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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Question for TGoodman - DP1,TGood
Message 131189
What is it Like to Find Out?
Posted by dp1
on Apr 22, 2004 12:39 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
It was recently brought to my attention that I am supervising a RSO who just so happens to be TGoodman's niece's favorite Uncle. TGoodman said that her niece just found out he was a sex offender. T, let's call him Uncle Charlie.
T, I am interested in knowing from your neice's perspective what she heard about Uncle Charlie. Can you tell us (no real name's) what she heard he did? Did she hear who the victims were? Their ages? When and how it happened? What was her impression of him before his arrest? How did she react after she found out?
Just for your information, Uncle Charlie is like one of my favorite cases. What a coincidence that you and I spoke about him just minutes after I left his house. It really is a small world.
DP1
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Message 131192 (In Reply to Message 131189)
I will try to answer
Posted by TGoodman
on Apr 22, 2004 01:28 PM | Also by TGoodman
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kansas,
Country: United States |
First of all, you have to remember that this particular neice is by marriage (she is the neice of my SO husband). She is 19 years old. Her father died when she was 12, and Uncle Charlie was her absolute favorite Uncle. She had never suspected that he was an SO.
On Easter weekend, she make the trek back to her hometown to visit with her brother and sister. That's when she found out that Uncle Charlie was an SO. She was very upset. When she got home from her trip, she asked if there was anyway to look him up on the net (since she knows I know how to do that since my husband is on the net as an SO) and we started looking at the Florida FDLE website.
I asked her about the charges that showed on the DOC supervised inmate list. Florida DOC's website has a place where you can go to search for offenders. They break down the search engine by Supervised (on probation) Released (from prison) Incarcerated and then you can search all at once. We had a hard time finding him, actually because he is known to have used an alias in the past.
Anyway, I don't actually know what she heard his actual crime was, cause I didn't want to know (even though I saw his FDLE Flyer and his DOC information). I do know that she told me that he used an assumed name at times because his family was very prominent in town and in their church. He evidently lost touch with his family over this.
Prior to his arrest this was her favorite Uncle. She told me of how she loved spending time with him as a little girl. I asked her if he had ever touched her inappropriately and she said no. After she found out about all of this, you could tell that she was very upset.
Last week, I spoke to her again about all of this....AFTER she has now found out that she is pregnant. She has so much anger towards him. She did tell me that he would never be around her child. She does not know who his victims were or how old they were.
I will talk to her again today and tell her what I have discovered about him. I will post more as I learn more.
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Message 131210 (In Reply to Message 131192)
TG
Posted by dp1
on Apr 22, 2004 04:21 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
TG,
I am so happy to hear you confronted your niece about Uncle Charlie possibly having inappropriate contact with her. If her story changes, or if she finds out about other victims, feel free to give her the number to our State Attorney’s Office (813) 272-5400 to do a direct file to press charges. If the offenses occurred prior to him being placed on probation then they won’t be considered a violation of his probation. However, if the other victims need closure, then I believe pressing charges like the others have done is the right way to go IMO.
I am also glad we have a state registry where you were able to confirm your niece’s suspicions about his RSO status. Hopefully, this will get the ball rolling in an attempt to unravel this can of worms opened by his known victims.
I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart I am so so sorry about this situation. I’ve been doing this for years and still to this day have to hold back the tears when I hear about either new victims or family members that just didn’t know. The devastation and the loss of trust have got to be painful.
I don’t know how well you know Uncle Charlie. Is he related to your husband? Or is your husband the brother of her mother? Well anyway, if you ever met him you’d never never in a million years suspect that he’s a pedophile. He comes across as a southern gentleman who is religious, respectful, outgoing, fun loving and just down right likable. He even shocked me the first day I met him.
I will tell you this. In a very sick sort of way (you have to understand my point of view on this) I have respect for him. I hate his crimes. But, I respect the way he has taken responsibility for his actions. He never once tried to deny or minimize. He cooperated fully with law enforcement and even started his SO treatment before his conviction.
I met Uncle Charlie initially at therapy. He was in a group with all my other cases. He was pending Court and was considered a volunteer at that time. He stood outside in the parking lot hanging out with us before group and just observed us all interacting. Afterwards, he approached me and introduced himself and told me upfront what his status was. I immediately told him that I would most likely be his PO if he were sentenced to probation. He was so guilt ridden it didn’t seem to phase him. He just needed someone to talk to because he was scared. He was scared that the truth was coming out and he wanted it out. This whole Court process was a relief for him and just needed someone to talk to. He said he was going through this and will admit to his crimes even if it gave him a heart attack. I assured him I would be there for him and will walk him through the process day by day. And that’s exactly what happened.
