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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Need advice

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Message 163033 (In Reply to Message 162971)
jenclink

Posted by momhelpingbyherself on Sep 29, 2005 08:36 PM | Also by momhelpingbyherself

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: Kentucky, Country: United States

jenclink, i am so sorry for the way you were treated. My daughter was also 15, but my step father only touched her breasts, and it was me who pressed charges. He was charged with child abuse in the 3rd degree. But like most court systems, he got slapped on the wrist. he spent 30 days in jail, with work release, 60 days probated, 2 years without having contact with my kids or me. But his punishment, like yours is more on me. My mother no longer talks to me. I have had nightmares. Horrible ones. I am sorry that it seems that the rape victim in all states seems to have to feel its the victims fault, and basically make them feel guilty, dirty, and like the slime that the actual offender is. Yes, the offender may have at one time, been a victim themselves, but that does not excuse their behavior as they get older. I do know, that some people who are in this forum, but not the victims forum, are say pedophiles, but have, and i do want to stress Have never acted out on that urge, so in my opinion, that puts these type of people in a class of their own. One that knows they have a condition, has seeked help for their condition, and goes on to lead a normal life. I hope that if the police don't take you seriously, that you will explore other avenues. Maybe contact the Attorney General's Office for your state, and explain to them what has happened, and how the police treated you. Or as pj1216 suggested, maybe check into going civil. There is no reason for any victim to be made to feel the way that you have. And believe me, even the family of victims can be made to feel this way. It is a grave injustice to all concerned. My heart and prayers are with you.

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Message 162971

Posted by pj1216 on Sep 29, 2005 11:52 AM | Also by pj1216

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: Washington, Country: United States

Hi, I am sorry you are having to go through this, and it looks like you are still quite young, so bery young at the time of the rape. It is unforgivable that police failed you before. Look in your local phone directory, or call information and ask for the number of the local or national sexual assault services and/or domestic violence hotline. They usually have a toll free number if access to a phone or long distance is a problem, so that you can call from a payphone for free if needed. And many will take collect calls as well. They will know of attorneys dedicated to  helping in cases like yours, who are in their careers to help, not to get rich. They will have counselors and advocates and even other victims you can talk to. And I think you might still be within the statute of limitations so that you can still press charges. The recent threats should end any doubt anyone may have had about the occurrence in the past. I also live in WA state, and have received many of thiese great services, little to no cost for me, on behalf of myself and my children. And once a police report is filed, you can file a claim for Crime Victim's Assistance, which can often help pay for your counselors and certain other needs. Most of all, take care of yourself, and don't stop talking until someone listens. And I am thankful your exboyfriend is standing by you, few do. That is the sign of a good man. My ex wanted everything hushed up, even though he knew about it going into the relationship.
Hopefully, a happy future awaits you once you get past some of this. And you are doing a very wise thing in asking for help. My thoughts will be with you. As for the former (lack of) law enforcement, there is always civil court to seek damages from the city or county that failed to protect you.

Thread

162240, jenclink, Sep 21, 2005 06:52 AM
      162729, artie, Sep 26, 2005 03:22 PM
            162806, rebel51, Sep 27, 2005 09:26 AM
      162841, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 27, 2005 06:30 PM [jenclink]
            162962, jenclink, Sep 29, 2005 06:48 AM
            162971, pj1216, Sep 29, 2005 11:52 AM
                  163033, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 29, 2005 08:36 PM [jenclink]
      163117, eagle10s1, Oct 01, 2005 12:49 AM [jenclick]
            163128, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 01, 2005 02:45 AM [eagle]
            163212, jenclink, Oct 02, 2005 12:08 AM
      163249, karaokedavid82, Oct 02, 2005 03:20 AM [What???]
            163265, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 02, 2005 05:48 AM [jenclink]
                  163349, jenclink, Oct 03, 2005 10:44 AM
                        163454, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 04, 2005 02:04 PM [just a thought]
                              163509, jenclink, Oct 04, 2005 08:22 PM
                                    163576, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 05, 2005 01:09 PM [jenclink]
                                          163609, jenclink, Oct 05, 2005 08:10 PM
                                                163660, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 06, 2005 01:46 PM [jenclink]
                                                      163839, jenclink, Oct 08, 2005 07:27 AM
                                                            164026, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 10, 2005 02:04 AM [jenclink]
                                                                  164039, jenclink, Oct 10, 2005 08:02 AM
                                                                        164159, momhelpingbyherself, Oct 11, 2005 04:08 PM [jenclin...]
                                                                              164245, jenclink, Oct 12, 2005 07:04 AM
                                                                                    168389, dp1, Dec 01, 2005 05:17 PM
                                                                                          168459, jenclink, Dec 02, 2005 10:01 PM [dp1]
                                                                                                168513, dp1, Dec 03, 2005 06:42 PM
                                                                                                      168520, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 08:47 PM
                                                                                                            168572, dp1, Dec 04, 2005 06:23 AM
                                                                                                                  168655, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 05, 2005 04:27 PM [...]
                                                                                                168563, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 04, 2005 02:37 AM [...]
                                                                                                      168637, dp1, Dec 05, 2005 12:56 PM
                                                                                                            168742, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 07, 2005 03:07 PM [...]
                                                                                                                  168779, Valerie, Dec 07, 2005 05:57 PM
                                                                                                            168837, anti, Dec 08, 2005 12:49 AM [...]
                                                                                                            169686, momhelpingbyherself, Dec 17, 2005 07:55 PM [...]
      163856, Rejected
      168468, Quest, Dec 02, 2005 10:44 PM
            168527, jenclink, Dec 03, 2005 09:46 PM
      168627, sisterseekinghelp, Dec 05, 2005 07:23 AM
      168841, PVulcan, Dec 08, 2005 01:01 AM [Jen]
      169198, june5, Dec 11, 2005 09:00 AM

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Need advice

Message 163033 (In Reply to Message 162971)jenclink

Message 162971

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Need advice

Message 163033 (In Reply to Message 162971)
jenclink