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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): sad , not sure what to do - you are normal
Message 124717
Alone and Scared an.....need support
Posted by alone
on Jan 11, 2004 02:09 PM | Also by alone
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: N/A,
Country: Australia |
Hi , evereyone. I'm feeling really low tonight and I have been for the past week. Anorexic , depressed and scared of all my past memories.
I finally see my therapist , so hopefully I'll feel better when I do.
Tell me , is it normal to feel angry at the perpratrator. I've never been an angry person as in violent , but all of a sudden it's like a cup overflowing with anger .... and I'm forever looking at my body in the mirror and stand there saing " This body has been abused " ? Is that normal. Idon't know , I need cheering up , actually I wish one of you online could tell me it was all just a nightmare , only it was a living nightmare.
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Message 124751 (In Reply to Message 124717)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jan 11, 2004 07:36 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Hello A, I'll just call you A because your not "alone" as you put it. As a fellow victim I know exactly how you feel.
I posted a thread that Steve was going to move to this new forum called "Victims - what happens" talking about some anger I've had as a result of my abuse. Anger is a common emotion. While I've forgiven him I find years later Im angry at the life I've gotten as a result of his selfish act.
I do the mirror thing sometimes too. In the shower I just shiver thinking about what happend. I wish I could tell you it'll get better but it wont without getting help. You said you have a therapist and are seeing him/her now? Its important to do victim work. I see a victims therapist next week for my first appointment. I also have hopes it will get better.
Don't feel "alone". I know it seems like that. Being an abuse or rape victim causes someone to fold inward upon themselves. Its tough to trust someone and open up. You feel vulnerable and throw walls up to protect yourself. Walls which by thier nature also isolate yourself. Its a cycle that will go on and on until you deal with being a victim.
I have a couple book suggestions for you if you dont mind. Ive read these and they helped alot. I'll post links to Amazon.com for you to order them from. If you can order them from Steves website here (he can post directions) he can get a small commission that helps support these forums. You might find these helpful.
Silverthorne
VICTIMS NO LONGER (written for men but good for everyone)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060973005/qid=1073846080/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-6371631-3428852?v=glance&s=books
COURAGE TO HEAL (written for women but good for men too - I read the original)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060950668/qid=1073846127/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-6371631-3428852?v=glance&s=books
THE SEXUAL HEALING JOURNEY
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060921552/ref=pd_sim_books_5/002-6371631-3428852?v=glance&s=books
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Message 124795 (In Reply to Message 124751)
Victims No Longer
Posted by dp1
on Jan 12, 2004 02:12 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
VICTIMS NO LONGER (written for men but good for everyone)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060973005/qid=1073846080/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-6371631-3428852?v=glance&s=books
Silver, we must have met in a different life. Victims No Longer is my all time favorite book on this subject. Not only does it help with understanding victims issues it helped me understand how male sex offenders make that leap from victim to perpetrator. It is so common for victims to ask, "why me". After reading the book there won't be any doubt that it "wasn't about me" and it was all about the offender. Great book and easy to read. It's a must have!!!
DP1
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Message 124796 (In Reply to Message 124795)
Posted by steve
on Jan 12, 2004 02:25 AM | Also by steve
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Virginia,
Country: United States |
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060973005/qid=1073846080/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-6371631-3428852?v=glance&s=books
Silver, we must have met in a different life. Victims No Longer is my all time favorite book on this subject.
With all of the books listed in SexCriminals.com's books section, I'm surprised that one is missing. I'll have to add it.
Just something for you both to think about - perhaps I should add a way for users to post reviews or comments about listed books or discuss in a special forum. Let's not continue tthe discussion in this thread, though since it's off-topic.
http://www.sexcriminals.com/books.html
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Message 124806 (In Reply to Message 124717)
tell me more...
Posted by anti
on Jan 12, 2004 06:02 AM | Also by anti
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
alone,
I used to post here, and left, well not to this victims area, but the reg forum, no need to tell you why I left, but I see there is this here now, and my main reason for posting to you, is to try to help you, tell me how old you are, and what happened to you, if you want.
I will hope the best for you, and please know that your anger is very normal.
anti
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Message 124813 (In Reply to Message 124796)
Reviews
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jan 12, 2004 06:41 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Book reviews would be good. Ive got more books on sexual abuse and treatment then my doctor. I could probably write one (probably will someday).
Silverthorne
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Message 124884 (In Reply to Message 124717)
Posted by Rachel
on Jan 13, 2004 02:11 AM | Also by Rachel
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: Australia |
Hi there to a fellow Aussie..
I'm the mother of an abused child, and can relate to what you're saying from both mine and my daughter's prospective.
My daughter had soooo much rage inside her, and used to pound it out on the trampoline (and sometimes her siblings). Her therapist advised me to buy her a punching bag, which I did. That bag has been worth its weight in gold !.
Any time she started to overflow with anger, I'd direct her outside to the punching bag and she'd hammer it until she was exhausted.
It was an excellent way of releasing pent up emotions.
Believe me, anger at the offender is completely normal.
Stay strong..
Rachel
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Message 124963 (In Reply to Message 124884)
you are normal
Posted by FindingPeace
on Jan 13, 2004 09:13 PM | Also by FindingPeace
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Oregon,
Country: United States |
Dear alone, alone you are not. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to ALL the feelings that you have and then some. A piece of your innonce was taken from you and yeah.. you are mad as hell! Your feelings are normal and to express them is normal. To be angry and hateful is normal; don't let anyone tell you that it's not. Lets look at a brighter side though. You are still the same beautiful soul that you were before the violation. Your heart is still capable of love. You are a worthwhile human and you need to recognize this. What happened to you was not about YOU, the person that YOU are. It is about a sickness and you happen to have that sickness imposed on you. Fair, hell no! But you can find peace with yourself. As hard as it may be to work through your feelings, know that there is light at the end of this tunnel. I allowed my abuse to rule my life for over 18 years and it did nothing for me... NOTHING. But I have found peace with myself. I forgave myself for the feelings that I held for so long. I allowed myself to be free, giving away the hold that the pedophile had on me. It's not easy to accept what happened, it is really really hard. What is easy is letting go of the hold that your abuser has on you. Don't let their sickness become yours by allowing yourself to be swallowed in years of angst and hatred. You will never forget what happened BUT you will make it through and you will become stronger. Your heart will lighten and your views about your body will be different. Remember, it's NOT ABOUT YOU. You are a whole human; don't allow your violation to take anymore from you.
Seeking therapy is an excellent choice. It will be hard to go through but imagine the peace that you WILL find. Your body is not your soul therefore a predator cannot take that which is the best part of you. I have been finding peace since I threw out my anger. I have been finding self-acceptance since I cut the ropes that bound me. It is possible.. IT IS POSSIBLE! Work through your normal feelings, feel the anger that you have and when you are ready let it go… just as easy as that.. let it go. I just want to really impress on you that your feelings are normal. No matter how violent you feel towards the offender. Your feelings are normal! I wish you Peace. FindingPeace
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Thread
124717, alone, Jan 11, 2004 02:09 PM [Alone and Scared an.....need support]
124751, Silverthorne, Jan 11, 2004 07:36 PM
124795, dp1, Jan 12, 2004 02:12 AM [Victims No Longer]
124796, steve, Jan 12, 2004 02:25 AM
124813, Silverthorne, Jan 12, 2004 06:41 AM [Reviews]
124806, anti, Jan 12, 2004 06:02 AM [tell me more...]
124884, Rachel, Jan 13, 2004 02:11 AM
124963, FindingPeace, Jan 13, 2004 09:13 PM [you are normal]
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