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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): How could I be so stupid
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Message 162003
Posted by saddened1
on Sep 19, 2005 05:12 AM | Also by saddened1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 50 - 59,
State: Kansas,
Country: United States |
How could I be so stupid to get sucked in by a pedophile. We married 5 years ago and I had not knowledge of his illness. We have no children and he has not had much to do with children in my or his extended family. He has been abusing boys aged 8-11 during our marriage and before. I had no idea until recently when he was arrested. All is being dealt with legally and being handled professionally, so the legal handling is not my concern.
I am now stuck in a world where i have begun to hate myself. I feel so stupid for choosing him as a partner in the first place, but then I just did not want to go through life alone. I feel so stupid for still loving him, although i am caught between loving him and hating what he does to children. I am pressured by everyone I know to leave him, but then therapy is pressuring me to remain with him though his recovery. I feel that I am just a biproduct in therapy and they are really not interested in me. I feel that friends and family look at me as if I am the one who has committed the crimes. Therapy pitys him and his illness, but has llittle sympathy for how society treats me. I am looked upon as dirty becasue I share his bed, although there is no sexual intimacy there.
He has been my confidant, my friend and my shadow. How could I ever forgive myself if I leave him and this causes him more suffering. How could i ever forgive myself if I leave him and there is no one to watch out and make sure he doesnt go near children and become tempted.
I am torn.
Please help.
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Thread
162003, saddened1, Sep 19, 2005 05:12 AM
162054, strongmom, Sep 19, 2005 07:14 PM
162210, anti, Sep 21, 2005 01:35 AM [what a nice post..]
162088, myoung, Sep 20, 2005 01:15 AM [fault]
162107, saddened1, Sep 20, 2005 03:19 AM
162115, 1dadof5, Sep 20, 2005 06:02 AM
162123, joy1234, Sep 20, 2005 12:59 PM
162125, knowsfalselyaccused, Sep 20, 2005 01:21 PM [Your not]
162133, dp1, Sep 20, 2005 02:07 PM [saddened1]
162158, dp1, Sep 20, 2005 03:12 PM [After thoughts]
162146, concerned2005, Sep 20, 2005 02:40 PM [Don't fall victim AGAIN!]
162211, anti, Sep 21, 2005 01:38 AM [another great post..]
162417, saddened1, Sep 23, 2005 01:48 AM [Thankyou]
162460, dp1, Sep 23, 2005 02:05 PM
162715, momhelpingbyherself, Sep 26, 2005 01:17 PM [saddened]
162904, Ruined, Sep 28, 2005 06:58 AM [You weren't stupid. Just human.]
162969, pj1216, Sep 29, 2005 11:14 AM [Give yourself a break]
163091, rebel51, Sep 30, 2005 01:02 PM
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