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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner
Thread (Discussion): Getting away with it. - Do something.
Message 122742
Husband's polygraph
Posted by ladyjane
on Dec 06, 2003 04:41 PM | Also by ladyjane
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arkansas,
Country: United States |
Hello all. I've posted about my husband being what I thought was a pedophile - I'm not too sure that's the exact title he deserves now, because most of the people he's targeted have been young men but not children. The one who was 12 told his parents, who called the police.
Anyway, he went for his polygraph on 12/1 (please excuse me if I have already told this. I'm losing my mind here). I think he thought this was going to be kind of a non-event, he wasn't even worried.
They got into setting up the machine the way they do and talking to him about Miranda rights. I hadn't heard from him by lunch time so I called him. He was on his way to the lawyer's office.
He realized that this WAS a big deal and he was in trouble. The lawyer is crooked as a dog's hind leg and I knew that if anybody could, he could find a way to get my husband off.
He talked to him, told him to refuse the polygraph, that they won't fool with prosecuting him.
Nothing has happened. He just didn't go back, and nothing has happened. I told him to his face that I think it is a horrible injustice that this boy came to his parents crying in the middle of the night and told them what DH did to him, they followed all the proper procedures, and he is getting away with it. He didn't like that I said that but I meant it.
I have already talked to the police and told them that I know he did this to the boy, and told them other people that I now believe it has happened with. They seem to not want to arrest him.
If anything, I only pray he has learned something from this. Meanwhile, I'm living with somebody who molested what I consider a child, 12 years old. :(
I'm very disappointed in the system right now.
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Message 123280 (In Reply to Message 122742)
Ummm...
Posted by myoung
on Dec 18, 2003 04:00 AM | Also by myoung
| Gender: N/A,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Pennsylvania,
Country: United States |
You betcha....the system can stink like yesterday's garbage!! I totally "hear" you. I am sorry this isn't going the way you anticipated. I will send a little something to the man upstairs for you:)
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Message 123316 (In Reply to Message 122742)
reply
Posted by poetsdreamscape
on Dec 18, 2003 10:56 PM | Also by poetsdreamscape
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Hello all. I've posted about my husband being what I thought was a pedophile - I'm not too sure that's the exact title he deserves now, because most of the people he's targeted have been young men but not children. The one who was 12 told his parents, who called the police.
What do you mean young men ? under the age of 17 is a child accorrding to state laws , are you saying that young men are not children and if so then I think you need to argue with the state about labeling sex offenders as child molesters if they are over what ever age you think they are no longer a child and what you would call an offender that assualts someone after a certain age
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Message 123332 (In Reply to Message 123316)
Posted by mouseinawheel
on Dec 19, 2003 02:58 AM | Also by mouseinawheel
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
I think when she says "young men" she means "post pubescent". Boys can and do ahve sex at twelve years old of their own volition. That wouldn' be true of a nine year old.
That's not a moral judgement on my part, just trying to clarify.
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Message 123343 (In Reply to Message 122742)
It seems to me. . .
Posted by marta
on Dec 19, 2003 05:46 AM | Also by marta
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
If your husband's polygraph was scheduled for December 1, I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that because the police are putting you off, they have dumped the investigation.
It's too soon to tell. Maybe they need more evidence for the charges to stick. Who knows? It sounds like you need more info.
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Message 123367 (In Reply to Message 122742)
Posted by mouseinawheel
on Dec 19, 2003 08:35 PM | Also by mouseinawheel
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United States |
Just out of curiosity, why are you still married to this person if you feel this way?
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Message 126375 (In Reply to Message 123316)
Whoops I am over a month late with this.
Posted by ladyjane
on Jan 28, 2004 04:41 PM | Also by ladyjane
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arkansas,
Country: United States |
I just threw up my hands and quit. Life goes on around here, just like this never happened. I am SO disgusted.
No - the young men I refer to were 18 and older for the most part - I really don't know exactly how old but they were never as young as this other one. They were all out of high school except the one who lived with us before I realized what we were dealing with here, and that was like 12-13 years ago.
I have to apologize. People responded to my post and I just didn't come around here (it's SO hard to read when your head is buried in the sand).
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Message 126376 (In Reply to Message 123367)
I don't know why.
Posted by ladyjane
on Jan 28, 2004 04:44 PM | Also by ladyjane
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arkansas,
Country: United States |
Thank you (and everyone else) for responding to my post. I am very late with getting back here - I think I've been back a time or two but didn't really know how this forum worked and I missed the replies.
I can't tell you why I am still married to him. It isn't money - he provides no money. It isn't sex, that doesn't happen. It isn't husband-wife love because that doesn't seem to be here.
I have joined Alanon and am learning a lot about codependency and what happens when people "freeze up" like I have. Changes are coming but they are slow.
