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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Sex Offenders in Victims Forum - they took the wrong post and used it
Message 164837
mechanism for blocking offenders from responding to Victim posts
Posted by deadmomwalking
on Oct 17, 2005 04:59 PM | Also by deadmomwalking
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: N/A,
Country: Canada |
I think there should be a mechanism by which people posting to the Victim's Forum should be able to block SO's from responding to their posts. Even a code in the title of their post like NO RSO's. If they want to get everyone's opinions fine but as the mother of a victim I really find some of the posts by SO's offensive. Not every victim is going to be educated or articulate. Some may have issues that affect their thinking as a result of the abuse. This forum should be a safe place for them - not somewhere they will be bullied and made fun of. Most of the SO's here are articulate and educated - that doesn't make them morally superior.
And as far as I am concerned the same goes for the Other Side. RSO's should feel safe posting there as well. Otherwise what is the point of having separate forums. There is a general forum where the two sides can take the gloves off. I can understand that there are some SO's who have constructive advice to offer and for a while it seemed like there was a concerted effort on the part of of RSO's to behave themselves in the Victim Forum. I was still nevertheless suspicious and uncomfortable, as if once they have their foot in the door they would start taking over this forum as well. I want to know how Orolan's last two comments to jcami and mawmaw can be seen as offering something constructive to this forum. If this were the general forum, fine. But it is not.
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Message 164839 (In Reply to Message 164837)
exactly...
Posted by anti
on Oct 17, 2005 06:10 PM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
yes, deadmomwalking, I fully agree w/ you, if a part of forum is saying victims, it should only be for victims, and if a part says other side, it should be for other side, but I also feel the "other side" needs to be re worded, esp for anyone new here, as maybe calling it:
" rso section" or so section, something as that.....
forums I feel are great, and good to have amny topics, but here, as the forum is for anyone, makes it very hard, if I were a victim and seen the victims part, how mean the so talk, I would not come back.....
it may be the net, but still true that alot of people do go to different places on the net for help, and we do not want them to be turned away.....
maybe a whole nother new part here? just for so only?
cause the way the website come page appears, then you come to the forums, its like night and day.
I am sure steve, correct me If I am wrong steve, but he has it set up this way, for all, so the board is just not limited to victims, etc......
but again it does make it hard, for victims and even people as myself who are really not victims, yet not so either.
I am sure someone will get mad at me for saying this here, but the way the board is, its at times very hard to get along here.
I have never that I recall had a hard time getting along w/ victims, moms/child advocates, but the so, yes of course, I find for the majority, it is hard for someone to get along w/ them, esp if we are talking about a mom in here, who has a child who was hurt by a so.
steve, is it a thought, where you ever may consider re doing forum? or specifically, making 2 seperate forums?
anti
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Message 164885 (In Reply to Message 164839)
Posted by 1dadof5
on Oct 18, 2005 05:29 AM | Also by 1dadof5
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Indiana,
Country: United States |
I also agree that Orolan was out of line in both posts to mawmaw and jcami. I understand why he posted those comments.
Mawmaw has been very agressive in her "kill all RSOs" type posts since she has joined and there appears to be an ongoing feud between her and some others here.
As to jcami, she has been relentless in trying to get at her ex.
BUT, that still didnt give him any right to be quite so rude in the victims forum, but again I see why he did.
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Message 165861 (In Reply to Message 164837)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Oct 31, 2005 08:17 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Makes me wonder where I can post then. I'm a victim not a sex offender yet I suffer from pedophilia. I guess I can post in both places.
Oh happy day.
Silverthorne
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Message 165867 (In Reply to Message 164837)
Posted by Navigatr1
on Oct 31, 2005 01:46 PM | Also by Navigatr1
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Personally, I am getting tired of all these new threads wanting to kick the sex offenders and their supporters off the forum. They all seem to be debating the same issue. Why can't people just keep in one thread? I mean no disrespect to you deadmomwalking. Just my observation is all. We have multiple threads on the same topic in both the Victims Corner, and the General forums. I do hear what you are saying though, and understand your intentions.
Sigh, the board is going through growing pains again. This is an old issue that will continue to be debated.
--Navigatr1
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Message 165870 (In Reply to Message 165867)
Posted by dp1
on Oct 31, 2005 02:15 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Sigh, the board is going through growing pains again. This is an old issue that will continue to be debated.
You are correct. The debates will only stop once the problem is resolved.
