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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Help for momhelpingbyherself

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Message 164518 (In Reply to Message 163461)

Posted by kids1st on Oct 14, 2005 06:13 AM | Also by kids1st

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: Alabama, Country: United States

mom - Maybe your nightmares stem from your anger at your mother for choosing a man over her child and grandchild. I can understand your feelings. My daughter was molested by my brother-in-law from the time she could remember until she was eight years old. I have been fighting this family for years because they can't understand why I don't want my daughter around him. Of course, no one in his family believed that he had abused her, and ultimately he served no time. So it has really been a battle for me. Why he didn't serve time is a long, long story. But he had been convicted of molesting another brother's son. He was 20 years old at the time and was granted youthful offender status because it was his first offense and he played dumb. But that could not be brought up during my daughter's case. He got three years probation for the first offense. I don't know how they thought that was going to help, but anyway.
I sometimes have many different nightmares, some involving people who had nothing to do with what happened or the aftermath. But having nightmares about your mother is understandable because she was closely involved in the incident and you must feel betrayed by her. I do hope that you continue in counselling and that the nightmares will become fewer. One way that I have found that really helps me is writing. I am currently writing a novel that deals with sex abuse.

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Message 163461

Posted by Navigatr1 on Oct 04, 2005 02:16 PM | Also by Navigatr1

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: United States

In another thread, momhelpingbyherself wrote:
http://www.sexcriminals.com/forums/106/17110/163102.html
<blockquote><span class="mb-quote">
Is there anyone in here that can explain to me, for myself, why i am having nightmares, since my stepfather got out of jail? He isn't in my nightmares? My mother is! My daughter was the victim. My step-sister was a victim of Hurricane Rita, her own dad didn't care to stay home to see if she was ok. I am called to see how she would get in touch with FEMA, because i have history on it, sadly enough. But I have nightmare yesterday, needing my mother, and when i call her, she tells me, should have thought of that before. Now that is pretty messed up! wouldn't you agree. I have been having these dreams for over a month. I didn't post in the forum because there are 2 people, who i wont name, who think i am basically to blame for what happened to my daughter. Because my step dad touched me when i was in my middle 20's. Did i think he would touch my daughter who was only 15? NO! So see, people, are scared. I am opening myself now, for ridicule that i know will come. But, i am strong enough to take it. Do you think that others will be at first? I have had to deal with the guilt now for a year. It doesn't get any easier for me. especially when people love to point it out to me. I am just trying to show you how new people who come into the forum and may actually not be able to post in the general forum at first may feel. and that is my opinion, and i am not trying to argue, as you suggested earlier in one of your posts to me.
</span></blockquote>
This thread is an attempt to give you some help, and is not meant to attack you.

You have a lot of anger towards your mother since you feel that she betrayed you.  Especially since she is sticking up for your stepfather.  You have every right to be angry at her.  And I think this anger is spilling over into your subconcious at night in the form of nightmares.

Have you tryied journaling to express your anger towards your mom?  Are you in any sort of counseling?  The important thing is for you to express your anger in a constructive way as opposed to something that is destructive.

I am having trouble staying connected right now due to a storm.  The point of this thread is to facilitate help for you.

--Navigatr1

Thread

163461, Navigatr1, Oct 04, 2005 02:16 PM
      163471, dp1, Oct 04, 2005 02:47 PM
            163515, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 04, 2005 09:09 PM [dp1]
      163514, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 04, 2005 09:07 PM [navigatr1]
            163571, dp1, Oct 05, 2005 10:20 AM [Mom]
                  163604, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 05, 2005 07:12 PM [dp1]
            164414, Navigatr1, Oct 13, 2005 02:11 PM
                  164469, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 13, 2005 08:53 PM [navigatr1]
      164275, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 12, 2005 01:40 PM [dp1]
            164342, steve, Oct 12, 2005 09:48 PM
                  164409, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 13, 2005 02:02 PM [steve]
                        164413, steve, Oct 13, 2005 02:11 PM
                              164467, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 13, 2005 08:51 PM [steve]
                                    164780, steve, Oct 17, 2005 02:05 AM
                                          164825, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 17, 2005 03:22 PM [steve]
                                                164844, steve, Oct 17, 2005 06:38 PM
            164400, Navigatr1, Oct 13, 2005 01:30 PM
                  164410, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 13, 2005 02:05 PM [navigatr1]
                        164521, deadmomwalking, Oct 14, 2005 09:32 AM
                              164532, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 14, 2005 03:52 PM [deadmomwalking]
      164518, kids1st, Oct 14, 2005 06:13 AM
            164647, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 15, 2005 06:29 PM [kidsfirst]
                  164700, kids1st, Oct 16, 2005 08:24 AM
                        164762, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 16, 2005 09:04 PM [kids1st]

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Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Help for momhelpingbyherself

Message 164518 (In Reply to Message 163461)

Message 163461

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Thread (Discussion): Help for momhelpingbyherself