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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Can it Be Sexual Abuse?
Message 123933
12 Year Old Commits Suicide
Posted by dp1
on Dec 28, 2003 04:31 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
http://www.sptimes.com/2003/11/16/Floridian/Daniel__1988_2000__A_.shtml
Warning: Do not read this article unless you have a box of tissues handy. I couldn't help but think the only thing not mentioned in the article is sexual abuse. Were all his therapists, parents, and teachers blind? I find it hard to believe sometimes that sexual abuse is so often over looked and the signs are right there. Would you agree Silverthorne? Isn't 12 years old a little young for a boy to be searching for internet porn? I can't get over how his mom just blew that off. I feel sorry for his parents but I disagree that the problem could have been solved with more drugs.
DP1
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Message 123938 (In Reply to Message 123933)
Posted by orolan
on Dec 28, 2003 07:41 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Very sad. Sexual abuse? I don't think so. A mis-diagnosis of ADHD rather than bipolar disorder. And a very strong possibility that he may have been struggling with his own sexuality. Lots of girls that were friends, but no "girlfriend". Always had problems after sleepovers that I presume were with other boys. An age-inappropriate desire to view pornography(although they don't say what kind). Looks to me like he may have been gay and didn't know how to deal with it or talk about it.
Just my opinion.
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Message 123943 (In Reply to Message 123933)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Dec 28, 2003 08:15 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
"Daniel was a good student until fourth grade, when his grades began to plunge. By fifth grade, our hopes that he might become a doctor were dashed when he flunked health and got some C's and D's in other subjects. By the time he was in sixth grade, a psychologist diagnosed him as having ADHD, and a neurologist prescribed a stimulant, Adderall."
That line sounds just like me. Great smart kid until "something happend" and I started failing in school.
That was BEFORE the suicide though (probably was 8-9?). But it seemed like a catalyst for the slow spiral downhill this kid seemed to be caught in.
From reading the story I'd have to guess he was sexually abused. Just because I see alot of myself in that history. The comments about "making people laugh with little regard to his own needs" (not exact) and "guilty smile" kind of remind me of the forced smiles I used to give people.
I wish there was a way to let everyone see my school pictures (maybe I can send the lower half to Steve and he could post them - showing below the eyes). One thing very noticable is up until I was raped I had this big smile and twinkle in my eyes. I looked like the "all american happy boy". But the fifth grade picture is shockingly different. The eyes really do look "lifeless" and my mouth is closed, not even a forced smile, ever again. From then until I graduated I would at best force a slight grin in my school pictures. Never again that big teeth showing happy smile.
This article had some pictures of this kid. I noticed the top one and the family portrait. No smile. Closed mouth. Not even a grin. Only the bottom one seemed "normal" somehow. It really makes me wonder.
"It was not until August 2000, however, that we saw clear evidence that Daniel's unacknowledged problems were taking a toll. At a rental vacation home at Smith Mountain Lake in southern Virginia, he chose to spend all his time in a windowless basement bedroom, watching television. He got angry whenever we tried to coax him to go boating or swimming."
This sounds just like me too. I would lock myself in my room, shades drawn, lights low and read or watch TV. My privacy was and still is paramount. Even today I snap at people when interupted. I just "want to be alone". Molested children find solace and security in being alone. Its like a cocoon.
I recently designed a small cabin for myself (800sq feet) and hope to build it in the next few years and move into it. One thing to note its basically one big room and its laid out very "privately". Not alot of big windows and I can see everything from anywhere in the main room. Critical factors to someone who to this day checks door locks 3-4 times before going to bed. Critical to someone who is very insecure about his safety.
Who knows. I would guess something happend to change him. If all these changes started at 12-13 and puberty I'd say maybe it was just hormones. But he started changing in fourth grade. Thats way to young for that. Something probably did happen to him.
Your right I needed a tissue.