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Message 165881 (In Reply to Message 165870)
victims forum
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 31, 2005 03:18 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
and it will only stop when a victim and their family are allowed to post without having to worry about having their post taken out into general forum and having it picked apart. Would a So like it if a victim went to the other side where there might be something they really didn't feel like a victim would understand and have it picked apart in the general forurm? i think not. Leave the victims forum to them, and then if they need help or advise they will ask for it. Sounds like a simple solution to me, and it will stop all the old issues from coming up. seems like a no lose situation to me.
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Message 165907 (In Reply to Message 165870)
why we need to have this to be a victims only forum
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Oct 31, 2005 05:37 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
i was pm and then emailed by a person who had some of her/his (will not state sex due to the sensitivity of the nature of the posts) that honestly needed help. but because i had a post taken from here and to the general forum will not post in victims anymore. Its a shame that this has happened because of one or 2 people. This person is not only a victim but so was their daughter. this person needed to talk ONLY to other VICTIMS. And its a shame that they didn't feel safe enough to do this because of certain people coming in here and taking out certain posts, such as mine, and ripping it apart in general forum. If some So's are truly wanting to help vicitms, as they claim, then please respect them enough to not torture them anymore than what they have been. I know that to some of you, you may think that everyone is against SO's and such. But i Do have a friend that is a RSO and i am only saying this to you so you know that i am not a so called hater. but this person needed someone who could help her. this person's story was very heartbreaking, not only was this person a victim, but this persons daughter was a victim. and because of where she was from, it was mentioned the one time that this person posted was that the state was known for incest. Well that could happen to any state. Not just the one that this person was from. Please, if you have nothing nice to say, stay out of victims, and don't take posts from victims and rip them apart, like orolan did mine. Its not needed. Its getting old, and turning people away. like deadmomwalking, and others. If everyone wants one thing to happen here and that is to help, then that should be respected. Please, stop thinking in terms that everyone hates RSO's, SO's and such, its just sometimes a victim/family of a victim, needs to talk to the same kind of person. Give them time to deal with what they are feeling before they can deal with talking to others who are SO's and such. Please give this concideration, out of respect to yourselves as well as to the whole forum itself.
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Message 165970 (In Reply to Message 165907)
Posted by MrTruth
on Nov 01, 2005 04:09 AM | Also by MrTruth
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
The mother of a victim comes in and posts statements about how much she hates her ex and there is no way in Hell she is ever going to let her kids have contact with their father. One or more of the children, doesn't matter which one is which in terms of victim, wants to have contact and deeply resents his/her mother's attempts to keep his/her father away. In fact, it becomes such an issue that when the child is on her (includes his) own, she initiates contact with her father and winds up living with him and his new wife. She has forgiven him and is very happy having a relationship with her father again, even if it means her mother cuts her off.
Given that this scenario can take place (and I'm living it), don't you think I have something worthwhile to contribute to this forum when angrymotherof20 comes in and vents about this very situation? Or maybe I was abused and can see both sides of the situation?
I'm not going to bash or put down someone who is looking for some direction, advice, or perspective. I have tons of valuable experience, much of which I wish I didn't have, which can help.
I clearly remember a victim/offender group meeting, about ten offenders where sitting in a room on one side, and in marched seven or eight females, some young, some older, and a mother. The mother was apoplectic that I thought I had something to offer my children, and she grilled me left and right about that. And here I am today, several years later, exactly where I was hoping to be. Nobody stepped in to help my ex (especially not her family) and tell her to consider what the children wanted and to stop putting her needs (clouded by her anger) over theirs.
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Message 166085 (In Reply to Message 165970)
they took the wrong post and used it
Posted by momhelpingbyherself
on Nov 01, 2005 05:58 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kentucky,
Country: United States |
they didn't use the right post. they used jenclink and that is not the person in question. but i am not going to keep rehashing this just for me to keep getting bashed.
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Thread
164837, deadmomwalking, Oct 17, 2005 04:59 PM [mechanism for blocking offenders from respo...]
164839, anti, Oct 17, 2005 06:10 PM [exactly...]
164885, 1dadof5, Oct 18, 2005 05:29 AM
165861, Silverthorne, Oct 31, 2005 08:17 AM
165867, Navigatr1, Oct 31, 2005 01:46 PM
165870, dp1, Oct 31, 2005 02:15 PM
165881, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 31, 2005 03:18 PM [victims forum]
165907, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 31, 2005 05:37 PM [why we need to have this to ...]
165970, MrTruth, Nov 01, 2005 04:09 AM
166085, momhelpingbyherself, Nov 01, 2005 05:58 PM [they took the wrong po...]
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