When you talk to your niece please let her know I am here for her and the rest of the family. I can not divulge confidential information, but I will tell you or her anything that is public record. Even though we have an excellent registry in our state it is certainly not the tell all. In this case, I can assure you that his criminal record barely scratches the surface.
DP1
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Message 131217 (In Reply to Message 131210)
That's what I told her
Posted by TGoodman
on Apr 22, 2004 05:22 PM | Also by TGoodman
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kansas,
Country: United States |
I do know that the registry does NOT tell the whole story...and I did tell her that. I can't remember off the top of my head how many charges showed up on the DOC site that shows him on probation, but I told her that it is probably not the entire story either.
Uncle Charlie is her father's brother. The SO That I am married to is her mother's brother.
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Message 131219 (In Reply to Message 131210)
Wow
Posted by Silverthorne
on Apr 22, 2004 06:37 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
DP1 what a small world. You too Tgold I can't believe your related to one of DP1s "clients".
DP1 I'm happy to hear you say this guy is taking responsibility. I'm glad to see there are some SO's who do what they're supposed to.
Tgold I have a couple questions if you don't mind. This niece of yours, what is the reason she's so upset, is it thats he's a SO at all or that he didn't tell her? Sometimes the lack of honesty is more a violation then the actual offense. Is she upset he wasn't honest about it with her?
Was his offense prior to or after her "growing up" as his friend?
Silverthorne
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Message 131221 (In Reply to Message 131219)
Silver
Posted by TGoodman
on Apr 22, 2004 06:40 PM | Also by TGoodman
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kansas,
Country: United States |
I think she is more upset about the fact that he is a SO more than anything else. Already having one uncle in the "system" as an SO has been very hard on her. Now finding that her all-time favorite Uncle Charlie is also a SO has been very hard on her. I think another reason that she is so upset is because now that she has found she is pregnant, she thinks that she must decide to not have any contact with him in the future becauseof this child.
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Message 131241 (In Reply to Message 131221)
TG
Posted by dp1
on Apr 22, 2004 07:52 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
If it makes her feel any better please let her know that he is not allowed to have contact with children. If he did, and I found out about it, he would be spending the rest of his life in prison.
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Message 131243 (In Reply to Message 131210)
TG
Posted by dp1
on Apr 22, 2004 08:23 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
I just thought of something else FYI. Uncle Charlie's wife has been by his side since day one. If you ever needed someone to talk to about what it's like living with a SO she would be an excellent resource. She's a real sweetie!
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Message 131301 (In Reply to Message 131192)
Uncle Charlie
Posted by pervertpolice
on Apr 23, 2004 03:07 AM | Also by pervertpolice
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
When it comes to SO's victims most people think of the child that was molested. While that is the primary victim, there are plenty more as these posting show. Other family members and close friends also feel victimized because of what their "uncle" has done or because the truth was kept from them. I was approached one day by a young man that delivered water to our office. To make a long story short, I had arrested his Dad about 15 years earlier. He never was told what happened. He found out as an adult & was very upset with the rest of his family for not telling him. He wanted to speak to me because he didn't think that he could fully trust what he had been told by his family. That to me is tragic when family members feel they can't trust or believe other family members. As I said, there are a lot of victims.
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Message 131309 (In Reply to Message 131301)
Posted by DoTheCrimeDoTheTime
on Apr 23, 2004 04:27 AM | Also by DoTheCrimeDoTheTime
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
We had a case in court the other day where a the vicitm (7) was fondled by her uncle on a few occasions.
The father and mother were so upset. More than anything, the family sided with the defendant. The victim, who has been receiving counseling, seems to be doing quite well. She presented herself in court in a manner most adults are unable to do.
Now there is a family that is totally torn apart because of the victims actions (he admitted) but the family wants to minimize his actions. Really sad. Brothers not talking, mother not talking to son or daughter in law, and there is the precious 7 year old who knew what was done to was wrong, but can't understand why the rest of the family can't get along.
DTC
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Message 131797 (In Reply to Message 131189)
sorry about the lapse
Posted by TGoodman
on Apr 28, 2004 01:50 AM | Also by TGoodman
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kansas,
Country: United States |
I was not ignoring your questions in the original post, just had to go back to my neice and ask her about some of them.
She was told that Uncle Charlie had "raped some kids" by her brother. that was the extent of what she was told....other than what her brother would like to do to him. Anyway, she had no idea that it was family members that were involved.
She has very fond memories of this particular Uncle. We had an in-depth discussion about her memories and if she had a sense of something being not quite right with him. No. She had no clue what was happening.