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Message 126440 (In Reply to Message 126376)
Posted by steve
on Jan 29, 2004 04:49 AM | Also by steve
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Virginia,
Country: United States |
ladyjane, I'm glad you're taking steps to address how your husband's behavior has affected you and to address ways to understand yourself and the situation and get support. It sounds like you have the right attitude. Stick with it. Feel free to use this forum as you see fit if it helps. I for one wish you well and hope for the best.
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Message 126443 (In Reply to Message 126375)
Posted by steve
on Jan 29, 2004 05:02 AM | Also by steve
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Virginia,
Country: United States |
I just threw up my hands and quit. Life goes on around here, just like this never happened. I am SO disgusted.
I've read all of your posts. You've talked to the police, the boy's parents reported it to the police and the police have talked with your husband. Given that it's been reported by several people, have the police said why he hasn't been arrested or what they'd need to arrest him?
In an email in December you wrote:
If anything, I only pray he has learned something from this.
I'm concerned that he's learned that the victim can report it, his wife can report it, the police can talk to him and it will be ignored by the authorities and his wife will stay with him (I do realize you've given reasons and I'm not faulting you for your decisions). So he's probably learned something, but it might not be what you had hoped. It's a shame if justice isn't served, but as long as you live with him please do everything in your power to ensure no one else is victimized.
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Message 126449 (In Reply to Message 126376)
Hello again
Posted by dp1
on Jan 29, 2004 05:24 AM | Also by dp1
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Florida,
Country: United States |
Ladyjane,
Have there been any new developments in this case? What are they saying is the holdup? Just curious. If they moved any slower they'd be going backwards.
DP1
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Message 126450 (In Reply to Message 126443)
My question as well
Posted by Silverthorne
on Jan 29, 2004 05:39 AM | Also by Silverthorne
| Gender: Male,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arizona,
Country: United States |
"Given that it's been reported by several people, have the police said why he hasn't been arrested or what they'd need to arrest him? "
They cant do anything for the 18 and over men but a 12 year old is a whole different matter. Why hasn't he been arrested?
Silverthorne
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Message 126474 (In Reply to Message 126443)
Thanks for answering me.
Posted by ladyjane
on Jan 29, 2004 08:23 PM | Also by ladyjane
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: Arkansas,
Country: United States |
Nothing _ever_ happens to this man. I think what' s wrong is that he's lost in some kind of bureaucratic loop (I'm just guessing). He left at the lunch break the day of his polygraph, 12/1. He went to a lawyer who said that they can't really prosecute him because it's the boy's word against his.
I've been very vocal about this where he's concerned - I called him the bogeyman to his face - but he doesn't know I've talked to the police three times. He would (literally) kill me, probably.
So telling your kids to come to a trusted adult if somebody messes with you is all a bunch of bunk. Nobody will really do anything to them.
I am disgusted and sad, but nobody is doing anything about this. I've done what I can and I am back to my insane manipulative watching behavior, but if it keeps a kid safe I'll do it till they come and pick his sorry self up and put him in jail or get him "treatment" or whatever they do to people like this.
I don't think he's curable, I really don't. I think this is something way, way down deep in him, or is just part of the fabric he's made of. It makes me very sad.
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Message 126576 (In Reply to Message 122742)
Do something.
Posted by tessa
on Jan 31, 2004 12:54 AM | Also by tessa
| Gender: Female,
Age Bracket: N/A,
State: N/A,
Country: United Kingdom |
Hi lady, if I was not getting someone to listen to me .I would make a big banner stating my case, and get all my female friends to join me outside of the police station. I would stay there till someone listened and did something about the sicko. If he is not giving you money and looking after your welfare,why!!!! stay with him?. Make the move now and I bet you will begin to get your self esteem back very quickly.
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Thread
122742, ladyjane, Dec 06, 2003 04:41 PM [Husband's polygraph]
123280, myoung, Dec 18, 2003 04:00 AM [Ummm...]
123281, Rejected
123316, poetsdreamscape, Dec 18, 2003 10:56 PM [reply]
123332, mouseinawheel, Dec 19, 2003 02:58 AM
126375, ladyjane, Jan 28, 2004 04:41 PM [Whoops I am over a month late with this.]
126443, steve, Jan 29, 2004 05:02 AM
126450, Silverthorne, Jan 29, 2004 05:39 AM [My question as well]
126474, ladyjane, Jan 29, 2004 08:23 PM [Thanks for answering me.]
123343, marta, Dec 19, 2003 05:46 AM [It seems to me. . .]
123367, mouseinawheel, Dec 19, 2003 08:35 PM
126376, ladyjane, Jan 28, 2004 04:44 PM [I don't know why.]
126440, steve, Jan 29, 2004 04:49 AM
126449, dp1, Jan 29, 2004 05:24 AM [Hello again]
126576, tessa, Jan 31, 2004 12:54 AM [Do something.]
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