Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Net Nanny 5
The world's leading parental control software, controls access to websites and other online content such as Internet-based games, blocks file sharing of music, images and videos, and monitors a user's Internet activity. Know what your child is up to! Click here for more information.

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Confused Friend

Switch to Flat View

In order to post a message to a new thread or reply to existing messages you must be logged in. If you'd like to post messages please login or register as a new user.

Message 164786 (In Reply to Message 164549)

Posted by deadmomwalking on Oct 17, 2005 04:09 AM | Also by deadmomwalking

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: N/A, Country: Canada

Wow. That certainly went a lot better than I would have predicted. I have talked to a lot of people who were victimized within the family and almost, universally, other family members either refused to believe them or tried to keep it quiet, at least initially. Her parents have a lot of credit coming to them, (unless perhaps they knew about it all along). Maybe he had already confessed to the parents. Maybe her brother will admit to it and offer to get counselling. Who knows? It's what victims always hope for when they disclose but it rarely works out that way.

It certainly helps that her sister can corroborate her story. It is a lot easier to dismiss one person's story as being a bad dream or a self-serving fabrication than two. I agree - counselling before police. While it might be good for the sisters to go together initially they should really each be taking their own journey here. Also, from the point of view of law enforcement it will seem a lot less like collaboration if they go separately.

I am very impressed by your maturity in all this. It's so rare it almost makes me wonder if you are real. However, I am going to assume you are and commend you for the support you've given and the good sense you've shown.

See an abbreviation or acronym, but don't know what it stands for? Consult the Glossary.

Switch to Flat View

Message 164549

Posted by transparent on Oct 14, 2005 08:01 PM | Also by transparent

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 18 - 20, State: N/A, Country: United States

thank you very much for you response.  An update on the situation that I can give you...

We were planning on confronting her parents last night after I got off work, it was all her idea, as you all have suggested and as I have always done, I've left all decisions to her.  I mostly suggest ideas that might be possible, including how to get the truth out and I even suggested she not tell them everything if she's not ready to.  Well by the time I got off work she called me and let me know that she had been speaking with her older sister that evening about it and told her the whole thing.  Apparently the same thing happened to her sister as well (so her sister has been abused by their grandfather and their brother).  Her sister is very supportive about all of this and they had a great chance to talk it all out.  Later that evening her sister told their parents about everything, what happened to both of them and all that.

Fortunately their parents believed them completely and apologized for not knowing before, they said she didn't have to go on the trip.

Another great thing that has happened, again all without my involvement (which it's better that it was her sister then me, no matter how involved I was ready to be) is that they have both decided to get counceling together.  I'm going to give them suggestions on who to go with, after a lot of research on councelors in the area.  I'll also let her know to be cautious about the whole police involvement that you mentioned, due to her age.

As for a support system, the only two people in her life that she can now rely on are her sister and me.  I'm glad she was able to talk to her sister, otherwise it'd just be me.  Her parents have always been kind of standoffish and don't seem to understand any signs of depression (even when her mother found out about the cutting, all she did was take the knife she thought was being used, and left...with no more mention of it.  Having been a cutter myself as well as being part of a family with a mom that watches Dr. Phil, I know she did not handle that well.)

As for now it's just going to be a waiting game, seeing how her parents handle their brother (she's almost positive they'll confront him, which could make things very awkward for their family, as you kind of mentioned).  As for me, I'm going to be as supportive during this time as I possibly can.  We both go to the same high school together, it's our Senior year.  I care so much about her, I just hope things will even out a little here on out.

One more thing, since it seems that "her word against his" is a common problem with conviciting abusers, would it help that there are now two of them together that have had this problem and are going to handle things?  They haven't yet considered any legal action, right now it sounds like counceling is going to be their focus, which I completely support.  I was just wondering about it as a possibility for the future.

Thank you for all your responses and if anything else happens I'll try to update this thread.

Thread

164033, transparent, Oct 10, 2005 06:37 AM
      164072, steve, Oct 10, 2005 03:57 PM
            164096, transparent, Oct 10, 2005 06:46 PM
                  164128, transparent, Oct 11, 2005 04:45 AM
                        164167, saintjimmy, Oct 11, 2005 05:34 PM
                              164829, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 17, 2005 03:53 PM [my opinion before i le...]
                                    164855, saintjimmy, Oct 17, 2005 08:50 PM
                                          165022, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 19, 2005 07:09 PM [saintjimmy]
                                          165097, kids1st, Oct 20, 2005 02:06 PM [Repressed Memories]
                              164831, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 17, 2005 04:06 PM [saintjimmy]
                  164135, polykenos, Oct 11, 2005 05:52 AM [evidence ?]
                  164144, dp1, Oct 11, 2005 08:24 AM
                        164166, oicu812, Oct 11, 2005 05:25 PM
                              164239, transparent, Oct 12, 2005 06:16 AM
                                    164286, oicu812, Oct 12, 2005 02:39 PM
                                          164360, dp1, Oct 13, 2005 01:04 AM
                                    164306, PVulcan, Oct 12, 2005 03:58 PM [transparent]
                                    164311, Renunciation, Oct 12, 2005 04:18 PM [Counseling Source]
                                    164395, polykenos, Oct 13, 2005 06:38 AM
                                          164441, transparent, Oct 13, 2005 05:12 PM
      164238, kids1st, Oct 12, 2005 06:12 AM [counseling]
            164385, transparent, Oct 13, 2005 03:48 AM
                  164523, deadmomwalking, Oct 14, 2005 10:53 AM
                        164549, transparent, Oct 14, 2005 08:01 PM
                              164786, deadmomwalking, Oct 17, 2005 04:09 AM

Forum Home | Top of Thread

Tell a Friend about this page.

Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Confused Friend

Message 164786 (In Reply to Message 164549)

Message 164549

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Confused Friend