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Message 131485 (In Reply to Message 131364)

Posted by deadmomwalking on Apr 24, 2004 08:21 AM | Also by deadmomwalking

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: 50 - 59, State: N/A, Country: Canada

thanks again for your advice. I will check out the EFT and I will take your advice about trying it on myself. I have had a tough time emotionally as well, although you are right - dead mom walking doesn't quite fit anymore. When I first joined this discussion board it's what I felt like because the whole thing was pretty new and my daughter was begin extremely self destructive - suicide attempts, slashing herself everywhere, flashbacks and disassociative episodes; there were lots of trips to emergency wards. I still can't think about it without crying. In order to cope I had to shut myself down emotionally but keep going - I literally felt like the walking dead. Now that the worst of the crisis has passed I find myself giving vent to a lot of the grief and anger I had to suppress before and I need to move on for my family's sake - so maybe I will try your suggestion and see how it works for me. I I don't know why I visit this board - it often just upsets me. I wanted to try and figure out WHY this happened by looking into the thinking of SO's. Perhaps it is a sort of desensitization therapy. And every now and then I do get some very helpful advice.

As to the court proceedings, I don't really give a s***. The police have their agenda, and while I sympathise with their desire to protect others, their agenda is not ours. I am hoping the court decides not to proceed because I think it will do far more damage to my daughter than to him. However, in fairness, the crown prosecutor's main qualm about proceeding seems to be his concern for my daughter's well-being. My concern is solely for my daughter's recovery. If we decide at some later point to make him accountable there are a number of other avenues available. In any case, I believe that is why the police rushed in when she first disclosed and got a statement before the counsellors had a chance to get at her and start "processing" the abuse. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your point of view, there had been no discussions of possible sexual abuse by her previous therapist, so her disclosure was "clean" in that sense. I think that any further disclosures that come out now in therapy, unless they can be otherwise verified, will be viewed as being "tainted" by the court.

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Message 131364

Posted by betsemes on Apr 23, 2004 05:18 PM | Also by betsemes

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: N/A, State: N/A, Country: Puerto Rico

OK, then. Seems I saw what happened; but it's strange, when I saw the preview, it appeared intact, then when I saw it posted, it was severely chopped. I just used three "greater than" characters to open the quotes and three "less than" characters to close the quotes. Here is my post once again:

Hi again, please, don't call yourself "dead mom walking", your are pretty much alive and seeking help; you have demonstrated so pretty much. Those are self-defeating thoughts that cannot help you and will make your efforts for helping your daughter much more difficult.

Start of quote:
Thanks for the link. I am going to read more about it. I have been trying to convince my daughter to see a neighbour who is a healer and uses what appears to be similar methods, that is a western adaptation of eastern medicine. She finds blockages in the "chi" or body's energy flow and taps or massages gently on those spots or applies homeopathic remedies.
End of quote.

Seems that you are referring to Qigong. I have read about it and I have an audio tape course called "Spring Forest Qigong" by Master Chunyi Lin and sold by Learning Strategies Corporation (just in case you are interested, please don't be annoyed by the propaganda-like mention). I have level one only which fosuses on healing ourselves. It supposedly develops a chi pattern that leads to remove chi blockages in our bodies. The theory is something like we have some energy (chi) channels in our body that brings chi to all parts of our body (like an energy circulatory system). When blockages develop, not enough energy reaches some parts of our body and we get sick as a consequence. Supposedly by removing those blockages, we can restore chi circulation and thus the body heals. Precisely one of the chief causes of blockages are self-limiting emotions and traumas are among the strongest.

But I'm not talking about Qigong. EFT is something different. EFT is one of the various modalities of what is called "energy psychology". Energy Psychology is a form or "psychological accupressure"; by tapping some energy meridian points, we solve the disrruptions in the nervous system that happen to cause negative emotions. Spring Forest Qigong (I don't know what that healer you mentioned says about what she practices) is intended chiefly for healing the body although can be used for healing emotions too. EFT is used for healing emotions but it has healed somatic symptoms too (maybe psycho-somatic symptoms).

Start of quote:
She believes the perp has left a piece of himself in my daughter, as least in my daughter's mind. Because he made my daughter perform oral sex on him she has a continuing sense of being "dirty" and "defiled". For example, when she went for counselling and examination and a sexual abuse medical clinic she asked if his DNA could "still be inside her" (this 5 years after the fact). The healer goes on soul journeys or dream journeys with the clients to find this injured parts of their souls. OK, I know this sounds incredibly hokey but I don't think it is the science that is important - it is the symbolism. In the case of damage to the soul or self, ritual and symbol can be more powerful healers than any meds or even counselling.

However, so far I haven't been able to convince my daughter to go. Partly it is her natural shyness, partly she has inherited her father's analytical mind and is a doubting Thomas but mostly she can't stand being touched
End of quote.

