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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Victims - what happens when they dont come to terms

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Message 124693 (In Reply to Message 124677)
Victim Issues

Posted by dp1 on Jan 11, 2004 02:49 AM | Also by dp1

Gender: Female, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Florida, Country: United States

Silverthorne,

I was just wondering. As a victim yourself, would you or other victims feel more comfortable with a separate forum for victims only? Maybe a place where victims can go like here, but with no fear of being attacked or ridiculed by others? This forum is great but let’s face it, it does have a high percentage of “pedos” whereby the discussions tend to focus on sex offender issues (don’t get me wrong this is good) but victims surely have other more sensitive issues and may be frightened off by such matters.

It would seem logical to me that maybe someone like you, or Anti (now that she’s back) would be more suited in a victim’s only forum or thread so that the victim issues are the issue not the continued abuse or the constant reminder of sex offending behavior. What do you think?

DP1

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Message 124677

Posted by Silverthorne on Jan 11, 2004 12:02 AM | Also by Silverthorne

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Arizona, Country: United States

This post deals with Victims of sexual abuse and how they can suffer ill effects if they dont deal with the results of thier abuse.  I'll be using myself as a "living laboratory" here.

First read my story here so you know what happend to me:

http://www.sexcriminals.com/forums/101/12236/121554.html

Silverthorne the Victim:

Ive never really thought of myself as a victim.  Because I've had to deal with my problem (pedophilia) and its unhealthy urges thru therapy there really hasnt been time.  Ive been willing to say "Im fine" and "Im over it" but clearly Im not.  Now that my problem is under control and not an issue for me I find Im dealing with new feelings and emotions resulting from my experience.  While I may have forgiven the man who raped me years ago I find Im still very angry over my life as its played out because of it.

Why Im angry

1) Im not "normal" sexually.  Im not hetrosexual (or homosexual for that matter).  Because my attractions lie elsewhere I'll never experience "true love".  Oh sure I may have substitutes but it will always be "second best".  That makes me angry.
2) Im a loner.  I spend all my time alone.  I hate people.  Even going out to eat is a nightmare for me.  Im so self-conscious.  
3)  I cant get clean.  Sometimes I feel so "dirty".  Like I cant scrub away what happend in the shower.  Just remember what he did to me reminds me how invasive and painful it was.  It was truly a case of "taking me".  I feel he took something I'll never get back.
4)  I have phobias about my safety. I check the door locks 5x a night.  I lock my bedroom door.  I have guns around.  Im paranoid but I dont know of what.  I just feel "unsafe" alot.
5)  I want to be a dad.  I want a son.  I think I'd be a great father. I know I wouldn't do anything.  But I can't.  Who can take the chance.  I'm angry the joy of fatherhood has been stolen from me like this.  Im angry that I know I cant have this experience.  Hell I get angry seeing the tax rebates for parents and their kids when I cant get one.  Its displaced.  Its not the real reason Im angry . Im angry because I'm not a parent.
6) My parents.  Im angry at the way its affected my parents.  My mother especially. She needs some serious therapy (finally getting some - started last week - thank GOD!!!).  Im angry.
7)  Marriage.  Im angry Im not attracted to women.  I'd love to get married, have a wife, but seeing as Im not attracted to them its a problem.  I get angry at tax breaks for families and lower tax limits for couples but Im not really mad at the government.  Again its displaced anger about my situation.

Clearly I have vicitm issues.  Why am I so angry?  What can I do to get over it?

Im seeing someone next week about it.  I hope they can help.  I hope they can "fix me" although I have doubts.  Clearly though by not addressing these victims issues early on I've paid a price.

So my message is simple.  If your a vicitm get help.  If your a parent of a victim you too should get help.  Sexual abuse affects everyone.

Silverthorne

Thread

124677, Silverthorne, Jan 11, 2004 12:02 AM
      124693, dp1, Jan 11, 2004 02:49 AM [Victim Issues]
            124702, Silverthorne, Jan 11, 2004 05:44 AM [Victims]
                  124718, dp1, Jan 11, 2004 03:02 PM [What About?]
                        124755, Silverthorne, Jan 11, 2004 07:48 PM
                        124762, steve, Jan 11, 2004 07:55 PM
                  124729, orolan, Jan 11, 2004 05:26 PM
                        124739, dp1, Jan 11, 2004 06:45 PM [Yes]
      124761, Silverthorne, Jan 11, 2004 07:54 PM [The other "big thing" Im angry about]
      124896, dp1, Jan 13, 2004 05:00 AM [Questions for Silver]
            124903, Silverthorne, Jan 13, 2004 06:25 AM [Victim Questions - answers from Silver...]
                  124928, dp1, Jan 13, 2004 02:49 PM [Silver]
                        124947, Silverthorne, Jan 13, 2004 04:37 PM
      125011, dp1, Jan 14, 2004 09:03 AM [Victim Therapists]
            125032, Silverthorne, Jan 14, 2004 06:02 PM
      125016, Rachel, Jan 14, 2004 03:07 PM [My thoughts]
            125033, Silverthorne, Jan 14, 2004 06:18 PM [To Rachel]
                  125180, PVulcan, Jan 16, 2004 06:59 AM [Rachel]
                        125281, Rachel, Jan 17, 2004 08:50 AM [Wish I lived in th USA]
                              125603, PVulcan, Jan 20, 2004 10:07 AM [Rachel]

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Victims - what happens when they dont come to terms

Message 124693 (In Reply to Message 124677)Victim Issues

Message 124677

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Victims - what happens when they dont come to terms

Message 124693 (In Reply to Message 124677)
Victim Issues