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Message 131808 (In Reply to Message 131797)
Semantics
Posted by Silverthorne
on Apr 28, 2004 06:42 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
"She was told that Uncle Charlie had
"raped some kids" by her brother. "
What exactly did Uncle Charlie do? I mean "rape some kids" makes him sound like a predatory monster. We all know what "rape" means right? Well we may know it means any number of things but the public doesn't. They (and she) must picture him forcing himself on some little kid in the worst way.
Silverthorne
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Message 131814 (In Reply to Message 131808)
Silver
Posted by dp1
on Apr 28, 2004 11:25 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
The little lids were younger than you were when they were victimized. Rape is accurate. We are not talking about curious teens.
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Message 131816 (In Reply to Message 131797)
TG
Posted by dp1
on Apr 28, 2004 11:51 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Your niece must have been devastated. I'm glad to hear nothing out of the ordinary happened with her. The victims in this case were on Uncle Charlie's wife side. Maybe he behaved himself with his brother's kids? Hmm
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Message 131821 (In Reply to Message 131808)
Silver
Posted by TGoodman
on Apr 28, 2004 12:39 PM | Also by TGoodman
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kansas,
Country: United States |
I'm not sure exactly what his crimes wre, however, his family looks at him as a rapist.
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Message 131822 (In Reply to Message 131816)
dp1
Posted by TGoodman
on Apr 28, 2004 12:41 PM | Also by TGoodman
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Kansas,
Country: United States |
I think Uncle CHARLIE KNEW HIWS BROTHER WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT IF HE EVER TRIED TO TOUCH THIS PARTICULAR NEICE< HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE LAW INTO HIS OWN HANDS >
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Message 131825 (In Reply to Message 131822)
TG
Posted by dp1
on Apr 28, 2004 01:49 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
AH! So vigilantism DOES deter sex crimes. I suppose if he touched his brother's kids I wouldn't be his PO.
Sex offenders can be like electricity. They follow the path of least resistance. And who says they don't think about the consequences? Of course they do. Is it not about testing how much they could get away with? Funny, how when the victims in sex crimes speak up years later the SO acts all surprised. Guess he didn't have everyone fooled.
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Message 131873 (In Reply to Message 131814)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Apr 28, 2004 08:20 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Age is one thing but act is another. Most people equate "rape" to sexual intercourse. If he just fondled them that may be enough to be called "rape" per some states criminal codes due to their age.
Silverthorne
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Message 131880 (In Reply to Message 131873)
Silver
Posted by dp1
on Apr 28, 2004 08:53 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
"Just fondling" is not the situation in this case.
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Message 134546 (In Reply to Message 131825)
DP1,TGood
Posted by scarlett
on May 22, 2004 08:32 AM | Also by scarlett
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Denial is a natural reaction for alot of people. It's a defense mechanism in my opinion. Some people just can't handle the truth. Refuse to look it in the face because it's too painful. Easier to deny. Sad for the victim though. Especially so young. I have a 7 year old daughter myself. Instead of denial I'd probably just snap!.
I'm going back to the general forum now. Stop by and say hello sometime. it's getting boring over there without you!
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Thread
131189, dp1, Apr 22, 2004 12:39 PM [What is it Like to Find Out?]
131192, TGoodman, Apr 22, 2004 01:28 PM [I will try to answer]
131210, dp1, Apr 22, 2004 04:21 PM [TG]
131217, TGoodman, Apr 22, 2004 05:22 PM [That's what I told her]
131219, Silverthorne, Apr 22, 2004 06:37 PM [Wow]
131221, TGoodman, Apr 22, 2004 06:40 PM [Silver]
131241, dp1, Apr 22, 2004 07:52 PM [TG]
131243, dp1, Apr 22, 2004 08:23 PM [TG]
131301, pervertpolice, Apr 23, 2004 03:07 AM [Uncle Charlie]
131309, DoTheCrimeDoTheTime, Apr 23, 2004 04:27 AM
131797, TGoodman, Apr 28, 2004 01:50 AM [sorry about the lapse]
131808, Silverthorne, Apr 28, 2004 06:42 AM [Semantics]
131814, dp1, Apr 28, 2004 11:25 AM [Silver]
131873, Silverthorne, Apr 28, 2004 08:20 PM
131880, dp1, Apr 28, 2004 08:53 PM [Silver]
131821, TGoodman, Apr 28, 2004 12:39 PM [Silver]
131816, dp1, Apr 28, 2004 11:51 AM [TG]
131822, TGoodman, Apr 28, 2004 12:41 PM [dp1]
131825, dp1, Apr 28, 2004 01:49 PM [TG]
134546, scarlett, May 22, 2004 08:32 AM [DP1,TGood]
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