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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): need to vent and understand
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Message 128039 (In Reply to Message 127951)
Posted by deadmomwalking
on Mar 04, 2004 10:01 AM | Also by deadmomwalking
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 50 - 59,
State: N/A,
Country: Canada |
Hi Bess,
I am truly sorry for what you have gone through. Do you mind me asking how old you were when the assaults took place and how old you were when you started to address them. How long did your recovery take? Do you feel recovered now? I know that my daughter's recovery is going to take a long time - she's already been through 4 years of hell. My daughter started noticeably falling apart about 6 months after the assaults ended, has been sick for the past 3 years and only seems to have remembered what had happened (the assults) a few months ago.
When these disclosures first came out, everyone's response was, "So that's it. Well, now that that's out she can really get better." She then proceed to go through the most self-destructive phase yet. I feared for her life everyday. I truly believed she had just given up and I was watching someone drowning. We've been through the worst 3 months of our lives but my daughter seems to be turning a corner the last week or so. She went out and got an shared apartment today with 2 somewhat religious Philipino ladies who have a "no men" rule (music to a mother's ears). I wasn't keen on the whole idea of moving out but I can understand her desire to move out of this town with the perp just around the corner, and also to have some time on her own to sort things out. The apartment is only 20 min away by car and just a few minutes from my sister's place so she still has a lot of supports in place. If it doesn't work, well, she can come home anytime. She dropped off a bunch of job applications and is back to getting her correspondence assignments in regularly. I can't believe it because she missed half the year but it looks as if she will manage to complete this school year - it helps to be smart. She hasn't cut herself for over a week now - so I am hoping that is mostly behind us. She seems to be able to talk a little more about the assults without going into a trance or frenzy.
We saw the crown prosecutor today - he seemed to just want to meet my daughter and see whether she is as delusional as the defense is claiming. Apparently the fact that she has had an eating disorder makes her psychotic as well. The first thing he said was "You don't look anorexic to me" (not the most sensitive thing to say to an anorexic, but anyway). She didn't talk about meeting any angels or UFO's so I think the CP was satisfied. It seems as if her only (and very detailed) delusion is about being assaulted by Mr. Upstanding Citizen, who is apparently "under incredible stress and trauma because of these outrageous accusations" - "his worst nightmare, etc". I'll frickin' show him worst nightmare. Hell hath no fury like a mother bear with an injured cub.
The prosecution doesn't know whether they will go ahead yet or not - they need to feel there is a good chance of success and of course, with only my daughter's story and circumstantial evidence at this point, it would be hard to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. However, he seems inclined to go ahead with it if my daughter is willing and feels able. My daughter said she felt bad about going to trial because in spite of it all she feels as if she is "betraying" the perp and doesn't really want to hurt him and especially his family. We were driving and I practically ran into a telephone pole. BETRAYAL! After what he did to her and us! Obviously she still needs a LOT of therapy. I also feel very badly for his family. His wife was one of my best friends. But he betrayed them as well - he used his own daughter as bait (and quite frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he used her in other ways as well). Too bad he wasn't thinking about them 5 years ago.
I saw him out washing his truck the other day and I had an almost uncontrollable urge to run into him and pin his balls to the bumper. I imagined myself echoing his lines "It's really your fault you know. I just couldn't help myself. You shouldn't have been out here in the street where I could run you over." But I didn't. Because to paraphrase Silverstone, I don't think God would like it (he might even give the guy a break on his eternal sentence and I wouldn't want that), I don't want to go to jail (although I think I would have community support) and I have empathy (not for him, the creep, but for his family and mine.) Whether I can continue to control myself without a support group for Mothers with Murderous Fantasies I'm not sure.
Anyway, I guess that turned into a rant. But anger feels better than despair. I wish you all the best as well Bess. It is good to know that things will get better, even if it is "little by little" and not by leaps and bounds.
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Message 127951
Posted by bess
on Mar 02, 2004 12:17 PM | Also by bess
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 40 - 49,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Thread
126605, deadmomwalking, Jan 31, 2004 07:29 AM
126650, Silverthorne, Jan 31, 2004 11:31 PM [Hello DMW]
126812, deadmomwalking, Feb 03, 2004 05:39 AM
126999, PVulcan, Feb 08, 2004 01:43 PM [Hi Mom]
127741, Rachel, Feb 25, 2004 01:09 PM [If you need someone to talk to....]
127824, deadmomwalking, Feb 27, 2004 10:09 PM
127951, bess, Mar 02, 2004 12:17 PM
128039, deadmomwalking, Mar 04, 2004 10:01 AM
128107, bess, Mar 05, 2004 01:33 PM
128147, glasschicken50, Mar 06, 2004 01:39 PM [the power of prayer!]
128169, cathie, Mar 07, 2004 03:49 AM [deadmomwalking]
129147, tryingtosurvive, Mar 25, 2004 04:18 PM [I dont have a clue ....]
129149, tryingtosurvive, Mar 25, 2004 04:36 PM [just a ps]
129166, dp1, Mar 25, 2004 10:54 PM [TTS]
130538, thumper, Apr 16, 2004 07:47 PM [Your daughters story is my own]
130558, dp1, Apr 17, 2004 04:17 AM [thumper]
130565, deadmomwalking, Apr 17, 2004 08:00 AM [thumper]
130602, Silverthorne, Apr 18, 2004 03:30 AM [Thumper]
130539, Rejected
131206, betsemes, Apr 22, 2004 03:26 PM
131220, TGoodman, Apr 22, 2004 06:38 PM [To betsemes]
131249, deadmomwalking, Apr 22, 2004 09:40 PM
131333, betsemes, Apr 23, 2004 02:18 PM
131336, betsemes, Apr 23, 2004 02:56 PM
131353, steve, Apr 23, 2004 04:55 PM
131364, betsemes, Apr 23, 2004 05:18 PM
131375, steve, Apr 23, 2004 06:03 PM [Explanation of what happened ...]
131485, deadmomwalking, Apr 24, 2004 08:21 AM
131323, bess, Apr 23, 2004 07:57 AM [Shamans and other healers]
131486, deadmomwalking, Apr 24, 2004 08:25 AM
133583, greatdad53, May 14, 2004 02:20 AM [My daughter and I both feel your Pain!]
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