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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): How could I be so stupid

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Message 163091 (In Reply to Message 162969)

Posted by rebel51 on Sep 30, 2005 01:02 PM | Also by rebel51

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: California, Country: United States

very good post!!

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Message 162969
Give yourself a break

Posted by pj1216 on Sep 29, 2005 11:14 AM | Also by pj1216

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: Washington, Country: United States

You could not know what was going on, because the largest part of the pedophile's psyche is spent making himself (or herself) look as normal as possible, and they usually start young, in teens or even adolescence, so by the time you met him he had likely learned alot by trial and error on how to stay undetected. I lived with a similar man for 4 years, and he was molesting my kids, one his, one from my first marriage. There were no outward signs, and very few physical or mental clues from the kids until well after he left and they felt safe enough to talk. I'm talking over a year before my boy said a thing, and nearly another before my girl could acknowledge it to her therapist. To my family, friends, coworkers, he seemed normal, even a bit too good to be true. He was a much more involved father than my son's dad, so when he'd offer to read bedtime stories, supervise bathtime, or take the kids on outings, or take care of them while I took a break, he seemed like a godsend to this former single mom. And he was by far the most handsome and charismatic man I had been involved with, before or since, nothing like the stereotypes we used to hear of, "the scruffy stranger"or "the guy who always seemed a bit odd". Don't spend one more minute hurting yourself, and don't try to be a watchdog over his actions, you can't control him, you can only heal yourself, and perhaps when you're ready, reach out to others through Sexual Assault centers or Domestic Violence hotlines. The only relief I have found is in sharing my experiences when others are trying to decide if there is a problem while their partners are doing all they can to convince them that there isn't, or that it's somehow their fault, and in that I have been able to ebcourage several women to seek shelter and eventually a normal life for them and the kids. It has been 15 years now, and I do have a productive life, I am happy quite often, and my kids are happy, goal oriented, NORMAL young adults, plus I was honored with an "oops!" baby 8 years ago, and have had the joy of raising her abuse free. I never thought I'd survive the first year, but while it never goes away, it does become easier a little at a time.

Thread

162003, saddened1, Sep 19, 2005 05:12 AM
      162054, strongmom, Sep 19, 2005 07:14 PM
            162210, anti, Sep 21, 2005 01:35 AM [what a nice post..]
      162088, myoung, Sep 20, 2005 01:15 AM [fault]
      162107, saddened1, Sep 20, 2005 03:19 AM
            162115, 1dadof5, Sep 20, 2005 06:02 AM
      162123, joy1234, Sep 20, 2005 12:59 PM
      162125, knowsfalselyaccused, Sep 20, 2005 01:21 PM [Your not]
      162133, dp1, Sep 20, 2005 02:07 PM [saddened1]
            162158, dp1, Sep 20, 2005 03:12 PM [After thoughts]
      162146, concerned2005, Sep 20, 2005 02:40 PM [Don't fall victim AGAIN!]
            162211, anti, Sep 21, 2005 01:38 AM [another great post..]
      162417, saddened1, Sep 23, 2005 01:48 AM [Thankyou]
            162460, dp1, Sep 23, 2005 02:05 PM
                  162715, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 26, 2005 01:17 PM [saddened]
      162904, Ruined, Sep 28, 2005 06:58 AM [You weren't stupid. Just human.]
      162969, pj1216, Sep 29, 2005 11:14 AM [Give yourself a break]
            163091, rebel51, Sep 30, 2005 01:02 PM

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): How could I be so stupid

Message 163091 (In Reply to Message 162969)

Message 162969Give yourself a break

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): How could I be so stupid

Message 162969
Give yourself a break