Yessss, you are open enough to try something else. I'm going to suggest some things that could easy your daughter's decision to try EFT. You could tell her that this can heal her PTSD completely, and this doesn't require that she be touched in any way. Check out this: http://www.emofree.com/trauma/ptsd-memory.htm. The common mechanics that goes on is that the practitioner taps in his/her own body thus indicating the patient how to do it, then the patient herself taps on her own body, this has the added benefit that the patient herself learns how to apply EFT by herself thus applying it even in her home or wherever she wants to. The practioner doesn't need to touch her in any way. Yet, the tap could begin with the initial intention of colapsing the hatred to be touch although it is much more possible that it would not subside until the underlying issues collapse as well. Then she will be able to date boys, get married and have sex normally as if she never was abused.

Another thing that you could try is buying the DVD course and learning EFT yourself in order to help your daughter. This link http://www.emofree.com/trauma/beginnercollapsesPTSD.htm tells the story of a beginner that collapsed her own PTSD. It is so simple that anyone could use it by themselves, so you can learn it and help your daughter. The basic course costs $60.00, a small fraction of what costs years of therapy and it is, in my opinion, well worth the price.

You can also go to http://www.mercola.com/forms/eftcourse.htm. This is an online manual by Dr. Joseph Mercola that teaches Dr. Mercola's revision of EFT. I have Dr. Mercola's DVD course and I have tried EFT on myself, I can tell you it works, even though I don't have traumas like your daughter's. It works not just for traumas or severe emotional conditions, but for any kind of emotion. YOu yourself could learn it and apply it to yourself. Evidently you are suffering too and EFT can help you as well.

If you really really love your daughter, you will go to any extent to help her. Please, consider this, it's very much worth a try. Just a word of warning; if that man have not been prosecuted yet and the case is not finished, then you might want to wait until the case is closed. You see, EFT can be so effective that it can remove any trace of emotional damage, leaving you with no case at all. In other words, nobody will believe you or your daughter. It's painful to suggest this because during that time she will continue suffering from PTSD during a process that will likely damage her further and he could possibly not been incarcerated. One of the cases told at the EFT website is on a girl that was raped by her boyfriend. The practitioner that saw her case warned her just this and she opted to deal with her trauma right away instead of waiting. By what she tells, she never regretted it; and afterwards, she felt genuinely sorry for her raper. Just something you may want to consider.

Thread

126605, deadmomwalking, Jan 31, 2004 07:29 AM
      126650, Silverthorne, Jan 31, 2004 11:31 PM [Hello DMW]
            126812, deadmomwalking, Feb 03, 2004 05:39 AM
      126999, PVulcan, Feb 08, 2004 01:43 PM [Hi Mom]
      127741, Rachel, Feb 25, 2004 01:09 PM [If you need someone to talk to....]
            127824, deadmomwalking, Feb 27, 2004 10:09 PM
      127951, bess, Mar 02, 2004 12:17 PM
            128039, deadmomwalking, Mar 04, 2004 10:01 AM
      128107, bess, Mar 05, 2004 01:33 PM
      128147, glasschicken50, Mar 06, 2004 01:39 PM [the power of prayer!]
      128169, cathie, Mar 07, 2004 03:49 AM [deadmomwalking]
            129147, tryingtosurvive, Mar 25, 2004 04:18 PM [I dont have a clue ....]
            129149, tryingtosurvive, Mar 25, 2004 04:36 PM [just a ps]
                  129166, dp1, Mar 25, 2004 10:54 PM [TTS]
      130538, thumper, Apr 16, 2004 07:47 PM [Your daughters story is my own]
            130558, dp1, Apr 17, 2004 04:17 AM [thumper]
            130565, deadmomwalking, Apr 17, 2004 08:00 AM [thumper]
            130602, Silverthorne, Apr 18, 2004 03:30 AM [Thumper]
      130539, Rejected
      131206, betsemes, Apr 22, 2004 03:26 PM
            131220, TGoodman, Apr 22, 2004 06:38 PM [To betsemes]
            131249, deadmomwalking, Apr 22, 2004 09:40 PM
                  131333, betsemes, Apr 23, 2004 02:18 PM
                        131336, betsemes, Apr 23, 2004 02:56 PM
                              131353, steve, Apr 23, 2004 04:55 PM
                                    131364, betsemes, Apr 23, 2004 05:18 PM
                                          131375, steve, Apr 23, 2004 06:03 PM [Explanation of what happened ...]
                                          131485, deadmomwalking, Apr 24, 2004 08:21 AM
      131323, bess, Apr 23, 2004 07:57 AM [Shamans and other healers]
            131486, deadmomwalking, Apr 24, 2004 08:25 AM
      133583, greatdad53, May 14, 2004 02:20 AM [My daughter and I both feel your Pain!]

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Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): need to vent and understand

Message 131485 (In Reply to Message 131364)

Message 131364

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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): need to vent and understand