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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Have there been any studies re: Women Pedifiles? - You did the right thing
Message 122800
Have there been any studies re: Women Pedifiles?
Posted by fidldedee
on Dec 07, 2003 04:51 PM | Also by fidldedee
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: 30 - 39,
State: California,
Country: United States |
My sister liked to play with my daughter's and other children she cared for bottom parts and do "funny" "ha ha" shannigans with children she cared for. In my mind this is pedafilia and sexual deviation. When I told her not to do it to my child, she laughed and said oh, it's only for fun. After her refusal to aknowledge that it was not right and I didn't want her to do it to my daughter and would no longer let her care for my daughter, I was ostracised by my own mother and brother for not letting my sister see her or care for her. My daughter is grown up now and I still wonder about this, but my sister still hates me and does mean things to me when she gets the chance because I would not let her care for my daughter because of behavior toward children who she also violently abused, including her own children who she beat with straps, vacuum hoses, fists and slaps, throwing things.
I wondered why noone thought her behavior was wrong as I did. I ignored it for a while because I felt it was out of ignorance, but when she refusesd to stop it with my daughter, I decided she was a sicko.
Opinions appreciated. Who would I report to this to legally. She still cares for children for money and I suspect still practices this behavior toward them.
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Message 122802 (In Reply to Message 122800)
Welcome
Posted by dp1
on Dec 07, 2003 05:13 PM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Hello fidldedee,
I am sorry to her about your sister's problem. Her pedophilia is no different from a man's and the effect on the victim is either equal or greater in my opinion. There is no reason not to report her criminal behavior to the police and have her day care checked out by child services.
I have worked with sex offenders for many years. I have seen where female sex offenders are not treated the same as the men due to people not taking it as seriously. As a female and a mother I am sickened at society's apathetic attitude since the end result is toleration for women to abuse which sends the wrong messages to children. I wonder how many boys have been abused by their mother or sister and grew up with similar values.
DP1
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Message 122808 (In Reply to Message 122800)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Dec 08, 2003 02:16 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Hi,
I'm confused about the nature of the suspected abuse. Without being "graphic" can you tell us what "haha shenanigans" she was doing? I don't understand exactly what you mean (not at all to be honest).
You said she still cares for children for money. Have you heard of any other complaints about her behavior? How did you first find out about it? Has anyone else mentioned it?
Silverthorne
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Message 122812 (In Reply to Message 122808)
Fondling?
Posted by dp1
on Dec 08, 2003 03:51 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
"...she cared for bottom parts and do "funny" "ha ha" shannigans with children "
Would that be fondling to be specific?
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Message 122835 (In Reply to Message 122800)
Posted by mouseinawheel
on Dec 09, 2003 02:32 AM | Also by mouseinawheel
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Most estimates run around 1 in 100 pedophiles being women.
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Message 128401 (In Reply to Message 122808)
Reply to Silverthorne 122808 "HaHaShenanigans" defined
Posted by fidldedee
on Mar 10, 2004 12:22 AM | Also by fidldedee
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: California,
Country: United States |
What I knew, I witnesssed and didn't like her kissing my baby on the bottom part (many times) and refusing to stop when I said I didn't like it. I witnessed her while changing the diaper of an infant male she layed the baby naked on her bottom part (she on floor flat) and pretended to have sex. (This was when I was 14 yrs old and didn't have intelligence enough about sex to know this was wrong, but I remembered it when I had my own children and more sexual experience myself and I saw her behavior and was surprised when I got the courage to say somethng that she refused and not only once, but several times and I had to make a big issue of it and refuse to let her see my children, which was never understood and "goofawed" by my mother, aunts and rest of family.
Another time one of her child care boys, 4 years old used a long radish to symbolize a penis on the outside of his clothes and she laughed and said" oh he is just teasing". I taught him that. (it was meant to be funny, the radish was red). He tugged at me to look at it. Of coarse, I thought it was awful, but I said nothing and ignored it, but remembered it.
Since I did not see my sister much as my children grew up, I did not know what she had done after we were alienated. I believed it was just ignorance, but she challenged every child care routine I had with my own children and I could not let her in my home, but when they (especially my daughter) got older, she took my sister's side against me as did my husband. My daughter is very unstable as a grown up and never had children. I feel it was bacause this instability about sex was planted in her mind as a child.
She complained as an adolescent about my sister taking naked photographs and movies of her (which I had never seen) and wanted me to get them and destroy them because she did not want naked pictures of her anywhere even as a child.
As she got older she was more and more rebellious and claimed to be a lesbian, accused my son of being a homosexual,etc. in other words a real problem to the entire family except, she is still friends with my sister because she believes I don't like my sister.
My daughter is 48 years old now and we have no relationship. She uses illegal substancess cocaine, etc and shoplifts and lies a lot. I tried to get her out of jail once, but now I do not know where she is. She was a very bright precocious child and her life has left me really questioning my childrearing ability. I really should have questioned my sister sooner, but how was I to know this was wrong. Guess I learned to little too late and have to live with the consequences.
The biggest problem being my own family undermining my beliefs was the biggest problem and my husband who did the same. I divorced him way too late and should have divorced him sooner also because his lifestyle did not set a good example either.
Thanks for reading this. I do have a child carae license and find now that little children are very malable and really can be taught to tell people not to touch them in certain places. Sometimes they like to go into the bathroom with another playmate, but I am on to that game and playfully tell them they must leave the door open even if thye want to close it. When they close it, they get into the medicine cabinet etc or sometimes explore one another.. So, what's a parent
or care giver to do. I don't want to be a prude, but I don't want to be too permissive either.
Thank goodness, I don't do much child care anymore, I am in nursing now with adults who have their own strange behaviors.
Fidldedee
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Message 128465 (In Reply to Message 128401)
Posted by Silverthorne
on Mar 10, 2004 05:32 PM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
Is this all recent behavior or old stuff? If its recent she could probably be prosecuted. Some of it sure seems sexually expoitive. Don't forget most states (including California) say that the "sexual arousal of the adult or the child" is one criteria for sexual abuse. Its pretty obvious she was doing these things for her own arousal.
Silverthorne
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Message 128723 (In Reply to Message 122800)
You did the right thing
Posted by KG448
on Mar 15, 2004 06:37 PM | Also by KG448
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United Kingdom |
Hello, i am currently doing a study at university about peoples attitudes toward the treatment of sex offenders and as of yet have not come across a study of women peadophiles. However, this does not mean that they dont exist. They do. I just read about the youngest person ever to be placed on the sex offender register and it was a 12 year old girl. Personally i cant understand why your family thought this behaviour was normal and funny. It certainly is not and you did right and have probably saved your daughter from alot of pain and emotional suffering that would have occurred if your sister abused her.
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Thread
122800, fidldedee, Dec 07, 2003 04:51 PM [Have there been any studies re: Women Pedifiles?]
122802, dp1, Dec 07, 2003 05:13 PM [Welcome]
122806, Rejected
122808, Silverthorne, Dec 08, 2003 02:16 AM
122812, dp1, Dec 08, 2003 03:51 AM [Fondling?]
128401, fidldedee, Mar 10, 2004 12:22 AM [Reply to Silverthorne 122808 "HaHaShenani...]
128465, Silverthorne, Mar 10, 2004 05:32 PM
122835, mouseinawheel, Dec 09, 2003 02:32 AM
128505, Rejected
128723, KG448, Mar 15, 2004 06:37 PM [You did the right thing]
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