Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Net Nanny 5
The world's leading parental control software, controls access to websites and other online content such as Internet-based games, blocks file sharing of music, images and videos, and monitors a user's Internet activity. Know what your child is up to! Click here for more information.

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Confused Friend

Switch to Flat View

In order to post a message to a new thread or reply to existing messages you must be logged in. If you'd like to post messages please login or register as a new user.

Message 164239 (In Reply to Message 164166)

Posted by transparent on Oct 12, 2005 06:16 AM | Also by transparent

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 18 - 20, State: N/A, Country: United States

I agree that it might be difficult to prove that it happened because technically it's her word against his, as far as I know. She has never confronted him about it and yes she's trying to put it behind her and because of that it's been very difficult for her. Until I came along (I'm her first boyfriend actually) she had never been able to trust anyone in any way.

I am going to suggest counceling or something, do any of you have suggestions on how to find cheap/free anonymous counceling?

If it is just her word against his, who would the law side with, or how would all that work out? I personally am the kind of person who wants him to be punished but she seems more toward the idea of just getting past it as much as possible and doing what she can to not confront him anymore.

See an abbreviation or acronym, but don't know what it stands for? Consult the Glossary.

Switch to Flat View

Message 164166

Posted by oicu812 on Oct 11, 2005 05:25 PM | Also by oicu812

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

yes, treatment would probably be the most important thing for starters.  even if she tries to "put it behind her", the trauma will still live on and may get worse.  finding it difficult to interact with her brother is an example.  that difficulty interacting may progress to difficulty interacting with other people.  acting out in inappropriate ways is another way that a victim sometimes copes with unresolved issues like sexual assault.  also, treatment does not have to include the cooperation of the offender, though in most cases it seems to be beneficial to recovery if the offender admits, is held accountable and clarifies his offense.  so, in my opinion, treatment can help tremendously.

as for reporting, i don't know so much about the leagl side, but from my perspective, what is the right thing to do?  you stated that he seems pretty normal.  well, sex offenders are masters at pretending to be "normal", while harboring many secrets.  sex offenders often groom their victims into silence.  so's very often lead very secretive double lives.  if he has that long of a history or sexual assault, it is very possible he is still offending.  if he's still offending then someone is in great jeopardy.  to me, the right thing to do is stop the victimization of anyone else and force him, if possible, to be held responsible for what he has done.  but the wishes of your friend are what is most important.  she deserves to have power and choice over her own life.

Thread

164033, transparent, Oct 10, 2005 06:37 AM
      164072, steve, Oct 10, 2005 03:57 PM
            164096, transparent, Oct 10, 2005 06:46 PM
                  164128, transparent, Oct 11, 2005 04:45 AM
                        164167, saintjimmy, Oct 11, 2005 05:34 PM
                              164829, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 17, 2005 03:53 PM [my opinion before i le...]
                                    164855, saintjimmy, Oct 17, 2005 08:50 PM
                                          165022, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 19, 2005 07:09 PM [saintjimmy]
                                          165097, kids1st, Oct 20, 2005 02:06 PM [Repressed Memories]
                              164831, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 17, 2005 04:06 PM [saintjimmy]
                  164135, polykenos, Oct 11, 2005 05:52 AM [evidence ?]
                  164144, dp1, Oct 11, 2005 08:24 AM
                        164166, oicu812, Oct 11, 2005 05:25 PM
                              164239, transparent, Oct 12, 2005 06:16 AM
                                    164286, oicu812, Oct 12, 2005 02:39 PM
                                          164360, dp1, Oct 13, 2005 01:04 AM
                                    164306, PVulcan, Oct 12, 2005 03:58 PM [transparent]
                                    164311, Renunciation, Oct 12, 2005 04:18 PM [Counseling Source]
                                    164395, polykenos, Oct 13, 2005 06:38 AM
                                          164441, transparent, Oct 13, 2005 05:12 PM
      164238, kids1st, Oct 12, 2005 06:12 AM [counseling]
            164385, transparent, Oct 13, 2005 03:48 AM
                  164523, deadmomwalking, Oct 14, 2005 10:53 AM
                        164549, transparent, Oct 14, 2005 08:01 PM
                              164786, deadmomwalking, Oct 17, 2005 04:09 AM

Forum Home | Top of Thread

Tell a Friend about this page.

Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Confused Friend

Message 164239 (In Reply to Message 164166)

Message 164166

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Confused Friend