Silverthorne
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Message 123962 (In Reply to Message 123933)
Maybe
Posted by KK
on Dec 28, 2003 09:18 PM | Also by KK
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Washington,
Country: United States |
This story is sad. No question, it is awful. Since "Daniel" didn't communicate to a therapist about his problem(s), everything is only speculation. It could be sexual identity, it could be sexual abuse, it could be the meds, it could be....therefore, the conclusion is a tragedy...awful. Heart wrenching.
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Message 123963 (In Reply to Message 123943)
Silver
Posted by dp1
on Dec 28, 2003 09:38 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
When I read the story this morning I couldn't help thinking about your story and how it affected your life up to this point. You could have been him very easily. I guess if one isn't experienced with sexual abuse they don't see it as clearly as others. I don't blame his parents for not knowing, but it's so clear to me and to you I'm sure. We might be wrong but the resemblences are stunning. I needed a tissue with this one too.
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Message 123968 (In Reply to Message 123938)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Dec 28, 2003 10:09 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
"Looks to me like he may have been gay and didn't know how to deal with it or talk about it. "
This was kind of my other view but one thing really concerned me. Thats the fact he changed back in forth grade. Thats like 8-9 years old isn't it? At that age its still pretty early for the "gay" deal to turn up.
Silverthorne
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Message 123969 (In Reply to Message 123933)
Sexual arousal?
Posted by Silverthorne
on Dec 28, 2003 10:11 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
One thing that hasnt been mentioned is the possibility he was hanging for sexual arousal. Its a practice sometimes for adolescent males to "hang" like that while masturbating. There have been some cases like that in Arizona here at the boys school (reform school) where one kid died. I guess its widespread there from what the paper was saying????
It didnt mention his physical state at the time. I've heard of cases where families will "fix" the victims clothes and stuff before calling police. Who knows?
Silverthorne
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Message 123970 (In Reply to Message 123963)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Dec 28, 2003 10:13 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
I'm almost tempted to email his parents website and mention that. The backgrounds are so similar its scary.
Whatever it is I do believe there is a sexual component at work. Girlfriends, sleepover problems, maturing early, sudden personality change, it sure sounds like sexual abuse. Who knows.
Silverthorne
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Message 123973 (In Reply to Message 123969)
Erotica Asphyxiation?
Posted by dp1
on Dec 28, 2003 10:31 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Silver, this is scary...I thought that when I read the mom's comments about how she thought it was a prank because it was loose around his neck. I wonder at what age people start doing that? Do you know? 12 is awfully young for that kinky stuff. wow.
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Message 123980 (In Reply to Message 123973)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Dec 29, 2003 12:10 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
DP1,
We had a case at the Arizona Boys Ranch this year where a 13 year old "suicide" was due to this kinky deal. According to an article I read in the paper the mother is suing the state claiming the practice "is running wild" and the boys all "share sexual techniques". From the sounds of the article the home sounded like a sex-camp more then a reform school.
Silverthorne
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Message 124002 (In Reply to Message 123933)
Demons not recognized
Posted by lj
on Dec 29, 2003 09:54 AM | Also by lj
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
Daniel was not killed by a drunken driver, a faulty product or any other physical hazard that we feared, but by demons inside that we failed to recognize.
I'm assuming the word "we" here is a collective term in the sense that no one attached to this tragedy recognized what was really going on with this young man--neither the parents nor the "experts" involved.
The mother's statement that alcohol abuse and depression is prevalent on both sides of the parent's lineage ought to have been emphasized heavier earlier on in the boy's analysis with these various therapists. Family history can play a large role in diagnosing some children's mental and physical conditions.
Drug therapy is the latest phase for the mental health field to chase off into and the 1990's were designated "the decade of the mind" with its turn more towards drug treatment as a solution for some mental problems. I'm not so sure that this phase is going to prove to be any more successful than traditional-based therapies have. Drugs coat the problem more than they expose it out front--unless the problem is purely a chemical imbalance-type of issue.
