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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): We need help

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Message 122632 (In Reply to Message 122582)
Bravo

Posted by orolan on Dec 03, 2003 02:36 PM | Also by orolan

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 40 - 49, State: N/A, Country: United States

Very well-said, Mouse. So many parents of victims fail to grasp this. They are so stuck in the revenge and retribution mode that they forget the child and his/her needs.

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Message 122582

Posted by mouseinawheel on Dec 02, 2003 05:46 AM | Also by mouseinawheel

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 30 - 39, State: N/A, Country: United States

Firstly, I’m sorry for you and for your daughter.  The lack of closure that is often left for victims after an unsuccessful prosecution can be very difficult to deal with.  To state the obvious here, it’s important that both you and your daughter seriously consider working through some of your feelings with a mental health professional.  Don’t underestimate the damage done to you as a secondary victim of this abuse.  It’s not a sign of weakness for you to need help working through this sort of thing.

Also, and I know you are likely far to early in the process of recovering from the events in question to really process this, you need to focus more on your daughter and less on the person who victimized her.  She needs you more than you need vengeance or justice.  She needs you right now more than any future victims you might prevent by pursuing this person.  The justice system is certainly far from perfect, but it’s the best we have.  You may have gone into the courtroom seeking justice, but all you will ever receive there is the law.  In this case, the person who assaulted your daughter was found not guilty under the law.  It is surely unjust to you.  It is still the law.  Even with this finding you’d likely have little difficulty executing a restraining order or an equivalent “stay away” order legally requiring the man to avoid contact with you or your daughter.  If you haven’t pursued that, I’d recommend you do.

If you believe in a higher power, take comfort in the fact that there are other, more certain, forms of justice.  If you feel it would help become involved in victims rights organizations.  Most importantly, though, help your daughter and yourself to heal this pain and go on to happy lives.  You have to accept that certain things in life, fair or unfair, will be out of your control.  By all appearances, the fate of this man is one of those things.  If you believe in fate, or Karma, or a just God then hold that faith that there will be justice sometime for him even if you are not there to witness it.

Be well, and good luck to you both.

--Mouse

Thread

122241, Chopdoc, Nov 24, 2003 07:48 PM [Please help]
      122242, orolan, Nov 24, 2003 08:45 PM
            122246, Silverthorne, Nov 24, 2003 09:45 PM
            122250, steve, Nov 24, 2003 09:51 PM [Not guilty, not innocent]
                  122253, orolan, Nov 24, 2003 11:53 PM
                        122256, steve, Nov 25, 2003 01:20 AM
                        122349, marta, Nov 26, 2003 12:47 AM [Constitutional rights]
                              122421, orolan, Nov 28, 2003 12:00 AM
                                    122542, marta, Dec 01, 2003 07:55 PM [I know]
                                          122545, steve, Dec 01, 2003 08:48 PM
                                          122633, orolan, Dec 03, 2003 02:52 PM
                                                122714, marta, Dec 05, 2003 05:57 AM [It's a wash]
            122415, PVulcan, Nov 27, 2003 10:35 PM
                  122417, Silverthorne, Nov 27, 2003 10:56 PM
      122252, dp1, Nov 24, 2003 11:35 PM [Hello]
      122257, poetsdreamscape, Nov 25, 2003 01:26 AM [Questions]
      122556, lisaearl, Dec 02, 2003 01:44 AM [sorry for your daughter]
            122582, mouseinawheel, Dec 02, 2003 05:46 AM
                  122632, orolan, Dec 03, 2003 02:36 PM [Bravo]

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): We need help

Message 122632 (In Reply to Message 122582)Bravo

Message 122582

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): We need help

Message 122632 (In Reply to Message 122582)
Bravo