memory has ever suffered from Sexual Abuse.  I was right there saying that all SO's should just be euthanized.  Get rid of them.
  But, in my world, we were all victimized by domestic violence and alcohol abuse.  So, I do know the feelings of helplessness, pain, despair, anxiety and utter hopelessness.  
  My daughter will never know these feelings.  
  Unless they are generated by my unjust listing as an SO.  And, you can bet that I will be fighting some of you people to the end on the totally indiscriminant manner that people are ending up on the registry.  For such a far-reaching punishment, there must be some sane and thorough way to decide who will populate these websites.
  Then again, some people should be on this thing forever and ever.
  My worry, is that it seems our entire population is getting pumped up, and patted on the back any time somebody comes up with a new way of dehumanizing these people further.
  It seems to be "funny" to run them out of their homes.  Break up their lives.  Get them to kill themselves.  Take everything they will ever hope for.
  It seems to be very "chic" to do this lately.
  SO's that were innocent, are being taught to live like true SO's and despise the victims.
  SO's that were no threat, are being taught to give up, and live like criminals.
  SO's that were possibly threats, are going to give up on rehabilitation and any hope to change and reenter society.  Society is now going to be The Enemy.
  SO's that were truly threats and predators will embrace this hatred of them, give up on any belief that sanity or law even exists, and find new levels of despair, isolation and fury.
  And, with all of these people, will drift a steady flow of family and friends being torn apart a day at a time.
  In this forum, I see a lot of talk concerning banning, excluding and even removal of these people from communicating their thoughts and opinions.
  Again, there is no need or room for harmful or hurtful sentiments coming from SO's.  Personally, I can't imagine why they would even enter the Victim's room.  It seems to me that it would be a brutal, non-stop assult on an SO, and a never ending parade of guilt for a person that has truly victimized somebody.  But, that's just me.
  But, maybe they are in here because the victim in them is reaching out.  They are drawn in here because of the need to gain support, but end up feeling angry instead.  Again, I leave that to you smart people.  I have no idea.
  Here is the problem:  from what I learned, mostly in here, a ton of these guys were victimized themselves.  Right?
  A lot of these people were "taught" this somewhere.  They were made crazy, twisted, yada, yada, yada... by "somebody".
  Yeah, we all have take responsibility for what we do.  I agree.
  Now this is the scarey part:    If everything the "Experts" are saying is true, many people that are victims today, will possibly offend tomorrow.  If I am wrong, please tell me.  I am only stating what I have found in my research.
  The facts indicate that these poor kids could end up caught in the cycle.  
  If that begins happening, (and I have read that it is happening already), the consequences of these legal decisions may truly come back to bite us.
  And, I can tell you from experience, that it has taken a lifetime of mistakes, guilt and years of help for me to make sure I did not turn into the same violent father that my dad was.  It was not easy.  I am guessing that sexual abuse will yield the same fruits.
  Yes, I would put a gun to anybody that ever touched my little girl.    
  But, now, after all this, I am forced to look at these people and see differences.  They aren't all predators.  But, a lot may be.  They aren't all after kids.  But, some are.  They aren't all even guilty.  But, a lot are.
  The point is, they are individuals, with individual stories, deserving individual punishment and treatment.  
  Most of them are in mental and emotional agony, and have been for their entire lives.  Just like the kids and adults that are vicitims today.
  Once upon a time, they were sons and daughters.  In another 5 or 10 years it could be OUR sons and daughters on these websites.
  I say to myself, "Well, if my son ever commited one of these crimes, I would want him to be punished, fixed, changed.  But, I am not so sure I would want his entire life, and any chance of redemtion or healing to be denied to him."  
  It's called "hope", and I don't think it should be taken from anybody, unless an ENORMOUS amount of thought and consideration goes into the process.
  I look ahead, and I think this is all going to end very badly.

My daughter is my world.

Thread

165078, Ruined, Oct 20, 2005 06:54 AM [Dehumanizing the SO's]
      165102, steve, Oct 20, 2005 02:39 PM
      165116, Ruined, Oct 20, 2005 05:26 PM
            165203, Hannahsmom, Oct 21, 2005 08:38 PM
      165273, victorialondon, Oct 22, 2005 06:06 PM [You must get your story ito wder circul...]
      165275, orolan, Oct 22, 2005 06:48 PM
            165278, Ruined, Oct 22, 2005 07:36 PM
      165279, Valerie, Oct 22, 2005 07:38 PM
            165308, orolan, Oct 23, 2005 02:18 PM
                  165347, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 23, 2005 08:13 PM [orlon and valerie]
      165325, Valerie, Oct 23, 2005 03:40 PM
      165388, steve, Oct 24, 2005 04:30 PM [Thread now closed]

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Banning and Silencing the Offenders

Message 165275 (In Reply to Message 165078)

Message 165078Dehumanizing the SO's

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Banning and Silencing the Offenders

Message 165078
Dehumanizing the SO's