When the mother stated that she should have said "Yes" to more drug therapy when the therapist mentioned it to her in question form, she was actually resorting back to her ancestry's manner in handling depression--just a different drug applied this time.
Alcohol use is common with depression and is indicative of people trying to medicate inner problems on their own with a physical substance. The parents here let therapists do the same with her child.-but in the form of Ritalin and other substances.
This story scores a failure mark for drug-therapy.
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Message 124038 (In Reply to Message 123968)
Posted by orolan
on Dec 30, 2003 02:50 AM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
That is rather young. But then again, I believe there are known cases of 8 year-old boys raping 6 year-old girls.
As for the school issue, I was an exemplary student until 5th grade. I failed 5th miserably, and to this day I and my Mom have no idea why it happened. I recovered and not only repeated 5th but completed 6th in the same year, and entered 7th on schedule.
I'm certainly not discounting the fact that he may have been abused It is entirely possible, and the similarity between your childhood and Daniel's is remarkable.
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Message 124051 (In Reply to Message 124038)
Reply for Orolan
Posted by Silverthorne
on Dec 30, 2003 07:18 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Orolan,
I have to believe in cases where young children (8-10) rape other children they are mimicking behavior they've learned somewhere else. Whether actual sexual abuse or an adult porn movie it almost seems unreal they'd do it on thier own (especially a rape) without outside stimuli.
Silverthorne
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Message 124119 (In Reply to Message 124051)
Posted by orolan
on Dec 31, 2003 06:22 PM | Also by orolan
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I agree. Something would have to happen to expose the child to such behavior and cause them to believe it was acceptable and indeed normal. Wether they observed Mom and Dad having sex, watched a porn movie they found in Dad's sock drawer, or were a victim themselves of similar behavior varies from case to case.
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Message 124134 (In Reply to Message 124119)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jan 01, 2004 05:36 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
"Something would have to happen to expose the child to such behavior and cause them to believe it was acceptable and indeed normal. "
I agree 100% Orolan. A behavior so abhorent and abnormal for a child that age almost has to be learned behavior. They see it somewhere and act it out. It goes way beyond normal curiosity or "playing doctor".
Silverthorne
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Message 124270 (In Reply to Message 123970)
Silver
Posted by PVulcan
on Jan 05, 2004 01:10 AM | Also by PVulcan
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Silver you didn't email this family did you?????
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Message 124275 (In Reply to Message 124270)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jan 05, 2004 03:00 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
No I didnt. Still the changes were shocking given the age at the time (8). A little to young for the old 'hormones kicking in" excuse.
Silverthorne
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Thread
123933, dp1, Dec 28, 2003 04:31 PM [12 Year Old Commits Suicide]
123938, orolan, Dec 28, 2003 07:41 PM
123968, Silverthorne, Dec 28, 2003 10:09 PM
124038, orolan, Dec 30, 2003 02:50 AM
124051, Silverthorne, Dec 30, 2003 07:18 AM [Reply for Orolan]
124118, Rejected
124119, orolan, Dec 31, 2003 06:22 PM
124134, Silverthorne, Jan 01, 2004 05:36 AM
124039, Rejected
123943, Silverthorne, Dec 28, 2003 08:15 PM
123963, dp1, Dec 28, 2003 09:38 PM [Silver]
123970, Silverthorne, Dec 28, 2003 10:13 PM
124270, PVulcan, Jan 05, 2004 01:10 AM [Silver]
124275, Silverthorne, Jan 05, 2004 03:00 AM
123962, KK, Dec 28, 2003 09:18 PM [Maybe]
123969, Silverthorne, Dec 28, 2003 10:11 PM [Sexual arousal?]
123973, dp1, Dec 28, 2003 10:31 PM [Erotica Asphyxiation?]
123980, Silverthorne, Dec 29, 2003 12:10 AM
124002, lj, Dec 29, 2003 09:54 AM [Demons not recognized]
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